Showing posts with label up the bum no babies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label up the bum no babies. Show all posts

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Pope Francis Does Better

Since God did not answer Pope Francis' prayer for peace in the Ukraine the Vatican has upped the ante by using a more powerful spell.

With political opposition leaders being abducted and tortured and constant clashes with the police in anti- government demonstrations it's still pretty gnarly there.

When the Pope threw a pair of doves out the window they were attacked by crows and seagulls as a message from God ... 'must do better!'  So now he has tapped into Vatican stock and chucked a baby out the window.

The baby, dressed as a bunny to symbolise energy and strength but unlike his predecessor, Pope Francis used a less expensive Asian baby instead of a white one, so humble ...... and thats why we love him.

   

Friday, 18 October 2013

Kim Kardashian's Big Fat Arse Is Almost As Good As Bacon

Who gives a fuck that Kim Kardashian has lost 25LBS after squeezing out her sprog? And who the fuck wants to see if her arse is still bubble-delicious?

Old Knudsen is disgusted that this even makes the news, don't new parents usually take 500 pictures of their ugly babies? Well Kim hands the baby off to a wet nurse and tweets her arse .... Old Knudsen would totally tweet her arse again, all that cushion for the pushin. 

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

Bourne Again

Damon is a star who can actually act even though he looks like a pixie, I wonder what their kid ended up looking like.

Matt Damon was in London at the UK premiere of The Bourne Ultimatum the third film in the franchise. I've seen the other two and they are good films, even the sequel is good which is odd in this day and age of grabbing the quick buck (fuck you Oceans 12) I have in the past slagged off James Bond for being stupid and catering to a dumb audience that don't expect too much and the fact that over the decades it hasn't gotten any better (still to see Casino Royale but don't want to) all posing, improbable plots improbable villains and expensive product placement, it looks more like an advert than a film. Buy the watch, the car, the motorcycle or Brosnan's cargo pants.

Jason Bourne that was originally a film with Richard Chamberlain, its more real, no ejector seats, no rogue Russians stealing nukes, Bourne beats people up with pens and rolled up magazines plus he killed that ugly fucker Clive Owen which is bloody good in my book.

Damon did say: " Bourne was no better or worse than Bond " oh such a modest young man. You don't get the feeling of invincibility with Bourne that you do with Bond so its more of a thrill, for years I wanted Bond to get killed and for a different character with depth to carry on like a 006.

Damon went on to say:

"Bond is an imperialist and a misogynist who kills people and laughs about it, and drinks Martinis and cracks jokes."

All true but watch it laddie, theres nothing wrong with having a few drinks to toast the British Empire and some wogs are asking for a bit of steel up them, is misogyny like sodomy ? cos I don't mind giving one up the rusty bullet hole if the lass is game .
When a new actor takes the role of Bond they say about Bond's cold blooded edge as a killer and how they want to explore it, its a one dimensional character, no development in over 40 years. Bond is a bit of a shallow prick but I'll say this for him where ever he goes hes able to find the easy weemen , hes like a dog that has to hump yer leg and you actually don't mind him doing it.

"Bourne is a serial monogamist whose girlfriend is dead and he does nothing but think about her, he doesn't have the support of gadgets, and he feels guilty for what he's done".

Killing his gurl was a bit of a shock but it gave him a controlled rage in the film, compared to Bond hes a monk but at least hes got a human side. Bond also had a dead wife and he stood at a grave for a minute as Roger Moore and no more was mentioned about her, back to quips and shagging chicks.

The dead wife thing is so cliched for action heroes, Lethal weapon explored that for a bit then after being suicidal , killing some bad guys and having a massive shit the hero felt better and made some stupid sequels with lower ratings so the kids could enjoy them.

Bourne beats Bond hands doon which is tough for me to say as its a Yank being better than a Brit (only in Hollywood could that happen)

Damon has not ruled out doing a fourth film but only as long as British director Paul Greengrass is in on it and Old Knudsen has a cameo as Bourne's father.
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Greengrass said: "The Bourne franchise is not about wearing Prada suits and looking at women coming out of the sea with bikinis on. It's about essence and truth, not frippery and surface."
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Exactly, who the fuck wants to see Halle Berry in bikini? I'd rather see the plain big nosed German gurl from the first Bourne film, I'm not shallow, I'm a Hornivore.



Sorry lads I went and spoiled it all by getting her up the duff. I should have stuck to misogyny and only did it up the bum no babies.