Tuesday, 15 April 2014

How To Be Attractive To Someone Who Knows You

German researchers interrupted their plans for world domination to figure out why their wives didn't want to shag them anymore. Was it the cabbage smell they leave in the bathroom or way they farted at the dinner table and said "Guten arse?"

Why would you not want all of this?

They came to the conclusion that weemen's sex drive lessened if they were in a secure relationship, nothing to do with hormones, depression or the way relationships change and evolve etc but because the weemen felt secure .... or rather pretty sure that their husbands couldn't be arsed to divorce them. It takes time and effort fighting in court for the hoose and making sure the kids stay with their mom without you paying for them.

I'm gonna divorce yer fat lazy ass, get a red sports car and an 18 year-old girlfriend cos I'm a real fucking catch, I had an 18 year-old gymnast 20 years ago so no reason I can't now. 

The researchers found that men's sex drive tended to remain the same. They put this down to not want to get cuckolded by another male.

So ya gotta be jealous and controlling .... did he just look at my wife, I'd better get home and fuck the life out of her.

What a load of arse juice! According to Dr Dietrich Klusmann, the lead author of the study and a psychologist from Hamburg-Eppendorf University Hospital he puts it doon to human evolution and attracting mates. So weemen get the potential partners all worked up and then when they have them they say, "fooled ya, I ain't putting that in my mouth again"  I knew it! Weeman are evil!

I got him to dump all his friends and change all his ways because I see potential in his breeding material and he shall be my slave, Mwahahahaha!  

Weemen are like vacuum cleaners, after a while they don't suck  ~ Jesus. 

What Dr Klusmann didn't say was who it was that the men wanted to have sex with. Not much of a maid but she's cheap.

Old Knudsen has had more marriages than he can remember so he's a bit of an expert so listen up all you insecure men, here is how to have a long, sex filled marriage .... if you want one.

Treat her mean and keep her keen. Constantly tell her how worthless she is and that yer this close to divorcing her, the last thing you want is to let her feel loved or secure cos then the magic dies, she stops watching her figure and never does those things that you based yer relationship on.

Here is an example of the daily affirmation she should hear. "Yer old, fat and ugly no one else will ever want you, I'm not sure why I stay married to you" she'll be sucking you off with yer favourite butt plug up yer ass in no time, she'll probably be begging you for it in no time.   

Or alternatively you can wonder does anyone really take Germans seriously? Freud was Austrian which as we all know is German (don't bullshit us) and he knew fuck all even though he is considered Father of Psychoanalysis but seriously the man was a box of dicks.

Listen to Nietzsche, " When marrying, ask yourself this question: Do you believe that you will be able to converse well with this person into your old age? Everything else in marriage is transitory."

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