Man's Penis Will Stop Working After 100 Squirts

A man has been told by doctors that he only has about 100 organisms left to give before his cock gives out and dies on him ... Where do you start with this? First of all screw cancer and ALS this shit is serious, if weemen were nice the hot ones would be lining up to give him pity fucks to remember, maybe Old Knudsen should use this story to try for the pity fucks.


"I’m 34 years old and I have a finite amount of real, working, orgasm-capable erections remaining. They estimate I have about a hundred nuts left."

"I honestly thought the doctor was fucking with me– how do you even process that kind of information?"

I want a second opinion .... ok then you only have 68 left, do you really want to haggle?
 

I am the Walrus, look at my cock. 

 
"I’ve now seen the full battery of experts and specialists. They call it ideopathic fibrosis of the corpora cavernosa. Catchy, right? Basically, there’s a reservoir in your penis that fills with blood when you have an erection. In my case, every time I get hard, it causes an autoimmune reaction, which causes a scar tissue build-up in the reservoir. Ultimately, the scar tissue will make it impossible to ever get a boner again. I’m the first case anyone’s ever seen, and no one can tell me why it’s happening. I don’t wear briefs or hang out in saunas. There’s been no blunt force trauma to the balls. Some of the women from my past have suggested it’s karma, and I’m actually starting to believe it."

 Sorry to hear ago your condition you cheating scumbag, here is what I look like now, something for you to think about when your dick stops working lol!

I don't know why he'd tell an ex about this, 'so how are you doing? you look good still with Jeff?Yeah, good he's a nice guy. Yeah I still work at Radio Shack, oh and my penis isn't going to work after 100 orgasms.' 

Maybe he drunk dials these women who have moved on with their lives. I know that if I ever want a sympathetic ear I always go to me ex's .... except the ones who want child support and the ones who tested positive for the clap. Fuck Old Knudsen is sooo alone.   


" I’ve tried every conceivable therapy and medication there is, but nothing works. So I’ve been through the five stages of grief. I accept my fate. But that’s not the same as knowing how to cope with it. Masturbation’s obviously out of the question. I feel like I need to be super selective with women, as if all of a sudden I’m gonna start banging Victoria’s Secret models. Like I deserve it now, in some sort of twisted Make a Wish for a Dying Penis bid. And lately, I’m terrified of sex itself. I slept with one woman since the diagnosis, but when she wanted to go for a second round, a wave of incredible panic swept over me. I burst into a cold sweat and my chest felt like it was gonna cave in on itself. Since then I’ve been chaste as a fucking nun, but I toss and turn all night with crazy, disturbing sex dreams, and now I’m worried that I’ll lose a nut to a wet dream."

"So I’m hoping to start a dialogue here. Has anyone out there experienced anything like this? How does one go about planning a farewell tour- a goodbye forever- to sex? Any advice/suggestions are truly appreciated."

A dialogue huh, what you'll get is WTF?????? If this is true it gives you something to think about. How do you spend yer last 100 money shots?
Do you freeze those puppies for later just in case?
Do you hurry out and get the gurl you'll spend the rest of yer life with or waste them on one night stands like Old Knudsen does?

Ever see that documentary a day without a Mexican in which all the Hispanics are taken away from the US leaving no lawns getting cut, no fruit getting picked, no tacos getting made etc, someone should do a day without porn ... I don't even want to think about that one, oh a cold shiver doon me spine.   

How can this guy ever perform in the bedroom again? He'll be thinking about his condition when he should be thinking about the booty. He's a bit old for wet dreams however with a jizz build up anything is possible, he may even go on a shooting spree .... could you blame him?

Well the NHS would never catch this if Old Knudsen went for a check up, the only blunt force trauma I've had to me sac is yer Ma bouncing up and doon on it. I'm off to put a pair of me socks into a baggy and into the freezer in case I need some man juice for future generations. 

I Got A Loan From The Spank Bank.

If I don't get awards for this post then there is no justice in the world.

* I'm not one for the objectification of weemen* (even though the japs all look the same to me and not really people, ask a POW) but really if yer going to get yer picture taken get out of bed and put on some matching unmentionables that I won't even mention.

Does beauty fade? is it in the eye of William Holden? if its skin deep then theres a lot of hot fat people out there and we don't even know it.

I don't put the words "young" and "hot" together I put the words "young" and "stupid" together.

She just happens to be young and hot, leave the poor gurl alone.

Beauty doesn't fade it just changes, it can always be there in some form even if the physical form of it has given up years ago. Go to the plastic surgeon and get yerself airbrushed or go find some deeper meaning to yer existence than just being a human ornament.

I like beautiful people but just to look at as the courts deemed it not suitable for me to touch them anymore. Usually they are boring as fuck so just sit there and look good, who laughed when they first heard David Beckham squeak, er I mean speak? ha! there is a God.

He reminds me of a ghey Christian Bale type whose balls haven't dropped yet.

Helen Keller who was that chick that bent the spoons once said:

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched ... but are felt in the heart.

I have no idea what she was on when she said that but hearts don't give me the horn. Only a cardiologist would tug the lad or double click her mouse to "Heart transplant monthly" as would a Proctologist get off to "Bungholes digest." Never mind ear, nose and throat, I'd be a "tits and ass" Doctor.

The paediatrician is ready, fucking pedos.

I've heard the brain is the largest sex organ, well that explains psychiatrists those sick fuckers and their brain bukkake films , does that mean people with smarts are better in bed? as Padma Lakshmi and sir Salman Rushdie are getting divorced ya both aren't so clever now (Padma call me)

Two very intelligent people, one is however vastly better looking than the other. I'll leave that determination to you, its just a matter of perspective.

I'd rather be dumb with a big dick and great technique than over educated with a cocktail sausage between my legs and know that the Magna Carter isn't a bloody Michael Caine film but not know that the Willy goes into the Wendy (well most times it does)

I'm happy being intelligent (compared to what?) and having a huge penis but its a cross to bear, you give yer lady friend 10 orgasms every night for a year and one night you only give her 5 (due to having a wank earlier in the day because sometimes you just have to) and she thinks you don't love her any more or have lost yer edge. Yer only as good as yer last multiple orgasm. I'm sure you all have been there or know someone that has a friend who has been there, well you know me but don't go thinking I'm yer friend ya cunts.

The sweeping statement used by ugly weemen is that "pretty gurls can't fuck" I suggest you take this challenge pretty gurls of the world and shag me at once but who am I to judge? as I have been asked many a time, oh yeah I'm a "Judge" I became one via the Interweb and I won't charge ya for the pleasure.

Can you spot what shes doing wrong? god love her I had to spend hours with her just teaching her how to shower, I'm like the horse whisperer for bimbos. Now if I could only get her potty trained, I don't mine it on my chest but sometimes I fall asleep and wake up with what looks like an assplosion in a fudge factory.

*maybe I am, objectification and self-gratification go hand in hand or is it hand over fist?*