Simon Cowell's Moobs Explode

From the blog that constantly brings you breaking news cums the report that off the peg celeb Simon Cowell came close to getting gunned doon and having his face eaten off when he flaunted his sexy body topless, on a Florida beach. 

 Drinking the blood of young runaways to keep his supernatural strength and youthful appearance.

Known for his 'I'm not ghey I'm just English' camp and bitchy attitude which can destroy yer dream in an instant, Cowell is obviously still getting his body back to into shape after his first pregnancy.  Old Knudsen is still taking bets on when he'll cum out of the closet, aye Rock Hudson was married, oh whatever!  Old Knudsen's gheydar is never wrong. 

    Cowell seen here breast feeding his son Squiddly Diddly. 

British people seem to be amazed when they go to foreign cuntries and discover that you can't get away with shit as you can in the UK. Being drunk in public and pishing against a wall is not seen as cultural charm in the US and you will go to jail. 

At first the officer thought Cowell was either intoxicated or retarded as he didn't even know his own name, he kept repeating, "do you know who I am?" in some funny accent. Cowell was more compliant when the officer threatened to taser him in the face and leave him there for the Florida zombies to eat. He was let off with a warning.

Why anyone would want to go to Florida is beyond me. Cowell is a minor crossroads demon and is league with Satan which makes total sense for him. Do drab stupid people sell their souls to Cowell for instant fame? that would explain why so many talentless cum buckets have becum famous over the last decade or so.

Americans take their anti-moob laws very seriously. Jack Nicholson wasn't offered work for 5 years after a picture of him and his flapping man boobs appeared in public. That half eaten sandwich looks better than he does. 

Dude looks like an old lady.

Front man for pop sensation Aerosmith had to take a job as a judge on a reality talent show to pay the coke bills after his moobs and shriveled package was spotted. Not even camo trunks saved him.