The Love boat sunk, all hands lost

Since Old Knudsen's last wife passed on its been very lonely up here at the cottage, when I say passed on I am referring to her moving to Inverness to live in sin with that meat head Jackie Phillips, to be honest I'm not even sure if we were actually married in a legal sense of the word, good luck to them says I. Agnes has this thing she does, everytime she blows her nose or sneezes she farts, this is then followed by her laughing so hard that tears roll down her face, she wasn't too smart but was a hard worker, as long as she had her East Enders, Emmerdale and take the high road she was happy, that was until Jackie and his steroid induced muscles showed up to work at the meat counter, he is way too old to be body building, must have a small willy, he'll be like a bee in a jar with Agnes, I will miss the free cuts of meat she'd come home with.

My Grandson Gavin comes around sometimes to show me how to work this computer, I'd be lost without him, hes a good lad, a bit weird with his dyed hair and piercings but he has a girlfriend so I'm not too worried about him writing poetry.

Old Knudsen has needs, he needs his washing done, house cleaned, meals cooked and the garden needs a good digging. I have a nice little cottage with an indoor privy and I can get my doctor to prescribe me Viagara , my knees aren't what they used to be and considering I've half my leg missing from fighting the Japs at Normandy you will have to do most of the work, I have 2 of my own teeth left and if you like skin tags and hairy moles then you're in luck.

You can have the cottage and my pension after I'm gone, don't worry, Gavin has a plan, its only illegal if you get caught, Old Knudsen has had a T.V. for years and no licence, fuck the BBC, those telly nazis, they put on a load of crap and expect you to pay for it.

I want a hot young thing with big tities who isn't camera shy aged 18 to 50, all her own teeth and limbs, with a desire to be controlled, manipulated and exploited, no questions asked, no Americans need reply, they are a little too coarse for Old Knudsen's refined sensibilities.