60 People Who Will Die In 2014

Deadpool sees all

I've read the tea leaves, consulted the oracle and phoned the people up to ask how they were doing. Now I have come up with a list of folk who will die in 2014. See you in December for a final score. 
If one or two don't die by the 31st December then give me until the 2nd of January to fix it.

1 Ian Paisley
2 Kirk Douglas
3 Stan Lee
4 Betty White

5 Olivia de Havilland, I shall miss our marathon sex sessions but yer getting on a bit and yer sis whom you hadn't spoken to in years just carked it so go and make up.   

6 Eli Wallach
7 Zsa Zsa Gabor

8 William Shatner, yay made it! got away with killing yer wife but now you can go and be with her.

9 Mickey Rooney 
10 Donald Sinden
11 Doris Day
12 Lauren Bacall
13 Hal Holbrook
14 Dick Van Dyke
15 Sidney Poitier

16 Jerry Stiller, I love this guy but time waits for nomads ....

17 Roger Moore
18 Martin Landau
19 Ed Asner

20 Clint Eastwood, “Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.” ..... Poor Clint caught Alzheimers off some ghey black people and shot himself before he got too bad, for fucks sake!  He did a film called Deadpool which was shite so this is karma. 


21 Sean Connery

22 Kim Novak, a sexy witch who never left Old Knudsen's wank bank.

23 Chuck Yeager
24 Henry Kissinger
25 Richard Attenborough
26 George Bush Snr

27 Ex-Pope Benedict XVI, a total cunt much like the current Pope but Benny wasn't playing the PR game, he was playing the long game.
 
28 Jackie Chan
29 Bill Cosby
30 Jimmy Carter
31 Mikhail Gorbachev
32 James Randi
33 Kenny Rogers

34 Charles Manson, this sad sack didn't even have the balls to kill anyone himself, instead he relied on drugged out hippies to kill heavily pregnant weemen .... what a loser.

35 Mick Fleetwood
36 Fats Domino
37 Chuck Berry

38 Chuck Norris

39 Muhammad Ali, not so tough now ya draft dodger. Old Knudsen beat him in a fight in 2009, his wheelchair was difficult to push over but I did it. 

40 David Hasselhoff
41 Robert Guillaume
42 John Cleese
43 James Earl Jones

 

44 Stephen Hawking, I'd be a genius too if I rolled around with Google in front of me. Old Knudsen beat him in a fight in 2009, his wheelchair was difficult to push over but I did it.

45 Patrick Stewart
46 Charlie Sheen
47 Axel Rose
48 Robert Downey Jr

49 Tom Baker, for a timelord age has not been kind to him.

50 Kris Kristofferson
51 Cillian Murphy
52 Amanda Seyfried
53 Paul Weller
54 Rihanna
55 Dick Cheney  

56 Stephen Fry, this bloke is just so British, no wonder the Fleggers all want to be like him. This cunt got depressed and took some pills in 2014..... no one noticed for 6 months. 

57 Willie Frazer, the durty sheep flegging fucker. He claimed to have cancer when he was being sentenced for his crimes of incitement but has never mentioned it since. This ridiculous wee man needs to not be alive, maybe this is his year. 

58 Jonathan Rhys Meyers
59 Dalai Lama   
60 Martin Sheen 

Some may be wishful thinking but putting it out there may get the universe to make it real.

The Last Willing Testicles

Soren L Knudsen otherwise known to millions as Old Knudsen passed away violently in his sleep at 9.42am this morning.

A man who was always ready to aid a stranger and forever had a smile and friendly word for anyone from any walk of life.

Shy about the constant charity work he did he has often been compared to Jesus or Bill Gates. He even had a Soren and Melinda Gates Foundation and some times Bill would join in but usually he just liked to watch.

"I knew a black person once, he made such an impression on me that I complained to the cinema manager and got him thrown out for yelling comments to the characters in the movie. From then on I resolved myself to help all nig-nogs, wogs and slitty eyes throughout the world, poor whitey ain't trendy my friend." --- Zurich world aid conference 1991.

Old Knudsen's will and estate reads as follows:

Being of sound mind and firm body I give away my worldly goods in order to pass through the camel's eye.

To Mago I leave the book: Why the Germans Lose at War. I wish him well applying for the Franconian navy as Roger the cabin boy.

To the Troll I leave my own book that I have written How to write an interesting blog and be funny. I really hope he reads it or stops blogging.

To Tachae I'm sending up a crate of frozen sperm and a turkey baster as I want her to have my babies, the crate of crabs is free.

To Heff I'm sending two very large man to ensure he goes to his AA meetings, its fer yer own growth bro.

To leah I'm sending a Menorah with those trick candles that won't blow out to amaze and impress her bearded friends and thats just her gurlfriends ................. ka-chow! Jewish slap doon from beyond the grave.

To Istvanstnski I never got to know you enough to learn how to spell yer name so I'm send you my underwear so at least you can get to know me better.

To Tony, I was going to invade Poland for you but that so been done so I've arranged a job for you slopping out animals for £ 1.50 an hour for 9 hours a day. Don't worry only the minimal of English is required.

To the faceless commenter I leave you my scorn. My body just cannot process New world foods.
Oh sorry I meant to say corn.

To Dai I leave my Heckler and Koch P2000 SK if yer man enough to pry it from me cold dead rectum.

To Shannah I leave some advice, " Do unto others quickly and brutally before they even look at you" Yer way too nice for the Interweb.

To First Nations I leave my collection of fungal creams, something is bound to work.

To Manuel the Gordon Ramsey pictures in which he rode you like a fucking donkey and I leave you some Gillette razors.


But who will get the cap of 1000 miracles?

Should Old Knudsen cut it up into 1000 pieces and give a miracle to each?

Donn, I'm sorry that my love drove you and yer family into witness protection you can have my Harley Davidson. Imagine a bloke with the same name as the motorbike. Feed him every other day and only bland food.

Boxer you shall be sent my coat of 101 dog skins because you like doggies so much, guess what dog they cum from, I really hope yer an autumn.

Now MJ, my crazed disciple that did indeed go out and kill 14 homeless men in my name before she knew I was kidding. If the cap got into to yer hands all manner of evil may happen so I give you season tickets for Disney stars on ice, yes they really are famous and dead.

For those I miss out I just want to say I never liked you but thanks for reading sporadically anyway and why is yer life not all about me? Oh I never answered yer comment once or 10 times? well fuck Old Knudsen side-ways if you read my fucking blog you'll see I have/had a life, um except it was blogging ................... oh fuck off you logical cunt.

The cap goes to my son from my 19th marriage Rodney Knudsen. His mother Beth Knudsen nee Knudsen would be so proud.
Rodney is a pastor up in Portland Oregano in the Cross burning righteous sons of Jesus temple of doom church.

He may think the Holocaust was self inflicted if it even happened and though he doesn't have anything against niggers and other inferior races as he puts it ............... hold on a mo its the full moon.


It looks like Old Knudsen will be back ............................ again.

I'm too old for this shit but I do enjoy a good shit and brains.

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