Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Life Hack Licking

For years we've read reports that if yer hoose is too clean then you may be leaving yer child vulnerable to allergies, asthma and ebola because regular exposure to bacteria and microbes builds up the immune system.

Old Knudsen grew up in a home made of lead with lead paint on the walls, the ceiling was made out of asbestos and the sofa was made out of radioactive isotopes and it didn't do him any harm. We'd be given cat turds to play with and we'd only bring the soap out if we had company .... ah the wonder years, I wonder how I survived.  

Good parenting in action, no swine flu for him. 

I read on a Natural News credible medical website that vaccinations can make you altruistic so I'm glad that me parents probably either couldn't be arsed to to vaccinate me or the NHS in its usual highly efficient ways just didn't offer them ... London gets all the good stuff from the NHS like properly trained doctors and nurses and all the medicines you can eat, the more regional parts of the cuntry get the dregs and the out of date shit. No offense to all the dregs working in regional areas, it could be worse, you could be yer patients.      

Imagine an Old Knudsen that put the needs of others before himself, give me the mumps, measles, chicken pox and the clap again any day. Make sure yer own needs are met, you have to make sure that you climax cos no one else is going to do it for you, I've found that weemen get too carried away by yon multiple orgasms to worry if I've had me one and I'm done money shot.

All those do gooders who go to the Middle East to help folk only to be taken captive and killed, I bet they were vaccinated.
I did get vaccinated in the army probably with some super soldier serum, we didn't ask questions we just did as we were told and I got a jab for yellow fever after that for me Nile expedition but it looks like I didn't catch yon altruism.

A simple life hack is to go around licking things in order to build up yer tolerance to germs. Now don't go listening to those crazy ass Creationists, germs are real and not caused by witchcraft, they were actually invented by the Germans (hence the name) in 1874 as a biological weapon to conquer the world .... Those Germans are always at that sort of thing. 

If you think that licking things make you look odd and people will talk about you then sniff whatever you are about to lick so people know you are doing it with a purpose and are not some crazy fucker. 

From the land that brought you door handle licking the Japs are also into licking eyeballs. This is good if you don't want to have to wear glasses in later years so you won't catch the long or short sighted vision disease, of course the person getting licked may get an eye infection but what do you care? Caring is for idiots who got vaccinated.

Many short sighted people will dismiss this medical article blog post thing but it's their condition talking not them.

Our early ancestors never got ill as they had built up their immune system by licking and grooming others, they could also reach their own parts but now because evolution made us grow extra ribs and fat bellies we have to rely on others to get to those hard to reach spots.

Ever go to wipe yer arse and then decide it was too difficult to reach and just not bother? .... Aye Old Knudsen is the voice of the people, a build up of feces is bad for the environment as yer washing machine has to werk harder and use up more energy to get yer whites not so greyish. You could hand wash but if you can't be bothered to clean yer hole I doubt you can be bothered to take yer smalls doon to the river ..... In London they have running water .... the cunts! 

    What a shit eating grin, happy to help clean and stay healthy.  

I have contacted some medical experts to lend weight to this practice as some may dismiss this for being not socially acceptable or against the Bible, those would be the sheeple and the big pharmacy companies that charge you up to £185 or $278 for each vaccine.  It's only the wealthy 1% who can afford the vaccinations that don't include the altruism. 

Prove me wrong Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg, send me 10 million quid for me needs.

Doctors Shipman, Crippen and Mengele have all lent their support to my licking immunity theory and if you can't trust a doctor then who can you trust? You may have heard of Dr. Josef Mengele, he is famous for his baby oil salad dressing.

   Lick it good. 

I hope I have improved yer life and the health of yer family by writing about this simple life hack that is free for all to use, however to make sure you are doing it right and safely just send me 4 easy payments of  £29.99 for my instruction video called lick yer way to better health . 

I only charge as the ladies I use in the video are not cheap .... ok they were cheap but the drink wasn't free and do you know how hard it is to get cat poo if you don't know anyone with a cat? Aye Gladys suggested using chocolate but I respect the audience too much, I'm no like Clint Eastwood who insults you with a plastic baby of course I slapped Gladys for even suggesting that I compromise my artistic integrity. 

Don't forget to state if you want it on VHS or Betamax.    


Leni Qinan said...

I think I'll skip this one.

Old Knudsen said...

If only Typhoid Mary or gonorrhea Gerty had listened to me.