Saturday, 24 November 2012

The Undead Go Shopping

When I go into me local large grocery store Old Knudsen has flashbacks to the zombie apocalypse.

No wait, thats no happened in this timeline yet. Nothing to worry about, only bad people get turned into zombies and the world becums a better place with free healthcare and queers happily getting married.

Just ignore anything I said about the 2014 apocalypse, I was just joking, you know me. Enjoy yer bacon as normal.

So in yon shops, Old Knudsen calls his fellow shoppers 'walkers' just like yon Walking ded TV show.
they shuffle about, getting in yer way and try to catch you by being in yer way on every aisle you go on.
Why the fuck do you block the aisle with yer cart , holding onto it with one hand as you look at the shelves?  Oh and its not a fucking social club, stop crowding round the baked beans talking shite to each other or I'll hurt ya. 

If some cunts know what you are after they will stand and cock block you on purpose, taking an unnatural fascination in mixed pickles. Go concentrate on the fruit drinks.  

I'm just looking for yogurt!

One thing I've noticed is that they are attracted to the living. If you stand and look at something you'll get a couple of walkers coming up behind you to see what you find so interesting. When the old lady sees that yer looking at the fine display of electrical tape and easy to break multi-tools she shuffles off to stuff she actually wants, leaving her heavy brand of gag worthy perfume, piss and OB clinging to the air around you.

This really fucked Old Knudsen off for a long time. Now he just stops at the most boring or stupid items to see how many walkers he can attract. Oh so yer interested in Lego super heroes are ya? no, didn't think so.