Thursday, 2 August 2012

Noah Way This Would Float

A reproduction of Noah's ark, using the dimensions found in The Bible was put on show by the Dutch builder in the Netherlands town of Dordrecht.
It was built by millionaire building contractor and creationist Johan Huibers who had a dream that Holland would be flooded. He woke up and his sheets were magically wet so he took this miracle to be a sign from God. 

The ark is described as being 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high it took him and his team of five just over four years to finish.

A cubit traditionally being the length of a forearm or just over 20 inches unless its a midget. 

450 feet in length he has filled it with some plastic animals and a few species of live birds. He wants to make the Bible more 'touchable' ........ for paying visitors only.

Noah allegedly used 'gopher wood' for his ark but Huibers in the true spirit of the Bible made it up as he went along and did it as he pleased or interpreted.

Many like minded morons like Huibers have contacted him as they are worried about the Mayan prophecy of the end of the world this December .

He tells them this is not a rescue boat, It's a museum  and yer not getting in my luxury bunker either, theres a limit to love thy neighbour and that it mine ..... die ya fuckers!

Old Knudsen the man with years of salty experience went to the Nether regions to take a look at yon ark and has cum to the conclusion that God was a piss poor boat builder and was probably fucking with Noah's head.

 "Oh and Noah ::::sniggering:::: ya need to go and catch a couple of lions, bears and :::sniggers::: two Mosquitoes" ::::covers mouth to stop laughing:::::: The angel Gabriel looks over and verily says, "Fuck hes actually doing it oh God of Gods what a plonker" :::::laughs in amazement::::: and so God looked upon Noah who had just lost a hand to a lion and saythed "Ok I feel bad now, have our people put him on the saved list."

We now do not have such animals as the unicorn, the golden gozilla or the shaggy headed tozzle as the lions ate them. Thats what happens when you take the word of God literally. 

 Earlier that day:

Angel Gabriel looks at Noah as he drives the last nail into the ark. Sweat dripping from his brow, blood covering his calloused hands his back doubled in pain due to his labours and Gabriel shakes his head. 

"Noah, God said build a park not an ark."

And so it was written that Noah was punk'd by the Lord.