The History Of The Future

 

Old Knudsen has just started talking to his new therapist, a lovely perky young lass not too easily shocked. So I find meself in the mood to talk about Old Knudsen and I'm remembering all sorts of things that may or may not have happened, does everyone have so much trouble with reality or is it just me ? Why am I asking figments of me imagination questions? It's true, you don't exist so fuck away off.

A few years to come Old Knudsen werked for a company called Starship Enterprises, he had a 5 year contract to explore strange new worlds and new civilisations, to brazenly go and exploit their natural resources .... the human way.

We had just cum off Anus 2 after extracting fecalium nuggets to use to power our space cars and were on route to the planet Excrement Prime.
As I sat in my space chair in the maintenance section wondering who the fuck names all these planets and what do all these flashing lights do, the captain came over and put a friendly hand on my shoulder ...... I hate touchy feely people, he'd smile to yer face and stab you in the back, a total cunt.

Of course they wanted me to go doon with a landing party and see how docile the natives were.

Maybe Captain Berk was insecure and felt threatened by Old Knudsen, usually that the only time that Old Knudsen has any trouble with men as I don't give a fuck so why should you? ... yer mammy issues are showing.

The only problem he has with weemen is that if they are very uptight or can't cum to terms with being so attracted to Old Knudsen. Hearing yer wife calling Old Knudsen's name during sex might lead to some marital problems.

Aye you just keep sending me doon to probably hostile planets with a bright red shirt on that just screams to be shot at.
Red is the color of war and passion (same thing?) restaurants use it in their decor to send the subconscious message 'eat up fast and get out, we need the table space' if there is any less calming color then red would be it, hardly one to send in an away team for first contact.  

 

No wonder Old Knudsen drinks so much, Hell is other people. I left Starship Enterprises when my greatness was constantly over looked and not appreciated, life is too short to waste on fools. I wonder what else I'll rememberise from my therapy. 

From the Havamal (sayings of the high one)

Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But the good name never dies
Of one who has done well .

Old Knudsen is a fine name, he was there before you and he'll be here long after you are gone. 

Talking Out Of Uranus.

The Yupik Eskimos of western Alaska in yet another try to goad the Kola Norwegians of the Russian Kola Peninsula into a war have made the claim that they are enriching Uranium on an industrial scale and will defend their raw meat eating ways against any UN resolutions.
The Kola Norwegian ambassador in a statement today said " we are very concerned about these claims but doubt we'll have any sort of Armageddon for at least 10 years, though you should keep an eye on those cunts."
Old Knudsen the greatest Blogger in the world commented from his Malibu home, "When I was frying eggs today I got a yoke with some blood in it, we're all proper fucked to be sure."