Because Pilates Pants Sounds Stupid

It's Monday, cheer the fuck up and have some yoga pants.

 

Old Knudsen is the greatest blogger in the world, whether you agree or not. How many posts has he dedicated to yoga pants? At least 40 odd huh.

The other day while I was idling away the hours waiting for my doctor's appointment I saw a young lass with white yoga pants on and probably one of the finest arses I've ever seen. She was loud and common sounding and was accompanied by what was no doubt her spide boyfriend/pimp with his tracksuit leggings and his sports shirt with various logos on it. If only life came with ad-block plus so I wouldn't have to see these walking adverts.

  How Old Knudsen pictures his readers.

So this lass was either pregnant or had the clap, her yogo pants could have been painted on as I could see that her knickers were askew underneath. I only looked as I wanted to get the hole story ... er whole story in case I wrote about it on me blog .... and there was fuck all else to look at except crying babies ..... hey they started it. 

It's a fact of life that guys will look, just as surely as babies cry and weemen nag, guys will look at an arse in tight clothing. 

When Old Knudsen wears his tight flared troosers and a tight t-shirt he expects the weemen to check him out, expecting and it actually happening are two different things. 

When the lass turned round Old Knudsen made sure he didn't look at her as me casual gaze has often been described as a lecherous leer. Some people just don't understand body language. 

Remember, just because you can fit into yoga pants, ski pants or leggings .... whatever you call them, doesn't mean that you should wear them.  Black isn't slimming when yer a fat fucker, it isn't a miracle worker.

I saw this funny Youtube (which I'll not bother to post) of a bloke wearing yoga pants, and as he rummages around with his junk in the trunk some blokes that pass by look at his ass and he catches them at it. 

"I thought chu was a girl, mayne" oh, so it's ok if it was a girl? He just had impure sexual thoughts about a dude's bum, for 10 seconds or so he wanted to go shove his semi chubby up against that bent over butt. Ha ha yer ghey! 

If you get a lass home with you and then she turns out to be a man and if you turn doon the sex in disgust then yer ghey, if you make the most of it with any port in a storm then yer enlightened and resourceful .... a real man!

When weemen shave their beards things can get confusing.

Some of the blokes caught were offended at being caught out, one wanted to fight him and the above bloke wanted to playfully wrestle in a creepy way and the shirtless guy ran. When one guy said, "Yes I was looking, you have a nice ass" the yoga pants guy was stunned into silence. 

The guy did offer the blokes a touch if they wanted one and even twerked for them ... so very wrong. Why did I not post it? Cos not everyone wants to watch a video or can't where they are. When Old Knudsen clicks on a news story he gets annoyed when there is only video and no printed story.  Then when a Youtube is posted you feel like you've missed out on something so when you do watch it you fail to see what was so funny. Then you want to injury the person who posted it with a hammer to teach them that life isn't funny.

Is it right to eye up the ladies at a health clinic? The people who go there are usually not there because they are healthy. If they knew what Old Knudsen was there for they'd never have sat doon beside him. 

Ach That gurl's ass was probably her best feature and in 10 years it's gonna be um, less rounded. In a world in which we are so worried what others will think we get sad and join in with some self-loathing when others do not show an interest in our appearance and angry and outraged when they do.

I Judge So You Don't Have To

Did you watch the Miley Montana video about yon wreaking ball? were yer toosers bulging enough to grab a cushion as a shield so yer mammy didn't see? or did so much juice ooze out of yer stench trench you left a trail like a slug?

  Quit getting hyped up, her music is so blah and well shes trying too hard .... she isn't sexy.

Look at Scarlett Johansson, she has the silly tattoos, has even dated Sean Penn and yet Old Knudsen would still ride her.... that lass is hot. 

Compare Miley to ...

Something with meat on its bones.

Katee Sackhoff is so hot that when she pinches off a loaf it steams and burns through the toilet.

It's also about attitude too, don't be such a window licker, Mick Jagger and Gene Simmons did the whole tongue thing and Madonna (back when she was hot, before Sean Penn) did the rest.

 Penn always looks like hes on the verge of hitting someone all the time and everyone knows that you don't go full retard. The lad takes himself too seriously and is a fucking rich commie so get off my TV!

 

There, my revulsion has been stated, oh and Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss are supposed to be supermodels? ..... fucking mingers and always have been.

Go on, tell Old Knudsen how wrong it is to judge? How would Old Knudsen feel if someone said his blog was crap and he wasn't funny?

Aye like that would ever happen and if they did say that they'd be lying or insane like duh. Old Knudsen only listens to his superiors and betters and values their opinions ..... Old Knudsen has yet to find anyone superior or better.


 
 
 

Not About Furniture At All.

Sgt Howie in the original, he was very Christian and the whole film is him refusing to be tempted into having fun er I mean evil sex.


I've always liked the 1973 Wickerman film starring Edward Woodward. It had naked weemen and that crazy Manson like hippy energy that was far out but creepy. I don't think I'm spoiling anything by saying the cop gets burned in an 'Easter' type rebirth pagan ceremony at the end.

Woodward says in a loud commanding Shakespearean voice "Put the flaming torch down now Billy............. don't be a fool" or was that in the Equaliser ?


Hollywood changed the movie by setting it in crazy land USA in other words Washington state. An American island rather than a Scottish one.

I waited until it came on the telly because I wasn't paying to watch a film I knew it was going to be shite, ok I never expected Oceans 12 to be a complete abortion, I don't want to talk about it.

The original had tits and arse. the only tits in the remake are the actors.

Nicholas Cage plays Edward Malus, the names are so corny in this film so I guess its Edward for 'Woodward' and Malus which translates as bad one, maybe it was a comment about his acting/tax paying skills or choice of roles.

Malus a motorcycle cop whose head turns into flames due to dandruff witnesses a car wreak in which a mother and child are burned to death though bodies were never found ..... creepy.

Psychologically scared Malus while on medical leave gets a letter from Willow Woodward a former gurlfriend who lives on said island of Summersisle up in Washington saying her daughter is missing and the hippies up there are conspiring to cover it up.

Sister Willow could very well be in the Irish pop group 'The Corrs'

The Corrs, guy Corr, ugly Corr, hot Corr and other Corr.

He has to be the worse cop in the world. He takes off without back up or any real travel arrangements as he hitches a ride on the sea plane that supplies the island, it wasn't far he could of hired a small boat, at least he could leave if he wanted.

No cell phone signal as Washington is like a Mad max film and ruled by white supremacist midgets who ride on the shoulders of retarded body builders.

He has no jurisdiction up there but flashes his badge anyway. He picks locks and breaks into hooses and forces his way into other hooses and assaults weemen. He'll climb into locked crypts and will open metal grills on the ground and dive into the water below hoping that it isn't a trap and no one will close it on him and remove the bullets from the only magazine clip he has in his gun without him noticing.

Shouting at a classroom of creepy little blonde gurls at Sister Rose's school.

He won't ask questions like, "how did you find me?" to his rescuer or write anything doon. Malus isn't very bright and you look forward to him getting burned alive, as for the daughter who is missing ........... very creepy!

Like little child ghosts in films , fuck I hate them they give Old Knudsen the willys.

The island is full of weemen all called sister, Moss, Rose, Willow, Beech and even Summersisle. If there was a sister Crabgrass or Cucumber you never saw her.

The few men on the island seem to be mute rednecks that do as they are told.

Malus runs all over the island shouting and slapping the weemen about and ends up dressed in a bear suit for the final rebirth ceremony. He got a razzie award for worse screen couple for him and his bear suit.

If The Troll on my sidebar was a cop this is the kind of cop I'd imagine him to be, just as dumb but the weemen would be slapping him about.

Surprise of all surprises it was all a plan to get him there to sacrifice him to save their poor honey crop.
Everyone lied, wow! I didn't see that coming in the bad dialogue and acting. The director of the original distanced himself from this flop that cost $35,000,000 to make.


In the last bit as Malus is being dragged to the wickerman to be burned you can hear him shout off camera "My legs my legs" as they supposedly break them. Old Knudsen in an act of defiance would shout, "My ears my ears".

It ends with a couple of the gurls from the island in a bar picking up men as future sacrifices.

Happy Easter Monday or bank holiday Monday as the bankers deserve a rest from all their hard work, time to spend those bonus'

I now call for the execution of Nicolas Cage for crimes against cinema.


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Just a thought

So anyway I was thinking about putting this on Christmas cards for next year.



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