Good Riddance 2016

The pic updated a little to accommodate the new peeps and to get rid of Lemmy 

Lemmy died in 2015 so quit attributing his death to 2016. More stars than usual died this year mostly because those with careers spanning 30 - 40 or whatever years got older or got cancer like everyone is bound to get someday. 

If only big pharma would let us all smoke pot as stoners say that cures everything. Glue sniffers say it's a big bag of evo-stick that can cure everything . Old Knudsen says a good dump is the cure to all.  

For many celebs their best and creative years had past. Bowie was making average kind of songs but Alan Rickman was still doing movies and Anton Yelchin still had his best to come, he'd made some good movies besides Star Trek, he did Odd Thomas and Green Room, unlike Nicolas Cage (who is sadly still alive) he could pick good movies to be in. He was only 27 ffs.

People like Prince who die from an accidental prescription drug overdose .... you win the Darwin award for fucks sake. Janet Reno, Arnold Palmer, Shimon Peres went and people said 'shame' but when  Nancy Reagan died it was all about how she treated gheys and her friend Rock Hudson. At least a day of outrage for her. 

Alan Thicke who is more an American thing died of a heart attack while playing hockey aged 69 so yeah, Darwin awards all round. Yeah he's the father of the guy that promotes sexual assault while ripping off other songs, like Donald Trump without the songs ... ach the lines are blurred, just ask Julian Assange about that.    

Hail Hydra Gary! 

Florence Henderson the Brady Bunch mom and Garry Shandling had heart attacks though not together in some kind of celeb sex thing though that would be awesome.   

Gene Wilder had Alzheimer’s disease. Yes Young Frankenstein was amusing but a lot of his stuff was bleh. Maybe I'm on offensive territory by saying Blazing saddles was shite but hey 90% of Monty Python is shite too but it's not (old people cool) to admit that. 

Like people that think it's cool to like Snarknado and other terrible movies that should never have been made. Yeah yer standards are low, is that the new cool? 

 Harper Lee who wrote books on how to kill birds or something died in her sleep aged 89. If you die in yer sleep then how will you know yer dead? Won't you be going through the after life saying, "this isn't real it's a dream" ... what a horrible way to go. 

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died from natural causes aged 79 ... well we all know that Hillary had him killed which is shite cos she still lost the election though she'll always win my erection. 

Keith Emerson, the keyboardist who founded Emerson shot himself .... and the world went Emerson???? who dat? 

Kenny Baker who was R2 D2 died, overrated singer musician Leonard Cohen carked it too and all the pretentious people of the world suddenly became fans. Merle Haggard died and no one pretended to be a fan of him. 

Glenn Frey from the Eagles died of complications from rheumatoid arthritis and pneumonia aged 67. 

Zsa Zsa Gabor is slapping people up in Heaven now. 

The US has its famous people that no one that hasn't lived there has heard of as does the UK. Rick Parfitt from the dodgy and uncool rock band Status Quo died from complications with an existing shoulder injury. 

They performed at Band Aid and had many crappy hits in the UK. Not very health conscious but that's the rock 'n' roll lifestyle for you. I thought his band mate Francis Rossi would have died first, he's the one that had a part of his septum fall out due to cocaine. 

Ronnie Corbett was a little, funny Scottish bloke that was a part of the whole British comedy revolution just before Monty Python was created. He became part of a double act with Ronnie Barker and are ingrained into British culture. Like many double acts one always dies leaving the other to find new work. He had a hit TV sit com and was even in Extras with Ricky Gervais in a hilarious episode at an awards show. 

Ronnie Corbett, David Bowie and George Michael were all featured in Extras ... makes you think huh. The curse of 2016. Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen are crapping themselves.

Corbett who had been in the original Casino Royale movie died aged 85.  

Other British/Irish TV and radio legends were Terry Wogan,Victoria Wood and magician Paul Daniels.

Alan Rickman's last role was in the movie Eye in the Sky about the moral issue surrounding drones and whether or not the collateral (innocent people and children) damage is worth it. He'll also be remembered as a dick-less angel, a magical teacher and every Christmas he'll be watched falling off a building, Yippee ki-yay! 69 is still too young an age to go at. 

This was a completely made up figure and no one intended to fund the NHS

As well as the celebrity deaths we also had Brexit. 52% of the UK voted to leave the EU and even though they were fooled and lied to about why we should leave the EU they stood by their vote and told those who didn't like being lied to suck it up and stop whining. 

Saying it's democracy doesn't make it right or acceptable, that's just like using, 'it's in the Bible' as a reason. 

 

The UK has always had control over its borders, the EU is not to blame.

It was a time of people being angry, stupid and racist. Propaganda similar to what the Nazis used was on the side of buses. Britain was somehow going to be great again by persecuting minorities and leaving the world's largest economy. The rest of the world laughed at how stupid we were for this vote and guess what? We still haven't left the EU but now have an unelected Prime Minister who would never have won an election. She gets David Cameron's almost full term thanks to the timing of a referendum that no one asked for. 

Politician Jo Cox was murdered this year because she supported the Remain in the EU campaign. Hate crimes against immigrants increased, just coincidence I'm sure.

Luckily for the UK the US is bigger and better at being the laughing stock of the world. We had almost forgotten the 8 years of Bush that damaged the reputation of the US but now a draft dodging, unqualified, dodgy businessman who loves to sexually assault women and possibly rape underage girls got elected as President.  

Hate crimes against immigrants increased, just coincidence I'm sure.

As like Brexit he lied and got the idiot voters riled up and had help from Russian unknown hackers who hacked the DNC and published all the dirty secrets about pushing out the new messiah Bernie Sanders. He isn't going to jail Hillary, repeal Obamacare and his wall will be more of a partition with speed bumps and maybe keep out signs.  

Drain the swamp? He slags off American companies that have government contracts and a single irresponsible tweet has them losing billions. He fills his cabinet with rich people and bankers, who the fuck ever thought that a millionaire (he's not a billionaire, wise up) would ever give a voice to Joe the average working class slob? 

Anyone with a bit of self-respect that didn't like having a joke for President were told to suck it up and stop whining ... yeah I just copy and pasted that bit from the Brexit stuff above, the same mentality.

It was indeed a year full of stupidity. People wanted to wear badges that said they didn't vote for Bexit or for Trump for fear of being thought of as a douchebag.   

Florist Barronelle Stutzman who refused to sell flowers for a ghey wedding in 2013 as it went against her Christian beliefs went to the Supreme court, it has to still make a ruling. Ashers who refused to sell a cake in support of ghey marriage because of their Christian beliefs were told to wise up by the Supreme court. 

Indiana passed a bill under Governor Mike Pence to discriminate against gheys and Trans gender people, Pence has since become Vice President, shit does float to the top. Yes it's been a year of poor wee Christian persecution, the largest religion in the world is surely a victim of evil. 

  

Of course there was terrorist attacks, Nice, Orlando, Berlin as well as all the usual places. Just enough to keep people who have never experienced terrorism in a state of fear enough to hate refugees. 

2016 was the year of being a total gullible semi-Nazi pussy. The biggest casualty was people's sense of humor. They lapped up the fake news sites that feed into their fears and passed it on without checking to see if it was true or not. White supremacists got re-branded as Alt-Right and Diet-Right.     

        If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you
   If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you but make allowance for their doubting too







Celebs you didn't know died, shit happened that you weren't a part of took place and now folks look to 2017 with hands trembling.

The future is always uncertain, change is the only thing that is consistent. As with all the other years, another new year and another load of crap.

Man Grows A Vagina

50 shades of Grey made my parts tingle. 

Tom Johnson from Felixstowe ..... England noticed something was happening to his genitals, they were shrinking and shriveling up into his body. This process affects one in 500 men and is thought to be caused by a hormonal imbalance due to excessive emotional stimulation.

"On social media I pretended to care when I'd read about a shooting, natural disasters or animal cruelty, I just wanted the people (mostly women) to like me."  

On Twitter Tom followed people but never had anything to say, on Facebook he'd LIKE status' and just rephrase what everyone else was saying.

"Before I knew it I was signing petitions about saving butterflies and wolves, I hate nature I have allergies. I noticed some wet patches on my groin but ignored them thinking I just hadn't shaken it enough after going to the loo."  

Tom also noticed that his penis and scrotum were noticeable smaller but didn't want to go to a doctor in case they laughed at his small willy.

"I stopped getting erections but it didn't ruin my sex life since I have been married for years. My emotions seemed to be getting out of control and I took offense at everything. After the USA Mall shooting I went looking for stories around the world in Africa and south east Asia about shootings that didn't get as much media coverage and shamed the people who felt bad for the people in the Mall for not feeling bad about the 3 shot dead in Abidjan. I even looked up where Abidjan was." 

Eventually Tom did go to the Doctor as the only way he could urinate was when he was sitting down.

"I talked to my doctor who had to call in his fellow doctors for their opinions, some of them took selfies with my groin. It turns out that I have Sitzpinkler syndrome which is the German name for a man who sits to pee. After 6 months my male genitalia had turned completely female. I was liking Facebook pages called, 'Hugs not prison' and cried everyday because people just didn't understand that murderers, rapists and pedophiles were as much of a victim as their victims were, soon all the women that I was hoping to impress were telling me to man up and grow a pair or just unfriended me, the only ones I had left were the people too polite to unfriend me and Candy Crush players, I accepted their invites to please them but popping shapes in games upsets me too much, also my vagina weeps as much as I do."     

Sitzpinkler syndrome cannot be cured, only managed. It is advised to not click on stories that say, 'This man raped his victim but what he did next was worse' or 'What these teens did to a puppy will sicken you' this isn't burying your head in the sand it's not getting worked up on how bad the world is when you can't do anything about it. 
If you are male and have ever complained about America's gun culture or have texted £3 to the polar bears after seeing a commercial on the TV then you could be susceptible to Sitzpinkler syndrome. 

The simple test for Sitzpinkler syndrome is this, what would you rid the world of if you had to choose, kittens or titties? 

Those called David or Paul are 5 times more likely to develop Sitzpinkler syndrome than a Robert or John. 

Playing Call of duty and looking at porn might just keep Sitzpinkler syndrome at bay as will one night stands and bar fights. Doctors also advise that when looking at baby pictures to not think about sweet, helpless, bundles of cute but rather tiny, needy, manipulators who will get taller than you and put you in a home when you are old.

Waiting for a restroom stall to be free while men whizzed away at the urinals has made Tom realise just how good he had it once. Fuck Abidjan where ever it is.

Cock Blogging Gets Nailed

 

Is nothing sacred? the words balls and nailed to a cobblestone should never be used in the same sentence. 
Performance artist Pyotr Pavlensky, nailed his ball-bag to cobblestones in Red Square as an act of protest at what he described in a statement as Russia’s descent into a "police state"

 

Yes it is cold.

Pavlensky said: "A naked artist, looking at his balls nailed to the Kremlin pavement, is a metaphor for the apathy, political indifference, and fatalism of contemporary Russian society."

He also said "FUCK OW OW OW I've changed my mind!" but no one understood him as obviously it was said in Russian.

The police stood and looked at it wondering who was going to be the one to remove it. They did not seem to be in a hurry. 

While his form of protest makes Old Knudsen cross his legs he will admit that ol Pyotr Pickledpenisky does have a right to protest ..... doesn't mean he'll be allowed to though. Why could he not drape a flag round his shoulders and destroy shit like civilised people?

Yes it is cold.

After a week no one still knows the whereabouts of the hot one from Pussy Riot (seen here heavily pregnant surrounded by stuffed animals .... oh and Orlando Bloom masturbating) she was moved from her prison cell and was never seen again, so far.

Was yer first thought Vampires? aye that was my first thought too.  
 

Putin swearing allegiance to Santa's cock. 

If it was really a police state then they'd be able to find her with all the police like duh!

Look Up It's Cunnilingus

 

Michael Douglas got cancer from munching rug

For fucks sake! Smoking gives you cancer, knowing smokers gives you cancer, processed meat gives you cancer, cell phones give you cancer, bacon, caffeine, breast implants, air pollution, cheese, chocolate, constipation, dogs, eggs, deodorants, middle class, being left handed, x-rays, Wi-Fi, vitamins, pickles, electricity, dieting and now Cunnilingus ....

Old Knudsen tries not to be middle class and left handed but the pickles, constipation and the bean flicking cannot be done without.

Whats next, rim jobs and rainbow kisses? ... we must not live life afraid, we must do what we want and if it makes us terminally ill we laugh at death in the face for we have indeed lived! .... except deodorants, what the fuck is that about? a fucking disgusting habit no doubt invented by the southern English! aye the French don't use no underarm and they are feeble minded simpletons the lot of them.... on this occasion they have played the game of who smells like a hoor's handbag well. 

I'd definitely believe that deodorants combined with regular washing would indeed give you cancer. Old Knudsen was a top hospital consultant until recently when they did a background check on him but he'd know right?

I walk through a Home Bargains shop and smell the crop dusted perfume on the weemen and teenage boys and I just know they are going to die.

Oh and that last sentence was not a confession to anything so away an fuck. 

Dramatic Fleggers

 

 Only a total dumb fuck would compare one day in Bahrain to four months in Belfast. 

Found on one of those Loyalist pages where they continue to play the victim and compare themselves to blacks during the civil rights days and Jews during the holocaust.
They also compare the police to Nazis because I'm sure the Nazis gave everyone a fair chance to stop breaking the law and I'm sure the Nazis also said please and thank you and made it a point to not get stuck in but rather take the abuse 'literally' thrown at them.

If Old Knudsen was back on the force he'd have himself a Boston massacre on the first day.

A protest did indeed happen in Saudi Arabia. CNN had the arrests at 161 so it's around 176. The protest was about the detention of relatives who have been jailed for years without having been charged, tried or given access to lawyers... They don't get a curry delivered to them if they go on a day long hunger strike (Jamie Bryson) nor do they have a tuck shop to buy fegs and sweets at.

Go on Loyalists tell me how bad it is .... you fucking pussies.

Ya wear Hollister and talk about free speech, yer constitutional rights and flying the flag all the time ..... you want to be American! Those are all American terms and ideas you've seen in movies.
I hate to break it to you but we don't have the right to free speech in the UK and we don't have a constitution. Oh and while were at it stop saying  These colours will not run cos that is an American expression. You can have We are the people  as the Yanks say We the people.

You go on about culture and heritage but do you even have a clue or did you just get yer values and history from the Die Hard movies? 
Stupid paramilitary pawns, thats what you are ... nothing more.  

Here is what happens when fleggers protest outside police head quarters in Northern Ireland. OMG the horror, the violence, make the suffering stop!!!!!

Here is what happens to a protest outside the Bureau of Investigation and Prosecution in the town of Buraidah. The police are scooping them up not playing ring around the rosy..... many weemen had their kids with them and the children were taken too. 

Protests a week later were a lot more fun.

It is a little embarrassing. Amnesty International have gone nuts over the Bahrain arrests and rightly so while the Northern Ireland fleggers got told in a polite way wise up. you have no idea about humans rights abuse, stop contacting us.

   
If you want to be American this is what happens to nice white US protesters when they don't move. Have you ever been pepper sprayed by the police? The beating and the dragging off comes next.

Don't you dare compare yerselves to the Jews during the Holocaust. The very idea of it is not only disrespectful but disgusting and belittles what they went through.

If you want to compare yerselves to the Jews then make it the Jewish resistance after WWII. The Stern gang and the Irgun loved to shoot and hang British soldiers. Or you can be the Jews of today with their deep bigoted hatred of the Palestinians much like yer own for the Catholics.

 In 1948 the Jewish resistance attacked the village of  Deir Yassin, killing over 200 Palestinians. They called that "Operation Unity" I'm sure, going by the comments on all of these Loyalists sites you'd love to arm 120 of yer so-called men and gun doon unarmed men weemen and children during a surprise attack on a Catholic area at 4:30am.

I think I've made yer wee meme look rather silly by now.  Thanks for all the help you've given me.

      

Pussy Galore

Has anyone tasted pussy? I've heard it tastes minging. Please dear readers go out and buy some pussy and tell me how it tastes.

At last pube free pussy in a can best tasted warm.


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