Brad Pitt's Next Role

Remember when Brad Pitt was a beautiful young man with a mouth like a moist inviting face vagina? .... Well Old Knudsen remembers, oh yeah. He wanted to be taken seriously as an actor so he took roles in which he had to scruff himself up for such as Kalifornia, 12 monkeys and Snatch but we wanted fight club and Seven years in Tibet pretty cos we're shallow, fuck yer acting, just stand there and smile maybe take off yer shirt.
 

I'd say that his last "pretty" role was Mr and Mrs Smith in 2005 .... yes 10 years ago when he was 41. After that he made movies that had computer generated youth, lots of voice work and he started playing older roles.

In the great inglorious basterds:  "They're the foot soldiers of a Jew-hatin', mass murderin' maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That's why any and every son of a bitch we find wearin' a Nazi uniform, they're gonna die. Now, I'm the direct descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridger. That means I got a little Injun in me. And our battle plan will be that of an Apache resistance. We will be cruel to the Germans, and through our cruelty they will know who we are."
 

Or in the totally shite Glory. Should have made it about glory holes, then it might actually be interesting. The whole rookie finally earning respect is so bleh and was stupidly done.

In World War Z he had such dodgy hair .... what the fuck? Don't watch it in HD, you'll be convinced he's slowly changing into a zombie. Yes Brad Pitt is human, even his nose is getting bigger. Of course that means that us fans are getting older too, fuck you Brad Pitt, you did this to us!

He has always been compared to Robert Redford in looks and the Ocean 11 movies he was basically a caricature of  Redford and his slack relaxed acting. Using food as a prop is a very Redford thing.

At 51 he still looks good for his age, no middle age spread but what the fuck are some photographers up to? It's like one of those if Brad Pitt and Robert Redford face morph things. I believe that Pitt is going the way of Bruce Jenner, but not as ghey.

Brad Pitt will announce that he is really Robert Redford inside and identifies himself as Redford more than Pitt.
He'll have a few cosmetic procedures (Jenner still has his/her male junk) and he'll get an award for courage when he steps out onto the stage wearing 70's styles. 

Hold on is this Pitt or Redford? Ach soon Pitt will be Redford then he has to destroy the original host body. If you've seen the Redford yachting movie then sending him out to sea is probably a certain death sentence. In Captain America: Winter soldier, Redford was the bad guy who was killed at the end, that is the fate of older male actors that can no longer be paired with a 25 year-old female love interest.

There can be only one.        

It’s not a journey, every journey ends but we go on, the world turns and we turn with it. Plans disappear and dreams take over. But where ever I go – there you are. My luck, my fate, my fortune. I shall be Robert Redford - inevitable.

Drain The Main Vein

They don't get out much.

Supplies of blood types A, B, AB and O are at a critical low in the UK, so much so there is a nation wide campaign to get people to urgently go somewhere and give blood during national blood week. 

They usually set up in schools and town halls but I've only seen anything about the blood shortage online and who trusts what you read on the Internet? 

Wow how clever and catchy, they leave out the letters, even Downing street is D wning Street, it makes me want to go and give blood immediately .... except what if the person who was to get my blood was a Flegger or a Ukip voter, do I really want to save their lives? 

My blood type isn't the most rare nor is it the most common but to me it's special and I don't like it pouring out of me body or the idea of giving it away to some cunt for free .... just not cool. Fucking scroungers, go earn yer blood like the rest of us.

Maybe we could get an app like on Facebook, 'How worthy are you to get Old Knudsen's blood?' ... start playing. 

What if former Northern Ireland health minister who wants to ban all gheys from donating blood and adopting children Edwin Poots urgently needed a blood transfusion and Old Knudsen was the right type? 

Would Old Knudsen let him die even if he is a Young Creationist, DUP sectarian homophobe? Hopefully you know me well enough to know if I would or even could let another human being die if I was their only chance of life so I don't need to answer. 

YES I'd let the fucker die .... what if it was the other way round? Let me die cos I don't want any of him inside my body not even at a party. 

Old Knudsen's blood is like Khan Noonien Singh's blood, it's like super soldier serum, Charlie Sheen bought my old nose bleed hankies because he can get a really good high and feels as strong as fuck when he snorts me dried blood.   

Of course men who have had oral or anal sex with men within the last 12 months can't donate blood so that's probably Old Knudsen out anyways. What if Bruce Jenner sucked my dick in February and then again in June as Caitlyn, would I have to wait 12 months from Feb or would June set me back too? ... she's bound to get another medal for courage after that.  

This is not discriminatory, the NHS just thinks ghey men are at a higher risk of HIV or Hepatitis B than say heterosexuals and those with multiple sexual partners. 

Even if it's a monogamous ghey couple because unlike straight people you just can't trust them. I'm sure there is a scientist from a Christian university that says ghey blood turns you ghey. But honey I can explain ... it was the blood transfusion I had 4 years ago. 

It's the The Department of Health who makes the policies which trust straight people over gheys not the NHS. 

So what have we learned? Ghey men are less valued by British society because they are dirty fuckers full of disease ... got it. 

So if I go certain parts of Africa and shag a ton of weemen (6 different ones a day for 4 weeks) I only have to wait 6 months upon returning to the UK before I can give blood, does that sound right? 

I'll give blood .... for charity, just make sure the cameras are there. 

Even being in a same sex relationship for years and using condoms isn't enough. I bet that in between tattoos and traveling to foreign cuntries Harry Styles from Yin Direction would be allowed to give blood and he looks like a walking STD for fucks sake. 

Well they can't want blood that badly then ..... G_ fuck y_urself!       

The End Of The World So Soon After The Last Time

Don't have enough crazy in yer life? Then get yerself some religion. Pastor Lindsey Williams says an asteroid is heading our way and we're fucked, not proper fucked though so it's probably just a five-megaton city killer rather than a 100-megaton cuntry killer. If a cuntry killer were to land on Ireland would the destruction stop at the Northern Ireland border? I suppose if it were a Fenian asteroid it would probably say that Ireland is one cuntry .... just my luck, a fucking shinner asteroid.

I don't know if a 100 megaton could destroy several small cuntries or just one big one, I ain't no Scientologist, go ask Neil deGrasse Tyson since he knows it all according to Facebook memes. 

Williams says that on 24th September "the Abyss will open and the days of darkness will begin" then he says to know what is coming in the next 4 years you should buy his book.

 A typical Illuminati coven.

An asteroid will hit and the Illuminati will rise up and take control during the chaos. The sort of thing that Russell Brand is into, don't vote because the system is unjust, trust in the Illuminati instead. The Illuminati promise us social reform and pledge to revitalize the NHS and rid us of the pre-existing paradigms of this bacchanalian profit driven dystopia.

But will they get rid of the bloody immigrants cos they are the ones that cause all the trouble, it used to just be Irish and Jews but now we've got that lot from Ebola landing on our beaches in rubber boats.

 Caitlin Jenner after her extra chromosome implant.

Never mind all of that, did you see Caitlin Jenner twerking at the kids choice awards? She is sooo courageous and not at all hideous inside and out. DAMN YOU ILLUMINATI AND YER DISTRACTIONS!!!!!!

The question is, why is NASA pretending like there are no city killing asteroids coming at us at the moment, are they in on it too? Before we know it we'll hear a thump and though there may be a cloud of ash killing all the crops the 1% will be ok with their gold plated fans and heat lamps while the poor plebs throw buckets of ice over their heads and share cat videos.

 Persecuted like Jesus.

  

Pastor Williams also says the stock market will crash in September or October .... no shit a big fuck off asteroid is going to hit us, we'll be trading sex for food and burning bank notes to stay warm. 

Of course he also said the dollar would crash in 2014 but instead it got stronger, um God works in mysterious ways maybe? 

Williams has friends in the Illuminati elite and has all the answers, if you buy his DVD Healing the elite way you'll see he knows all. He asks the question 'Why has no US president ever died from cancer?' .... it's because they have the cure. Ok sure president Grant died from throat cancer cos he loved his cigars but we'll ignore that one, other presidents have had cancer but it never killed them. 

Sure Reagan might have given his daughter the cure and Clinton should have given it to his Ma but you don't get to the top without being a cunt, except for Carter who was lovely. 

Wow this Baptist minister sure has a lot of irons in the fire, I count 14 DVD sets that give you everything you need to survive the New world order, everything except money cos you'll be buying his shitty DVD's ach you should have been dumping yer money and hoarding gold anyways. 

 

 

Penis Today Gone Tomorrow

Bruce Jenner has taken time from ruining yer childhood memories and from killing people with his car to have his sex change operation. As usual it was done in a quiet and dignified manner that Jenner and the Kardashians do everything in.

 If you squint and don't look too close ... nah it's horrid. 

The 65 year-old former athlete is now a MILF named Caitlyn .... no, not really a MILF, more like a BARF. From being a dodgy looking bloke who has had too much plastic surgery to being a dodgy looking woman who has had too much plastic surgery.  Go be a woman by all means, just don't go fooling yerself that you'll be a good looking one.

I'm no anti-sex change, I'm anti-arsewipe attention hoor. 

If anyone wants to cut off their penis then hey, go for it but seriously dudette no need to share. Aye I know it doesn't really get cut off but it might as well be. Maybe I just hate that family who have degraded the quality of life in general and have distracted the world from real shit. His Her son lamented on what a crappy dad she had been and holds out hope she'll be a better um mom?

Don't bother working on being a decent person, just have surgery instead. Maybe there is a pill or an app to not be a selfish cunt.

No wait, that's Janice Dickinson .... ugh too much huzz. Their faces .... growing old looks better than this, something is not right with these people, too much buttocks in their faces. 

 I can still be a mean kick ass action hero, call me Roxane.  

Caitlyn, who spells her name with a 'C' just to piss off his her ex Kris Jenner was awarded an award from ESPN for courage, her reaction was  "What the hell am I going to wear?" huh, you became a woman just to mock female stereotypes ... typical man.

Others have expressed disgust that basketball player Lauren Hill who at the age of 19 battled brain cancer with dignity all the while still playing for his team but died in April wasn't awarded it. Or Iraq veteran Noah Galloway who lost an arm and a leg but competes in extreme sports as well as Dancing With the Stars didn't get it.  

While sports isn't the real courage of a police officer or a fire fighter maybe they should re-think what this award is for. An elective surgery doesn't really compare with the other two award candidates though as it's not as if Caitlyn lives in Wisconsin or somewhere anti-ghey like that. Aye it really takes courage for a man to tuck it in and wear a dress in Callyfornia .... Fuck away aff who isn't a cross dresser there?   

Well I suppose that is why America is so great, you can become what ever you want assuming you have the money.  Bruce Caitlyn and Janice need to have a three way with David Hasslehoff just for the extreme grossness of it, there I've said it, now make it happen world.