Vampires Sucked My Hamster

Archaeologists in Bulgaria have found two medieval skeletons stuck through the chest with iron rods, this was to stop them from rising up after being dead and feeding off the rest of the village.

Dead people coming back to life was/is pretty common in Bulgaria, at least 100 known vampire skeletons have been found so far.

In Romania to banish evil spirits they will dig up the body, stake it, burn it and mix the ashes with water and drink it.

Old Knudsen being a powerful Warlock says this is a pretty effective method but drinking the ashes seems to be just a dirty slav thing ............... savages!

Many a time has Old Knudsen hung around cemeteries waiting for blood suckers to turn up, yes there is nothing they like more after a dirt nap than sinking their fangs into the neck of some virgin, aye good luck finding one of them.

 The only virgins yer likely to find these days are those

who are cursed by being ........ forever alone.


For fear of starving to yet more death they have had to drain whoever they can get. Hoorbags who sleep around (like Old Knudsen) don't taste as good as say someone who saved themselves for marriage, the less sex you've had the more tasty you are to vampires especially weemen, if you want to be vampire proofed just let Old Knudsen know, he'll make it that they can tell a mile off and you'll taste foul to them ......... you may also be a little traumatised afterwards too but thats what therapy is for.

 Take it bitch! take my hard wood.

The thing about hunting vamps is that you may on occasion

Stake the odd Goth or pathetic emo kid ......... ya know what? the way they are dressed they are nature's victims anyway so it was just a matter of time.

The thing about being undead and evil is that there is  great dental coverage.

If ya don't look after yer teeth then ya never get to satisfy yer eternal hunger. The easiest way to discover evil is to find those with the best teeth.

 How can ya still have teeth with all that meth ya do?

Great Britain has long been slagged off as being a cuntry full of people with bad teeth, that maybe so but we are also a cuntry of the pure and righteous, when the rapture cums the only ones left in the UK will be American tourists.

I'd be surprised if this beautiful lady wasn't an angel in disguise. No vampire will cum near her even if they detect her wonderful goodness as Old Knudsen has vampire proofed her but good.