Old Knudsen, Lord of the Rings

Other religions that aren't mine are obviously wrong, Old Knudsen doesn't care about religious intolerance, I don't agree with Hitler, are you going to whine about me being anti Nazi?, just shut up you slags.

Old Knudsen has read about 10 of L. Ron Hubbard's books in his time, entertaining enough but I'm not going to worship the guy.

Those Scientologists are dangerous people, morons with money, so therefore dangerous, the Americans would usually call a moron with money, 'Mister President' but there are plenty of others out there, if America can have Catholic presidents then maybe in another 100 years or so you'll get a Black, female or even a Scientologist president, maybe one that's all three, a PMSing bitch who is crazy as fuck with a chip about Whitey on her shoulder.

Back to Scientology, big enough name for ya?, this successful Sci-Fi writer came up with the idea that we are infested with alien spirits called 'Thetans', and if we go through an audit and pay thousands of dollars we can get the all clear, some call it therapy but it sounds as if you might need that too.

Maybe these Thetans are the ones that make Old Knudsen's hole itch when he goes to bed at night, "No! Frodo, don't put your finger in the ring".

Old Knudsen can't believe that anyone could fall for this, it was Hubbard's job to make shit like this up, did no one realize this?, also he skimmed millions from the church all through the 70's and early 80's and still people fell for it.

Welcome to Old Knudsenology, you are all infested with sub-space goobers, beamed from the planet Mongo by Lord Xanthan the Dark One, send four easy payments of £999.99 and as soon as your cheques clear you will receive enlightenment.

Old Knudsen accepts no responsibility for your failure to achieve enlightenment, a further course of payments may be needed, individuality and free thought are barriers towards enlightenment and may also make your ring itch.