Wednesday, 21 November 2012
I was greatly delighted when I heard from her majesty over afternoon tea that you had returned from the colonies and are now living in Northern Ireland.
Your exploits are legendary. What young boy didn't borrow his father's cap and run around his posh Berkshire home pretending to save the world?
In fact you were required reading at Oxford teaching me wisdom I've relied on to get me through the tough times as Prime Minister.
Since you moved back to the UK our MI-5 operatives have gained from your knowledge and experience and the country has been made a far safer and secure place. Thank you again for your work during the Olympics, the fact that you saved so many will never be known but it will always be appreciated by we few who know.
I was wondering, would we be able to hire you again as a security consultant? Later today I'm to announce that the 2013, G8 summit will be held in County Fermanagh in your fair part of our nation.
A feat that could only be possible because the great Soren Knudsen is living there. Vladimir Putin and Peter Robinson were not so keen on involving you as I believe that you've had a few run ins with them.
I have no hesitation in suggesting you for this post and both President Obama and Chancellor Merkel gave you glowing references. Ms Merkel was extremely pleased you sly old dog you.
Maybe we could do lunch and discuss security options and maybe chat about some of your most famous cases.
Your weekly wage of £145,000 goes without saying. The U.N. Interpol and the FBI have all agreed to clear you of any criminal charges that you may have accidentally acquired over the years and I'm working with local police authorities to do the same too.
Your SG-19 clearance is intact and 3 tons of blue M&Ms have been purchased.
Please accept this position Old Knudsen, you can keep the Crown jewels, its not like the public have noticed after all these years anyway.
Let me know your decision as soon as possible.
David William Donald Cameron
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, First Lord of the Treasury, Minister for the Civil Service and Leader of The Conservative Party.
For fucks sake why Old Knudsen? Oh yeah ........ hes the fucking best, ask yer Ma.
Well I do like blue M&Ms, oh I don't know. Should I take the job or no? If Old Knudsen had moved to fucking Somalia they would have wanted to hold it there I bet ya.
Ach it should be ok, out of the way of protesters and thats what matters. The Lough Erne resort in Fermanagh should be easy enough to defend unless the cunning bastards have some clever devices that travel along the surface of the water.
Ach well I don't have to answer him straight away, I'll let the fat headed baby man stew for a bit. Ach first the Queen coming here and now this. Old Knudsen is more looking forward to the sexy Hilary cuming here next month.... He'll do her for free while Billy boy watches, the usual.
For a primate broken doon back water shithole, we're sure getting the VIPs. Old Knudsen brightens up any cuntry hes in.
firstname.lastname@example.org Old Knudsen