Friday, 3 August 2012

History Stinks!

Has Old Knudsen ever mentioned that for many years he was a highly successful blacksmith or as people call them now 'smith of colour.'

I got into it by accident, I was shitting on the shitter and pinched off a giant black turd which I named The iron giant and before you ask no it did not look like Vin Diesel but it sure made me sound like him when I pushed it out ........... now I understand how hard childbirth is.

I wondered 'how can I make money out of this loaf of doom?' why yes I can becum a blacksmith and shape this turd into inexpensive yet high quality rustic looking  garden ware.

Just then my lovely companion stuck her head round the door and said, "for the love of god!" when she came to she then added, "yer a timelord and we happen to be in the late middle ages init, no one is going to pay for ye olde garden furniture these days."

She was right of course thats why I bring a human companion along, she tempers my passionate timelord heart with human understanding ....... and the blow jobs, it sure gets lonely in the time vortex.

I had the TURDIS  which stands for (Turds Unusually Rank Done In Space) generate a blacksmith forge and I set to werk.

And now for yer history lesson.

The battle of  Agincourt in 1415 was won with weapons forged from Old Knudsen's shit. Henry Vee's forces decimated the French with 4,000–10,000 French dead and only 3 English dead and those 3 were actually old weak Welshmen who wandered onto the battle field by accident while on holiday.

Henry may have died from dysentery aged 36 but that was because like most of the English they don't wash their hands after going potty ...... a filthy people.

Old Knudsen continued to make weapons for the crown right up to the Boer war. After seeing the English concentration camps filled with Boer weemen and children Old Knudsen became the pacifist you see today ......... no thats the wrong word, ach damn my drunken dementia it really horseflies .......... no Old Knudsen became constipated thats the word.  Werk dried up literally.