You Go On, Don't Wait For Me

I've always wanted to be a waiter believe it of not. Ever since being a small child gazing up as the God like men in the little aprons filled up our glasses with snooty contempt and made us wait for our food as long as they wanted, that was true power, my mother would say to me, "Hey thingy, stop staring at the waiters, they're all gheyers you know, unless yer a gheyer of course" which would cause all my siblings and my father to laugh and call me gheyer for the rest of the afternoon, ah happy days.

I've only ever played at being a waiter in MI6 when I posed as one to poison a Russian diplomat or when Ethel cums round and we play a role playing sex game, "How about I serve you and I give you the tip madam?" "How rude, let me speak to the manager" she'd say in pretend outrage, " Here he is" as I unzipped my trousers, "Dick the manager, time to manage dick if you can handle it, if yer not full up you soon will be." Then I'd give her, her just deserts........ in the arse.

My waiting dream has cum true, eat yer black cold heart out manuel.

You've heard of those restaurants that serve sashimi, sushi or whale from the body of a woman, well Billy's Burgers in Killamory has gone upscale and has not only put in more seats and fixed the toilets but is doing that naked thing also.

You would think it was a sexy thing to do but here is the grim reality of it all.

One of the gurls or platters as we call them was on her period and one of the customers complained his steak was rare not well done, as soon as we realised that Mags the platter was on her moons we both saw the funny side and he happily ate his steak.

"Knudsen the crisps for table four is ready" (chips to you Yanks)

Its hard to get hot young gurls to work naked for £3.50 an hour so some of our platters are shall we say, big boned? Ok then some of our gurls are big meaty wagons but we worked this to our advantage by filling up their belly buttons with ketchup so as they lie on the table you dip yer chips (french fucking fries you Yanks) into them and the beauty is they fill them up themselves.

Here is Brenda one of our dippers, I hope thats ketchup.

I had a customer the other night who said, " theres a pube in my burger" so I said "what do ya want me to do about it?" and he replied " nothing I'm just telling everyone its fucking class man."
It was class cos his platter was the extremely hot Elena who gets more than £3.50 an hour from the owner.

Elena and her fur burger...........yummy, finger lickin good.

Some of the Killamory gurls need to work on their fucking manners but they aren't as bad as the hoors from Arbroath the only good thing in Arbroath is the number of VD clinics there are there but you could always do with more.

We have Tracy from Arbroath who we have had nothing but trouble with, we have told her not to smoke when she is lying on the tables as people feed off her naked body at least wait until they light up (fuck the no smoking laws) also stop farting too, when she gets up there is always a big wet patch and you have to scrub her table doon and air it out before you can use it again.

The only reason we don't fire her is because her arse is nice and deep and perfect for the hot fudge sundaes.

"I just want someone to get my fucking food, I'm a law student I know my rights, come see the violence inherent in the restaurant world ."

Fuck I hate mouthy students.

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