Wednesday 1 April 2020
Last Will And Testicle
Why has Old Knudsen vanished from the face of the Earth? What has he been up to? Has his rash cleared up yet? What the fuck happened to Game of thrones in the last season?
All very valid questions. Old Knudsen had to go dark as his enemies descended on him all at once. Jesus didn't even have this level of persecution. Of course Old Knudsen prevailed but it was at a great cost. His sanity was almost taken away but with high doses of vitamin C and masturbation therapy Old Knudsen got better.
You may have seen Old Knudsen on the telly giving out Corvus-19 advice. Tae quote, "get personnel protection equipment like a half brick or a big stick, when getting lap dances cover yer war cry face. Don't lick strangers, only people you know. Many of you will lose loved ones but that isn't Old Knudsen's problem, cough near me and I'll deck ya cos I'm old and all."
No idea why they stopped calling on me for advice, ach it's all politics. Just wash yer hands every week, stay at home , only going out for essentials like smokes, drink, hookers, crack and lotto tickets.
Being a former medical expert impersonator I came out of retirement to help test people for the Wu Tang Clan virus. They soon caught onto me though. I must say, the NHS has really stepped up security, Old Knudsen couldn't get near the meds. Ach it's a different less trusting werld now.
It's not all been doom and gloom. Old Knudsen's life isn't defined by a virus.
Old Knudsen ended his relationship with the beautiful Brenda from Florida which was a very good call. Especially for you ladies out there. How was Old Knudsen to know she was a fuckin nutter? ... yeah Florida should have been a red flag but when yer in love you go where yer ragin hard on takes you.
Brenda didn't believe what Old Knudsen told her and lead a cyborg assassin with an Austrian accent back to me. It nearly got me but with some quick thinking and a lot of Old Knudsen luck I banished the robot and Brenda to 2029 .... Ka-Chow! Don't fuck with a brabbler! I'll just have to be careful in 9 years in case Brenda has a grudge or something, you know what some folk are like.
I have begun dating again but long distance. Patricia a former Nigerian princess has captured Old Knudsen's heart. Once I pay off the ransom her evil uncle has set we'll be together. Brenda made me cautious to love again but this time Old Knudsen feels it's the real thing this time.
To live longer, Old Knudsen has quit the ciggies. Vaping is far more healthier. Plus nae yin can complain about a cloud of sweet strawberry being blown into their face. In order to not look like a fuckin pussy while I vape Old Knudsen has taken to dressing like Dr Who.
Old Knudsen will leave his blog online so the peeple can read as his 4,000 odd posts, like snap shots in time. Feel free to re-visit my stories which are funny as fuck, if you don't think so then you are wrong and deserved a harsh mocking and possible execution.
Look at all the predictions Old Knudsen got right. A couple of years ago Old Knudsen predicted Kirk Douglas dying. Where is he now? .... yep Old Knudsen called it. There is still a war to take place this year too, see former posts. I'm like Nostrildamus but hawt!
I won't be reviving the lost art of blogging, take my gifts and be grateful we had this time in the sun. The werld is still under Old Knudsen's protection but he won't be bragging about it cos he's a fuckin hero.
All me enemies have been vanquished, time to make some new ones. Things to do, places to be, peeple to kill making it look accidental of course. You know the score.
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Labels: 2020 vision
Wednesday 26 December 2018
Haters Gonna Hate
Old Knudsen isn't saying that British people have been genetically altered for centuries to be whiny begrudgers that hate those who don't know their place ... It doesn't need to be said it's FACT!
I was surprised to read that people had a problem with Meghan Markle who is now the Duchess of Gingernut. It can't be that she's a divorced, mixed race American can it? Why didn't Harry marry a safe bland white English bint that looks the part like William did?
Old Knudsen thinks Meghan is the best thing to happen to those inbreed German toffs. The EDL and yer usual Brexit voter might disagree ... oh that's right, Brexit isn't about race, it's about the English being superior over those fuckin foreigner types. Plot twist: The Empire is dead and we can't even afford planes for our warships because the Tories only spend money to stay in power.
Besides being too attractive to be a Royal, she pissed off a nation by daring to close a car door by herself.
Yes, the nation that cheered when the Queen mum chugged from a pint glass in several pubs like a common pleb had outrage that Meghan closed a car door. OMG she really is a common Yank, this just won't do.
I bet she even wipes her own arse .... not fuckin cool. People need those jobs!
Then there was the outrage at her holding her unborn baby. HOW DARE SHE!!!! Who the fuck does that?
Yeah Meghan we get it, you're pregnant.
If you do an image search for 'pregnant woman' you'll get a load of pictures like this.
Quit acting pregnant and put yer hands in yer pocket for fucks sake ... image what the cuntry would say if she did that.
The US is into things like cradling your baby, loads of celebs have done it over the years. Perhaps it's just a painful reminder that the UK is kinda backwards and emotionally stunted. Except for Old Knudsen who is enlighten as fuck.
Meghan also gets roasted because she doesn't want toxic family members in her life ... fuckin weird am I right?
She has boundaries as in what is workable and what is just not acceptable. Her Da giving interviews and talking shit is a no no. The people that have issues with boundaries are usually the abuser. Going on national TV and saying how Meghan has ghosted him isn't cool and isn't normal. He needs to take the hint and fuck off.
But, but he's her father! ... biological father, a real father/parent doesn't get get on like that. Using the 'he's your father' line is the guilt trip used by twats that think they know better. You have him over for dinner then.
Loving family and friends respect boundaries, they don't get angry and full of butthurt on TV because they don't get their way.
Then there are the rumors that Meghan and Harry have fallen out with William and Kate. In all my years I've never seen a family that didn't have the odd spat. If you can't cut toxic people (including biological family) from your life then you have to find a way to cope such as living in a nice fancy cottage away from them as they have done.
A father that just wants to capitalize on your marriage is easy to get rid of. William and Kate are people she has just met on the family time scale. They might not like the competition for being the nation's Royal couple who knows? They might very well all get along.
Harry turned himself around from being a 30 year-old frat boy and the nation and indeed most of the world likes him even more now. Give Meghan a chance, she hasn't done anything wrong.
If Old Knudsen is not the deity you'll listen to then listen toThor: "Families can be tough. Before my father died, he told me I had a half-sister that he imprisoned in hell. Then she returned home and stabbed me in the eye. So I had to kill her. I feel your pain."
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Labels: Meghan Markle, prince harry, royal family
Tuesday 13 November 2018
We Will Remember Them ... If It's Dry Out
This may be news to Overt Narcissists but it isn't all about them. When commemorating the 100 years since the end of WWI in France, Trump didn't want to go the 50 miles to the Aisne-Marne American cemetery because it was raining .... no, it was because his helicopter couldn't fly in the alleged zero visibility .... no, it was because he didn't want to cause traffic upsets cos Trump is really thoughtful like that.
It was the day after the Marine Corp had its 243rd birthday and of course the Internet trolled Trump as did the French army and also Justin Trudeau.
"As we sit here in the rain, thinking how uncomfortable we must be these minutes as our suits get wet and our hair gets wet and our shoes get wet, I think it's all the more fitting that we remember on that day, in Dieppe, the rain wasn't rain, it was bullets."
Trump sent John Kelly and Gen. Joseph F. Dunford Jr in his place to visit the 2,289 U.S. troops laid to rest there. Trump said, "have a good time, enjoy yourselves and bring me back something nice,"
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Labels: Donald Trump Coward, They Shall Not Grow Old, WWI
Saturday 27 October 2018
Make America Blow Up Again
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Labels: Cesar Sayoc, conspiracy, Donald Trump Is A Moron, MAGA Bomber
Saturday 20 October 2018
Saudi Arabia Really Doesn't Care, Do U?
There has been a lot of backlash over the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi by agents of Saudi Arabia. More backlash than the slaughter going on in Yemen but who cares about that? They don't have a face and aren't US residents.
In the past Khashoggi has covered the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan and the rise of Osama Bin Laden for various Saudi news outlets. He was close to close to the Saudi royal family and was even an adviser to the government.
Khashoggi was traveling and working giving talks and Interviews. He had just been Interviewed in London by the BBC days before traveling to Istanbul.
He went into the Saudi consulate in Istanbul on 28th September for papers to certify he was divorced from his wife as he had planned to marry his Turkish fiancee Hatice Cengiz. The consulate greeted him warmly and were very obliging saying to return on 2nd October. He wasn't concerned as it was on Turkish soil.
He went in leaving his fiancee to wait outside. She had been given a number for an adviser to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan should he not return.
While Khashoggi was cautious but not concerned he didn't know he was walking into a trap. In the wee hours of that morning a private plane flew to Turkey from the Kingdom carrying several Saudi goons, mostly intelligence agents.
The agents checked into a hotel and an hour before Khashoggi was to arrive they went to the Consulate to get set up.
Turkey isn't a big friend to Saudi as Turkey have been cosying up to Russia and so they will be paying attention to who comes and goes.
What happened exactly when Khashoggi entered the Consulate is unclear. According to Turkey they have an audio recording of an altercation including threats to the Ambassador who was worried about getting into trouble to talk of dismembering Kashoggi and how it would be a good idea to play loud music while doing it.
Turkey says Khashoggi was tortured and killed. Considering it was a team of 15 that took Khashoggi down and resulted in his death then Old Knudsen can safety say it was a hit rather than an abduction.
The whole event lasted for two hours before the men left the Consulate. A second plane from the Kingdom arrived in Turkey and by 9 pm that night both private planes had left and Khashoggi was no where to be seen.
For over 4 hours Ms Cengiz waited outside the Consulate for Mr Khashoggi to come out.
Don't worry, the US won't stand for shit like this, especially not against journalists and brown ones at that. US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo says he hasn't heard any tapes and doesn't know shit except for what Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman's cock tastes like.
Trump says there will be serious action but then goes on to say what a great ally Saudi Arabia are and how much money they have promised him. If you remember that just after that deal they had Trump condemning Qatar for being terrorists.
That turned out to be untrue and was Saudi trying to impose pressure on Qatar by turning the world against them. They played Trump so easily as he was desperate for a win.
Then there is the other fact that the west ignores that 15 of the 19 terrorists that carried out 9/11 were citizens of Saudi Arabia.
As like Israel, Saudi Arabia are our allies and usually our proxy bad guys in the Middle East. We aren't going to do anything to them because we sell them shit and buy their oil. They'll do things that we won't dare to do and are solidly against Iran so turn a blind eye.
18 Saudi nationals have been arrested so far and some high up intelligence officials have been dismissed. Just some busy work to look like there is outrage to appease the West. King Salman has spoken to President Recep Tayyip Erdogan by phone and Turkish investigators have been allowed into the Consulate.
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Labels: Donald Trump Is A Moron, Jamal Khashoggi, Raif Badawi, saudi arabia
Friday 14 September 2018
Murder Most Foul
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Labels: Alexander Petrov, Iran so far away, murder, Nancy Crampton Brophy, Ruslan Boshirov, Russian spies
Friday 24 August 2018
Another White House Adviser Resigns
The net of justice closing in on Trump and his dodgy as fuck staffers, the President has lost yet another ally. Top White House adviser and newly appointed head of the Space Force, Lieutenant Colonel Wilson the volleyball has resigned.
The dream team of White House advisers has always been Hannity, Carlson and Wilson but when Wilson got the coveted Space Force job the other two like the little bitches they are pushed/rolled him out claiming he's playing handball with the Democrats.
Wilson was always the brains in the White House and even made Steve Bannon look good .. not physically obviously.
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Labels: Donald Trump Is A Moron, traitors, white house, Wilson the volleyball
Tuesday 21 August 2018
This Is Reality
For those more self actualized and more in tune with the universe in general then this post won't be all that surprising. If you are someone bogged down with mundane stuff and get angry every time you see something you don't like or agree with then it'll this post will sound cray cray.
This post isn't about mental health but stuck up Victor Mature types will take it that way ... cos they don't get it. Not a paranoid Schizophrenic rant about big pharma watching us via the microwave or chemtrails being used to alter our minds. Old Knudsen is in no way a paranoid Schizophrenic and if he was I'm sure one of the voices in his head would tell him .... did you just hear a click?
Buddhists have the whole Yin Yang balance thing and also karma. We are responsible for our own happiness and misery, not some mysterious external force of good and evil. In fact the actual words good and evil being English don't translate properly to how Buddhists think about morality.
Hinduism also has karma and you can be punished for deeds done in past lives. Yeah both religions are full of shit in general as like the Christian, Muslim and Judaic ones.
Old Knudsen does believe in reincarnations (respawned) but rather than be punished by the universe for past lives we get the change in our current one to fix it and not repeat those mistakes. We get to chose what kind of people we want to be. Things from decades ago can still define people if they allow it or they can work at moving on.
If someone makes us angry they have a power over us. If someone treats us poorly and we put up with it then we are allowing them to do it. Other reasons and factors may help us make the choice as to what to do but there is always a choice ... not always a happy one though.
Trumptards, Brexitards, Vegans and ridiculously attractive people are the universe's tools to cause chaos or to keep your level of suffering pretty high. The reason will be made clear later.
Ever think that reality is just so dumb and ridiculous that it can't be happening? I don't just mean in Florida.
Ever take the left path instead of the right and narrowly avoid disaster? Pure chance or instinct perhaps. As if someone was whispering into you ear.
Cause and effect is the true name of karma. The web of possibilities is so vast that we cannot see how some bloke catching an earlier train to work halfway across the world could effect your life in any way. The pattern of events that lead to you could be tiny or even take years.
We are like impotent gods who can delete if they get it wrong .... or cause a massive flood only in the Middle East if you go by the religious fairy tales.
I'm bored, time for a war.
We have only started to created these pseudo worlds saved in cyber space or on your Play Station. Going by planets like Mars the whole terraforming thing has come and gone many times over and you get left with the evidence which is there (saved) for possible new adventures in the future.
Thinking about the infinite amount of possible realities it would be fair to suggest that humanity is one such reality. If cannot be ruled out.
Is the world a play thing for some bored alien in its mom's basement? Perhaps it started the game called Earth but a better game came out so like us it has moved onto the latest trend and we act out how we are supposed to in the background unsupervised.
The game rights itself now and then by tweaking with our fates but on the whole our actions determine outcome. Not every character is on the same level, some are way higher than others which explains the constant bullshit and poor decisions made in the world.
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Labels: bend my shite, deep thoughts, fear monger reality check
Tuesday 24 July 2018
Ian Paisley Is A Crook And Should Be Fired
Northern Ireland is a microcosm of the US or what the GOP want to make it. No same sex marriage, no abortion. The only thing missing are guns which only the police and criminals/farmers have.
DUP politician Ian Paisley failed to declare two luxury family holidays in 2013 paid for by the Sri Lankan government. He also lobbied the then prime minister on the country's behalf.
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Labels: crooked politicians, DUP sammy wilson, Ian paisley jnr