Monday, 30 May 2016

The Gospel Truth

If you have an important message or some wisdom to share it's best you write it down right? Diogenes, Polemon, Pythagoras, Plato, Socrates, Sallust, Aristotle and countless more going back 6 hundred years BC have ensured that their wisdom is spread to thanks to FB memes. 

Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life ~ Aristotle 

They were wise and did not rely on uneducated followers who may have been good at catching fish and spinning the odd yarn but no way did they trust their words of wisdom to them on the off chance that it got repeated. 

"I wasn't there but Billy's cousin's friend said he saw Jesus walk on water because footpaths are just so pedestrian and that he turned water into wine after brewing it for 3 weeks .... true story bro"

 Then I said to the private don't call me 'sir' you little tosser, I work for a living. 

While old Knudsen was in the army, a high ranking officer gave a speech and he told the famous tale that is most likely an urban legend about an order given in the trenches during WWI. The order was, 'We are going to advance, can you send us reinforcements?'

That message got passed on until it reached its target and due to the various people it went through the order was now, 'We are going to a dance, can you lend us three and fourpence?'

It didn't get a laugh, in fact we were quite the tough crowd. The life of Brian covered Chinese whispers with that blessed are the cheese makers scene. Did Jesus have a scribe follow him everywhere turning his adventures into dime store novels?

 What's he doing? Is it some words of wisdom?

Could Jesus even write? He was a carpenter and though some called him Rabbi that could have just meant teacher. Maybe he taught woodwork and substituted as the PE teacher too. Take yer shirts off, your team are skins .... um but what about our covenant with God?    

Which is why you play 5 a side, not four a side in case you had to be the four skins ... Ka-Chow!  

Can you trust the word of a carpenter? You can't even trust rulers and tape measures and they use those all the time. I thought the old expression was you measure once and count it twice, for years I've been telling folk (family, friends and the staff at Tesco) about my 8 inch penis, no wonder the shelves I put up always look weird. 

The real expression is measure twice, cut once then when you fuck it up hire a pro but claim that you did it. 

 The fucker just wrote his name!

If Jesus existed (no proof that he did) then why didn't he write down his words? You don't ride a donkey on a special day and hold outdoor sermons if you aren't trying to get a following. The fucker didn't even have a blog or maybe we'll find it in a cave someday. The Dead sea blog.  

Comments, John:  "First!"  

                  Genesis:   "Second :(" 

                  Revelations: "last"

                  Yummymummy: "I made 18,000 Shekels working from home"

The Romans were great at keeping records and accounts which is odd they didn't mention Jesus and all the trouble he put them through. Nope, not a word. 

 I would have put more dick chopping in it.

The Old Testament was written by who? Some semi illiterate drug addled blood thirsty rape and incest loving hack that hadn't even been to Egypt it seems. No one owned up to writing it cos it was sooo crap. 

You know nothing Jesus Christ

The New Testament came from stories told 30 years plus after the death of Jesus, the guy that no one had ever heard of. Complied by the Romans 400 later who picked what they wanted to go into it. Many chapters didn't make it into the book.

Not a single word was written by Jesus and because this old fisherman told me so isn't such great proof. The agenda at the time was to spread Christianity and to replace paganism as new trends appeared. It's funny how the Christians go on about being persecuted for their faith, maybe they were for a few years but there was never a sustained, targeted persecution of them. 

Nothing compared to what Christians did to Muslims, Pagans, women and yer basic heretic which could be anyone that wasn't them. 

Those stories we've seen of Christians hiding in caves to meet in secret came from about 6 colourful accounts written as late as 311 AD and written for various reasons that may have bent fact a little. People got executed for numerous reasons that wasn't their faith.

For 3 years 303 - 306 AD the Romans recorded that Christians were not allowed to hold public office. The main beef the Romans had was the divine status of the emperor. How could you trust people that didn't think the guy fucking his horse was a god? 

I'm pretty sure this isn't horse riding.

Back then Christianity was probably viewed as a crazy cult as followers still believed in the end of the world as they do today 2000 years on and often sought out martyrdom. Death by Roman. 

So not only were Christians in public office but they had temples and lived openly amongst the pagan Romans. The largest religion in the world today and they still whine about being persecuted .... they are fucken crazy and paranoid not persecuted. 

You can thank the Romans for making Christianity, not second hand stories from people that allegedly saw miracles and ghosts. Jesus didn't write down any of his important words because he didn't have any. 

The Gospel truth, terms and conditions may apply as truth is a matter of perspective. 


1 comment:

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