How To Be Attractive To Someone Who Knows You

German researchers interrupted their plans for world domination to figure out why their wives didn't want to shag them anymore. Was it the cabbage smell they leave in the bathroom or way they farted at the dinner table and said "Guten arse?"

Why would you not want all of this?

They came to the conclusion that weemen's sex drive lessened if they were in a secure relationship, nothing to do with hormones, depression or the way relationships change and evolve etc but because the weemen felt secure .... or rather pretty sure that their husbands couldn't be arsed to divorce them. It takes time and effort fighting in court for the hoose and making sure the kids stay with their mom without you paying for them.

I'm gonna divorce yer fat lazy ass, get a red sports car and an 18 year-old girlfriend cos I'm a real fucking catch, I had an 18 year-old gymnast 20 years ago so no reason I can't now. 

The researchers found that men's sex drive tended to remain the same. They put this down to not want to get cuckolded by another male.

So ya gotta be jealous and controlling .... did he just look at my wife, I'd better get home and fuck the life out of her.

What a load of arse juice! According to Dr Dietrich Klusmann, the lead author of the study and a psychologist from Hamburg-Eppendorf University Hospital he puts it doon to human evolution and attracting mates. So weemen get the potential partners all worked up and then when they have them they say, "fooled ya, I ain't putting that in my mouth again"  I knew it! Weeman are evil!

I got him to dump all his friends and change all his ways because I see potential in his breeding material and he shall be my slave, Mwahahahaha!  

Weemen are like vacuum cleaners, after a while they don't suck  ~ Jesus. 

What Dr Klusmann didn't say was who it was that the men wanted to have sex with. Not much of a maid but she's cheap.

Old Knudsen has had more marriages than he can remember so he's a bit of an expert so listen up all you insecure men, here is how to have a long, sex filled marriage .... if you want one.

Treat her mean and keep her keen. Constantly tell her how worthless she is and that yer this close to divorcing her, the last thing you want is to let her feel loved or secure cos then the magic dies, she stops watching her figure and never does those things that you based yer relationship on.

Here is an example of the daily affirmation she should hear. "Yer old, fat and ugly no one else will ever want you, I'm not sure why I stay married to you" she'll be sucking you off with yer favourite butt plug up yer ass in no time, she'll probably be begging you for it in no time.   

Or alternatively you can wonder does anyone really take Germans seriously? Freud was Austrian which as we all know is German (don't bullshit us) and he knew fuck all even though he is considered Father of Psychoanalysis but seriously the man was a box of dicks.

Listen to Nietzsche, " When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory."

Old Knudsen Takes A Break

So any way Old Knudsen has had enough!!!!!!!! Not only did he got out marching on the 11th and 12th to antagonise Fenians into fighting and only got sunburned for his efforts but the Vatican approved the new Harry Potter film.

Its one thing to shelter and support Nazis but this was way too much!!!!!!!!

Old Knudsen went to the Italian alps and found Pope Benedict XVI relaxing with a large beer and some young friends. The man is 82 but still able to bugger altered boys so I slapped the cunt around a bit and forced him to eat a condom and as a warning to any other wee stunts he might pull I broke his wanking wrist as a reminder.

Don't worry folks the Pope is protected by Swiss guards so it wasn't like it was difficult, they just stood around saying they wouldn't get involved.

Don't believe any falling doon stories now you know the truth. Hey! what the fuck are you looking at Diocese of Leeds?

What Did You Do During The War?

John Demjanjuk aged 89, was deported to Germany from the United States to face allegations of being an accessory to the murder of 29,000 Jews and others as a Nazi guard at the Sobibor death camp.

Ukrainian born Demjanjuk, was sent to Sobibor as part of a legion of foreign SS “volunteers.” He had been a soldier in the Red Army and he was recruited while being held prisoner in a German P.O.W. camp.

The retired Ohio autoworker was born “Ivan” Demjanjuk and the Israelis tried to charge him with being “Ivan the Terrible” a notoriously sadistic guard at the Treblinka death camp.

The Israeli Supreme Court overturned Demjanjuk’s conviction in 1993 after evidence emerged that he was not in fact that “Ivan.” Since he was simply a guard at another camp the Israelis did not regard this as sufficient reason to continue to hold him.


Spot the war criminal as he aides the enemy.

In West Germany in 1968 a general amnesty was posted for those lower level guards. Many former guards have been let off the hook and even before the amnesty Germany went lightly on many war criminals.

Josef Oberhauser an SS officer who in 1965 was found guilty for his part in the murder of 300,000. Oberhauser was sentenced to four years and six months in prison thats 7.8 minutes for each of his victims.

By the same reckoning Demjanjuk should get about 5 months. In fact it turns out that Oberhauser would have been in charge of Demjanjuk at Sobibor, its a small world after all.


So now Germany is gagging to charge Demjanjuk for his minor role even though they themselves refuse to extradite their own war criminals.

In June 2005, an Italian court found ten former members of the Waffen SS Reichsführer division guilty of mass murder for their roles in the infamous massacre of 560 civilians in the town of Sant’Anna di Stazzema none of them were extradited and will miss out on the fun to be had in prison and live out their lives in Germany.

Lock the fucker up , Demjanjuk did unto others so it wouldn't get done to him, its karma but its pick and choose karma. In 2002 the German justice minister Herta Däubler-Gmelin who was the daughter of a famous Nazi war criminal compared George Bush To Hitler.

Germany has never been right in the head.

When Germany invaded Poland in 1939 from the west Russia invaded Poland about a week later from the east. They met in the middle and built a border together. The Russians then set about executing 20,000 Poles who were military officers or high in society.

The Russians worked with the Nazis until Hitler turned on them and then they formed an alliance with the US and Great Britain. In Britain there were many Poles in exile. They got the chance to ask Stalin where all those poeple were. Stalin said they must have escaped.

Since the fall of the wall info has been released about Russian activities .Now Russians come forward and tell how they rounded up all unwanted people for execution.

So many people doing the wrong thing just like politicans and their expense accounts. Is karma over worked ? or does it need a kick up the arse like the U.N. does?

Creepy Nosferatu Pope

Pope Benedict XVI if that is indeed his real name went to the middle east on an 8 day visit with the hope to bring peace to the most violent and most holy place in the world.

Old Knudsen doesn't want to get into the whole Protestant Pope bashing thing for the sake of if but he will cos its fucking odd.
This 82 year-old Bavarian .............. German in other words, ex Hitler youth who wear clothes that cost more than most make in a year has the presence and the charm of Nosferatu. He even sounds like a vampire.


I wouldn't trust my kid to this cunt never mind my soul. Lets clear something up about the Hitler youth the youths were made to join. The Hilter youth and what old men that could hold a rifle were the last line of defense in Berlin. Since Hitler who was only a socialist in name he was intent on destroying Germany.

In the Pope's memoirs To all the boys I've loved before he says he was in the Hitler Youth but the Vatican then cums out and says, oh no he was never in it. WTF? just admit it. I seem to recall a story of how he surrendered to allied troops but claimed to have never done any fighting.

Can you believe a Fenian? Old Knudsen has found that even while under torture they will lie, disgusting I say.


I liked the other guy more, ya know the pedo shuffler. Step right up and guess under what parish the pedo priest will be assigned to. People loved John Paul not just because he was retarded (see famous kill birdy pic above) but because he could smile and look friendly, Ratzinger doesn't even have a friendly sounding last name.


Fuck ze Jews are burning ............. I mean boring. Always complaining about something, blah blah rocket attacks, blah blah he said killed 6000 Jews and not murdered .

What can the Vatican do? they can't even stop a blasphemous Tom Hanks film. The Vatican is re-shaping itself in the mould of the Republican party.

Go right wing, get rid of weaklings. Pedos, holocaust deniers all welcome even the odd Nazi here and there. Say stupid things and then do damage control cos you are so fucked in the head and out of touch.


The next Pope should be across between the current one and Sarah Palin just imagine what an uncaring selfrighteous pompus prick that would be.

Save the earth and follow the Vatican no not God me, yes do as I say and not what I do. Some old farts played office politics so therefore God talks through me.

The Sickest Nation On Earth.

Any regular reader of Old Bitter Balls (I know I have one, thanks mother) knows that I constantly watch my shite meter to see what searches turn up . By putting the words, pedo, fisting and hot midget sex into post titles I have turned up in some very interesting results. I hope I've frustrated the perverts and wasted their time, don't bother to say you typed in pedo by accident or you're researching a book you're a sick fucker and the most valid reason for the death penalty I can think of, remember lefties if you are against the death penalty then you must be for pedos and rapists, shame on you too.
I have collected numbers of visitors and from what countries that search for pedo. I do this with the aim to find the sickest most perverted nation on Earth. Do not speak to me of statistics and percentages this reckoning system is the Old Knudsen tallyman method that has been used for thousands of years in countries you can't pronounce. My ruling on this is final.

The sickest, most perverted nation on Earth followed by it's friends is.

1) Germany.......... 20
2) USA..........15
3) Poland..........5
4) Netherlands..........4
5) France..........4
6) UK................4
7) India..........3
8) Australia..........3
9) Canada.......... 3
10) Russia..........2
11) Italy..........2
12) Czech Republic..........1
13) Singapore.........1
14) Austria..........1
15) Brazil..........1
16) Israel..........1
17) Belgium..........1
18) Hungry..........1
19) Finland..........1
20) Norway..........1
21) S.Africa..........1
22) Ireland..........1
23) Bosnia..........1
24) Colombia..........1
25) Japan..........1
26) Ukraine..........1
27) New Zealand..........1
28) Luxemburg.............1

No big shocks here, this is only from the start of this year. If yer country isn't on this list then rest in the fact they yer pedos are too dumb to even use computers.

Germany, home of the sick pedo loving bastards, not content with starting two world wars they like to diddle kids, with their large minging beers, uptight ways and crazy gibberish that spews out of their mouths always sounding angry, shame on you Germany if only Bomber Harris had the nuke.