Wednesday, 1 June 2016

Taken Movie To Be Shot In Belfast

Shakespeare isn't Shakespeare unless you spit on yer fellow actors.

Sir Kenneth Branagh was talking about how he wouldn't mind shooting a movie in Belfast because we have a flourishing movie industry here with tax breaks and who needs nice scenery when you have CGI right?

Game of Thrones, The Fall, Dracula untold and many more were made here. Branagh who got fame (or at least noticed) for his Billy plays trilogy set during the Northern Ireland Troubles and used the exterior streets scenes on the very streets that us Knudsen's lived on has done alright for himself.  

He directed Thor and didn't fuck it up so yeah I'll let him make a wee movie here but it isn't him that we really want it's Liam Neeson. Quit wasting time with Ballymena, yer flogging a dead sheep with that coke hole in the Bible belt.  

Do you know who has it? Is it the pikeys at number 27? 

We want a Taken movie shot here, not ghey Shakespeare shite. Wot an over rated writer he was. Shakespeare would fail in the cut throat werld of blogging today

Yes I know that blogging is so 10 years ago but do I care? My werds of wisdom and warnings about Lemurs will infect cyberspace for thousands of years, I am the Chernobyl of the Interwebs. Read me and feel yer mental health degrading as you become enlightened like wot I am. Sanity is for the weak, the universe thrives on chaos. Tune into the truth and wake up sheeple!

 I just got it because my old one had cracked and was meaning to put the numbers on it for fucks sake, just don't fill it without putting a wheelie bin liner in it ... please.

Liam Neeson plays Bryan Mills, a former government operative ..... aye he werked as a health and safety inspector on the edge .... an unsafe edge that someone could trip on. 

After years of ensuring that paving was level and fire exits were clear he just wanted the quiet life in the BT 9 part of Belfast surrounded by middle and upper class professional types.  

He noticed his old wheelie bin had a crack down it, plastic degrades over time and this tends to happen. He had always been careful that no hot ashes were put in his bin and even had it sprayed out once a fortnight but still, bad things happen to good people. Crack is whack.

He paid for a replacement and gleefully filled it with trash, feeling young again enjoying that plastic out gassing smell, he could tell his new bin hadn't been in council storage for that long.

Though many flouted the law and put their bins out the night before, Mills and his H&S discipline always got up early to put his bin out at the proper time. 

How do they have 5 fucken bins? 

He surveyed the street, bins at kirbs but not blocking path access with the handles facing the road, how considerate. He smiled and put his bin out. Then he looked towards number 27. Five bins that were over flowing. That family had 6 children and loud parties that went on into the wee hours. He had often bought a burner phone to complain about them from a safe location. 

How the fuck do they get their bins emptied? Not being able to close the lids is in direct contradiction to the wheelie bin accord of 2004. Trouble making fuckers have the council turning a blind eye to them. 

He snapped a picture with his phone intent on writing a strongly worded e-mail later. This corruption will be dealt with.

Mills went to the Spring Continental Market at the city hall with a lady friend from his book club and enjoyed some Belgium chocolate and some pastries he didn't care for but ate them anyways. 

He picked up some stick on numbers at Poundland and headed home with a spring in his step. Yeah the bin men had been but where was his bin? He walked to a group of bins not yet taken in, he shook his head that the bin men would just leave a clutter of bins in one place rather than at the gates of each house but where was his? 

His trained H&S gaze saw a pothole in the road, a recycling box still left out since last week and did the curtains twitch at number 27? Those people didn't even have vertical blinds, who could live like that? 

Panic set in he couldn't even look into most of the gardens as they had high fences ... what could he do? 

I bet they knew it was him that called about their parties. He had stones thrown at his windows after telling one of their children to get out of his garden, was this revenge? 

 Many famous people have been conceived over a wheelie bin. Osama bin laden for example.

Now that's the kind of movie I would pay to go and see. I hope Neeson or some Hollywood (not Holywood county Down) director is reading this. I could knock up a screenplay in about a day .... since screenplays aren't real writing, lets all just admit that to ourselves. 

You could call it Taken: So it was or Taken: For fecks sake. 

You could go for the whole environmental angle and make it a recycling bin. I see car chases, explosions and the real issues that effect our everyday life ..... exploding wheelie bin chases, I think I just got hard. 

Lets crowd fund it, I have a particular skill set so send me money .... and titty pics of course, duh!     


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