Lip-Stick For Cunts

"Have you ever woke up with your lips stuck together? It didn't hurt and was kind of fun . All you had to do was wet your lips from the inside with saliva and they became unstuck."

Ever lie in bed after one of those dreams in which you eat a lot of dick and just think how much the mouth is like a vagina? It has lips, teeth and poo cums out of it just like a vagina.

Daniel Dopps a failed doctor Chiropractor from Kansas thinks about cunts all the time. More so than so-called Christian politicians and celibate men in dresses at the Vatican. He is beyond the baby thing though cos he is into blood. Blood is life!

I'm a cunt .... specialist

He is annoyed that men seem to have no say in the goings on with vaginas (even though men make up all the laws) because he himself owns a vagina ... well his wife looks after it but it's his ...  by state law.

He says that a neighbor who was a bit of a dirt bird kept her tampon in her twat too long and got blood poisoning that caused her to lose her legs. He had already thought about the neighbor's cunt long and hard even after her legs has gone. 
She'd leave red trails all over the sidewalk when she went out for a drag and so Dopps came up with a way to help her with her periods and maybe make some money and get a look at her snatch. 

Or at least validate his browser history ... it's research damn it!

 A pussy purse to keep all that blood money in.  

A Chiropractor is like a masseur with some first aid training, unlike the UK in the US it is regulated and you do have to train for it. Googling isn't a part of the training though. 

He says that there is no knowledge of how women dealt with their periods 200 years ago so therefore he decided that then they must have naturally secreted a substance that sealed their cunt shut.   

With that in mind they obviously evolved over that 200 years and now use pads and their brains have grown enough for them to vote and make proper modern sandwiches ... but not to become president, baby steps luv. 

Pads and tampons meant they didn't have to excrete the fanny batter as much and only gushed when Old Knudsen enters the room ... ask yer mom. 

   

As usual weemen complicate things by mentioning the uterus or cervix whatever those are but Dopps keeps it simple. 

You apply this lip stick to yer fanny lips and with its natural combination of amino acids and oils it sticks the lips together ...simples! 

You can roller skate, hang glide, mountain climb even on yer period. You can wear sexy white cotton panties and pole dance if you want to. 

He believes that weemen didn't come up with this cos their brains are fucked up because of periods ... poor luvs. Weemen are usually too busy plotting the death of all males or thinking of how to make their lives a living Hell to really have intellectual thoughts. 

Hey you ate the apple in the Garden of Eden, don't project yer guilt onto us! 

It's not a crazy idea cos when the woman pees it breaks the seal... So wait, the blood up there doesn't break the seal just the pee? .... ach my head is hurting just fucken believe it. 

Jen Gunter, a San Francisco OB/GYN and all round Debbie Downer wonders if Dopps has even seen a labia up close. 

A typical stench trench

I don't know what the fuck a labia has to do with cunts but that's a typical menstruating woman's response.  She said applying glue could cause abrasions or even make it grow together. 

She said it was all a little far fetched. 

Gunter pointed out how vadge's move all throughout the day so if you crossed your legs or shifted in yer seat the levee would break and you'd have another Katrina event ... not her exact werds cos I don't even think she is a real doctor, unlike Dr Dopps the pussy doctor who vaginas all the fucken day. 

In history ancient Romans used wool tampons dipped in opium. Egyptian women used softened papyrus for tampons. The Greeks used tampons rigged out of lint wrapped around small pieces of wood. Paper, moss, wool, animal skins, moss and grass were used in other parts of the world. 

Dopps who is a man and calls himself a doctor (PhD in geography counts) so therefore can be trusted has said that it works and has tested it on his daughter. Not even an erect penis or lap dances can break the seal. 

 Yer Ma!

   

He has suggested that if you were to use it to have yer vagina teeth removed as some can be quite sharp and might break the seal. You could probably keep yer molars in though. 

I wonder if say the Octo Mom tried it a little would it tighten her up a bit. It would have to be a big bit though.

Mensez or Rag stick as it was almost called hasn't gone into production yet and is just waiting on some man with great insight to fund it.  

 

Man Grows A Vagina

50 shades of Grey made my parts tingle. 

Tom Johnson from Felixstowe ..... England noticed something was happening to his genitals, they were shrinking and shriveling up into his body. This process affects one in 500 men and is thought to be caused by a hormonal imbalance due to excessive emotional stimulation.

"On social media I pretended to care when I'd read about a shooting, natural disasters or animal cruelty, I just wanted the people (mostly women) to like me."  

On Twitter Tom followed people but never had anything to say, on Facebook he'd LIKE status' and just rephrase what everyone else was saying.

"Before I knew it I was signing petitions about saving butterflies and wolves, I hate nature I have allergies. I noticed some wet patches on my groin but ignored them thinking I just hadn't shaken it enough after going to the loo."  

Tom also noticed that his penis and scrotum were noticeable smaller but didn't want to go to a doctor in case they laughed at his small willy.

"I stopped getting erections but it didn't ruin my sex life since I have been married for years. My emotions seemed to be getting out of control and I took offense at everything. After the USA Mall shooting I went looking for stories around the world in Africa and south east Asia about shootings that didn't get as much media coverage and shamed the people who felt bad for the people in the Mall for not feeling bad about the 3 shot dead in Abidjan. I even looked up where Abidjan was." 

Eventually Tom did go to the Doctor as the only way he could urinate was when he was sitting down.

"I talked to my doctor who had to call in his fellow doctors for their opinions, some of them took selfies with my groin. It turns out that I have Sitzpinkler syndrome which is the German name for a man who sits to pee. After 6 months my male genitalia had turned completely female. I was liking Facebook pages called, 'Hugs not prison' and cried everyday because people just didn't understand that murderers, rapists and pedophiles were as much of a victim as their victims were, soon all the women that I was hoping to impress were telling me to man up and grow a pair or just unfriended me, the only ones I had left were the people too polite to unfriend me and Candy Crush players, I accepted their invites to please them but popping shapes in games upsets me too much, also my vagina weeps as much as I do."     

Sitzpinkler syndrome cannot be cured, only managed. It is advised to not click on stories that say, 'This man raped his victim but what he did next was worse' or 'What these teens did to a puppy will sicken you' this isn't burying your head in the sand it's not getting worked up on how bad the world is when you can't do anything about it. 
If you are male and have ever complained about America's gun culture or have texted £3 to the polar bears after seeing a commercial on the TV then you could be susceptible to Sitzpinkler syndrome. 

The simple test for Sitzpinkler syndrome is this, what would you rid the world of if you had to choose, kittens or titties? 

Those called David or Paul are 5 times more likely to develop Sitzpinkler syndrome than a Robert or John. 

Playing Call of duty and looking at porn might just keep Sitzpinkler syndrome at bay as will one night stands and bar fights. Doctors also advise that when looking at baby pictures to not think about sweet, helpless, bundles of cute but rather tiny, needy, manipulators who will get taller than you and put you in a home when you are old.

Waiting for a restroom stall to be free while men whizzed away at the urinals has made Tom realise just how good he had it once. Fuck Abidjan where ever it is.

Nasty Cold Vagina

Sometimes Old Knudsen helps his readers, no I don't mean his sex therapy and deep tissue massages I mean with his advice.
There are times when Old Knudsen just has to shake his head and say what the fuck is that about?

A lass who will remain nameless told me that her boyfriend was disgusted by her vadge. Not the smell (then all smell like wounded bear) but rather the appearance as it was not neat and tidy as the media portray vadges to be.  Old Knudsen gave her a pep talk saying how shallow he was and that she was a person who needed and deserved love, not a walking vagina put onto the earth to please him.

So what if her stench trench looked like a badly stuffed fish taco? the BF needs to wise the fuck up and appreciate what he has.... and maybe try not to look at it. 

The lass whose name sounds like Penny did perk up a little but still felt depressed so I jokingly said, 'hey send me a picture of it, I'm sure it's not bad at all.' and she sent me a picture.

Not sure if my message back to her OMG WTF is that thing real? quick kill it with fire! offended her or not as she never replied back and didn't respond to any of my e-mails since.... must have went offline.

The moral of this story is, never ask Old Knudsen for advice when hes just started a bag of glue.