Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Lick It Then Swallow For About Six Dollars

Here is a message to the Americans in general. You have 4 of yer earth hours to surrender....... oops wrong message . Every time you mention a capitol city on the telly you have to say the cuntry too.

London - England.

Yes Old Knudsen knows there are other Londons out there but not ones founded in 47 AD (after dinner) by the Romans and called Londinium but ones named after London formerly Londinium, like aluminum but spelled aluminium which we all know is the proper fucking fucker way .

If the telly says London then it obviously means England. When Hitler said "Go bomb the fuck out of London" the Luftwaffen didn't bomb Canada. When James Bond books a flight to London they don't say, "Is that London in Ohio?"

If you name a London on the telly its the London in England unless its one of the lesser ones, right? Jellied eels, red double deckers, colourful cockneys, Big fucking Ben and loads of wogs.

Remember so as to not confuse people the town of Derry in Norn iron you need to call it by its proper name not, Free Derry, Taig Derry, Derry the town of rapes and murders or just Derry. You must call it Londonderry its the law. Also you don't want to insult anyone, its all politics just trust me on this one.

If you search for Paris you have to be careful.

Do you want to end up with Paris Hilton in the Carl's Jr commercial ? or do you want to end up in Paris France? no fucking way its obvious its Paris, Texas cos its all about Texas, the whole world revolves around that idiot inbred state. Like Florida but with cowboy hats.

For others not in Callyfornia Carl's Jr is an American fast-food restaurant chain that is also in Mexico and Canada now I believe. Its America's #4 after M'Donald's, Burger king and Wendys. I never heard of it in fact I had never heard of Wendys until the mid 90's.

They used to have some bloke eating a burger all doon his chin but thankfully with the exception of Hilton they usually have a hot chick eating them now.

Eat it bitch eat it! er sorry I get a little excited when I see a hot woman who can speak 5 languages have oral sex with a burger.

They had a chick on a mechanical horse eating while the horse bucked around, her hips writhing in motion with burger being sexily ate, as soon as the music for that ad came on my 4 hour erection came on too. In fact if I ever hear the song it jumps up like Pavel's dog, it may even lick yer face.

There is an ad with a doctor who loves bourbon and obsesses about it before surgeries, during surgeries and just about every minute of the day, he just isn't right without a bourbon. It turns out to be a double Kentucky bourbon burger he is talking about. In real life he may be eating the burger but he'd also be pished as a newt from a liquid lunch, you know surgeons they do what they like.

Now they have some well formed woman from some MTV show eating what she calls her bikini burger. Not quite Padma Lakshmi or the bronco but at least it doesn't make me throw up like Hilton with her stick like 'Thats hot' pseudo sexiness.

Audrina Patridge the current chick may call it the bikini burger but she doesn't mention throwing it up later in order to stay in her bikini.


dai said...

It's half past feckin six in the morning and now I'm dying for an Audriana burger.

Anonymous said...

It works.

MJ said...

Canadians named everything after UK and Irish towns, yes, including London, Ontario which has a Thames River too and street names lifted from the original as well.

Anonymous said...

There is a condom brand "London".