The Poonisher

Today is national 'I'm going to kill those you hold dear and then slowly torture you to death for not picking up yer dog's shit' day. Enough is enough I'm sick of walking the streets checking for booby traps like it was Nam all over again.

Recently while walking the streets at night (fighting crime an stuff) I not only stood in a turd but my foot slid 6 inches forward like it was ice. Even with street lights that part of the pavement was dark so I stood no chance. Only Old Knudsen's cat like reflexives saved him from totally going for his tea.

I shall now hunt down any dog owners I suspect of not poo lifting, break their legs with hammers and force feed them dog poo (I have a collection) before slitting their throats .... over kill? How dare you judge me you cunt!
If Old Knudsen can't do his gravy train around the aisles in Tesco then dogs should not be allowed to poop where they please either. 

 
Eye posters over bicycle stands have reduced bike thefts. Like Mountain lions a bike thief will not strike if they think there are eyes looking at them. Mountain lions always attack you from behind, aye the great outdoors can be just like a prison shower at times.

Old Knudsen can not be everywhere .... unless you count those Soviet clones of Old Knudsen but technically they are different people and some of them are right arseholes, I can't stand them, I'd still do them but I wouldn't be friends with them.

So by putting eyes onto trees I shall let the poo offenders know that they are being watched. These eyes will strike fear into their hearts and they WILL lift their dog do.

I can only cover up some crimes ya know before I'm forgetting who I killed and where, one time I was putting a hooker into a shallow grave under some roses when I realised the bloke that tried to get me to switch me electricity provider was buried there ... awkward! ... lovely blooms on those flowers though.

I'm only kidding and you can't prove anything ha ha, I joke sooo much. Ach they were all filthy hoors anyways otherwise the archangel Michael wouldn't have told me to kill them.

So I'm off today putting me guardian eyes onto trees. I hope people read this blog post so they know what I'm doing, I don't want folk to think I'm a nutter or something.  



 

Where Do Broken Tarts Go?

Whitney teaching the kids.

Do you remember where you where when you realized that Whitney had lied and that she didn't believe that children were the future? 

I was sitting in a small restaurant on the Rue du sort in Nevers .... France, it was a crisp but sunny spring day almost noon with the river Loire giving me the perfect view with it's wide dark water slowly rolling by. I had just sent back my steak tartare telling the durty froggies to cook it or I'd report them to the food inspectors. 

I likes to teach developing cultures how to behave properly, civilised people do not eat raw meat. Then I realised that Whitney was merely singing any old shite in order to sells records and make money. Maybe she didn't want to dance with somebody and I bet she wasn't saving all her love for Hugh either. 

She wasn't even born in Texas, she should have been called Whitney Newark .... beyond betrayed is how old Knudsen felt/still feels. 

 

 

But the ladies all loved him. 

I didn't wait for my food I left and the restaurant and spiraled out of control in a year long drink and glue bender. Forgive my weakness, my world view was turned upside doon when I found out that Liberace was ghey and this was the final straw. 

He may have been ghey but he sure knew how to give the best sports massages. 

      

Speaking of civilised people, did you know that 2 - 2.5 million dogs are still consumed in South Korea each year? Other cuntries that eat dogs are  China, Indonesia, Korea, Mexico, Philippines, Polynesia, Taiwan and Vietnam. Some rural parts of Switzerland eat em and in 44 US states it's still legal to eat a cat or dog. 

There is no reason why man's best friend can't be man's best lunch. From the earliest times that we domesticated the dog we also ate them, ask a native American. When you rub noses with an Eskimo check to see if they have dog breath. 

I do have a problem with how the animals are kept and how they are killed. In South east Asia there is a tradition that if the dog is scared before you kill it then the meat will be more tender. 

There are groups who want to ban the breeding and eating of dogs and cats in these cuntries but it has gone on for so long that it is ingrained as a part of their culture. Might as well try getting a Flegger to stop marching and hating Catholics, you'll have just as much chance of success. 

What are you going to substitute instead of dogs? They don't eat dogs because it tastes so good they eat it because there isn't much other choice. What do these poor people feed their dogs on I wonder ... I bet it's the unused parts that they won't eat .... it's a dog eat dog world. 

In the Hindu religion eating cow is taboo as is pork in Judaism. In Japan it became that eating dog was unlucky in Shintoism and Buddhism, I guess as more morons turn Christian or cherry pick what they believe then you get to eat what you want. 

Old Knudsen is a fussy eater however if you slaver a turd in miracle whip or Franks buffalo wing sass he'll eat it .... or combine the two, damn it now I'm hungry for sass covered turds.   

Dog lovers in Pennsylvania.

You have leftie doggie lovers who love their dogs so much they copy the way they have sex complaining that millions of poor Asians are eating dogs, then you have the people who complain that other poor people catch Aids or Ebola from eating monkeys ... fucks sake ya can't win. 

None of these people have the answers, they just know what they don't like.  

As usual the main problem isn't addressed, that problem is poverty. Don't worry, soon  we'll have other problems and eating dogs will be a far better alternative. The world population at over 7 billion we'll have a definite meat surplus. 

With that in mind Old Knudsen still does believe that children are our future, you gotta scare them good before you slaughter them though.