You Didn't Win Anything

I saw this clip of a comic going on about his fellow Americans saying to us Europeans, "if it wasn't for us you'd be speaking German" I for one am grateful as it is a horrible and scary language. German lullaby's have often been mistaken for warrior songs you sing at opponents to strike fear into them.

I don't know what you said but it sounded long and scary. 

The comic was making the point that those who say it weren't on the beaches of Normandy fighting the Japs like Old Knudsen was, they weren't liberating France from the evil robot overlords and if they were Old Knudsen didn't see them there. 

You didn't stand shoulder to shoulder with Kahless at the battle of Qam-Chee. You probably think Stamford Bridge is a soccer stadium for Chelsea rather than a battle we fought against the vikings in 1066 which is some time before noon I think, anyways Old Knudsen missed out on his lunch that day, too busy killing and yer fucken welcome for yer freedoms.   

The people that boast about winning wars and battles are often people that have never served their cuntry and hate any form of exercise. 

Donald Trump never served, he went to a military school and got out of serving because he allegedly had corns on his feet or some such nonsense though it didn't stop him from being a talented sports player. You don't need to be healthy to die for yer cuntry. He has said that he felt like he had served even though he has never been a target in a uniform but hey he has medals for neatness. 

He said that Senator John McCain was a loser because he is only famous and got elected because he was captured and tortured in Nam. If he had been better at his job he wouldn't have been shot down and captured. 

So all those who died in war are losers according to Trump. You died fighting Hitler, you should have been better you loser. 

John McCain is a loser for other reasons than his military service, he isn't a war hero any more than Chris Kyle was, they had a job to do and they did it. They didn't die while serving and that is a good thing but just bad luck and unfortunate for those that didn't make it back or not come back completely. 

The loser is the person that dodged serving while others couldn't, be they a politician, musician or boxer. Muhammad Ali's first reaction at being drafted was a selfish 'why me?' before he decided he had nothing against gooks and was being singled out.

I am reminded of other losers. Those who like to dress up in pseudo military costumes and march (in an nonmilitary fashion) to celebrate the battle of the Boyne in 1690. Get those fucken arms straight and shoulder high, what are you, Americans?

      

These soft and out of shape civilians who love their cuntry so much they wear the flag as a poncho didn't love it enough to enlist. Martin McGuinness the deputy first minister of Northern Ireland wondered where all these tough guys were during the Troubles. McGuinness as we know was trying to kill Old Knudsen, his comrades and any civvies that got in the way during this time but at least he was doing something .... er no, I mean fuck him the terrorist scum bag.    

The battle of the Boyne in 1690 was a deciding battle for the throne of England but has been reduced to a Protestant against Catholic thing for the simple minded sectarian pleb. King William of Orange wasn't a great defender of the Protestant faith, he just wanted the fucken throne, he was bloody foreigner that some wanted to back because they didn't like the Catholic king James, it was a coup. His uncle James had a more direct right to the throne. 

The church didn't like King James and his pro-French, pro-Catholic ways. The fucker wanted religious liberty for Catholics and Protestants but the Church of England saw that as a threat to good old traditional values. 

The same shit today as those traditional values usually mean oppressing someone and returning to a time when old white men ruled the earth. Traditional values is shorthand for racist and bigoted ideals that don't have the guts to say what they actually are. 

See the GOP, DUP, the Tea party nutters, Britain First, the Tories, KKK, Orange Order and Ukip for fine examples of those who want Traditional values.

    Just being a good Christian.  

In Northern Ireland right now these alleged Christians (who don't go to church) are getting ready to stir up some shit as they do every year. They build massive bonfires and burn anything Irish, Catholic or just things that they perceive as being that. 

Not too much thought goes into it. When they burn the Irish flag they don't know or care that the orange part of it represents Protestants. 

Like when France wouldn't invade Iraq the Americans poured out French wine and called French fries Freedom fries (now they be like Je Suis Charlie an shit) that is how the Loyalists get on. What if every Cinco de Mayo the Mexicans shoved it in the face of the French that they lost a battle, of course they don't because Cinco de Mayo and the 4th July celebrations are excuses to celebrate and eat. On St Paddie's day no one cares if yer a Prod, just have a fucken drink to be sure. 

The 11th July starts the bitter fest for the battle of the Boyne. None of those cheering and shouting yeeooohhh!!!! fought there but by the way they get on you'd think they had. The Protestant forces had 13 thousand more soldiers that were well trained and equipped unlike the Jacobites with their farm tools. 

I hope that when the present day heroes go to rub it in the faces of Catholics that a Dutch Protestant won in 1690 so fuck yous, they are reminded that they themselves had fuck all to do with it. Maybe their ancestors fought on the Jacobite side, I bet they don't even know.

Quit getting on like yer team just won the world cup, it was hundreds of years ago for fucks sake and white people fighting white people, what the fuck is that about? 

    

Chobham Street Homes To Be Demolished

The Department for Regional Development and the Northern Ireland Housing Executive have deemed that the 50 houses around Chobham Street in Belfast near the site of a huge 11th night bonfire must be demolished as they are a fire hazard.

Minister for Regional Development, Danny Kennedy said, "It's very irresponsible for people to have homes full of combustible material so close to a bonfire."

When asked if wouldn't it make more sense to move the bonfire Chief Constable George Hamilton of the Police Service of Northern Ireland started to sweat and his eyes began to water, "They won't listen to us, they make oinking noises and laugh, this seems to be the best option."  

The Orange Order are as usual quiet on this subject though they firmly believe that Protestants have the right to celebrate the 12th July 1690 battle victory and have traditional bonfires where ever they please. They do have shit fits when the Fenians have their celebrations by burning down Orange halls. Ach you can't have it both ways.  

Experts Say That Loyalists Must Be Brain Damaged

Experts from James University London, have released a study that suggests that 8 of of 10 Northern Ireland's Loyalists suffer from some form of brain damage.

Professor Irvine the head of the 4 year research into Loyalism said, " The lives of Loyalists are complex ones full of rejection and very much lacking in parental love, those parents may also be damaged people too."   

He continues, "There are many reasons for Loyalist retardation such as Fetal alcohol syndrome, being partially smothered by their parents which happens often, being dropped on their heads as babies and of course glue sniffing and alcohol abuse starting early in their teenage years."

These new findings may help authorities in dealing with Loyalists such as the ones at Chobham Street bonfire who refuse to reduce the size of the fire or the location of it causing 50 families to leave their homes for fear of catching fire on the 11th night. Police and Politicians have used their best manners and have said please and thank you but have gotten no where, the Loyalists won't even take money.  One Ulster Unionist councillor who wanted to look as if his own side respected what he had to say even offered to suck dick and that always works but not this time. 
 

 

Mel Gibson who was in Belfast to make Mad Max: The Golden Years took one look at all the Israeli flags up and automatically assigned blame on the Jews who run Hollywood, the Loyalists, Sinn Fein and are posing as ISIS and One Direction. Gibson then took a look at a police officer who was observing the bonfire (that's all they do) and said, "what are you looking at sugar tits?" the officer burst into tears and had to be put on leave to cope with the emotion abuse, police do not expect him to return to duty any time soon. 

Old Bitter Balls caught up with some of these Loyalist bonfire masterminds and asked for a comment, "The thug life chose us we didn't chose the thug life."

Some Loyalists just want to watch the werld burn. 

No Flag No Prospects

You might not have the Union flag flying over Belfast city hall everyday but you still have the rest of yer culture, aye and it's the best bits too.

Vandalising, stealing and arson. I've seen tidier gypsy camps, get that pile of shite moved. 

Flames Of Lust

Just flew in from Rio after finishing off the last scenes of my movie. Set in Belfast during the marching season, Liam Neeson plays Ian Paisley Jr who falls in love with a young Catholic gurl (Hendricks) but her ghey brother Colin Farrell won't accept their love .... lots of car cashes, shoot outs, flag protests and sex scenes.

Playing With Fire

Loyalist culture is very important .... but only to Loyalists.

Loyalists are thick necked, tattooed, poorly educated common people who identify with the Protestant religion be they Christian or not.  Like supporting a football team, c'mon you Prods! They even have their own colours. 

Nothing says class like a neck tattoo. 

Fuck the teachings of Jesus these people get on more like Islamists, "I'll knock yer shite in if yer not a Protestant!" They follow the teachings of their housing estate, if yer not us then yer against us. Wot U lukin at?

Loyalist culture involves drinking and other activities in relation to drinking. It's so bad that every time there is a parade or event, it has to be posted that people 'not' drink alcohol at it because Loyalists are famous for not being able to handle their drink and will cause trouble, a bit like yon American injuns with their fire water.

Kind of embarrassing. A beer belly and double chin is seen as a status symbol and shows yer importance within the local housing estate tribe, on weemen it is seen as a sign of beauty and willingness to mate.... due to inbreeding, many Loyalists only have chins that are made of fat.

Do you know where yer children are? ... nah I don't give a fuck either.

Look how free we are, what other people let their children go to an area they don't own and let them set fire to it?
While Americans give guns to their kids you have to admit that 3rd degree burns are far more impressive than a sibling with their brains sprayed over the wall.

Two bullet headed Loyalist children show off their manners and shit stained fingers. Using each other as finger puppets is an important part of Loyalist history dating back to 1913.

Bonfire night in Northern Ireland Loyalist culture is the 11th July and in English Loyalist culture 5th November.
The English spoil their night by having small fires, only drinking enough to get stagger drunk and shoot off fireworks into the air.... fucking ghey. 
In Northern Ireland we take things more seriously. Fireworks are shot off but usually at each other or at pets or people's hooses, if fingers are lost then it was a good night. Our bonfires usually dwarf nearby buildings and as stagger drunk is normal everyday life for most Northern Ireland people they make sure they get, fighting, puking, falling, sexually abusing someone drunk .... just like their hero King William of Orange did in 1690 before he fell off his horse and died . If yer gonna have culture then do it right.

Recession is not a word that Loyalists understand, neither is education or work but thats besides the point.
Every year materials to burn are deposited usually by a roadside a couple of months before the 11th July. This pile of rubbish will grow and grow and often becomes a playground for Loyalist children.

In the Loyalist community children are not of value and so this is usually the only time in which they have toys in their lives. A broken pallet and 100 tyres can become a fort or potential death trap for their young, underdeveloped minds to create.

Every year councils spend around £173,224 on the clean up of bonfire sites and £80,000 is spent repairing roads that sustain fire damage ..... HAHAHAHA whoever it is that pays taxes is paying this, class or what? 

Beats paying for schools and hospitals... the government pays for those right?  

Not to mention the cost of policing hundreds of drunken teenagers and youths then there are the 800 plus call outs for the fire brigade ..... ain't no fucking recession here. Spending other people's money in the name of culture transcends recession.  

Old Knudsen has said that rapists, murderers and pedos in prison are a drain on society and should be executed, well Loyalists are just as bad ... but what they do is legal.

 A local wide bellied beauty flapping her bingo wings in a grotesque mating dance. Tracksuits are worn for easy access to genitals.

Northern Ireland may not be the home of the brave but it certainly is the land of the free .... handout.