I Can't Take This World Seriously

Monalisa Perez 19, and her boyfriend Pedro Ruiz, 22 wanted to be famous YouTubers ... you gots to have yer dreams right?

It's all about content that's fresh, different and new. Or you can do the same old shit day in day out like Old Knudsen does on his blog. Stay tuned for my next post, 'Why Are People Such Stupid Cunts?'  

Remember when a wannabe rapper shot himself in the mouth? Kasper Tha Phantom used a small gun with a low velocity round which travels slower than a standard bullet. Mr Tha Phantom swallowed the bullet before being rushed to hospital. He wanted to use a different gun a 9 mil cos that's what rappers go on about but his friend said no, that's armor piercing.

No, guns are not armor piercing, you'd have to be the Hulk to achieve this with a very hard throw and you don't have to use an armor piercing round. I believe AP bullets for handguns have been banned since 1986 anyways so why waste one if you had it on some fool's ugly bake?

 You should shoot me, that would be cool

Pedro Ruiz came up with the idea that his girlfriend Monalisa Perez would shoot at him with a handgun while he held thick book in front of him.

Law enforcement agencies did consider the use of books instead of kevlar at one point so I see how he thought this could work. He also allegedly tried shooting a thick book at least once to test it.

If Mr Tha Phantom could do it then ..... Theodore Roosevelt had a thick boring speech mostly stop a bullet and in the movies a Bible or hip flask always stop bullets, it's fact! 

So the young couple with one brain cell between them set it up. Neighbors watched through the windows of their house and their 3 year-old daughter got to watch this fine example of young adulthood too.

So use a little caliber bullet, use a 9 mil perhaps.

 

No, what they went with was a 50 cal Desert Eagle. One of the most powerful handguns. I guess they couldn't get an even more powerful 50 cal Smith & Wesson revolver so they made do.

Why have a 50 Desert Eagle? You can kill someone just as dead with a 40 or 45 if stopping power made you hard.

You have a 50 cal Desert Eagle if you are a fucken poser. No military in the world issues these. They are over kill and obviously more expensive to shoot. You can stop a truck with one of these or just shoot through things like um ... thick books.

Testing a bullet proof vest in 1923

Perez who is pregnant with their second child fired from a foot away. I don't know how this was a good idea at all.

Adults that still have child like mentalities that can breed and own guns. She got out on $7,000 bail. I don't what will happen to the children you may see them on YouTube getting tattoos or something, maybe this notoriety will get her the 300,000 subscribers she yearned for.

The lesson of this story is if you are going chase your dreams don't aim so big.   

Club 27

Remember in the Star Trek movie when Kirk fires Scotty and tells Chekhov to take over? Chekhov looks apprehensively at a red shirt.

Anton Yelchin died when his car rolled back on his inclined driveway and pinned him against the gate post. He died just after 1am on a Sunday and was checked up on when he was late for rehearsal. 

 He wears mustard for fucks sake!

It's a shame, of all the people that could have died like this it had so be someone (not just a part of a franchise) that seemed to be nice. Trump, Ted Nugent, Johnny Depp or even Martin Shkreli .... why not them? 

Yelchin was in a movie I liked called Odd Thomas as well as the Star Trek ones. He gave comedy relief by trying to voice activate things using his Russian accent. 

Is it a curse or a bonus that he died aged 27?  Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Brian Jones, Janis Joplin and Amy Winehouse all died aged 27. Now there is a 27 club listing those famous and slightly famous people who died at that age. 

No conspiracy it's just coincidence as there are plenty of famous people that didn't die aged 27.   

Anton Yelchin not only joins the stupid deaths of the Darwin awards but he will also live on forever in Club 27 click bait posts.        

   

 

Dying For A Holiday

The reason why we complain about the Ugly American aboard is because they take their Americanism with them everywhere they go. So do the Brits, and they also insist that all the foreign places they go to be fucken British too.
Unlike the American the Brit doesn't go in search of quaint culture to experience or photograph, they go for pubs and clubs set in a sunny environment. The American can just take a drive and get sun in their own country but to the British the sun is as special as Christmas is to children.

In case you didn't catch on from our loud drunken voices we're British! 

Every year the combination of drink, sun, swimming pools and balconies becomes fatal. Recently a 19 year-old Irish tourist (Irish, Scot and whatever are included as Brit for this post, same mentality)  died when he fell into a swimming pool at a Spanish resort.  

He'd checked in hours earlier and at 7pm fell into the pool and drown. When I fall into a swimming pool I um swim. Old Knudsen isn't a particularly great swimmer but he has not drown in a swimming pool yet.   

We aren't fooling anyone, there has to be alcohol involved. A Brit on holiday expects to be drunk for the whole two weeks. Relaxing by the pool .... have to be drunk. Looking at the view from my balcony .... have to have a drink in my hand. 

  

Of course many live to tell the tale and complain because they didn't take out pisshead insurance and now owe thousands. 

The Foreign and Commonwealth Office has tried to warn people. In 2012, three died and 10 others were injured by balcony falls. 

Benjamin Harper from London went to Magaluf, Majorca and fell to his death off his balcony while out for a smoke. Yes there are waist high railings but if yer pissed out of yer head smoking kills.

Magaluf has tried to enforce street drinking bans that also include outside urinating, nakedness, being bare chested and spitting .... all the things that make a holiday special to a Brit. The fucken foreign cunts trying to spoil everyone's fun. So what if a Northern Ireland girl (aged 18) performed 24 sex acts for a free drink in 2015? No one would have cared if some narc hadn't tweeted it.    

You should see what she'd do for a curried chip.  I'd totally suck a lot of dick for that.

Jake Evans lived to tell the idiot's tale. 

"I was on a balcony with a couple of friends and I did the balcony step down and I asked a guy off the balcony below to throw me a lighter. I was quite drunk, I tried to grab the lighter and I went over head-first. I woke up on a sun lounger, which actually saved my life."

Aren't we lucky? Jake will probably go on to cure cancer or something. 

I looked at the news and saw a British woman had fallen to her death from a balcony. Do these people also just fall over garden fences too?

Call it tragic if you will, you'd probably call 18 - 35 year-olds dying in a car crash tragic too and ignore the fact they were drunk and speeding ..... 'oh the reason doesn't matter think of the family grieving'  

Why should I? They didn't think about their families. Yes I have done stupid things drunk and sober but I didn't die or ruin anyone's holiday or kill my friends. Did I get lucky? Maybe I'm just better.

   Having sex on a balcony ... that is how they will be remembered. 

The Darwin awards or the thinning of the herd. If you die on holiday and it isn't from ISIS or Somali pirates then yer just a waster. 

Like all those people that die taking selfies. 

Old Knudsen does not have pity for people that go out of their way to make a problem for themselves and that includes drunken holidaymakers. Going on holiday doesn't mean that the law of gravity gets suspended just for you for 2 sunny weeks. 

A Heads Up

So yer a good looking young guy who used to work as a Disney character at Disneyland and you find yerself at a friend's house celebrating the 4th July up in Maine.

For a joke Devon Staples aged 22, put a mortar tube firework on his head and pretended to light it. His friends advised against it but in a freak accident he lit the fuse while it was on his head, good bye good looks and a party finishing at 10pm. Yep he was killed instantly and so was the party mood.

Experts have stated that 96% of drunk males are likely to put something on top of their heads to get a laugh.  

Not a very pleasant outcome but of all the stupid ways in which to die this one is kinda awesome because it had fireworks. It killed him straight away but the ooohs and aaahs lasted for a minute.

In  Montana a 32 year-old man died from a fireworks a mortar tube too and in New Jersey a 52 year-old man blew off a part of his lower leg, guess he wasn't trying hard enough.
 
The moral of the story is not to drink while handling explosives, not something you'd think twice about doing huh .... Being free to blow yerself up is what makes America great though suicide is still against the law as is selling yer body for sex.