Kim Jong Un Just Needs A Hug

Some people are born leaders while the majority let the tiniest bit of power got to their heads .... and waist line.
Kim Jong Un is a pitiful excuse for a leader whose catch phrases are 'respect my Authoritah' and 'do as I say, not as I do' he recently took a helicopter ride up a mountain and then went on to praise the benefits of hiking and psychical exercise. Not to put the man doon, he isn't all that bad, when it comes to a buffet he is an expert piling up his plate on each visit and never drops a buffalo wing ... EVER!  

Lil Kim just executed his defense minister by anti-aircraft gun in front of hundreds of spectators. General Hyon Yong-Chol aged 66 was said to have dozed off during meetings and military ceremonies.
Fair play to the guy every meeting is Kim yapping on about how he can't get it up and that the world is laughing at him .... missiles that is, his recent missile the Limp Dong II only got as far as 2 miles because of a strong wind at its back.

North Korea's army.

North Korean military ceremonies are like UVF and Loyalist band marches, they dress up in costumes but would shit a brick if they had to do any real military stuff. Oh look Ching Chong -Wha turned up for the parade and has tied his shoes correctly, give him another medal. 

The last time North Korea used its military was the Korean war and they were soon easily beaten but if it wasn't for those pesky Chinese. The anti-aircraft guns used on Hyon Yong-Chol were probably left over from the 1940's and 50's. 

  

Hyon had a system of pulleys and levers under his clothes that moved his arms while he slept, he may even be asleep in this picture we just don't know. Kim only caught on when Hyon kept doing Nazi salutes at inappropriate moments .... and yes there are appropriate moments in which you salute the 3rd Reich, such as at a Ukip, GOP or DUP meeting.   

The ZPU-4 anti-aircraft Russian made gun from the 40's and 50's, the 4 means that it has four .57 caliber guns mounted on its stand. This out of date weapon has seen action in Africa and in Libya during the Arab spring uprising. The reason Kim uses this gun rather than a firing squad is because his army lack the hand strength to hold a rifle and have very poor eyesight, spectators are in more danger than those to be executed. 

In 2011 Kim executed other military leaders using mortars and once covered his uncle in KFC gravy (Kim's palace has its own KFC restaurant) and threw him to a pack of starving villagers. 

Kim's father the late Kim Jong-il who we all called 'Our dear leader' and miss him sorely was a lot more comfortable being in command. He rarely executed officials and often just exiled them to live in the country on a farm which you could argue as being a lot more cruel but at least he wasn't trigger happy. 

Imagine living on a farm and having to get up at 5am to feed the cows and only have dial up Interwebs .... Old Knudsen doesn't do 5am and still has PTSD from that dial up connection sound, you know the one.      

Kim Jong Un is a wannabe Bond villain, the only fat person in North Korea we can't help but make fun of him what's he going to do, hack our e-mail accounts .... scary scary. Even the threat of him firing missiles at Japan doesn't scare us, we nuked the fuck out of it twice ourselves.