Weekend Musings.

Old Knudsen likes to examine subjects and topics that has nothing to do with him or his life,
mostly just to stir up shit, I'm like the Pope in that respect,
though I don't diddle young boys, and unlike the Pope I don't refuse to wear a condom or look upon my days in the Hitler Youth with shame, Hitler Youth, best days of your life.

Old Knudsen's mind is way too active, but not in a way that could benefit him.
I write 20 posts and put them into draft and when I look them over to see what I should put up I think, these are not funny or clever,you should be ashamed of yourself, so then I pass them on to Maroon or Eater.
Old Knudsen has mental bulimia.

I heard a R.E.M. song on the radio the other day, (boom box to you young uns) it was about a sidewinder missile that sleeps tonight, I couldn't make out half the words, its said that Scottish pop singers all sound American (Proclaimers don't count) but I can understand them so try sounding Scottish, American singers, anyway I could picture the Michael Strapon guy flailing his arms about in his tard having a fit way and I thought of the movie, 'The life of David Gale' and then it all connected, the world for one brief second made sense but then I had another thought and forgot the last one, REM and Kevin Spacey have the same vibe about them, not great looking but very talented and interesting to watch and can turn dangerous and serious in a heartbeat, oh and totally stuck in the closet.

Why do all Stephen King books start really slowly and are unnecessarily descriptive , then have a bit of action in the middle and a fast unsatisfying ending? he seems preoccupied with people that turn out not to be as they seem and are pure evil, perhaps he spends too much time on the Interweb.

Then again if you want unnecessary descriptiveness just read Dickens, I'm a crap writer but I can describe everything if I wanted to, maybe when I get a name for myself as a famous writer and run out of ideas I'll start with the filler writing .

Brad Pitt is very pretty, hes also a good actor which is besides the point, I take a kind of jealous pleasure in knowing that his name is synonymous with taking a shit, its rhyming slang, I'm going for a Brad Pitt , Shit .

I was talking to Billy one ear the other day, I said "Billy I've had enough, I want to finally come out of the closet", Billy was a bit drunk and this seemed to make him angry, "no ya silly wee fucker , its for your own good if you don't", I felt trapped and alone, but I knew Billy was right, so I sat in the closet for another 3 hours while Billy drank and played Russian Roulette, 'must be a Thursday' I thought, why he likes to lock old men into closets when hes had a few drinks is a mystery.



89% of Blogs that contain the word 'Ramblings' in the title don't actually ramble.

75% of massages lead to sex

92% of Straight men have masturbated to gay porn.

93% of Americans claim Irish descent of some kind, and think its cool.

49% of Irish think Americans claiming Irish descent are funny as fuck but want their money.

51% of Irish are too drunk to think.

74% of the readers of this Blog want to shag Old Knudsen.

95% of statisics are made up by bored arseholes.

The Human Green Machine.

A few years back I was approached by a Government official to do a study on what resources could be harvested from the human body to enable field agents to stay behind enemy lines long after their food had run out.
Now I can't say which government he was from as I would be putting my life and yours at risk due to the fact that its still classified and being used today, ah fuck it, I don't even like you cunts, its the Yanks, they paid me a nice big amount to do it, well it seemed like a nice big amount until I converted it into pounds, you cow pokers and your Monopoly money.

During the war when we had the rationing, you remember that don't you yanks? you could only have 4 meals a day instead of 8 , well in Britain all we had to eat and drink was Tea (of course) Brown Paper, Tripe, and lard served on pieces of wood as there wasn't any bread, it wasn't much so we all sang a song to cheer us up.

We got no food but that's ok
Tomorrow is another day
Hitler won't you leave us be
Lets all have a cup of tea
tum diddly um tum NICE TEA!


It was originally 23 verses which I'll put up for you to liven up yer parties, we knew how to have fun back then.
We would spice up the soggy woodchips we ate for breakfast with some freshly picked Dingle berries, it would bring an unexpected tart flavour to your meal, that was only one of the bodies' forgotten orchards, no wonder the Yanks came to me, I know the old ways.

Belly buttons and between your toes were only good if you're a large family, (to thicken up sauces and the like) eating some strangers toe jam would be disgusting.

A soldier on the move may need a quick energy boost, if he (I'll say 'he' as weemen have no business being soldiers) has time to wank and eat his jizz then that's fine, you just have to put in the manual (as in handbook) that its not gay, its survival damn it.
If the trooper is on the run with the enemy closing in he won't have time to pull out his handbook and tug the lad so he should just wipe around his scrote and lick it off his fingers like KFC (just as much nutritional value) and you can do it on the move. Before you ship out spread some Vaseline around your bits and more food will be collected, a feast to be sure.

Eating shit is just disgusting (trust me on this) what are we animals or something? no we stay away from Poo Poo.
Now Piss can be used for condensed soups and Pot Noodles, once you try it, its difficult to stop.
The next and most important supply of renewable food would come from the nose, for some reason society has deemed it inappropriate to remove items from your nose with your finger and either wipe it on a wall or flick it, that crap started with the Victorians, those wankers wouldn't let you do anything fun.

For centuries Johnny Black fellow has been walking about living off the land and his own body, his tight muscular arse couldn't grow Dingleberries very well so his nose became his lunchbox, eat it right away and its like escargot or oysters , let it dry and it becomes crisp like (chips to the uneducated colonists)
Ear Wax and Hair Grease is good to keep your rifle working well or to cook with.

At the end of Old Knudsen's study he found the scummier the soldier the longer he would last, no skin flake or eye booger should be wasted.
If the Irish had some discipline and didn't turn on their own all the time, they would be the perfect soldier as being dirty shites is in their blood, a high compliment for me to give.


The picture to this post is Mr Bush showing a soldier what he picked from the part between his own Balls and his arse, otherwise known as the Barse, inspired leadership.

Why Bodyguards Should Wear Nappies.

It may not surprise you to know but Old Knudsen was once in the Secret Service, well a side branch of it, known as the Auxiliary Secret Service (A.S.S.) I must admit that the 60's in particular were not good for Old Knudsen, I'd like to offer my condolences yet again to the Kennedy family, hey, Teddy (or Gobshite as I call him) is still alive and free of any murder charges right at this moment, one out of three isn't bad.

After the Mountbatten incident of 1979 I thought it was time to move on to another line of work, my point is that I protected dirty dick crooked Fenian politicians descended from Mucksavages (Irish) as well as the inbred English Aristocracy, and before them was a Russian exile in Mexico and a Peace Monger in India, fuck that Gandhi was a mean drunk, but he could sure get the ladies, for some reason skinny dying fuckers always get their hole, you may be thinking that your head is itchy or that I was a terrible bodyguard, in my defense the assassins never struck when I was ready, they always went for the mark when I was having a shite, hardly fair, do you know how hard it is to get a reference from a dead employer?

The Metropolitan Police have excused a Muslim cop from guarding the Israeli Embassy in London, PC Basha ( no I'm a Politically Correct basher not a PC Basha) objected to the bombing of Lebanon by Israel as it was killing fellow Muslims.
Next you'll have Protestant Police not wanting to police Catholic churches, its stupid.

Old Knudsen gets pissed off when he hears about U.S. soldiers fleeing to hide in Canada because they object to the occupation of Iraq, its your job, and no one asked you, will you only fight in feel good wars?

This has been called the end of British Policing, you can't pick and choose who you are going to treat fairly.
Keep religion out of the workplace well unless you're the Pope or something, I demand more tolerance to our fellow man, be like Old Knudsen, I hate everyone, but I tolerate the fuckers.

Sean Penn and a shotgun saves the world.

Old Knudsen worries about the end of the world, you can never be too prepared or have too many guns, Henry will always be my # 1 but now and again I like a bit of rough and I'll fondle Billy's pump action, of course that silly fucker shouldn't have guns but since he got back with his girl hes calmed doon alot.


Do ya remember what happened in New Orleans? yeah yeah who gives a fuck, its America but still, I saw the news and it looked like a scene from Africa with the johnny black fellows trying to get help, of course I've never seen so many fat arses in the BBC coverage of Africa, "please save us, we need BBQ chicken or we'll die, what the fuck is this? Rice? we want uncle Ben's, take this shit back and get us Gatorade too".

Looting is very acceptable when order breaks doon, you have to get food and medicine and that nice jacket you couldn't afford usually, those in nice new designer clothes will be rescued long before the dirty tramps will. New Orleans was like a Microcosm for the End of the World, or TEOTW as I'll call it, no crazy Mad Max car chases, just stupid fuckers relying
on the Government to save them, do the yanks have a Welfare society now ? everyone complained about the response of the Government but I think they were lucky to get what they got, its like getting a retard to do brain surgery and expect it to be ok.

Well I'm sure Hollywood will come out with a movie, Tom Cruise is the only white guy trapped in the city, give him a white woman to protect from the black rape patrols to add tension, because we all know that's what black people are like , unless they are white friendly Black people like Jamie Foxx , Wil Smith and Morgan Freeman, cut to Ed Harris back at at the Fema HQ," we have a man in that city people and we won't leave him behind", all Tom would have to do is paint a sign on a rooftop saying, 'get me out of here, I'm a white Republican' yes he would need plenty of paint but when the white people in New Orleans looted, it was called 'shopping' so it was alright.

Expect more on Sean Penn in the coming 6 months, more pictures, more action and maybe something actually based on fact, away and fuck you people just expect too much sometimes.

For Shatner.

On board the USS Enterprise.

Captain Kirk sat alone in his darkened quarters, his large tight melon like stomach heaved before him, perspiration dripped down his face, he was on the edge and didn't know why.
"Bones, Bones" he yelled into the intercom, "what, theheck , is wrongwithme?" a raspy voice replied, "whats wrong Jim, is it the Klingons?" Kirk thought for a moment, "No , Bones , therashhas , gone , away", "sex Jim sex", Kirk smiled bashfully, "you do know , Ihavealways , liked, youDoctor", "not me you animalistic sex mad wang driven freak, I'm a doctor not a jar of raw liver, how long has it been since you blasted off".
Kirk stared at his fingers concentrating, " at least 2 hours Bones, ohmygodI've got, togetsome, what about Sulu?" "not your type Jim, he likes to go solo".
"Ok Doctor I'll callaround".
"Kirk to Yawhoreyou, report to my torpedo", "not if you were the last man in space Whitey".
Kirk thumped his table in rage, "Kirk to Mr Scott, I, havesomething , foryou, tofix". "No Captain, I canna take anymore, I was nae expectin to take it into action".
"Kirk to Spock, I , neeeeeed , youMrSpock".
"Spock here Captain, it would be illogical to fulfill your needs, I am not your space bitch, besides Captain, I am on my Pon Farr, do you think my ears make me look fat?:::sob sob:::".
"GoddamnitSpock , bring , meaTribble , then , Iwillgowhere , no , man hasgone before".
Little did the mighty Kirk know that Chekov had already gone there and was in sick bay going through a Tribble removal operation.


From The Urban Dictionary


Angry Kirk

Having sex with someone and just as you are about to cum grab them by the hair and scream 'KHAN!!!!'

I was really giving it to her and in the heat of the moment I grabbed her hair and screamed 'KHAN!!!' like Angry Kirk from Star Trek.



In memory of the great William Shatner.

Nevermind People, Cure The Mice.

Ok ya fuckers, settle doon I have some serious blogging to do.

A study has been done that showed long term caffeine use (found in Tea and coffee) reduces the risk of Alzheimer's in Mice that develop the disease.

Yes yet again Old Knudsen is going on about those hairy wee fuckers, no not the Greeks I'm talking Mice, answer me this, how do they know the rodents have Alzheimers? do they wake up in the middle of the night and cook a Turkey dinner? or ask when their long dead Father is coming home from work?
Who the fuck wants a load of forgetful Mice hyped up on coffee?

I read this story and then it started to become a little clearer as it went on, tea was completely left out and they only mention coffee, 5 cups of coffee a day will help protect you from Alzheimers, of course it doesn't mention fucking with your heart and blood presure, making you twitchy and having to pee like a race horse all day.

Ok coffee industry, I'm on to you, what was your last study on? oh yeah, coffee can help you live longer , makes weemen's tits perkier and gives men big dicks, just roll out the old big dicked Mice with the perky boobies.

You can't make shit like this up, well ok I could.

The UDA (Ulster Defense Association) which is a Protestant Paramilitary group in Northern Ireland, in other words Terrorist scum to you clueless yins out there have said they are willing to disband as long as the government gives it £8.5m to help it do so, wow, these guys aren't as dumb as I thought they were, most of the terrorist groups have gotten more into the drug dealing and protection rackets since the so-called cease fire and now the UDA want to be government funded dealers , the reason they have given is to become a community development body, during my days of visiting the province mostly at the times to celebrate the 1690 victory over the catholics and bathe my old balls in the golden shower of bitterness from Flute bands from all over the world with nothing but Papal hate and drinking on their minds.

I have noticed the communities that groups like the UDA live in, kirb stones all painted red white and blue, as are the lamp posts the fences,and also any dog that holds still to scratch , murals of flags and masked men painted on the sides of homes and if the home owner doesn't like it they can move, if they touch it they're dead, try selling yer home now , flags and bunting up all the year round, oh yes these communities are colourful alright, so now they want the government to pay for 74 ex UDA thugs to be employed to help the community with their own brand of decorating, fuck sake, they have some neck on them , and the funniest thing is, they say , however, this is not a prerequisite for ending paramilitary activity.

Dear Government, I would like you to give me £8.5m and I will stop Blogging, I need this money to employ 74 ex Bloggers only to comment on other Blogs, no more Blogging for us, well unless we decide at some point in the future to set up a Blog, so any chance?

Good Kieran Hunting.

Dr Maroon said...
Allright all right, I'm convinced.
You were gay lovers at Trinity. And why not?
He's a fine looking young lad.
We've all done it.



Hey doc do you recall those beer soaked halcyon days at Trinity?
You were known as Hands Maroon later to be given the name Dr Octopus for your hands on approach to medicine. I was a wooly faced professor of Whatsyourfuckingproblemology, I played the dead wife angle for pity fucks and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids "hey Da, give us some money or we'll tell Ma what you're up to".
We both vied for the attention of the young street punk janitor with the talent for math.
You admired the way he shuffled down the corridors muttering comments he would later write on Blogs, his hands held limply in front of him as a doggy does when it begs.
I saw the beauty of his Venn diagrams and just wanted to bask in his brilliance.

Old Knudsen is quickly becoming a gay icon around here, wrong hole, pull hard to starboard. The conclusion I've come to is that I need more weemen reading my blog so to lure them in I'm doing posts on what interests weemen, such as washing dishes, laundry, eating chocolate and being touchy about the size of their arses and having headaches when old Bonaparte stands to attention, oh yes, time for the tender side of Old Knudsen to show and if you don't like it then fuck away off you lunchbox fart cultivators .

The Heavy Period.

I met Kieran from 'The Full Stop' a few of weeks ago when he commented on my then obscure and not yet discovered by more than 4 people Blog, his first messages had to be deleted as children might be reading this and the things he wanted to do to Sooty were just wrong, since then hes cleaned himself up and has all but kicked his crayon habit, he had a little relapse the other day but hes over it, always the ' Spring Green ' don't worry lad, one day at a time.

Another addiction I've noticed about Kieran is his prolific commenting, I was looking at Blogs from Mongolia and on the 33 blogs, all written in Khalkha Mongol, Turkic and Russian, Kieran had commented on them all and had even set one up about the virtures of Yak Husbandry, (I hope that means what I think it means) a newly discovered Polynesian tribe knew Kieran as their God, they had carved the tribe's history onto a giant rock and at the bottom was Kieran's comments.

The CIA sent a secret memo to Dick Cheney to give his approval on 10 assassinations of top politic figures and at the bottom was Kieran's comments.

I was halfway through writing a post the other night and Kieran had already commented on it.

Kieran is a good lad, well except for all those things he did in the past, but now hes mostly good, he tickles me no end (not tickles my end) with his witty and often surreal comments, hes like the son I forgot to beat, I believe I got my Boy Toy through Kieran's blog, a match made in heaven.

When asked what a template was Kieran replied, "An unpunctual short term employee".

The picture above shows Kieran wasted, slumped against his own crayon handywork, if you ever see him like this don't put 20p into his outstretched hand, don't be an enabler.

If you haven't checked out 'The Full Stop' yet then go fuck off and do so, wasting my time by reading this shite indeed, remember hes a musican so expect drugs and vomit but tell me if you see any crayons, his sphincter muscles no longer work thanks to an O.D. of Cornflower Blue, for God's sake don't mention it.

Best Post Ever!

Old Knudsen knows genius when he sees it, so trust Old Knudsen and check this out, probably the best bit of Blogging of all time, this young man has a future ahead of him and a possible marriage,(you'll have to be the woman, sorry lad, my last name my rules) so go visit or I'll cough all over you.


Why the picture? well I thought my Blog needed some wrestling Scotsmen.

Old Knudsen's fear for the future.

First the LPs went, then the cassettes, going are the video tapes and soon CDs and DVDs
what the fuck do you put into an ipod? in 10 years music and movies will be beamed straight into our heads, the people will complain about the adverts that the companies claim they need to pay for services while they bump up their prices, Tivo for your brain.

Babies will be born with cell phones built onto their ears due to the constant use by their parents, and when they walk in on their parents shagging they can use their phones to take pictures of it to look at and retraumatize themselves with later.

The milestones of babies will be their first text message spelled in abbreviations of course.
Old people will talk of a time when they can remember that cell phones only made phone calls, and they were as big as a computer mouse, (whats a computer mouse Grandpa?)

Therapy will be an automated system.

Press 1 for your mother's a whore.
Press 2 for your mother's a whore but you're fine with it.
Press 3 for our suicide hotline and a leave a message .
Press 5 for we don't want to hear it, just have some meds.

Or press 6 for no medical coverage, don't waste our time and you will be returned to the menu.

Read My Lips

Old Knudsen doesn't watch his T.V. with the sound turned all the way up so loud that people outside can guess how much the items will be on the Antiques Roadshow, I'm not deaf yet but I do prefer to use captions for the hard of hearing.

The transcribers on some of the programmes either leave parts out or just give up, swear words may be blocked from the sound but sometimes you can still read them, do these people typing away drink alot? if Old Knudsen can tell when something is spelt wrongly then it must be bad, here are some examples.

On the weather report they foretold a 'chance of rape' I bathed and clipped me toenails but Old Knudsen was left sad and unmolested, then there was the 'nature of the STBLX' what the fuck? word verification again? now I didn't do much book learnin but I'm pretty sure that's not a word, work these ones out.

'The man cop rated', 'The woman and her Todd lir', '200 beards recovered' and has anyone ever said to you, "its smell like something crawled up you and died?" (I get it all the time) well the captions have a name for it 'Die Rearia'.

Louis Cyphre you sneaky cunt.

Hot from the Headlines, well week old news but its still a bit warm.


The devil has been at it again, hes relying on how stupid mankind is to get away with his evil plans, and so am I , my Blog is like the Da Vinci code, full of hidden meaning and in jokes as well as full of shit, only the mad and the brilliant can get it, oh and young blind children and dogs.(no the dogs don't have to be blind)
Back to Satan, Prince of lies, Old Nick, Old Horny, Old Knudsen, Lusty dick and the Jammy Dodger, he wants you not to believe the word of God so instead of putting up billboards and putting ads in the 'Big Issue' he buries bones and tricks people (aided by Scientists the devil's minions) into thinking the world is 60 million years old instead of 5000 years that the bible says it is , pure evil and kinda vague I'm sure you'll agree.

In Ethiopia they discovered a near complete 3.3 million year old skeleton of a 3 year old girl part human part ape, well maybe the dirty Ethiopians were breeding with monkeys otherwise its the devil, I wouldn't throw either theory out, if you will breed with Arabs you'll breed with monkeys, no offense to any readers that are dirty Camel jockeys.

Well the skeleton was then mixed in with bones stolen off dead bodies in America and sold to various NHS trusts for transplants , so there is a general recall on bones, if anyone has the October 2005 through to September 2006 models then you are a little bit fucked as many hospitals won't even tell you about the possible infection from stolen/dodgy bones, but don't worry, your family can sue when you're dead, its an odd world we live in, I've heard of recalls for cars, toasters, cell phones and even politicians but never bones, which leads me to a question, why don't they call it death insurance rather than life insurance ?

They eat their young you know, smart fish.

I was reading a non news story from about a month ago (I'm a slow reader) it was about Princess Diana's (wasn't she lovely) brother Charles Spencer who was seriously beat up by his friend. Spencer it seems made a pass at the guy's wife 13 years ago and he just found out from her now, ah love and marriage.
Well Old Knudsen doesn't give a shit about those upper class inbred twits and the Spencers are all tossers (except for Di because she was lovely) I just wanted to highlight the friend's name, Darius Guppy, what a cool in a twaty way name, also I read some words that just seemed so funny put together, 'allegedly fell victim to the violent onslaught of Darius Guppy' .
I suppose if your name is Darius Guppy you'd have to be a good fighter and you're sure to be angry.

Heres one way to attract foreign visitors to your Blog, insult them, its like mopping a floor, as soon as you do people will want to walk over it.

You German fuckers with your big beers, get the fuck off my Blog and take your oversized beach towels too.
Old Knudsen hasn't forgotten how your press called Princess Di, 'Princess knobbly knees' , and to think I felt bad at giving Sir Arthur 'Bomber' Harris the idea for the Saturation bombing of Cologne and Dresden, well actually I didn't feel that bad.

It must be fate that they named their daughter 'Di' and that Mr Harrod (from Harrod's) named his son Dodo, and now they are no more, if you have a child, be sure to call them Diamond or taxes or bad Blog, for those go on forever.

Barbies, thousands of em.

Old men having sex with young hot weeman isn't yucky or creepy, well as long as its me doing the shagging, but that Hugh Heffner fella even makes Old Knudsen's stomach bubble, you wondered what that smell was.
Who are you to judge? I hear you say and I say "fuck off ", away and feed the homeless, what are you a candidate for canonization? why wait till you're dead, if you have the time I have the artillery. HA!

Hugh Heffner's life has been based thinking what will make men wank, don't get me wrong, Old Knudsen is a total wanker, in fact you lot should watch what you say in the comments you make it way too easy for me sometimes.
Wanking may be a much needed service, how many crimes have been committed just because the criminal had one in the chamber?, those poor crooks probably didn't know why they were angry.

Hugh has paid his mortgage with the jizz of millions of Handymen, he is a Master- bater , a Wank Lord, a Jizzinator.
He has a mansion that he fills with young firm bodied big false juggly women more than half his age all consenting to be his sex slaves, on the surface this seems like everyman's wet dream but they all look the same, boob jobs a ton of eyeliner, deep tissue tan and bleached blonde hair, is that what his mother looked like per chance?

Hes having Vanilla all the time, Old Knudsen would have alsorts of tasty tarts, and with brains, it reminds me of a programme called 'Dream On', the lead guy says,"I want a woman I can talk too" the other guy says,"what do you want to talk to her for?".

Sex Slave to an Old wrinkly geezer with pajamas full of piss stains who can't remember your name as you rub him while he pops little blue pills and watches two other clones make out, sounds hot right? not at all sleazy, definitely worth the chance of a photo in a magazine, Old Knudsen has no Harem of bimbos with low esteem or no celebrity parties or a mansion to hold them in but he has never had to pay for it , well except that time in Bangkok but that turned out to not really be a girl so that didn't count, damn those sexy little girlyboys.

Just Filler, No Nutritional Value At All.

I hear women complaining about men all the time. (mostly about me, on my blog)
You can't pick up some food from the floor and pop it into your mouth , scratch yer lad in public or ask what your wife is making for dinner while shes in her 30th hour of labour without them taking a pointy about it, women are indeed a touchy lot, why can't they just accept that we're animals?

Men are like eating in a KFC, the place is dirty as fuck, the woman might try to clean it with a hanky (staff are too busy avoiding eye contact with customers) but it will just go back to being dirty when she isn't there.
Like men the food tastes minging, the odd time you'll get something good and that's what you'll remember, and no matter how many horrible out of time meals you have you'll think about the time when the chicken strips were tender and less than 4 hours old and the chips were actually hot, you'll keep coming back in the hope to get that again and you won't really be surprised when its the usual shite, you'll crave the gravey and chunky coleslaw, once its in your system you're hooked, you won't hear this from the old whores on Sex and the city.


I think its safe to say that both men and women are idiots.

Crazy Horse got Prozac now he's Mellow Pony.

You may of heard of Mount Rushmore in South Dakota, that's the monument that has 4 of the greatest presidents ever carved/exploded onto the side of a mountain, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson and Larry 'Buster' Crabbe, it was made in the years 1927 to 1941 which explains why the Yanks were late for a little thing called World War 2, a mere 15 miles away they are doing a bigger sculpture of Crazy Horse but that one is hardly done at all, give them a break they only started in 1948. (Americans, the Mexicans would get it done)

Well anyway there are some Lakota (Sioux to you John Wayne fans) that call themselves 'The Defenders of the Black Hills' they are all, these hills are sacred to our people, oh c'mon Injuns don't really get on like that they all play Blackjack now and make a fortune from the dumb white people in their Casinos , just do what we did in the good old days, give them firewater and some rifles that kept them quiet, well not really quiet, they are all upset that right in the middle of their sacred hills, in fact stuck on the side of said sacred hills are 4 white guys that took their land, one Lakota compared it to putting up a statue of Hitler in Jerusalem, well I think the Jews are a lot more open minded than a bunch of savage, er Native Redskins, so anyway, Lakota get over it, you got beat and the US still gave you nice little parcels of land with lovely names like Rosebud and a good view of the monument and they named both the North and South states of Dakota sort of after your people, Kevin Costner gave you parts in his movies so gurn up.

A New Manly Blog

Due to certain radical elements on this Blog, I will do away with word verification for the time being, I'm sorry that they have spoiled a enjoyable part of your blogging experience, well ok, to be honest it was getting on me tits too, I must have some Spam bot in me jeans, er genes as those silly letters made no sense half the time, if I do delete any comments it will probably be spam, Foot Eater , Dr Maroon or 'Me' if she ever appears again, so don't think I've gone all BBC, Old Knudsen doesn't give a shit, but he does care for his viewers, remember my door is always open but no flash photography.

Sales Reps and the Devil thrown in again.

Old Knudsen has had many jobs, each work place usually has its own share of arseholes.
There are none so deceptive and slimy as the soul-less sales rep. One sales rep in particular was named George, he was wholesome with soft shiny floppy hair and a broad smile, George had bashed the bible a bit too many times, he was one of those Christian types that never swore or drink, always active in his church and even goes as far as to wear show your nads, Steve Irwin short shorts and become a Scout troop leader, all very disturbing, this was all show as I've said sales reps don't have souls.

George made plenty mistakes at work but would lie or blame others to get out of it, I named him the Teflon man, he was so hated by his fellow workers that when he left his cell phone in the restroom it was teabagged around the mouth piece, followed by giggles later on when seen using it.

George lied and brown nosed his way up in the company, incase you were wondering, we sold blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians (lovely quality) it gets very cold in some parts of India so I saw it as more of a service than a business.

George has a place in Old Knudsen's head right beside Aqua and the Venga Boys songs, he had this really fucking god awful habit of finishing everything he said with,"so he did" or "so it was" sometimes upon George saying a sentence he would pause, and for that moment you would be paralyzed, waiting for him to say it, because you knew it was coming, so you would, argh! with enough exposure to George you may start saying it yourself, so you might, or if you are strong enough you can keep the stupid useless add on line in your head and just mentally add it on , don't think about it too much or you'll start doing it ---------------- so you will.
I don't call for violence often (3 times a day isn't much) but those people that say 'so it was' and theres more of them along with the people that when you come back from the crapper will say,"so you're back" , kill them and make sure they know why.

Those people that say, "cheer up it may never happen" well it might, so don't jinx me you perky Mary Tyler Moore with your Laura Ashley print super hero cape and that little silly looking soul patch on your chin or madam did you miss that while shaving, you leper licking Blurt.
And then there was silence and mothers held on to their children and edged away from the ranting Viking.



The Devil tells a salesman, "Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any salesman alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest salesman that ever lived."
"Well," says the salesman, "what do I have to do in return?"

The Devil smiles, "Well, of course you have to give me your soul," he says, "but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children's children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity."

"Wait a minute," the salesman says cautiously, "What's the catch?"

Tell us what you really think.

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez (not Hugo Boss as formerly stated) gave a speech to the UN calling President Bush the Devil and making the sign of the cross in that I'm Catholic and so dramatic kind of way and saying that Bush talked like he owned the World, No Mr Chav, that's whats known as the American way.

Bush had addressed the UN the day before, Chavez complained that the smell of sulfur still hung in the air, well done Mr Bush on the lingering capacity of your farts, or staying on the Latin theme did you give the microphone the Dirty Sanchez?

Condoleezza Rice took the Victor Mature route and said Chavez's remarks were not becoming a head of state, and wouldn't dignify them with a response, that was after 2 hours trying to think of one.

Rice did however point out that at their table they only had a junior note-taker as was customary when governments like that speak, this may sound bitchy but really shows that Chavez is right and America doesn't care what anyone has to say.

Chav may be a ball licking suck off a commie while wanking an Islamic extremist kind of guy but hes amusing in a talk out your arse sort of way, anyone that Pat Robertson wants killed can't be all bad .

Chavez said (it was a packed 23 min speech) an Alfred Hitchcock movie could use the whole Bush scenario as a plot entitled 'The Devil's Recipe" (is it the way it's cooked or the herbs and spices?) I'm sorry to inform you Mr Chavez (who reads this blog) but Hitchcock is dead, that movie 'Hitch' was a Wil Smith film about dating, Hitch being the character's name, clever huh? a little like the movie I've written called Justice, with Sam Justice as a tough PI, I was going to make him blind but 'Blind Justice' just sounded silly.

Chavez is a man of charity, his own country and those around it may be always in the shitter but hes good enough to give millions of gallons of oil to poor America families, they would rather have food or money as they can't afford to refine the oil and it blocks their driveways so they can't park their SUVs, but its the thought that counts, maybe Iran, Syria and Cuba aren't crazy oppressive fucked in the head countries after all, any friend of your's Mr chavez.

In his speech he called Bush the Devil 8 times, you know Mr Chav just because you say it 8 times in a high pitched voice doesn't make it true, Old Knudsen can say this once and you can bet your life on it, "Bush is a Dickhead", and don't insult the Devil like that.