Dolla Got Spent

The news is grim. Up and coming rap star Dolla was shot dead outside a Lost Angles mall. He'd just stopped in at Pimps 'n' things to get a present for his mother.

Dolla real name Roderick Anthony Burton II aged 21 , was shot in the head by a thug he was conversating with.
A real shame and a tragic loss to the music industry. Police are looking for a black gangsta who keeps it real as they have to shake his hand.

Old Knudsen will be drinking his 40 oz bottle of malt liquor in mourning for his homie while two stepping to Feelin' Myself.

I gotta flock of fly women im feelin' myself

think a nigga lost his pistal how im feelin' myself

i make my own damn money im feelin' myself

you aint gotta feel me homieim feelin' myself

i stay strapped like yo pole im feelin' myself

i tell them go and they go



Thats beautiful man.

OBB News

Dog Spells Out His Feelings

Jack the Six-month old yellow labrador had just returned home from a castration operation. He was still sleepy from the anesthetic and traumatised by the de-balling he was put into the kitchen to recover overnight.

Trying to end it all he decided to over dose on some alphabet fridge magnets.

He was taken to an animal hospital in Plymouth, Devon, by his owner the next morning, where he was immediately operated on.

Emma Keers his owner and obvious hater of all things male says she will not buy any more magnets and has banished Jack to sleep away from the fridge.

She went on to say "He can be quite greedy though."

In a telephone session with dog whisperer Cesar Millan, Jack the puppy went on about how pushed around and testicleless he felt and about his increasing dependence on cat poo he finds buried in the garden.

The controlling Ms Keers probably has some operation booked to put him in his place.


Breaking news stories may have been broken years ago terms and conditions may apply.

Its War You Hoor

So anyway hopefully the new guy in charge of Afghanistan Lt. Gen. Stanley McChrystal will sort out what the vast USSR couldn't. A silly American soldier Zach Boyd had his uniform off at the front while he slept.
I don't know for some the guy sleeps in his pink I love New York boxers and a don't you watch Star Trek red shirt from some ice-cream parlor.

Old Knudsen doesn't know what kind of jank training these guys are getting but the only thing you take off while out in the field, especially during war is yer boots to dry yer feet out. You sleep in yer combats and with yer rifle .............. no excuses.

His parents are saying what a character Zach is and its just like him and everyone else is laughing about it.

Old Knudsen does not think slack procedures and bad training are funny.


Old Knudsen knows funny as Old Knudsen is a clown fish. Maybe Zach is whats known in the military as a Groundsheet , that is the part of yer tent you lie on and the nickname for the regiment's cum bucket.

AchI miss the army.

Where Was I?

After dying from the pig plague I was feeling a little low so I took some time off and went and visited The Deli Lima for some advice. He said, "Old Knudsen you are lost and jaded and may have actually slipped doon to the 4th or 5th best blogger in the world, do not blog for others ask yerself why do you blog?"
The question, "Why the fuck do you still blog Old Knudsen?" has been asked by many.

I've over complicated things and stretched myself too thin. Why put on other blogs that no one reads anyway the things I could be putting here? It is about Old Knudsen after all and if you want to taste his gravy then lick his spoon but he chooses the flava.

Old Knudsen has a very limited time at blogging because there are victims to be stalked and worlds to be saved and who the fuck will go and get me shoppin?

The deli Lima gave Old Knudsen some things to do to heal his soul that is 3 sizes too small.

Old Knudsen walked bare foot along the beach, fucking hypodermics and glass all over the place.

Not to mention washed up sea monsters but thats enough about Rosy O'Donnell . Old Old Knudsen would have said yer ma but that is disrespectful, ah fuck it thats enough about yer ma.


I had to introduce myself to a hot woman I've never meet before and seduce her. Well I managed to say hello before her boyfriend came back but I was well in there for a moment.

I had to get into a fight with Joe the plumber as that is where a lot of me anger is coming from. Joe really doesn't like you talking to his gurlfriends on the beach.


I was told to fix something I have regretted about my past. The truth burned me up so I went over to the planet of the apes and told Galen that I was really the father of his son. Sure they may be getting a divorce and all but I do feel better, the truth does set you free.


I had to end the legal wranglings and do a third film as Ward Bronze a secret agent quantity surveyor. I survey the 'tit' in quantity.



I had to go to a tatoo parlor and get ancient runes and signs of peace tattooed on my body. I left it up to the tattoo artist mostly as it was a trust experiment. He asked me what made me happy so I said a sex slave and care bears. I didn't know he was going to write it on me fuck its rough on the old nipple. Turned out quite nice in the end I thought, very ancient , mysterious and peaceful.


He told me to express my bitterness in dance so I unsuccessfully tried to help Albania win the Eurovision song contest. I gave it my all and cap-less.


All this started to make me age backwards but as usual it only lasted for a painful 4 hours.



I'm back and I'm cooler than fuck. I don't care if no one likes me playing the Sound of music at 4am at full blast, I shall do what I like cos I don't care man and that makes me cool.

I have some very good ideas about what to do about Maria.


I'd like to thank MJ for letting me eat her ya ya, it was a lovely gesture during my time of death and transition. Unlike those other cunts that read me..

Coming Soon

Yet more bitterness with Old Knudsen who by the way thinks yer a cunt. If ya don't check in next week he will curse you and the next 10 generations of yer offspring to an after life of 'Click next blog' .

Construction of blog/blogs currently under way.

Old Knudsen Does It Yet Again But Harder

I'm taking time off to do the chat show circuits and find my funny and myself .................... I was here a moment ago but not in a funny way.


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Old Knudsen Does It Again

I walked into a door.

Old Knudsen managed to leave his death bed to exert some political pressure in Iran. Even with death whispering Oink! in his ear he is still faster than a cockroach as smart as a coyote and with the strength of a medium sized cat he can still put doon at least 8 yanks which roughly translates as 14 French,10 Germans, 6 Fenians, 28 Arabs and 3 Brits.

I negotiated with Mahmoud using the old 'Why are you hitting yerself?' line of reasoning and many kitchen appliances. Yes Like Jason Bourne Old Knudsen fights like a woman ..... to win.



Roxanna Saberi the Iranian/US journalist has been freed from her Iranian jail cell.

She was arrested for allegedly buying wine and then the charge was her journalist license was out of date and then they finally decided on an espionage charge.

After an hour-long trial behind closed doors and she didn't even know that was the trial she was sentenced to eight years behind bars and the tiny wee thing protested with a hunger strike.

A former North Dakota beauty queen with a jap mum and a Persian oops sorry I can't get used to the new term, she has an Iranian father and a couple of degrees and a fiancee in Iran. No airhead and definitely a plucky wee thing.


Known in Iran as the walk of shame she had to walk to freedom with only a headscarf to cover her modesty as is their way. That nasty gash between her legs needs to be looked at. Right in the cunt too ...... ouch!

Kinda hot but Old Knudsen took up the cause for the Injustice and the fact that he hates bullies. Oh I haven't forgotten the 14 Brit servicemen and one ugly Brit servicewoman held hostage in 2007 and paraded on the telly, take Old Knudsen ya cunts and we'll see if you get a public apology.


I have my team picked out.

Lets not forget the nameless Iranian journalists, bloggers and gheys being held in the prisons still. A bit tougher to get them out unless I go in with a team. Mr Obama I ask again for 24 men and 8 hours and I'll have them out, get the nukes ready, make it 8 men and 24 hours, oh and could one of the men be a woman as they do make the best tea and its 24 hours when I say, "start" no that wasn't the start ............................... nor was that.


Now lets celebrate raghead style.

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The Last Willing Testicles

Soren L Knudsen otherwise known to millions as Old Knudsen passed away violently in his sleep at 9.42am this morning.

A man who was always ready to aid a stranger and forever had a smile and friendly word for anyone from any walk of life.

Shy about the constant charity work he did he has often been compared to Jesus or Bill Gates. He even had a Soren and Melinda Gates Foundation and some times Bill would join in but usually he just liked to watch.

"I knew a black person once, he made such an impression on me that I complained to the cinema manager and got him thrown out for yelling comments to the characters in the movie. From then on I resolved myself to help all nig-nogs, wogs and slitty eyes throughout the world, poor whitey ain't trendy my friend." --- Zurich world aid conference 1991.

Old Knudsen's will and estate reads as follows:

Being of sound mind and firm body I give away my worldly goods in order to pass through the camel's eye.

To Mago I leave the book: Why the Germans Lose at War. I wish him well applying for the Franconian navy as Roger the cabin boy.

To the Troll I leave my own book that I have written How to write an interesting blog and be funny. I really hope he reads it or stops blogging.

To Tachae I'm sending up a crate of frozen sperm and a turkey baster as I want her to have my babies, the crate of crabs is free.

To Heff I'm sending two very large man to ensure he goes to his AA meetings, its fer yer own growth bro.

To leah I'm sending a Menorah with those trick candles that won't blow out to amaze and impress her bearded friends and thats just her gurlfriends ................. ka-chow! Jewish slap doon from beyond the grave.

To Istvanstnski I never got to know you enough to learn how to spell yer name so I'm send you my underwear so at least you can get to know me better.

To Tony, I was going to invade Poland for you but that so been done so I've arranged a job for you slopping out animals for £ 1.50 an hour for 9 hours a day. Don't worry only the minimal of English is required.

To the faceless commenter I leave you my scorn. My body just cannot process New world foods.
Oh sorry I meant to say corn.

To Dai I leave my Heckler and Koch P2000 SK if yer man enough to pry it from me cold dead rectum.

To Shannah I leave some advice, " Do unto others quickly and brutally before they even look at you" Yer way too nice for the Interweb.

To First Nations I leave my collection of fungal creams, something is bound to work.

To Manuel the Gordon Ramsey pictures in which he rode you like a fucking donkey and I leave you some Gillette razors.


But who will get the cap of 1000 miracles?

Should Old Knudsen cut it up into 1000 pieces and give a miracle to each?

Donn, I'm sorry that my love drove you and yer family into witness protection you can have my Harley Davidson. Imagine a bloke with the same name as the motorbike. Feed him every other day and only bland food.

Boxer you shall be sent my coat of 101 dog skins because you like doggies so much, guess what dog they cum from, I really hope yer an autumn.

Now MJ, my crazed disciple that did indeed go out and kill 14 homeless men in my name before she knew I was kidding. If the cap got into to yer hands all manner of evil may happen so I give you season tickets for Disney stars on ice, yes they really are famous and dead.

For those I miss out I just want to say I never liked you but thanks for reading sporadically anyway and why is yer life not all about me? Oh I never answered yer comment once or 10 times? well fuck Old Knudsen side-ways if you read my fucking blog you'll see I have/had a life, um except it was blogging ................... oh fuck off you logical cunt.

The cap goes to my son from my 19th marriage Rodney Knudsen. His mother Beth Knudsen nee Knudsen would be so proud.
Rodney is a pastor up in Portland Oregano in the Cross burning righteous sons of Jesus temple of doom church.

He may think the Holocaust was self inflicted if it even happened and though he doesn't have anything against niggers and other inferior races as he puts it ............... hold on a mo its the full moon.


It looks like Old Knudsen will be back ............................ again.

I'm too old for this shit but I do enjoy a good shit and brains.

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A Man Barely Alive

Oh woe is Old Knudsen cut doon before his best before date. Mother is that you? I told ya not to fucking call me unless ya had me money.

Poor Old Knudsen is on his death bed and this is his last post as he cannae post from the grave as not even American cemeteries have Interweb access. Oh I just told a lie I do have a post scheduled for December 21st 2012 which as everyone knows is the end of the world so stick around.

As I lie here coughing up blood and bits of celery there are a few things I want to get off my chest, firstly yer ma as I'm no in the mood for fanny battered nipples maybe later.

In 2004 I stole The Scream and Madonna paintings from the Munch Museum. When you look at them close up they are pretty fucking shite, I wouldn't let either of them adopt my 3rd world wog baby.

I killed the Donnelly family and burned their farm in 1880. You will all agree that they were asking for it right?

I told Plato about the island of Atlantis in confidence and didn't expect the cunt to write a best seller, he was the Dan brown of his day.

I once rested my feet upon the stone of destiny and it roared with joy. That makes me the rightful king of Ireland. I was so embarrassed at being the king of the bog trotters I never told anyone.

I know what Dark Matter is and Newton was a moron.

Johnny Depp is semi-immortal and will look the same for the next 100 years.

For years I felt guilty about taking part in water boarding as it is now deemed as torture only to find out it was surf boarding I was doing.

I never cuddle after sex due to a fear of intimacy.

In 1926 while in the Explorers club we had a frozen Neanderthal which we slowly thawed and dinned on. I had the shits for a month.

I shot James Dean in Dallas, Texas in 1963 and I still don't regret it as he was one shite actor.

I am not afraid of the dark ................. it is afraid of me.

The thing I shall miss most when dead is the smell of freshly cut new born babies.

My greatest pleasure in life was helping others, especially hot, inebriated weemen.

I was turned doon by Susan Boyle ........... I knew she was a leezer.

I swore I'd never tell anyone that I once beat Chuck Norris in a fight and he cried like a baby, now I have and he did, Ka-Chow!

I have an addiction to Miracle whip and have never tasted food without it for 15 years.

:::::::spits up some blood and mops his fevered brow::::::::

I fear the war for my cap may lead to Armageddon as predicted in the Bible ........ at the back.

You'd think drinking hand sanitizer and spraying air fresheners would cure you but no Old Knudsen has sever gut ache and to compound the situation he has a lotto ticket for tomorrow night and he bets knowing his luck its a winner.

I wish I had more time, no really I'd like to go and see that film 17 again as that Zac Efron is as cute as fuck.

I sent an offer to guide him and his gurlfriend Vanessa Hudgens into the more adult artsy type of films but so far I haven't heard from them. It was only 8 months ago damn my closeness to death I could get the call at any time now.


I also want to see her latest movie, oh thats right she does commercials not films.

Farewell all as I feel the life squirting out of me. I go to a much better place depending on yer religion that is. So many religions and so many afterlifes where are they all? what if I get sent to the wrong one? for fuck sake to end up with a load of weemen hating pedos for eternity, yes I mean you, you Catholics and Muslims.

"Which level of Hell would sir be interested in tonight?" asks a demonic waiter like Manuel.

I can't type anymore as I'm getting cold and its dark. I suppose I'll turn off the air conditioning as it is 12.40am .

I'm slipping away I see a light ................................................. oh shit the deep fat fryer is on fire someone should do something about that.


In lew of flowers donations should be to me in small used untraceable notes.



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Man Doon

I really don't know how it happened. Old Knudsen takes precautions like locking the door and making sure his nine is always loaded with one in the chamber.

Old Knudsen is the latest person to be struck doon by some form of the Swine flu. He has a fever, headache, sore throat, aches and pains and likes to roll around in his own feces.

Yes every illness will be Swine flu for a while as who wants to be left out?

Old Knudsen may not have much time left so if you want to be able to say we were lovers and get a book deal or TV appearances after I'm ded cum and get it.

And somebody tell Donn, tell Donn that I Luv.........................................



He'll know what you mean.


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BRB Cuntyknocker

After Mexico I'm back to my humdrum life again except former movie star James Mason called round and gave me an envelope with a job assignment from 'The Company' inside it.

The money is good but they have cut way back on the health benefits. I didn't invite Mason in as he tends to let off those silent but deadly farts and besides I don't want him sitting on me sofa having died in 1984 and all.


Someone had a pet Donn and released him into the sewer when he got too big and now people are complaining about hands coming up their toilets and tickling their bums. Donn laughs at U-bends.

The thing I hate aboot Canada is that if you eat anything while there yer soul is trapped forever and you don't even know until you die and are condemned to an eternity of eating used cat litter covered in bull jizz, er sorry I mean poutine.
Also if you fall asleep in Canada a pod takes over yer body and you become an emotionless zombie only suited to a career in the service industry.

In Irish mythology the hero Coo coo culane or hound of Ulster fought the evil Canadian witch Madge and during the battle Coo coo said "look some fecker just rear ended yer chariot" and when she looked he stuck his dick in her thus winning and giving birth to the Manitobes who are half man and half tobe, very warlike in their ways except when it cums to a ho-doon.

Then there was the famous Captain Rehab who was out sailing one day looking for giant white dick when he spotted a Manitobe canoe just off the coast of Moby. The natives on the canoe wanted to trade their crack for some DVD's and when one of them was only going to trade 2 cracks for Terms of endearment the first mate Ishmael drew his sword and sliced the ear off the Manitobe warrior thus starting the six day war which was really seven days but the last day was a Witches Sabot which meant that all the banks were closed and there was no mail service that day.

Where is this post going ? you must be asking yerselves right now that is apart from those who just scanned it for tit pics and clicked off again. Oh very sorry if there is more to Old Knudsen than to satisfy yer filthy cravings, is it difficult to wank in a toilet stall at work while balancing yer lap top or yer bills?

Back when Old Knudsen had his genital warts spread all over his body only a handsome young man from Manitopia the main city of Manitobia would even talk to him. Everyone called Old Knudsen Thingy so then me and this buff and very flexible young turk became super heroes ........... like you do.
The Uncanny Badger and Thingy we were called. He would spend most of the day gelling his hair and gluing knives onto the back of his hands (it was the 80's) and I'd be scratching on the bog with me IBS.

We did solve a major crime once, well for Manitopia it was major. We roughly hassled a homeless man thus making him move it on to somewhere else.

No one thanked us but we weren't heroes to be thanked it was for the chicks, they love superheroes.

Lucky I didn't call myself Genital warts man like I was going to but I got some action.

During the Great war for civilisation I made a fortune digging ditches until civilisation was vanquished and we got to where we are now. Who the fuck likes wearing trousers anyway? The crow that swooped passed me today gave me a coded message about a secret group known as the Illuminati who have a plan of annihilating Vatican city with antimatter and limp noodles.

The message was: caw caw caw!

Or maybe: caw caw ............ caw!

I'm fucked if I can remember but who the fuck cares about Vatican city except Fenian cocksuckers?

Hey it was like that when I got here.

You'd be amazed at how many Catholic weemen will shag a man if he wears a black dress and tells them its the will of God.

So anyway is light grey the colour of violence or is that just me?

Old Knudsen thought he was on a vision quest after gluing some rubber soles onto the bottom of his favourite pair of old shoes. A Gecko which is some kind of lizard only found in and around the Wall Street area started to talk to him through the telly.

The Gecko had an English accent which Old Knudsen thought was strange and it talked about saving money on car insurance.

After Berwick Old Knudsen refuses to trust anything with an English accent.

Old Knudsen believes that car insurance is for the weak and if a black cat pisses onto yer car on a Wednesday you will be fully protected and remember ........ trust me on the sun screen.

Now you can wank.


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Switching Teams

David Ogden Stiers who has always played the evil cunt type has decided at the age of 66 to do a Kelly McGillis and cum out of the closet.
For fuck sake Old Knudsen is sick of people grabbing the limelight by saying they are ghey so Old Knudsen has a confession to make.


Old Knudsen likes it up the shitter, even the space shitter. Oh yeah Old Knudsen is a total poo pirate, a shirt lifter, an up-hill gardener, a battyboy, knob gobbler , pooh stabber,Nancy-boy,
Nathan Lane, roid ranger, friend of Dorothy, glory-hole Gladys, fudge Packer I'm light in the loafers, a graduate of the Ass Masters School of Backseat Driving, a purveyor of musical theater, rectal wrangler, ass bandit, fart suppressor, hemorrhoid hitman, Vegemite driller and homosexual.

Old Knudsen hopes he can still remain a hero of millions of young boys as liking yer turds pushed is nothing to be ashamed of. A million Catholic priests can't be wrong.


Allllllll of those weemen and babies was just me lost and trying to convince myself otherwise.



I love this sort of thing ................ really.


Not to mention special moments like this.


Yes I totally like this, I think.


Naked weemen do nothing for me and I faked it for years.

I do not ........... do not............. ok I changed my mind however in this time of recession I may be ghey for pay and remember prison ghey and long sea voyage ghey doesn't count.

Men may have more options and are more user friendly.


But weemen are nicer to look at lick at and make a better cup of tea . Old Knudsen has shunned the media attention and now loves weemen again.


Though some weemen do make it a little hard not to turn ghey.


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