Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Mr Blubber Lubber

Dr Levick was an avid biologist and was one of the medical officers on Captain Scott's Terra Nova expedition to the South Pole in 1910. He was in one of the groups that weren't to go to the pole but rather hang around and study shit.

Old Knudsen who has had vast experience of exploring doon south, ask yer ma, was there too. Not going anywhere near the south pole though as that seemed like crazy man folly and of the many things you can call Old Knudsen 'crazy' isn't one of them.................... IF YOU DID I'D DESTROY YOU AND YER FAMILY AND EAT YER BONES THEN TRAVEL BACK IN TIME, AND BECUM YER DADDY  .......... of course you wouldn't go calling Old Knudsen names now would you?

Levick was interested in the study of penguins. Due to the weather we were stuck on Inexpressible Island which was (unless you listen to whinny old Levick) a beautiful place full of ice, rocks and seaweed, a paradise!

Levick moaned and complained all the time being a typical whinny pom as the Aussies would say and yapped about having to eat blubber all the time and about choking on blubber smoke from the lamps while we lived in our ice cave. Old Knudsen lived in a Russian gulag for fun, that Levick bloke had it easy.   

A lot of what the penguins got up to was too much for Levick's Edwardian sensibilities, "depraved" and "hooligan" males that were mating with dead females. The poor fella was so distressed was he that he wrote doon the "perverted" activities in Greek in his notebook. The Greeks do that stuff all the time, a filthy people.

Old Knudsen didn't know what his problem was, ducks do it, penguins do it even uneducated Old Knudsen .......doo's it? lets do it lets fcuk a dead bird.   

Even some bow chicka bow wow music played on a concertina didn't help him ....... not easy to do BTW.

The saucy bits of Levick's completed paper were left out of the Natural History Museum account and was given to only a few scientists as wanking material.

 Pay attention class there will be a test later

We all know why some birds like to fcuk a dead un. If yer a bird with the hornies and you see a female lying doon ready to accept yer huge penguin cock inside her you jump on it and shag away right?

 The same thing happened to Old Knudsen back in 89, he was working at the hospital as a brain surgeon/troubleshooter and while he was hanging around in yon morgue there was a naked woman lying on a table. Naked woman lying doon = sex right? Old Knudsen didn't need an invitation, he shoved the bloke with the rib shears out of the way and went for it.

Not the greatest sex of Old Knudsen's life ........ that would be yer ma .... Ka - Chow!  but it did the job. Before you know it some blokes who must have been jealous grabbed me and called the police.

Here is where the nasty business in the story cums out, they must have killed her because then Old Knudsen gets arrested for fcuking a corpse! Yer honour I swear she was alive or rather I didn't notice as Old Knudsen was quite busy and completely taken with her charms.  Old Knudsen has been put on the sex offenders list so many times that now he has his own list.

Levick's papers on penguin sex have now been published as the public can now handle them. Penguins were ahead of their time says I.