Man Predicts Big Earthquake

Scientists accurately predict the next big quake to be within the next few hundred or a thousand years

So what about that 9.8 earthquake on the 29th May in Callyfornia huh? ... The one that Nostradamus predicted. Well it was actually a fucking nutjob high on the crack YouTuber in the Netherlands named Frank who received a message from the spirit, he didn't say if the spirit was actually a single-malt Scotch or not but I suspect it was. 

To quote Nostradamus:

The trembling so hard in the month of May, Saturn, Capricorn, Jupiter, Mercury in Taurus:
Venus also, Cancer, mars, in Virgo, Hail will fall larger than an egg.

So they had crack back in 1500's France then. Frank who was still buzzed on the spirit made a 24 minute Youtube explaining why he was right ... except he wasn't. Lets address the elephant in the room here, Nostradamus kinda made vague shit up, his plagues, earthquakes, wars, floods, invasions, murders, droughts, and battles all undated and explained in hindsight. Can you trust a guy whose surname translates to fuck my nose?

Meet May, I think I feel something huge trembling below. 

Maybe he predicted the movie San Andreas, a 15 hundreds dude gets a flash of the Rock running through a destroyed Callyfornia, he doesn't know the Rock or what he's cookin so he may think it's real life.  The Rock's acting is that convincing, why did he not get an Oscar for G.I. Joe: Retaliation?

Yellowstone About To Erupt

It's a well known fact that Yellowstone national park in Wyoming sits on top of what experts call a super volcano, which if you forgive my scientific jargon means, that it's big. It measures 34 by 45 miles and last erupted 640,000 years ago, as if we could forget.

The recent signs which have included a nearby 4.8 earthquake and animals like the bison and elk moving away from the area has experts not worried but a little nervous. Yellowstone spokesman Cal Nash said, "Yes we are over due for an eruption and yes the roads to the park are starting to melt but I seriously doubt it's the end of the world." 

Ancient Helium4 gas has breached the surface as well as red hot gases which has melted the asphalt.

Other roads in the park are also being repaired and hope this does not inconvenience visitors too much.  The park is getting constant 24 hr monitoring by Volcanologists who are experts on Spock's home planet which was destroyed when the timeline was altered by the rogue Romulan, Nero and alleged experts at the US Geological Survey are keeping an eye on the park too.

When the volcano blows perhaps sometime this year according to sources it will destroy most of North America.  The US government has spent over $100 billion dollars in the past 5 years constructing a small American town in the jungles of Brazil much like the football stadium built near Manaus in the Amazon rainforest. One reason for this town with it's on site US military base is said to be for temporary housing and a safe zone for key political figures should a disaster like this ever occur. 

People laugh when governments release handbooks for surviving a zombie apocalypse but they have people employed to think of these situations and to prepare for them then things take a turn for the real.

It is unclear if the super volcano will produce enough ash to create another ice-age but if it does then the scientists of the 1970's and 80's win the 'I guessed the best' prize and those yapping about climate change can go fuck off. Those who promised us flying cars by the year 2000 can doubly fuck off, that was a mean hope to give to people.

I think we are all just relieved that even if the super volcano is triggered by earthquakes in late August when the weather changes that the President and all his family and staff will be safe in Brazil, with the nuts.