2017 Will Be Braggadocious

That's how we all feel Robbie

While Mariah Carey was fucking up the Times Square New Years Eve celebrations by playing the
wrong lip-sync track, Robbie William's was singing the old school way (with his voice) and making people laugh by reaching for the hand sanitizer after shaking hands with the audience. He's not American but maybe you should think about booking a singer that can actually sing for yer NY ball dropping. 

To quote the group U2, "all is quiet on New Years Day" the whole of the UK no doubt has a hangover, hey even the Queen couldn't be arsed going to church AGAIN! Is she lying on the cold bathroom floor saying "one will never again"?

Prince Philip has been a zombie since dying on the operating table in 2011... FACT! But is the Queen also dead? 

She has missed two church services that she hasn't missed before with having a cold as the excuse. Sorry, I can't come into work for 10 minutes I have a cold ... yeah right. 

Prince Andrew has been complaining that his daughters from his unholy union with Fergie don't have enough money and privileges, he fears them becoming commoners reduced to only having 2 or 3 houses, a small yacht and just 6-10 vacations a year. 

I reckon he took time out of taking bribes for favours and fucking under-aged gurls to kill off his Ma. Now he's doing a weekend at Bernies on her while collecting the welfare benefits she gets from the tax payer ... fucken genius. 

After 34 years the pound coin will be changed for one with angles. It will cost £32 million to adjust the vending machines but who cares? Just the usual half thought out busy work the UK is famous for. How many times does the US keep changing their coins? 

You have until October to get rid of them before they become useless. Send them to Old Knudsen and he will stimulate the economy/and the ladies by tipping generously at titty bars.

While the priest from that MASH TV show slipped in his death on the last day of 2016 we have 39 dead in Istanbul. It's only Turkey so no changing of profile pics unless there are loads of white foreigners killed. So business as usual as people wish each other a happy new year. 

Further proof that humanity is a parasite infesting the Earth. Bring on climate change or WWIII cos the planet will still be here turning as usual, the end of the world has nothing to do with the end of humanity. Mars got rid of all its Martians and it's still here.

    Skankhunt42 would be proud of this pic

Trump continues to take credit for shit he hasn't done, he's done that for years there's even a meme showing all his 'unverifiable' acts of generosity that goes against all the other shit he's pulled.

He once paid for a sick orphan and her puppy to fly to a top hospital and paid to have them save her and then put her through college ... yeah right, if anything like that ever happened we'd never hear the end of it. He'd also be bragging at how he was able to write it off as taxes too.

He wished his friends and enemies a happy new year. Why would you wish ISIS a happy new year? ... unless of course they are his friends. It was a dig at Obama but yeah ISIS, have a happy and successful new year. I'm sure they will once Trump cements his love in with Hate generator 3000 Israel. 

Peace in the Middle East? Who cares? just build fucken houses on invaded land FTW! Breathing room for fucks sake. 

     

The Chinese new year is the year of the Rooster. It usually starts on the 28th but this year to honor the new US President the year of the cock will start on the 20th. 

Trump was born in the year of the dog, dog backwards is god ... coincidence? I think not. To most sane or semi-sane people he will be an honorary cock though. Watch him spunk all over the Constitution and the werld then wipe it off with Trump/Pence.  

We have 19 days to train our gag reflexes and calm our stomachs as throwing up in yer mouth every time you say, "Donald Trump is the President" can't be very good for you.

  

Experts Say Planes Are Dangerous

Everyone knows that airplane etiquette dictates that if the person in front of you pulls a dick move like reclines their seat that you spit on them. A nice little gleek shower on their reclined face to remind them to be respectful of their neighbours. Some bloke on a Southwest airline plane going from Los Angeles to San Francisco thought that a little light strangulation to the woman reclining was needed. The Feds were called on board to teach Mr Octopus some manners. Watching the life drain from their eyes is fun but keep it in the bedroom or dark alley fella.

Don't bite that one, he isn't ripe. 

Old Knudsen always scans the news for the first signs of the zombie apocalypse, yeah you can mock but when yer bit on the first day while Old Knudsen in his kevlar jumpsuit becomes the king of the werld I'll keep you around as a pet for yer insolence  .... a fuck buddy pet with a muzzle.      

Look up its Aer Lingus. On an Aer Lingus flight from Lisbon to Dublin a bloke went nuts, bit another bloke and then died.

Well that shit isn't supposed to happen. The plane was diverted to Cork which is bad news if its zombies as  locals can be often mistaken for zombies cos they are always drunk. Was the guy who was bitten put into quarantine? Was the biter's body burned? Of all the shite places for the apocalypse to start, a lawless place with no modern medicine and a people still amazed by door bells. 
    

A bit of good news is that Irish doctor Farai Gbowee has been given the all clear with the strange virus she caught in Liberia earlier this year and will be continuing her job in Belfast's Royal Victoria Hospital. I was worried there for a moment.

I will be keeping an eye on Cork though. It won't be in real time as they only have tea time and drinking time there.