Kim Jong-un CIA Assassination Plot

Remember when North Korea threatened a merciless response to the 2014 American political satire spy comedy film The Interview? ... still waiting for that Kim jong un. 

North Korea are not a threat to the US and won't be for another 5 -10 years but the Trump administration is hyping them up. Trump had a fail when he said there was an armada heading towards the Korean peninsula but in reality their 'ship' was heading elsewhere. He had to then send ships to anchor off the Korean and Japanese coast doing nothing cos that is all he can do. 

He thinks he had a connection with Xi Ting Tong Chinaman but if he took any military action against North Korea, China would hit back. Like a relative you don't like but if someone else besides you slagged them off you'd fuck em up. 

    To agent Trump's good health

Old Knudsen exclusive, Xi Jinping has Russian links! ... well I think that's him. Old Knudsen is not racist but those chinkys all look the same to him. 

The Interview was about a CIA plot to assassinate Kim jong un with a toxin. Now Kim is saying there is a CIA/South Korean plot to kill him with a toxin. 

Trump has been cagey about what he is going to do about North Korea. Did he watch The Interview on late night cable as he tried to resist tweeting about anyone criticizing him and said, 'that's a great plan, a terrific plan' and so phoned up H. R. McMaster his not so bright military yes man to then call the CIA director Mike Pompeo ...  at 3 in the morning.

When Kim has erectile dysfunction with a missile it's implied that the US had something to do with it and Trump goes all tight lipped as if to suggest he can't say ... North Korea are shite at missiles and the US are shite at covert ops.     

Which is why Old Knudsen got the call. Sure I'm retired former SG-19 but getting paid to kill people is awesome. I'd do it for free but don't tell them that. You kill people for money and yer a war hero or a cool as fuck assassin, you kill for free and yer a serial killer or a nutter ... so much stigma it's terrible.  

So I put out extra food for the cat ... when the fuck did I get a cat? I told people on social media I'd be away from my phone for a few days on a classified op and to DM and PM me if you want to know more. I got my most manly scarf on and I went to South Korea ... which is in China I believe. 

My North Korea contact went by the name of Kim which was confusing. Pyongyang has only one doughnut shop 'Flunkin Donuts' and amazingly only one customer. Plot twist the only fat guy in the whole cuntry eats donuts who would have guessed? 

Putting a difficult to trace toxin in the donuts was an option. Old Knudsen likes to kill people face to face to see the life drain from their eyes, my therapist says that's creepy but it's one of the few dozen things that makes Old Knudsen hard so don't fucken judge me. 

 

I made contact with Kim, I told Him I was an agriculture expert so he wouldn't question me about my job cos that shit is boring. I had a strip of toxin attached to a special skin strip on my finger and was waiting for the green light to dip it into his drink. 

We got into a heavy conversations about why Obama didn't stop 9/11 and how Michael Jackson could have prevented the civil war.  In America they call the American civil war the civil war .. that's a handy fact to know. Not having Wikipedia in that cuntry we couldn't remember if Central America sided with South America against the north or not. 

Trump being a civil war buff would know.

 Mike Pence looking pensive towards North Korea

My contact Kim who I can't say much about for his own safety is a medium level military officer, he is always within sight of the supreme leader and to be honest I wouldn't know him from the rest if he didn't have that crescent shaped mole on his chin. I was waiting for him to get a notification on his government Intranet phone. 

Old Knudsen was getting squiffy as that fat wee shite can sure hold his drink. Another 5 more Cognacs and Old Knudsen might fuck up the switch.  Even a roofie expert like Old Knudsen can make mistakes when drunk.  

Kill the poor except their unborn babies ... lol!    

Then this happened. While I was in the restrooms my contact Kim told me to stand down. Trump got a tiny win with the healthcare bill and was in a euphoric manic mood. He was promising to bring to  peace to the Middle East, Somalia, Congo and anywhere else that needed it, he was promising to give everyone great jobs and the bestest education like what he got. He was promising protection for homeless unborn white veterans. 

He just came up with the great idea to change the definition of his wall  "I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall" the precast concrete wall of 30 - 50 feet high that will only run for 1000 miles can obviously be interpreted as meaning a fence or other type of barrier duh!  

The man was on a roll and had no time for serious foreign stuff cos maybe Kim jong un was only bad because of what the fake media said about him ... they paint everyone bad. Putin is cuddly as fuck.

First rule of healthcare, you do not talk about healthcare ... especially pre-existing conditions.

I grabbed Kim's phone in outrage and pressed one for English. Trump was now saying what a smart cookie Kim jong un is because he when he came to power at a young age he no doubt had others trying to take power from him and he had to deal with that ... like how Stalin and Hitler killed all opposition, they were smart cookies too. Trump said it would be an honor ro meet Kim jong un. 

What's next, saying he has a big heart? 

So I had to abort (no babies were harmed) and leave North Korea. I promised Kim jong un I would accept his Face Book friend request but that's not going to happen. He's a lonely paranoid lad who just wants to have nukes like everyone else and to oppress and starve his people and scare his neighbors. Old Knudsen can totally relate to that.  

  

Bono Avoids Death

A lot of people weren't happy about getting the U2 LP "Songs of Innocence” gifted into their iTunes music library whether they wanted it or not and so may or may not have hired Old Knudsen to assassinate Bono. 

Yes thousands of people texted £3 to have him killed. Just text KILLBONO to 85444 and see that just £3 can make a difference in someone's life .... probably his. And his wife's life when I give her a shoulder to cry on.

So off to Dublin where I learned my lesson, never buy explosives from the IRA. Oh yeah my man is Libyan trained he knows bombs. I should have known better when he went to shake my hand and he only had 2 fingers left. No wonder they lost against the Brits. 

So you may have heard that the luggage door of Bono's Lear jet blew off mid flight on the way to Berlin, all his clothes went. If you see some French twat in short leather troosers and sunglasses you'll know where he got them.

Don't worry Bono made it safely to Germany. 

Before I knew it he was off to New York so I had to get a move on. When I got to New York I hit all of their stupid nanny state laws and so I had to go all the way to New Jersey to the North Bergen Walmart Supercenter to buy a sniper rifle. You can't just go in and buy one that would be crazy, I had to wait at least 20 minutes for them to get one from the back. 

I hired some sources on the street to inform me of Bono's where abouts. I then assumed a position over looking Central park, I always take the moral high ground ....  or grassy knoll. 

My source on the ground, a young lass out to prove herself shouted something about him being too old to cycle which got his back up. Bono and the gurl were tearing through Central park, she manipulated the route so he'd be right in my cross hairs, after some high energy bicycle racing he declared himself the winner and that is when I took my shot, right into a nearby tree.

I must add that ever since me right eye hung out of it's socket for an hour during the Battle of Balaclava against the Russians a few years back I've been having trouble with blurry vision, maybe I should have gone hand to hand in a dark alleyway with Bono, for some reason he is always going doon dark alleyways. 

Lucky the young gurl was a sore loser and rammed Bono from behind ... I bet that isn't the first time he's been rammed from behind.    

Bono fell off his bicycle and landed right on his ego breaking his left arm in 6 places, breaking his shoulder blade into three, breaking his left eye socket and fracturing 4 bones in his penis, he also heard someone laugh which hurt his feelings in 4 places. 

He has had to have 3 metal plates, a hinge, a brass nameplate and 18 screws installed, also his nose tapered, his eyelids lifted and some hair plugs put in.   

 I just heard of a new tax dodging scheme, you'll save millions, I'll tell you later.

Luckily Bono had already recorded his squealing for the new release of the old Bandaid song Do they know it's deadly, proceeds going to help the starving people of Ebola.     

If Bono had not been able to record it then Geldof would have said some snarky passive aggressive comment about him like he did with Adele who was busy doing other things to drop everything for Sir Bob. 

While recuperating in hospital Bono thanked Jimmy Fallon for understanding why he couldn't make it to his show and he also said, "To the little shite on the trike, you've messed with the wrong man, I'm Bono the greatest person alive since Jesus, I will find you and fuck you up."    

So Old Knudsen is a little rusty and Bono is still alive, this story is not an admission of guilt as the prescription drugs I take for me Alzheimer's, depression, dodgy knee and hemorrhoids clears me of all wrong doing according to my lawyer and he's Jewish so he knows all the loopholes. 

The wee Irish man has suffered, sure after yon Bloody Sunday song he totally deserves it so I'm keeping all the money.  Until my next job I suppose I'll just have to practice on normal less famous people. 

Speaking of which, for just £3 you can pay for water purifying packets for the people of Ebola .... or you can get rid of Kayne West, yer choice. 


  

Benazir Bhutto Assassinated

Its sad when Idealists and good guys finish last.

Ok I'm annoyed, it was bound to happen even she herself knew it would probably happen and now it has. In Pakistan the former prime minister and opposition leader Benazir Bhutto was assassinated after a campaign rally. The 54 year-old was shot in the neck and chest and then the attacker blew himself up.
20 others were also killed in the attack. The rally was for the January 8th parliamentary elections.
In her own words in October she warned about "hidden hands" being responsible if anything happened to her.

After the attack her supporters attacked the police in several cities. President Pervez Musharraf the current western backed dictator who saw her as a real threat to his position blamed Islamic extremists and he would redouble his efforts to fight them. What is nothing doubled?

"This is the work of those terrorists with whom we are engaged in war," he said in a nationally televised speech. "I have been saying that the nation faces the greatest threats from these terrorists. ... We will not rest until we eliminate these terrorists and root them out."

Limp dick President or is it lame duck? Bush strongly condemned the attack "by murderous extremists who are trying to undermine Pakistan's democracy." As usual the US will only get involved and only up to a point when it suits them. You can see that Bush is shamed everytime he speaks about Musharraf, its in his body language and tone.

He knows he isn't fooling anyone, accuse away it won't make a difference, the rest of the US politicans are too worried about how their hair looks and what do the American people know or care about Pakistan anyway ?

Nawaz Sharif, another former prime minister and opposition leader, said his party would boycott the elections, wise move considering.

Since Bhutto returned to Pakistan from exile she has been a thorn in the side of Musharraf, he has put her under hoose arrest 'for her own safety' a few times.

She had already gained the whelming support from the people but what does the will of the people really count for? the government only listens to the people when there is a successful armed revolt so they make gun laws to prevent that from happening.

Musharraf you murdering, backstabbing, double dealing dog cock licker.

Then there was the whole side show about Musharraf taking off his uniform as a serving military general shouldn't be President, that was a load of bollocks, that's like Putin stepping doon, you know he'll still be calling the shots, no pun intended. It was all just distraction.

Musharraf complied and was seen to be reasonable. Bush never condemned Musharraf he just protested saying ,"I know its none of our business but I have to say in public that we think its wrong" because having a strong military man in charge in that region was better than a civilian woman.

Pakistan has for a long time supported the Taliban as they have historical ties together, you can't go having a woman in charge.

Recently Musharraf complained that he only had one working helicopter and so couldn't hunt Al Qaeda, which is very strange as the US has been given him billions of dollars since 2003 solely for that purpose. I wonder where the money went?
No wonder Al Qaeda are so well trained and equipped.

I am annoyed that a good brave leader was killed by the minions of Musharraf who plays both sides.

I am annoyed that Bush and the rest of the west know Musharraf is dirty but pay him in the hope he'll help them get somewhere Just like the UK and the Saudi arms deal . The name of this Blog is "Old Bitter Balls" the state of the world and the cowardly murdering scum that rule it and play the double standards game of pick and choose yer allies is one major reason why I am bitter.

If ya don't like it then go read "young fluffy balls."

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