Zombies Have Rights Too

So I saw this meme saying that if there was a zombie apocalypse there would be people protesting for zombie rights.

Of course that would have to happen after a while before some bored self righteous white folk decide to feel offended on their behalf. Yeah they prefer to be called Trans-living then you have the whole undead person of colour thing. Blue would be the new black. You can't say head shot anymore as that's totes offensive.

Even when dead, zombies are still people and have rights, for instance you can't sell or have sex with a dead body because of the whole being wrong thing or consent whatever the hell that is.  Legal and moral issues gives Old Knudsen a headache.
If that body is up and walking about its rights are bound to be more thought through. When can you kill a zombie? when it walks towards you? Maybe it was going to ask you for directions. If it grabs you it may just be harmlessly trying to get your attention as they can't speak very well.

 He was all shuffling about like this and he smelled like a Chink ... Chinks love me but zombies are weak, they gotta get smart.  

It'll be like a whole new class of disability for people to shun and for Trump to mock and for the government to cut benefits on. You can shuffle about and mutter brains ... so then you can werk in Wal-Mart or Tesco, benefits cut! 

Employers wouldn't have to pay a living wage.

 
I think the whole biting people and the spreading bodily fluids thing is not cool unless I'm the one doing it but you'll have some hippies saying that zombies should have rights and freedoms etc and how un-American it is to have zombie control. Only a good guy with a gun, or a small fence can stop a bad zombie.

In the UK we don't blatter on about freedoms, we're subjects to the Queen, not citizens and are grateful for whatever we're given but we do severely frown upon biting others.


In the UK we'd then beat them to death with our fists or anything that is handy ... except in the south of England as those soft shites would get eaten as they panicked.

In England they'd stop a zombie in their tracks with a stern word of warning. "Listen here chaps, behave or I'll be forced to call a constable ... oh you are a constable, what is your number and who is your superior? I shall be having words with them the very moment I finish my tea." 

In Northern Ireland we'd ask them if they had a problem and what are they looking at before bashing in their skulls, the Irish are inquisitive by nature. 

A typical American. 

Americans (all of them) are too afraid to leave their homes to go shopping without being armed to the teeth so during a zombie apocalypse expect a lot more toddlers shooting their parents by mistake. Those poor frightened Americans, even the idea of danger freaks them out how the fuck did they ever beat Hitler? .... oh yeah, that was the Russians. 

Healthcare for zombies would be a nightmare, "Doctor help me, I'm falling to pieces" .... "pull yourself together man." 

The NHS would be destroyed because of the fat zombies, the UK being the most porky nation in Europe NUMBER ONE ....YEEEOOOHHH! 

 Brits would finally have good teeth.

Then again zombies do seem to have near indestructible teeth so no need for that ... good news for Brits.  

Do zombies go through the stages of rigamortis? The ones in the movies are usually up and biting when they turn, I suppose it wouldn't be as dramatic if they just lay there and groaned for a day or so. Oh no, he's going to jump up and bite me within the week at some time.  

Bodies also bloat and explode, the zombie apocalypse would be as messy as Pornfest 3000 ... what, you've never been? This year it'll be in Leeds so yeah, take yer kids along too. 

I'm investing in yon disposable ponchos cos those sales are gonna soar. 

When the rage infected teens escape the secret government labs and spread the Z virus across the werld just try to remember that zombies probably eat love kittens as much as you do .... maybe more and just like everyone else need those validating LIKES and hearts on social media as we all need or we just don't feel complete or loved.   

Don't discriminate, Walkers had mothers too, well until they ate their faces off.

 

Previously On AMC's The Walking Dead

A high moment of drama with Aaron and Maggie walking through a sewer on the way to search for Glenn who didn't come back when he should have. Maggie reveals to Aaron she is pregnant with Glenn's child and gives an Oscar worthy speech in the poo tunnel.

Previously On The Walking Dead

If you haven't watched the latest episode of The Walking Dead then don't read any further, just go and sit in the corner and sniff yer fingers .... loser. 

 

Rick: Here is the situation.

Held in the quarry by trucks blocking the only exits. We'll let them out before they break out and we'll guide them down the road.

Daryl's kinda hot if I was into that sort of thing so everyone's favourite bit of rough will ride his hog slowly and the walkers will follow him 20 miles away from our town.
 

 As long as there are no mysterious distracting noises the walkers will just herd behind Daryl on the road.

Rick: You're harshing my mellow Carter.

But what if I get bitten in the face and Rick ... who doesn't like me I don't think, stabs me in the base of the skull to stop me screaming then someone near our town honks their horn and ....

All the walkers drift off the road and head for our home?

Rick: Stop being a pussy and find Coral, he has his chores to do, you know stuff and things. CORAL! CORAL!

Rick: We have to try to survive and take back that part of us that has been lost because otherwise what are we fighting for, we need to stop and smell the flowers. 

 

Um excuse me Rick, I know yer about to give a great inspiring speech before some minor characters die why don't we just block off the exits with another couple of trucks then lob in some petrol bombs ... the Belfast way. We'd have a walker trap that we'd just have to fire up now and again, problem solved.

 Maybe I was looking forward to sticking a knife into Carter's skull .... yeah ok, we'll try it your way Knudsen but the first thing that goes wrong he's getting it.

I likes yer style but I'm keeping this one ..... for personal reasons. Oh and I'm calling them zombies cos this walker business is just silly.

 Rick: Light her up Glenn!

  

Game Of Walkers

Hey Carl, where's Olly?

Game of thrones went from being a medieval soft porn show to a medieval zombie show. The lack of soft porn the show has now has been noted. Why can't we have both, a medieval soft porn zombie show? Sounds like a winner to me. The naked chicks seem to have been replaced with the need to hurry up and tell the story :::yawn:::: Instead of zombies that want brains can we not have sex crazed ones? 

On Game of thrones the zombies can still wield their weapons so why can't we have zombies who just want to fuck yer brains out? 

I know the khaleesi is too good to get her baps out now but what about Jon Snow getting butt fucked by a walker .... a white walker of course. You'd be insane not to want to see that. 

I do pine for the good ol days when Game of thrones rape scenes happened in front of the camera and led to a happy marriage, now they happen off camera and Sansa just doesn't appreciate Ramsay's inner qualities.... ungrateful bitch.  

I get it, winter is coming and the white wankers have an army of undead .... what is their motivation? Don't tell me they want the iron throne too. That throne seems like a load of trouble to me, people paying the gold price for an iron throne. Maybe they'll bring back all the Starks, Joffrey and yer Ros chick ....  I miss them all. Except Shae, shae was annoying, did you know she was a porn star before Game of thrones?  

One thing that Old Knudsen has learned from Zombie shows and movies, when there is a gap in a door or a wall and someone looks through it, you'll get a jump scare when a zombie appears all of a sudden. 

You know nothing Jon Snow .... oh look, a magical sword how convenient, fuck that, I want to see how the giant gets on and off the boats.