A Heads Up

So yer a good looking young guy who used to work as a Disney character at Disneyland and you find yerself at a friend's house celebrating the 4th July up in Maine.

For a joke Devon Staples aged 22, put a mortar tube firework on his head and pretended to light it. His friends advised against it but in a freak accident he lit the fuse while it was on his head, good bye good looks and a party finishing at 10pm. Yep he was killed instantly and so was the party mood.

Experts have stated that 96% of drunk males are likely to put something on top of their heads to get a laugh.  

Not a very pleasant outcome but of all the stupid ways in which to die this one is kinda awesome because it had fireworks. It killed him straight away but the ooohs and aaahs lasted for a minute.

In  Montana a 32 year-old man died from a fireworks a mortar tube too and in New Jersey a 52 year-old man blew off a part of his lower leg, guess he wasn't trying hard enough.
 
The moral of the story is not to drink while handling explosives, not something you'd think twice about doing huh .... Being free to blow yerself up is what makes America great though suicide is still against the law as is selling yer body for sex.   
  

Oscar Snubs

I thought I had done away with the bad feeling the Jews that run Hollywood had for me about the fake nose thing years ago. I still refuse to wear one to get an Oscar.

I rely on my acting skills and sexual chemistry which is quite substantial to get a movie hit. I may get them but where the fuck are my nominations?

The Ring of Fire is based on my best selling book about how I saved President Jimmy Carter's life from assassination, those peanut farmers are a serious bunch.

In the film I have Halle Berry as a romantic interest, I only wrote a part for her so I could do the love scene. Most of my best stuff ended up on the cutting room floor, well I didn't have a hanky or a sock when I was wanking over the editing.


Speaking of love scenes Dakota Fanning was my female lead on this one . She is actually older than she looks .................. probably.
In this gritty film she names her teddy bear Mohammad and I have to save her from a Fatwa. I get caught by the Sandsavages and well the title says it all.

No nominations for this either, she is really phoning it in these days.


I didn't expect any nominations for this one though I think we got nominated for 'Best technical sound editing' Matty McConaughey was one far out dude he is always either working out or eating tons of junk food late at night.
A light weight actor who doesn't like to be called Lance Armstrong's ghey lover , that really did bug him. So fuck if he went to the moon I wouldn't dress like him and hang out 24/7 there is something odd there.

In this film I explored environmentalism. I said the famous line, "God darn it Mr president the Eskimos would want us to drill for oil on their land, we are all Americans together."

Why be dependent on foreign oil when there are vast resources under our feet, or rather the Injun's feet?

The Killamory Star said: "Old Knudsen's acting was as stiff as his cap in the frozen wastes, who told him he could pull off an American accent?"

I was going through some substance abuse problems then so I might have been a wee bit off. If you look at the out takes on the DVD you'll see me vomit after every fight scene.

I remember going to the party on Guy Fawkes night in 1975 and waking up the next day with missing time and the feeling like aliens had probed my hole. I put together a story about the mysterious man in black that I met and the abduction from witness accounts.

The film was a bit long and the director paced it so slow. I must admit its not my best work but it became a cult hit .............. which means I made fuck all money but am worshiped by dorks.

Just for the record I do not think that Heath ledger will get the best supporting actor award, give it to Robert Downey Jr for fuck sake. What will Ledger do with it anyway? His career really has gone doonhill since his death. Give it to someone who can use it to further their career.

As for that Slumbag Millionaire fuck that for a game of soldiers, of course it will win for best film even though its shite, just like that Million dollar baby and Brewster's millions.

I've got a movie planned for later in the year, timing is everything for the Oscars its called 'A million degrees of fire' and if it doesn't win then I'm quiting acting to work on my music career.


Latest OBB News Up-Dates

Man On Fire.

He does a lot of standing about in this film.

I want to sing the praises of a film called, "Man on fire" the title suggests its about a bloke who got the clap and now pisses razor blades when he pees, well its not.

I found myself minding a lot of electrical equipment and DVDs for my mate Billy one ear. Nothing on the telly so I put on a DVD. The story has Denzil Washington has John Creasy a burnt out ex CIA assassin on the edge and listening to Linda Ronstadt CDs (poor bastard he must be on the edge) he gets a job body guarding the daughter of a rich bloke as played by Dakota Fanning.

Isn't she hot?

The story is set in Mexico city which gives it an excellent feel to it. Well he fucks up and the gurl is taken by kidnappers for ransom .

I hear you all saying, "who the fuck cares?" well not me so I'll continue. Creasy gives a little bit of kickass dialogue when he is talking to the gurl's mother and they think the kid is dead :

"I'm gonna kill em. Anyone who was involved. Anybody who profited from it. Anbody who opens their eyes at me."

The mother then rightly adds: "You kill em all."


Me being fond of the talkies I even watch the films with the commentary on, this film had commentary from the producer, screenplay writer and Dakota herself who was 8 when this was made.

Why the fuck did they have her, heres what wisdom she was able to add in her annoyingly high pitched voice. "look at Denzil's nose it looks huge but its not." That's right lass its all over his face isn't it? what about those rubber lips and that pube like head of hair? why did they not just give her a lolly to keep her quiet?

The movie is rated 18 and not to be viewed by anyone younger so whats she doing watching it? what is she special because shes in it? a bad example if you ask me and my people are looking into a possible lawsuit for my mental anguish. People getting shot and a guy with a bomb up his arse exploding, she did giggle when Denzil took off his rubber gloves as he was the one that put it up there.

What does a 8 or 9 year old have to say and do we want to hear it ? where are the parents while shes watching these kind of movies? I'm off to do a search for a child protection agency in the states and get her taken away from her neglectful parents, its the right time to do people if I don't you'll be seeing a film with dakota's titties bouncing around in a few years, do we need to see that?