The True Tale Of Halloween

Blessed be weary traveler, I am Lord Cuntus of the forest green. 

Two hundred years before the birth of Jesus, the Irish, Welsh and Pictish Druids worshiped Samhain (pronounced Sow-in) and on all Hallows eve would go to all the houses in their villages wearing masks demanding a sacrifice of fruit, nuts or a slain animal for their god. If the occupants of the house did not give them anything they would take one of their family members to be hanged from a tree and drained of blood which would be mixed with their wine for that night's celebration.

A turnip called a Jock was carved with a demonic face and used as a lantern to light their evil way as it would scare away the good, helpful spirits.

After the tribute of food was gathered and the sacrifices hanged they would drink and feast, since this was the night for spirits to walk the world again. The Druids would call forth Samhain ... he had other names too such as Cernunnos, Cerne, Bile or Belatucadros.

Young naked women would bend over the altar stone and present themselves to the masked Druids who (consumed by Samhian) would sow their seed within them. All male babies conceived on this night would become Druids and any females would learn herbs, healing and sandwich making.

You will live forever when you die if you believe in me, I'm laughing with you not at you ... ha ha! 

This Samhain fun would continue until the 5th century ... then they arrived. Pope Boniface I, was told of the fun the Druids were having and sent in Patrick the Destroyer to drive those snake tongued devils out of Ireland and to kill them where else he found them. With his band of holy mercenaries he killed or converted the fuck out of the Pagans.

The Druids were replaced by other men in dresses and sacrifice was only acceptable in money or land ... "who the fuck wants nuts?" said Boniface I.

The women were replace by altar boys and instead of being mystically born in a drunken fuck fest, being a holy man was just a job that anyone could do.  

Now Halloween is what it is and the spirits are well confused. To invite a spirit into yer home tonight all you have to do is put a plate of food outside yer hoose, a little bread or some cake, but not chocolate as you don't want to incur their wrath, also light a candle in yer home to guide their souls inside.

On the other hand if yer a total pussy and wish to guard yer home from spirits then say these words loud and clear, "Fuck off ya wee cunts I've no candy, I do have some handcuffs and duct tape so flee now before I turn the hose on ya"  This usually works, especially when they notice that I don't have a garden hose.  
 
   

Around The World In 80 Layover Flights

I always fly Ebola class.   

 So this week I took a trip around the world to see if the various nations still stood by the stereotype image everyone has of them for example fat Americans and polite British etc, this is what I found.

 

 A young man getting a rifle to hunt coons with. 

United States of America is the number one, best cuntry in the world, or so they keep telling us. In America you have the right to free speech, you can say any old stupid hateful thing and they love it, you may even get yer own reality TV show if yer offensive enough. Everyone has a gun except black people as that would just be asking for trouble. 

The US government spends most of it's time messing with the minds of the public by staging moon landings and blowing up skyscrapers and blaming terrorists, the cuntry is actually run by a space computer that crashed at Roswell in 1947. Americans used to not have an opinion about anything outside of the US but now they think that whatever is out there needs some kinetic action which is Obama admin speak for bombing. 

Americans hate immigrants or anyone that was on the land before white people got there. They also hate clean drinking water and being told what to do, such as dieting. 

 The Prime Minister of Canada meeting a young cuntry gurl. 

 

Canada used to be known as an uber polite place which was really dull and boring, not much has changed except they are all on the crack too. Now you may get, "Nice to meet you eh ... I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU EH!" The Canadians never got over the Americans invading them and burning their towns in the 1800's but are too polite to bring it up, they instead came up with a plan to secretly invade the US with Canadian actors playing Americans and to film everything cheaper so the US TV and movie producers go north and influence the American mind on a subliminal level with Canadian towns and actors ... eh. 

Canadians love their First Nation people, unless they complain and make a nuisance of themselves or claim welfare benefits that white people can't get. 

A Peruvian goat herder. 

South America is cuntry where you may get stabbed at a party or by a jealous lover or by a drug cartel, it's so unpredictable. They eat tacos while listening to polka music and chew on leaves that get them high. If you visit here bring extra money for bribes and ransoms. They used to have gold but the Spaniards took it all so now their main produce is nuts or selling children. 

A hard working people who cut lawns in half the time and for half the price of anyone, this work ethic has made them very much hated in the north of their cuntry.  

A young Australian couple. 

Australia was a hell hole you'd send convicts to, now you have to pay to go there what the fuck? Avid surfers they merely shrug when a shark takes their leg and pain medication is something that whiny Poms (English) use. A cuntry founded on homo eroticism which still plays a valuable part in modern society, Australian weemen usually have whole collections of vibrators and usually get pregnant by mistake or turkey baster.

 

 

Australians hate immigrants .... and vaginas.    

New Zealand is identical to Australia except the native people who got their land stolen are lighter skinned and hobbits live there.  New Zealand is like Australia's Canada ... eh.

  Room for one more on top ..... that's what she said. 

India is a cuntry with too many people who like China all look like each other. A growing economy they take all the call center jobs just to annoy you, "I'm having a hard time with my computer and I can't understand a thing you are saying" they eat with their hands and bathe in dirty rivers. When they aren't eating curry and doing strange Bollywood dancing they are raping each other.

They are currently upgrading their Soviet era weapons by spending $250 billion on new shit like Spike fire and forget anti-tank missiles from Israel. Fire and forget means you lock onto a target before firing so you can go make yer dinner or rape someone while the missile is doing it's thing.

    So this cat can have thoughts like a human ... why does it want cheeseburgers?

Pakistan is like India if India was a violent meth addict. They don't shoot their politicians like America would, they blow the fuckers up. Cargo containers used for shipping are regularly seen during political rallies to get in the way and deter this. It is the first Islamic cuntry to have nuclear power and 50% of the world's soccer balls are made here. The world's 6th largest army yet they can't stop Al Qaeda from operating from their lands .... almost as if they didn't want to. 

 

 Feel my thick fleshy hand of love.

North Korea is a nation of very emotional people, from the deep sadness they feel when the head of the cuntry dies to the sheer happiness they express when their current leader Kim Jong- un walks amongst them. The nation is a very satisfied lot as you never hear any complaints from the people. The cuntry is surrounded by a 10 foot tall electric fence to keep it's people safe and sound.

North Korea does not have an immigration problem, the world should learn from them. 

 Sunday service in full swing.

Ireland is full of drunk child molesters (the clergy) and knackers ( the Irish Traveling community) when the people of Ireland aren't getting drunk they are fighting, stealing or eating potatoes and they are loved all over the world for this. Leprechauns and "The little people" are an Irish invention to cover up child abuse that went on in the woods. If you dig anywhere in Ireland you'll either find a mass grave of children or someone the IRA killed (er disappeared) and hid. 

   The British not only mention the war all the time but also think that they won it on their own.

UK is England along with the inferior slave races the Welsh, Scots and the Irish (according to the English) they see no difference between Ireland and Northern Ireland and think the Welsh and the Scots should be grateful to be a part of the UK. The British people spend their time drinking either tea or alcohol and moaning about everything. Even with nice dry mild winters due climate change they still complain about the weather.

The British hate everyone including themselves and only want to be more like the Americans out of some strange self-loathing spite. British weemen wear too much make up and cleavage showing clothing so you can tell them from the men who are mostly all secretly ghey and have impotent rage issues because of it. 

The British hate immigrants and blame all their problems on them, "can't get an erection, BLOODY IMMIGRANTS!"

They want to penetrate you with their big German cocks. 

Germany is a cuntry that went from being the victim (losing two world wars that they started, poor things) to being the victor as one of the most successful and wealthy cuntries in Europe. They are a strange people with a god awful language which always sounds angry, even saying 'I love you' in German is enough to make a tough guy flinch.
The Germans know they did a lot of bad shit in the past but are trying to walk the line and behave, like a castrated pedo living near a school. You get the impression that the Germans are just going to flip at any moment and become evil again.

All German weemen have a facial hair problem due to the fact that Germans in the 1930's and 40's drank testosterone to become superhuman, only Russian weemen are more manly than German chicks.

Germans hate immigrants .... and everyone else.

 Putin being flirtatious.

Russia, big, cold, angry and drunk but that's enough about yer Ma. Russia is showing the world that it can host Olympics, Grand Prix racing and semi-invade other cuntries and no one can do shit about it. Economic sanctions? Russia laughs at them and imposes tougher ones on itself. Putin hid behind his couch and pretended not to be home when Old Knudsen called round but I get that a lot.

Russians these days are still usually intoxicated but buy their loaves of bread off Amazon rather than queue. They have even started to get in touch with their feelings, sure it's 'I feel hungry' and 'I feel horny' but it's a start and far more emotion than they are used to talking about. 

Russia is a safe haven for whistle blowers and fat aging actors such as Steven Seagal and Gérard Depardieu who dislike the world of lies from evil states such as the US and um France though not wanting to pay taxes may have something to do with Depardieu becoming a Russian citizen. 

Russia hates immigrants and ethnics.

 A beautiful French woman .... you just know those pits are hairy.

France, love it or hate it France will always be a nations of shrugging wankers talking big. French leaders seem to be aging ladies men who will charm the public with their special je ne sais wha ,cos I don't know what the attraction could be. As a cuntry France is getting more and more right wing with every protest breaking out into a riot. A weird people they have banned the burka from being worn for security reasons and because they are afraid of their own shadow, probably national PTSD from WWII. 

The french make wine cigarette butts and cheese from foreskin smegma, by putting a fancy label onto it means that unless yer French you won't like it cos yer an inferior pleb.  

   French police killing Algerian immigrants in Paris in 1961 ... nothing changes.

While the French continue to mime and look doon their noses at everyone, they really really hate immigrants. 

 A quiet Chinese street.

China is the world's biggest economy, they have been buying prime real estate in major cities across the world and quietly buying shares in companies.... it's as if they have a plan to buy the world instead of the usual world domination by force. These yellow skinned slitty eyed chinks are very racist, just ask the Africans who work for them, Africa now almost belongs to China.They eat rice and chicken feet and smoke cigarettes made out of feces. 

Since no one immigrates to China they have to hate their own people.

While on my travels I found Jesus who is now my personal trainer. I didn't go to any other cuntries due to international law and no fly lists that were very inconvenient ... oh and I ran out of money. Maybe next time I'll visit yer cuntry for a harsh judgement.       

We Are Not Free

 

The many ways in which you are not really free or don't have a choice. These may vary from country to country and I have not included the butt fuck sand nations or the Africans ... just the civilised world.
Weemen are even more less free than males in many ways from jobs, to equal pay to having to pay more for a haircut, it's as if we have to stay in our place in life and just exist in the state sanctioned pattern of life. Many of these examples are laws while some rely on how society thinks with media and social peer pressure to keep you in line. 
   

 Many pills tell you not to operate machines ... fuck em. 

Restrictions on how many cold pills you can buy containing pseudoephedrine because some amateur somewhere made speed out of them. It's cheaper to just buy speed for fucks sake, then manufacturers changed what they make them with they became shite for helping colds. 

If you have a cold you'll go through a lot of cold pills until you feel better, the last thing you want to do is keep having to go to the shop.

In the UK you can't buy a bottle of 500 aspirin like you could in the 1980's or like you can in the US. Someone somewhere probably tried to overdose on them thus spoiling it for everyone. Now you can buy small expensive packets from the pharmacy. NHS bosses complain at the cost of having to prescribe aspirin but slap up ya, bring back our cheap big bottles of them. Doctors in the NHS look at you like yer on the heroin if you tell them you take aspirin ..... OMG yer gambling with death.

The hospitals and Doctors offices in the UK don't smell clean and professional as they should, this is because you can't get rubbing alcohol here. Yer lucky if a nurse puts on gloves never mind wipe yer arm before she gives you an injection. Someone somewhere drank the stuff and so we cannot be trusted with it.

They took the trans fats from our food (along with the taste) Ritz crackers now have a lower salt content and don't taste as nice. KFC changed from nice chips to minging French fries and claimed that is what the people wanted, McDonald's did away with the supersize option for meals in case people abused the food and got fat (you don't eat McDonald's to lose weight) trying to tax soft drinks more (soda) to put people off from buying them.

If someone wants to be fat then let them, that is what freedom is, no taxing them or making them feel bad, if yer a Doctor and it's affecting their health then sure, tell them unless yer a crap Doctor who has decided that yon roll of fat is the answer to all their health woes.

Even the right to be a minger gets you flack but she is free to do it .... for now.    

Smokers have felt persecuted when all they want to do is share their smoking experience with you, whether you want it or not. You can no longer smoke in many buildings like hospitals and so have to huddle around the entrance to share yer fegs with the public. Buses and taxis also have no smoking signs up which is just outrageous .... what's next, schools? 

Fluoride in the water, evidence that it reduces cavities seems to depend on who did the report but excessive fluoride (which naturally occurs in water anyway) can have long term health affects. Many countries do it and many don't, while I'm all for putting chemicals into the drinking water (what could go wrong) some are against compulsory mass medication.

 Why do they have that bit then? ... I call that entrapment.

 

Ever buy a ladder and see 'do not stand on the top rung' sign stuck to it? Or on yer couch, 'do not remove label' even at roads a government run light tells you when you can cross.

No one has freedom of speech, the US yaps on about this but as soon as someone says something like, "Michael Brown was a common thug who attacked a police officer and had it coming" people go nuts and ostracize whoever said it. Ask Mel Gibson all about the freedom of speech why don't you. If you threaten the life of the President the Secret Service will be knocking at yer door.

In the UK freedom of speech is not a given right as many Americans think it is, we have strict libel and slander laws and cannot even suggest things about some people. These laws are getting even more strict.
Comment moderation on online news sites. I was recently slagging off the Belfast Telegraph as it just didn't put comment boxes at the bottom of many of it's stories for fear of trolls or libelous comments when in reality they are just fucking amateurs stuck in the 20th century and the Interweb is still new.

 I swear I can actually act, it's just that this movie is sooo shite!

The Internet is becoming less free and I don't mean having to pay for porn sites. Downloading movies or music can get you jail time yet if you borrow a book from a library people assume you got the smarts cos you read .... double fucking standards, maybe I don't want to pay for shite movies but want to see them in order to feel socially relevant, how stupid would you look if you actually bought a copy of Man of Steel  .... or worse, went to the cinema?   

In Northern Ireland you cannot openly express your political or religious beliefs for fear of getting yer windies smashed. The government sanctions this since they cater more to appeasing the criminal than arresting them.  If you arrest them then they might cause trouble.

You can't sell yer body for sex .... not even if you declare yer earnings and pay the tax ... what the fuck?


In many places you can't have an abortion and the religious fanatics keep trying to do away with abortion completely. What the world with a population of 7 billion needs is more babies.

You can't have a ghey marriage, a civil partnership is not the same to many people, especially to Catholic priests who maybe want a big church do with flowers an shit. Why should they be punished for being ghey as God made them or for being priests as God called them to be?

Don't get me started on female priests in the Catholic church, weemen can't be Pope because they are obviously inferior and know yer place you breeder! Weemen can make the sandwiches for many religions but taking to God is man's work.  

Can you do drugs? The government doesn't want you to do drugs or become a junkie because that implies you have the choice on how you live yer life. Presenting alcoholism or drug abuse as an illness is a way of making it a health concern and so a no no but they aren't illnesses, they are choices, don't piss on Old Knudsen's leg and tell him it's raining.

Can you kill yerself? suicide isn't illegal in the UK but you are not allowed to die on yer own terms or have help to do so. Suicide is illegal in the US and they will arrest yer rotting corpse. In Oregon you have the right to die which is where a young woman with cancer is going to in order to die on 1st November, good luck with that.

I like the cut of yer jib.

In the UK you can't own a gun unless yer a farmer (or know a farmer) or rich and have sworn statements from pillars of the community (including police officers) whom you've known for years that you are a swell bloke and have good reason to own one (self defense is not a good reason) and you can't have a handgun, just rifles and shotguns.

A taser is also illegal as is carrying a knife and that includes a small pocket knife. Even if you are very good at defending yerself it may be you who gets into trouble as muggers have rights.

You can't have sex with animals, well you can but they would tell on you .... the fuckers.

Wearing a seatbelt, what business is it if you want to go through the windscreen of yer car? Are we not being nannied enough with speed limits and the right of way shite? Motorcyclists are not strapped to their death machines though they do have to wear a helmet . 

So you see yer not at all free, try wanking in public and see where it gets you. 






  

UKIP Calypso Needs To Be Lynched

I'm not racist that ain't right though it's fucking awesome being white!

For the world outside of the UK .... is there one? Mike Read is one of those crappy BBC DJ and TV presenter types big in the 80's. No one has come forward yet and accused him of molesting them so well done him. 

Now 67 year-old Read is a member of the right wing political party UKIP and speaks at the odd Conference or rally as we called them in Nazi Germany.

UKIP is a lovely party full of caring deep thinking types who say, "A caring loving home is a heterosexual or single family. I don't believe (a gay couple) is healthy for a child." ..... and how some homosexuals prefer sex with animals and there are links between homosexuality and pedophilia ..... and what about compulsory abortion of all disabled babies and compulsory euthanasia for useless old people  .... “no employer with a brain in the right place would employ a young, single, free woman”.... 

Ukip is part of the group Europe of Freedom and Democracy (EFD) which contains numerous other right wing groups, one member said "Long live the Whites of Europe, long live our identity, our ethnicity, our race… our blue sky, like the eyes of our women. Blue, in a people who want to stay white."  but this all suits UKIP since their views on forced repatriation and assimilation is indistinguishable from the BNP’s.  In fact because UKIP's policies are so Nazi like they have had to ban BNP members from joining them since it doesn't look good.

Did you know that that Black Caribbean and not Black African have a higher instance of schizophrenia? One member mused:

“I wonder if this is due to inbreeding on these small islands in slave times or is it due to ­smoking grass.”

  

I love coloureds, every home should have one. 

Mike Read thought he'd further the UKIP cause by by recording a song. The old white dude wrote a calypso and sang in a fake Jamaican accent .... seriously I'm not making this up, they see this as being acceptable. 

Some of the lyrics are "The leaders committed a cardinal sin. Open the borders let them all come in. Illegal immigrants in every town. Stand up and be counted Blair and Brown."   

"The British people have been let down, that's why Ukip is making ground. From Crewe to Cleethorpes, from Hull to Hendon, they don't believe Cameron's referendum." 

Indeed the last bit is correct, Ukip isn't a smart vote their polices are weak, it's a protest vote much like how Hitler got into power. Poor economy, the current system not working so a newcomer who blames immigrants and promises to make the cuntry great again gets into power.    

There was no video for the calypso but I would not be surprised if blackface would have been used. Read insisted the song wasn't racist and if he had done an Australian song he'd put on an Australian accent ... not really the same thing ... or ting.

Read ended up pulling the song which got to number 21 in the charts, he said, "People are very, very, very quick to take offence now at something that years ago would have been deemed to be a bit of satire and a bit of fun."

That's exactly what his BBC DJ colleagues Jimmy Savile and Dave Lee Travis said . Yes a few years ago you could fondle someone's breast or diddle a kid and no one would have said boo if you were famous. The times have changed but not for the members of UKIP.

Back in 1983 Mike Read was a Radio one DJ, he played the record Relax by Frankie goes to Hollywood, he lifted up the needle halfway through the track and denounced the lyrics as "obscene" and refused to play it again. The BBC then banned it from all shows which got the song to number one and was the biggest seller of the year. The ban was lifted in 1984. 

Read needs to relax and have a laugh at the karma of it all, imagine Read, a boring white English dude being controversial now that is funny. Go on, blame the PC brigade, that same brigade you were in. 'The media has gone crazy with PC, you could insult niggers, sluts and the disabled mongs all day and no one would bat an eye.' 

 Where my money bitch? ... now that's racist.

Ukip's commonwealth spokesman Winston 'Token' McKenzie, who failed to get elected as a councilor in Croydon after calling his own constituency a dump defended the song on a political debate show. 

"From ever since the beginning of time, the Beatles, Elvis, the Rolling Stones - they've taken up the black man's music."

"Now when I heard this song for the first time, I thought to myself a white boy singing calypso - fantastic." 

The former boxer and motivational speaker must be on the pot, when did The Beatles, Elvis or the Rolling Stones ever do blackvoice? Sure The Beatles first released Sgt Pepper lonely hearts club band with a Pakistani accent and the Stones used to sing pretend American but I don't think his point is very relevant. 

The debate went on with Winston telling the others to be quiet and to not get shirty with him, both valid debating tactics when you can't think .... er tink on yer feet and would rather punch someone. 

Mike Read said that all proceeds from the calypso song would go to the Red Cross to help Ebola victims in West Africa. 

The Red Cross has refused the donation, "The Red Cross has a proud history of helping refugees and asylum seekers who are negatively referred to in the lyrics."  

Fuck yer racist money you sad out of touch haters. I am reminded of when the BNP tried to donate to the British legion and were told to stop trying to hi-jack veterans for their Nazi agenda ... well in a more polite way than that.

Now remember with UKIP being in the EFD don't mention the war, unless it's to say something positive about Hitler of course.   

 

War Machine Needs To Change His Name

The MMA fighter who changed his name from Jonathan Koppenhaver to War Machine needs to change his name again.
Machine is waiting trial for the attempted murder or his girlfriend porn star Christy Mack . In August of this year Christy Mack, and her "friend" Corey Thomas were sleeping in a bed at Mack's home. Though they had sex in the past they were in a non-sexual relationship .... porn stars huh, I don't think the actual sex matters if yer boyfriend is immature, no impulse control and fights for a living.

Machine beat Thomas to snot, he had fractures throughout his face and then he beat Mack who had two missing teeth, a blowout fracture of her left eye, and a lacerated liver.  He also cut her with a knife and sexually assaulted her.

In his little cell Machine attempted to hang himself from a bunk bed with a piece of linen, he wrote a suicide note saying how her infidelity devastated him, also the way she protected him from the beating. 

"I still don't understand how I got into this mess.  I don't know why this had to happen.  My life was going so well. I forgive you, please forgive me."

Luckily a guard found him in time and Machine is alive and well, not sure about brain damage but how could you tell? The slack jawed look he gives is what he always does

Can't take yer punishment like a man huh? I mock yer t-shirts you wore that said things like 'I do Alpha male shit' ... you do dickhead shit.

Career now over and any reputation he had now gone it's time he changed his name to Mr Whinywomanbeatingpussypants, Douchebag Machine or Hand Tool.    

If Old Knudsen ever sees you on the street Mr Whinywomanbeatingpussypants, expect a sudden lights out from Old Knudsen's fist of real manliness .... Old Knudsen is ten times the Alpha male you'll ever be in fact when he pees on things/people to mark his territory he scares himself away. 

I once looked in the mirror and reached up to adjust my cap and I made myself flinch. MMA is for the weak! Mixed Martial Arts indeed, I'll have a mixed grill with chips.

What's For Dinner Bob?

The zombie TV show The walking dead isn't very amusing and not really feel good unless you like the feel of walker skull under boot. So when Bob and Sasha start getting friendly you beg for something bad to happen, Glen and Maggie are the show's lovey dovey couple we don't need another one.
At the same time it isn't politically correct to hope something bad will happen cos they are black, remember T-dog? A black dude who ended up dying in the prison they were living in, not a very PC way to go .... he didn't even finish his water melon. 

The cannibals caught Bob by the short and curlies but a great guy like Bob, you don't eat all in one go. If you cut the other leg off and take him swimming he really will live up to his name. At least he didn't use the old 'I'm a veteran you can't eat me' line.

Fuck Bob, he does not get to be happy during the zombie apocalypse, he wasn't one of the very originals. Now a load of white people are eating him after cooking his leg on the springs of a mattress.

It turns out that he tasted pretty good, well it would be racist if they only liked white meat so well done to the cannibals for keeping their humanity throughout this trying time and wasn't it nice of them to tell Bob how well he tasted? 

Spider-Man Is A Spidey Menace

Spider-Man farts in the general direction of the police.

While Spider-Man captures crooks just like flies in Northern Ireland we have Spides (chavs,neds,pecker necked white trash) who get caught as easy as catching Ebola in Sierra Leone.

Ronnie Nelson aged 29, from Newtownabbey was released on bail to get his life sorted out before the judge passes sentence next month. Nelson threw bricks at police during disturbances in Belfast in August 2013 .... oh did I forget to say allegedly? 

I'll web sling you into next week ya fuckin peeler!

Nelson wore a Spider-Man mask to conceal his beady eyes and perfect BJ lips but forgot to conceal his hideous grey and yellow tracksuit.

Tracksuits are almost a uniform for Spides as they are comfortable to wear easy to pull down instantly for a quick rape, looks are not of any concern as Spides do not understand the concept of self-respect. 

Nelson denies being the masked menace but CCTV shows him with and without the mask and no one else wore that ugly ass tracksuit according to police.    

Shame on you, J Jonah Jameson has been looking for a way to destroy the reputation of the hero to many a child and you give him this ..... Hang the bastard by his web slingers judge.