Thursday, 5 March 2015

Part Of The Problem

 
If you look at the newspaper and see what yer local politican is up to and go, 'why do stupid people vote for these idiots' then just remember, it could always be worse .... unless it is of course.
 
Wisconsin state Senator Glenn Grothman is a bear hunting, misogynist, pro-life, homophobe Republican who hates poor people and thinks you should be able to smoke where you please. 

A real man who remembers when America was a better place, for white middle class Christian people.   


He wants to go back to the days where you'd get one day off per week as the law right now is as he put it, "a little goofy."

"Right now in Wisconsin, you're not supposed to work seven days in a row, which is a little ridiculous because all sorts of people want to work seven days a week." Maybe he has never had a real job in which your time is not your own and you are expected to work hard. What will working 7 days a week get you when yer dead? ... who will care then? ... Is that life and what defines you as a person?
Having money is good but 7 days a week? 


Sex education is just teachers with the agenda to turn children ghey. I knew I didn't trust teachers for a reason, they think they are soo smart with their books and facts an shit. He thinks that Kindergarten is useless too as the kids don't remember any of it.  Old Knudsen doesn't remember it ... ok, like vaccinations for mumps and measles he didn't go to no Kindergarten.

Back then in the UK the children/babies all smoked and would have a drop of milk in their whisky for all aliments, we didn't do German measles or German sounding schools, fuck you Hitler!  




Did you know that Planned Parenthood are racist, they have a habit of, "not liking people who are not white" and  target Asian Americans for sex-selective abortions?  .... even though they are against sex-selective abortions.

Has he even been to a Planned Parenthood clinic? 


I don't care who says what at the Oscars, weemen don't take work seriously enough, too busy thinking about washing things and baking. Does a responsible person get pregnant so they can't work? So much for priorities.

"Take a hypothetical husband and wife who are both lawyers, but the husband is working 50 or 60 hours a week, going all out, making 200 grand a year. The woman takes time off, raises kids, is not go go go."
"Now they're 50 years old. The husband is making 200 grand a year, the woman is making 40 grand a year. It wasn't discrimination. There was a different sense of urgency in each person."
"You could argue that money is more important for men. I think a guy in their first job, maybe because they expect to be a breadwinner someday, may be a little more money-conscious." 

Men rock! It doesn't and shouldn't matter that the woman maybe be better than the man, he got there first and didn't have any holidays for being pregnant .... Manflu is different as there is no known cure.


Oscar for the best poor person goes to ..... Oliver Twist! In yer face you fakers. 

He really hates poor people who claim foodstamps assistance. He asked some experts ... yeah some cashiers at the store about the people on foodstamps.  

"Observations of people who work in food stores indicate that many people who use food stamps do not act as if they are genuinely poor."


He tells people to poor shame, if they buy soda or candy with their foodstamps then name and shame. 
Aye the Gestapo were big into having the public tout on their neighbours.


When Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni launched a bill to punish gays and lesbians. John Kerry got involved and spoke out against it. Grothman said.

"Now, usually I associate the United States with being a positive influence on Africa, you associate the United States with sending missionaries to Africa…Instead, what we have is the secretary of state going to Africa and educating Ugandans or saying he is going to send American scientists to Uganda to explain how normal homosexuality is. Think about that. What must God think of our country?"

God doesn't do too much thinking actually, much like his followers.


He hates Kwanzaa and thinks that black people aren't interested in it and that it's only liberal white people who go on about it to divide Americans .... white folks are soo fucking devious.  "Why Must We Still Hear About Kwanzaa?"

"Treat Kwanzaa with the contempt it deserves before it becomes a permanent part of our culture."

Martin Luther King day should not be a state employee holiday, calling the day off "an insult to all the other taxpayers around the state." What about black history month? I like February and think maybe we should move the black month into the first week of April and make it a black history half-hour cos I find a month to be oppressive and divisive.     

Affirmative action should be done away with too, going by his comments about gender pay equality he believes whoever gets the job first 'a white male obviously' they deserve it so he is all for affirmative action rather than the better person for the job. 

"There's no question that affirmative action is an idea whose time has come and gone, it's offensive and it's very anti-business." 

Stay away from me, I don't want to catch the ghey.






"Did people even know what homosexuality was in high school in 1975? I don't remember any discussion about that at the time. There were a few guys who would make fun of a few effeminate boys, but that's a different thing than homosexuality. Homosexuality was not on anyone's radar. And that's a good thing."


He said that single parents who have a partner means that their children are "20 times more likely to be sexually abused."

This is somewhat true though I bet that 20 times is an exaggeration. Don't worry though, being married won't save yer child either.

  

 Grothman obviously knows about weemen, children and everything .... though he isn't married and has no children, he is like the Pope who will talk about anything without ever experiencing it.

Some immigrants from Africa went to Europe to live, they had never used stairs or even door handles, would you ask for their advice on elevators or escalators?     


 

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

Man On Mars

Mars base 2.

You've maybe heard of Dr Joseph Roche, an Irishman who works at the Science Gallery in Trinity College Dublin, he hopes to get picked to go die on Mars. 

Out of 200,000 candidates worldwide he is one of the final 705 chosen, not so fast lad it's only a 4 person mission. It is supposed to take place in 10 years time and until then some of those picked will be trained as astronauts which will be shown on the telly as a reality show. 


Aye it does sound like a load of bollocks  that will never leave the ground as couples get drunk in hot tubs as they dream of the stars and being the first people to die on Mars.  Yes I did say die, there won't be any coming back but look on the bright side with all the lethal doses of radiation from the sun they shouldn't last any more than a couple of months. 

Since Old Knudsen is part cockroach I put my name doon too but got picked for a different mission due to my experience. During the war I sailed a Spitfire during the battle of Dunkirk, I also flew the first Doodlebug which we affectionately called the V-1 flying bomb .... lol! 

I trained for 4 months in wild west gun slinging, have watched the movie Top Gun 23 times and yes Iceman, I am dangerous. I was abducted in 53 by aliens who refused to probe me for silly reasons of hygiene and on weekends I fight young children in cage matches, that is just the tip of the iceberg of Old Knudsen's experience, you weren't there you don't know. 


Bill O'Reilly the top news man on Faux News vouched for me fine character. Aye me and Bill fought together on the Falkland Islands when the Japs invaded. In El Salvador we saw nuns get shot in the back of the head .... Cos we did it, I said, "Bill yer a mad man" and he replied stone cold drunk, "Line them up Knudsen, you don't know what I've seen in the heat of combat, and the smell" ... I apologized for the smell but shooting nuns excites me tummy a little too much.   

Bill wanted to sign up too but in 6 years from now he expects the rapture will have taken him up and away from all the dirty commie liberals and the zombies that will walk the Earth. He's a brilliant man is Bill, like a cross between John Wayne and some other draft dodger er people who get a deferment to avoid joining up like Wayne did for WWII and Bill did for Nam, both big supporters of the wars though. 

  
In 9 years since I've got nothing planned, I'll be blasting off to Mars to set up a base for the later stage of the reality show, maybe called 'Dead people on Mars do the darndest things' like who kills who for the last of the water etc. 
I'll be making living accommodations covered in sandbags full of Martian soil and growing plants and breeding insects for them to eat. The Dutch non-profit group Mars One who run the show want me to hide out to cause trouble off camera so that 4 people dying of radiation poisoning is more exciting to viewers. 

Don't worry, once they are dead I have a plan to wrap meself in tinfoil and trampoline off the planet and sleep for a few months until I reach the moon and then get a lift back from the Reptoids, it's science bitches! 




Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Get A Head In Life

Italian surgeon Sergio Canavero likes head, so much so that he says he'll be ready to do head transplants in 2 years. Someone with an incurable disease can be given a new body if you can afford it at £7.5million a go or you can just keep on getting young bodies and never die.

In 1970 US surgeons transplanted a head from one monkey onto another so why not? Well that sorta worked but the monkey couldn't move afterwards but still, high fives all round ....  stoopid monkey.

The only obstacle in the way of medical science is that they don't how how to reconnect spinal nerves to make them work again. In Old Knudsen's experience a lack of knowledge on how the body works never stopped any Doctor from doing their job.


Stephen Hawking could get a new body, with muscles like that he could punch black holes into people but could the public ever come to terms that he'd have an English accent? "In a universe of infinite possibilities, I can bench press a truck, I'm sexy and I know it, welcome to the theory of these guns baby."   

After while when the price goes down we could fuck up Daesh every time they cut off someone's head for Allah. You executed someone? ..... Then how come they are standing right beside me? Where is yer Prophet now?... Mind fuck on the sand savages!

Sex change operations will be far easier and Old Knudsen can go from being an arms dealer to a body dealer .... again.


Walt Disney might make a come back once they thaw him out, we can ask him why he wrote the words 'Kurt Russell' on a piece of paper before he died.We could also ask him why he hates parents so much that most movies have them dying. The 21st century needs his old time anti-communist values.

Well I for one cannot see any problems with this at all. Instead of the death penalty for murderers they can volunteer their body. Prisons and Children's homes could stand to make a lot of money. Soldiers wounded in battle can use any prisoners of war as compensation except that would lead to the big money makers in this deal (medical and pharmaceutical industries) to steer their nations to war with others the same colour.

Could you imagine the US or the UK going to war against Russians or some European nation? Who would kill all the brown people? We'd better crank out some more drones.



Old Knudsen has 2 years to save up for a new body, I've already seen a couple I'd like, they had better look after themselves cos I am watching them.

 

Monday, 2 March 2015

Humans Are Not From Earth




Who didn't read Erich Von Daniken's Chariots of the Gods back in the day and got "wow" then "huh?" Well not content to let the idea that aliens have visited earth throughout history die, an Ecologist which is someone who analyses and studies the interactions of organisms and their environment has got a book out about it.

Maybe Dr. Ellis Silver reads my blog and just lifted out some ideas, if he says that the Mothership the aliens came over on is called 'Heaven' then I may sue.   

Silver says that humans are not native to Earth because they get bad backs, suffer sun burn and have difficulty during childbirth. He says that neanderthals were possibly bred with another species, perhaps from our nearest solar system of Alpha Centauri.

  
What a load of horse shit right? We were obviously made by an all powerful invisible dude who makes planets in 7 days and people out of dirt and spare ribs .... hhhmmm baby back ribs.  Anyone who comes out and says it's aliens needs a harsh mocking, just like religious folk get. 

Except they mostly don't, odd that. We'll believe any old shite and take it seriously if told it often enough. Like the Bible you don't need proof in aliens, you just have to believe.

 
A cave painting from 10,000 BC, Val Camonica, Italy ... I've seen better.

Did ancient man build all that cool shit like the temple complex of Puma Punku, the giant walls of Sacsayhuaman, did they move the 10 foot tall 26 ton stones of Stonehenge, polish the stone balls of Costa Rica, build the ok Temples in Baalbeck, the Great Pyramid of Giza or even the great triangle of Bermuda?   

Belfast City Hospital, that is what we can build. Many Knudsen's have been born and died within those yellow walls.
 
NO! cos stone age and bronze age peeps weren't smart like what we are. Hand the fuckers a lap top and tell them to go onto tumblr and look at the crazy shit that people do with their Barbie dolls and they wouldn't have a fuckin clue. 

 From the movie 50 LBS of dildo.

This right here is what makes humans the most successful creature on the planet. We don't know how to lift 26 ton blocks so how could they? 


We're so fuckin smart some times that it hurts. Well Edward Leedskalnin a simple pamphlet making ranting Latvian did build Coral Castle in Florida in the 1920's to the 50's by himself moving 30 ton blocks and Wally Wallington from Flint, Michigan can move stone blocks with fulcrums and levers but I choose to ignore that .... maybe aliens really helped them cos we get bad backs you see. 

Wally using gravity and planks to stand up a stone on his own.
 
 
Man, I feel like a woman.

Getting back to Dr. Ellis Silver, the cover of his book 'Humans are not from Earth' says Ellis Silver PhD so lets hope it's other news outlets calling him a doctor as a doctor is someone who belittles you when you go in for some medical condition that they don't know anything about. 

He says that the harsh environment of Earth and the fact that we only have our huge intelligent Barbie molesting brains to protect ourselves with means we aren't native because we haven't adapted/evolved. What about the extra 223 genes in human beings, which are not found in any other species, and the lack of a fossil missing link? .....  Amelia Earhart and a big fuck off passenger plane are also still missing, we just can't find shit.

He thinks that because humans are such cunts that this is like a prison planet. The whole planet is like Australia I suppose but going in deeper because we have an Australia which is then like prisonception. Charles Manson trying to smuggle his jizz out of jail knows all about prisonception. 

3,500 year-old alien space ships.

I can tell you want the truth, otherwise you wouldn't read this blog of wonder. Well ignoring things like facts and the obvious I'll go full clergy and give you the truth ... with all that shite taken out. 

Aliens like to probe butt holes .... it's an alien thing I guess. So they were on the planet probing all the animals, the ones who struggled too much or bit off the odd alien head got vaporized but rounding up all the animals, 2 of each species to bring to the Arrk probing station was a lot of work and the aliens hated how their skin burned under the sun or froze in the cold.

On a side note the dinosaur population was wiped out when a Thesaurus killed Captain John the Bapster of the star ship Holaylund.   

    Aliens, or as I call them The Great Designers. 
 
Instead of putting some clothes and a brimmed hat on they tampered with the local primates and genetically altered them with their own DNA.  The Great Designers made the apes stand up like they did and because they hated getting ape hair in their space butter they made us less hairy. Some of the earlier more hairy experiments escaped to what is modern day Greece and Turkey. 

Early man was black skinned so he could take the sun and was a superb athlete and a great dancer, if you say that these days people would call you a racist but back then these were positive attributes. 

Later versions were lighter skinned with inscrutable slitty eyes and small cocks, able to take the cold so they could hunt the animals with bungholes that lived in the frozen wastes. 

 A Caucaloid male.

The last humans made were known as the Caucaloids, it is unclear what use their very pale skin and large bulbous eyes were , possibly to hunt the night dwellers.  For some reason they couldn't dance, were highly offensive and thought that they were the shit. When the brown skinned sand savages invented God the Caucaloids decided he was white and so was his son. 


They continue this day to make the heroes of old into white men but keeping the odd spear chucker black as you wouldn't want to be racist .... It's called diversity. 
     
Talking computers the size of bowling balls gave rise to ancestor worship and the keeping of heads.

What we do know from archeology is that early society underwent a change and the Great Designers found themselves surrounded by semi-intelligent aggressive man-monkeys who were sick of getting probed and capturing dangerous creatures for their naked overlords. 

There was a revolt and the humans rose up and killed some of their masters, they sent out their angel droids to destroy a couple of cities and cause some floods to cover their escape and blasted off to the stars again. 
These angel droids would continue to kill humans which is why we find vast ruins that appear to have been abandoned. After a few centuries the Deman 3000 sentinel droids fell into decay and ceased to work.    

So Dr Silver was a little correct but this is not a prison planet, this is a planet that was tried for colonization, just like what smarty boy Stephen Hawking said about blasting off to find new worlds to live on cos we've gone an fucked this one up well proper .... Except he said it like an American Dalek. 

 Rear Admiral Gad from the star ship Heaven. As long as you can see his fingers yer safe.   

The Great Designers created space Lycra and stopped working out as much. They come over from time to time and probe some hick in America or a cow to re-live the good old days. So now you know the answers I suppose no point in me writing a book and making a load of money from my story then .... fucking blogs, I've done it again.


Sunday, 1 March 2015

Service Dragon Kicked Out Of Restaurant

Mother of dragons Daenerys Stormborn was asked to leave a restaurant because of her service dragon. 
After being in an abusive marriage in which her husband murdered her brother she has suffered from PTSD and finds going out rather difficult. 

"Every time I go out assassins try to kill me it's very stressful"

The manager of the restaurant says that he was reluctant to let a dragon into the restaurant as they have been known to take cattle and indiscriminately burn people alive. After having the situation explained a little more he has said that if the Khaleesi wishes to return we shall endeavor to serve the best stallion heart she has ever tasted. 


Old Knudsen added, "just because you put a bib on an animal doesn't make it a service animal, there is a very lucrative market to sell fake harnesses and certificates so common sense must be used by the customer and the vendor."

A comfort animal is not a service animal. While the whole pet thing seems rather trendy for people with PTSD I tend to call bullshit like how celebs all had little brown babies as a fashion accessory. I would not look to a pet to help me with my psychological issues, especially ones who chew their butts then lick yer face, then again I've had better pet dogs than mental health care providers.   



 

Saturday, 28 February 2015

Goodbye Mister Spock


Was the stupidity of the Internet too much for Spock? His last words were, "the dress is white and gold, make them believe."

Leonard Nimoy was always interesting to watch and could have you taking a guy with pointy ears and inscrutable eyebrows that bordered on racism seriously. Old Knudsen still watches the original series of Star Trek and the loss of Spock though inevitable, is still a kind of shock.

Even in the Star Trek re-boot and Fringe over the last couple of years he was lending his gravitas to those roles thus making the movies and shows ever so much better. 

Spock understood that the way of the universe is constant change and while we feel a sense of loss when many of those changes occur we should not be stuck in the past as there is always still shit to do. Spock wouldn't give up, that would be illogical.

We've lost Bones and Scotty already but Spock was the man ... well the half man though that is still more of a man than most.

In 1995 he signed my copy of 'I am Spock' and said a classy very actor like thank you in that deep booming voice of his.

No Mister Spock, thank you.


The Walking Saturday


When the zombie apocalypse comes Old Knudsen plans to be the best walker ever! I likes me meat.


The walking dead TV show seems to kill off all its black dudes with stupid 'hey watch out' bites. Only Daryl Dixon has job security in that show, if he was killed off there would be a riots.   


This guy who plays the Penguin in that awful Gotham TV show reprised his small role on TWD. His short scene had no dialogue and he was executed with a baseball bat ..... Blondes also have a habit of karking it too.  


Chris Brown and Dennis Rodman would be super fucked.


Don't worry Tyreese you'll be fine ....... He is sooo fucked!



Rick gets to have a daughter (really Shane's kid) but if the Governor wants to keep his walker daughter in a cage so he can bring her out to brush her hair in his room full of head tanks, people judge.

Friday, 27 February 2015

No Sense? Then Go Into Politics

Jon Stewart has said that he is leaving the brilliant Daily Show because after 16 years of non-stop stupidity from the right wing Conservatives he feels as if it's aged him. Old Knudsen can understand that which is why he doesn't do too much Northern Ireland stuff .... it's stupid and hateful. 

Faux News have said how nasty Stewart's attacks have been but when you say things like "Far more children died last year drowning in their bathtubs than were killed accidentally by guns." - Tucker Carlson, Aug. 9, 2014.

And

"The president of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day." - Michele Bachmann, Nov. 3, 2010

Well yer asking to be mocked. These were taken from The Daily Show's 50 Fox News lies in 6 seconds article.


Nelson McCauseland from the DUP in Northern Ireland. The DUP are on the same level and share the same ideologies as The Republican Party with the exception of firearms as this is 'oh no guns scare me cos I'm a pussy' Europe.  

Though they would have guns if they could, here is the DUP leader Peter Robinson. 

The DUP want Northern Ireland to be a religious winter wonderland (their religion, Protestantism) and are the ruling party, sharing the top spot with their Nemesis Sinn Fein. The bitching and the sniping stops any real work getting done as they accuse each other of doing what they themselves are doing.
Recently the DUP wanted the Conscience Clause put into law which would allow people to discriminate against homos, blacks, chicks with dicks and the like if it went against their belief system, Sinn Fein blocked it.
The DUP then claimed they were not against gheys only to have the Internet answer with the 33 times the DUP have tried to cure, ban or go back to making gheys illegal. The Conscience Clause and anti-abortion issue are two things that the DUP and the Catholic church actually agree with yet Sinn Fein is against both.

Seeing the similarity between the DUP and the GOP yet?

McCauseland wrote  an article in that blog disguised as a newspaper The Belfast Telegraph on how you shouldn't be fooled by the words of Sinn Fein but look at their actions.

 Former DUP leader Ian Paisley doing what he did.

Gerry Adams of Sinn Fein has said, 'we'll break the bastards with equality'  meaning that the thing that the DUP fear most is the modern world without no one to oppress. McCauseland side steps the issue of equality and denounces it as a tactic because Sinn Fein want to name a play park after IRA terrorist Raymond McCreesh.
I have no idea if that's McCauseland's favourite park. It's in butt fuck Newry and is one of the places  we in the military would call Bandit country. It's Sinn Fein territory just as Newtownabbey is Protestant.
While in Newtownabbey (the place that bans plays) they have a park they voted to name Prince William play park ... that name might be offensive in Newry. Yes someone did suggest naming it after one of the Shankill Butcher gang but they were told to wise up.     

McCreesh never killed anyone except himself after going on a hunger strike. Some may see him as a hero but he will be known as a terrorist by history. McCauseland wants Sinn Fein to admit that the IRA struggle against the British army was illegal by getting them to back down over this name, they aren't going to do that, would the DUP admit guilt at what they and their followers have done?

Ian Paisley never murdered anyone .... directly, like Charles Manson he incited people to murder and then gets made into a lord and gets to rule over Northern Ireland. 

McCauseland is right that actions speak louder than words, his own actions show that he awards building contracts to friends and is bitter enough to waste funding on a made up language 'Ulster/Scots' just so his side are getting something that the Catholics are getting for the Irish language. Tit for tat politics just like the 30 years of tit for tat terrorist murders.

You shouldn't name parks after criminals nor have memorials to them (both sides do) but naming a park after some dead paramilitary dirt-bag is a lot different to denying the human rights to living, breathing law abiding people.

It's typical hate focused logic of the DUP or the GOP to get these issues confused as they try to distract away from their own hate filled agenda. I'm surprised that Jon Stewart lasted 16 years as just looking at Nelson McCauseland's article in the paper has me reaching for my service revolver.

 

Thursday, 26 February 2015

Old Knudsen Sees A Psychic


So I went to a psychic medium show last week. It was a small turnout of about 40 people in a side room at a hotel. I got the sense that it wasn't going to be like John Edward when the audience were coming and going to the bar every 5 minutes and vaping in their seats.

The psychic took to the small stage, he played some song to get into the mood about when you need me I'll be by yer side, very sad I'm sure.

Bob Taylor psychic medium dressed in his 3 piece suit sans jacket with his fat belly testing the the limits of his waist coat stood and breathed as he listened to the spirits behind him.

He went off on a story about how he has heard some song about using someone's pillow. I don't think it was the Drake song, 'And if you pillow talking with the women that are screwing you Just know that she gon tell another nigga when she through with you' .... it wasn't that kind of crowd. All white people (obviously) with the old weemen on the right side of the room and the middle aged weemen with about 4 men on the left. 

A woman said her pillow had fallen, hit the electric heater and caught fire and she vaguely knew of the song from when she was young, not good enough.

No one got the pillow thing, a large woman at the front who got ALL the references said she understood the pillow but I highly suspect she is one of his regulars. A bodysnatcher as he explained who takes all the people.

Someone is sucking my psychic juices I cannot speak to the dead today!

No no no, it's all your fault, you aren't paying attention and getting the connections, he berated in a more polite way. Sort of YOU DON"T BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH! Enough to make people politely nod and question themselves. Once they say that they sort of get it he runs with it and it's not like you can say no after that. People's brains make connections naturally and he is relying on us accepting his tenuous links and connections for the sake of his show. 

I only do home parties for no more than 3 people as anymore is just greed and you can't read everyone ... as he stands in front of 40 people. What if 40 spirits came through?

Ballywalter! he called out, which as it turns out is close to where he is from. A woman said, 'yes me' and he asked if she trained horses, when she was young it seems ... that was enough of a link. The lady volunteered the news that her sister had died. He asked did someone get better just before they died? .. um lots of people do that, it's one of the signs that the end is nigh.


After John Hurt's character in Alien got the thing off his face he was eating his dinner like a starving person just glad to be alive and then he died.   

Do you know the song 'Bring me sunshine?' every British person knows it just like Americans know the Mister Roger's theme. Well your sister is saying you brought her sunshine and made her smile, she also sends you rainbows.

Shit! I thought the rainbows were God's promise to not kill us all again, a sort of scary reminder to appreciate that God has let you live another day.  Like a divine raising of a hand.

Well the lady was crying and the younger lady beside her (her daughter?) was crying too. The younger lady (early 20's) had been looking back at me a lot at the start of the night, must have been my manly shoulders though I was actually thinking 'what the fuck is her problem?' aye me mating skills are that rusty, £5,00 in change is usually Old Knudsen's foreplay and yes he expects change. 

Flowers were given .... no not Valentine's day, that would be too easy. Oh flowers at a grave, imagine that. He didn't get the sister's name name though, you'd think that spirits would give that out instead of a KK name or a double barreled name which she didn't get. 

I sense a woman will meet a man, it will be awkward at first but then they will have drunken sex.

I'm getting a beautician or some beauty course that someone wasn't happy about .... silence then 'I work with make up.' None of the things applied to her such as the recent purchase of a Louis Vuitton bag or purse though the woman in front had bought a Louis Vuitton case 3 days ago. I can't even remember who her spirit was but they said she ate a lot of baked beans, which she denied but her man said she did because she was very windy. 
She'd later get an old fella who wore bicycle clips and smoked woodbine and had a wart on his hand .... out of 40 people, 10 of them knocking on Heaven's door you'd expect more to get more on that one.

He keeps saying Cody or codi .... a name of a child or pet? I thought it was a bit of a generation mistake there but it turned out to be Co-codamol, as explained by him that an elderly female relative of hers may be on. She was very quiet during the whole elderly relative part as if that bit didn't match.

If a spirit comes across I'd be validated if they said "aspirin" as sometimes I take those and am defined as a person by those wee pills.

The psychic works with dementia patients by the way .... home help? Orderly in a rest home? He didn't seem overly educated but he had balls of brass the way he told people they were wrong and the spirits were always right ..... BULLSHIT!  Even if the spirits were always right what makes you think that you are interpreting them correctly?

The drinks were flowing rightly and he even asked/told someone to put their glass down as he spoke to them.
'I'm getting a female spirit and someone who uses a nasal spray everyday'   ... the guy with the large beaky nose says, 'I use one everyday, I have it in my pocket now but there are no females involved' ... nope, it wasn't him, moving on, no one got that one either.

Somehow he landed on the young daughter lass, turns out that her grandmother may have used a spray, who knows?

Psychic, 'do you get the feeling of a male presence on your stairs?'

Gurl, 'no but I feel like someone is watching me while I'm in bed and doors I know I have closed will be open when I get home.'        

Since the lass was half decent looking and is renting her place I'd check it for hidden cameras and moved underwear in her drawer ... just saying like.

Psyhic 'It's a male relative , was there someone who killed themselves in the house? I'm getting a man who hung himself.'

Old Knudsen took all of his will power to not stand up and say, "he was not hung unless you count his huge cock, he was hanged, he hanged himself" The fucked kept repeating hung. He also said house like hise.

Psyhic 'Do you use shak 'n' vac maybe you like strong smells and what is this about a cigarette butt collection?'

Turns out she would shake 'n' vac her grandad's home and has OCD and can't stand an ash try full of butts. He also mentioned her coughing fits or maybe epilepsy, a friend of hers mined smoking cigarettes to do with her coughing, he came out with the name Matildir .... sorry Matilda which is the middle name of her sister and found out she has an aunt in Texas ... wow, how vaguely exact.

He then explained that the young gurl (not the sister, that was it with her just a middle name) was sensitive to the other side and should zip herself up in a sleeping blanket and bathe herself with protective light, it was then that the friend who mimed the smoking started asking questions. 'Are you a Christian because you sound like Pastor McConnell at the Whitewell church preaching up there' 


Psychic 'I believe in God' 

He then continued with the gurl and suggested that he came out to check out the spirit if she was worried.

The spirit went from a family member to who knows who lived there before.  


Heckler 'I paid £10 and expected to get something exact for my money instead of this shite.' 

The psychic said that he'd never convince the woman and that he was more open minded and of the importance of protecting yourself from negative people .... yes all veiled passive aggressive remarks as throughout the show.

Another woman said she had a passing recently and it was a strong person who would obviously have come through and she was surprised they didn't. The psychic said his mother had passed 15 years ago and never came to him ... I'm sure John Edward has said that.

I bet if she had paid £30 for a private reading she'd get her ghost or is that Old Knudsen being cynical?

The show ended in chaos with the psychic relying on his regulars for validation with the we are right and you are not kind of thing.

  

Here is what Old Knudsen got from the psychic. He watches the room as people sit and wait, people drinking and not keeping their voices down, lose lips sink ships. His plain wife sits at the back in silence. He's aggressive and bold, not at all shy and retiring and he's been doing this for years, he depends on his bold bluffing a lot.
I'm sure it isn't the first time he has told someone they are special and maybe he should call around to their home. Controlling women seems natural to him, at least the ones who let him control them.

While he may have some talent, not sure if the voices are telling him to say rainbows or not but the things he said could have applied to many people. He may understand humans more than anything.

Middle aged people and old women are likely to get his song references and stereotype people. There was some power in the room but I'm not sure it was from him.

Example of some patter I'd use if I was him, 'I'm getting someone, an older female who has passed connected with someone who went out for a meal or got a takeaway and wasn't very happy about it, could be today, yesterday or a month ago but the spirit is telling me that when you look at the photograph she is by your side..... does anyone know what that means?'      

Old Knudsen wasn't surprised that ALL the readings came from the middle aged people who were drinking while the old dears who have probably lost people that week got nothing.  I took two items that belonged to my parents to the show, if they turned up then I'd get easier validation than nasal prays and pain relief or a job I had 30 years ago.

While I'm sure that Ma Knudsen did turn up, that crazy old coot just danced around on the stage pretending to be some music hall star, never let her spirit around the spirits.

Of all the things, worlds and knowledge that spirits have access to, why do they make vague connections and tell you that they love you etc?  I wasn't surprised I didn't get a reading, I don't have anything much to say to my folks except that I hope they now understand everything better and if they are at peace and at happy.

I Googled the psychic and he has very little online presence except a webpage that isn't kept up to date and 6 testimonials from people who made the connections and were maybe jived that they were voodoo.

We are all voodoo, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Stay open to possibilities but keep yer skepticism my friends. 

He made a comment worthy of his heckler though. On some site he said about how he paid £60 to see John Edward at the Waterfront hall in Belfast only to have Edwards walk out in jeans and a hoodie, no respect for those who paid their money or for the spirit world.  

Bitchy much? 

   
 

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Grandmother Could Lose Everything For Standing Up To Evil

If God had wanted gay sex he wouldn't have made women soo fucking sexy. 

Barronelle Stutzman the 70 year-old grandmother who stood up for freedom, for her beliefs and because her savior Jesus Christ who lived with 12 men hates gheys may lose everything. Her business, her savings, her home and her collection of 19th century vibrators.

She runs a florist in Washington, where she also bakes cookies, sings the national anthem and plays with her grandkids who had better grow up straight or it's off to corrective church for them.


"Little by little, they are stripping us of any thought we might have, or any difference of opinion. This is our religious freedom at stake."


Exactly! now you can't even fondle a boobie or lynch a nergo without getting calling a pervert or a racist. When Jesus wrote in the Bible about marriage, he clearly stated it was between a man and a woman and that all bum chumery should be done away from the marital home .... Ok maybe it wasn't Jesus maybe I'm thinking Chuck Norris. Some famous beardy cunt.

Barronelle Stutzman could be anyone's homophobic grandmother so we should go easy on her. Maybe a few lashings in the town square.

Aw fuck it I'm sick of people supporting this piece of shit, she discriminated against a couple of fags so she should expect the consequences. None of that it's her business and refusing service crap, that is just the very thing that the DUP wanted for their conscience clause.

What's next a paramedic saying, "I can't give CPR as I don't agree with their lifestyle" or a cashier sayings, "I can't serve you at my till because my church doesn't like black people" cos that is where Stutzman was heading and that is where she wants to take everyone else.

For 9 years she took the ghey money, she said he was a customer and a friend .... yeah right. She said she couldn't do flowers for his wedding "because of my relationship with Jesus." 

So she's fucking the Mexican gardener, big deal.  You know what I don't remember Jesus H Christ saying? Anything about ghey marriage that's what. The Bible said "You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law."

Jesus taught people not to judge others or presume to know who are and who are not sinners ... If we judge other people harshly, we will, in turn, be judged harshly .... and get sued!

This woman is the worse type of Christian. She'll be all nice to your face and take yer money but then snap, oh I'm sorry but you aren't as equal as others and though it maybe the law I'm refusing to take any part in yer sinful day, you thought I was a nice grandmother, well fuck you homo!

Oh I'll employ them (unless she knows up front what they are) and sell them flowers but if they think they are gonna get married, well they ain't good enough. 

I do laugh at how she plays the victim because she is 70. OMG she may lose her life savings and her house .... GOOD! Robert Ingersoll and Curt Freed thought she was a nice woman who they had known for years.
Do you know what it's like to have someone who you thought liked you because they were always nice and chatty who you'd go out of yer way to help etc only to find that it was all a lie? Who knows what she was saying behind their backs all that time? That explains the smirk so and so had, shit now it makes sense and they all knew.

Old Knudsen knew a friendly old grandmother like that, sure she was mildly racist but you overlook things like that, maybe you didn't catch it right. She'd occasionally mention "the browns" but her own son in law was brown so she couldn't be racist.
Well she was a Christian, turned out to be a total backstabbing liar too so well done to the boys on winning their case because I know what it's like.


Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Vegetarians Are Disciples Of Lies

People go on about being a vegetarian or vegan as if they have some kind of moral high ground .... the poor animals, they are kept in horrible conditions then killed, here let me post a video on Facebook about it.

Maybe that kind of stuff 'is' appropriate for social media, my therapist says I have difficultly with appropriateness which is why she will only see me in a public place. So if people can post animal torture videos maybe Old Knudsen can post pictures of his bowel movements then. My dookies are quite impressive if you wash the blood from them, don't worry, if they were disgusting like weemen breast feeding babies I wouldn't post them. 

She also says I have a difficulty telling reality from make believe, she can tell that to the space pirates I sold her to for 8 bars of gold-pressed latinum HA! 


I think we can all agree that the Asians are cunts cos they eat cute doggies, it's the way they do it that makes them cunts. You can treat an animal well before you kill and eat it but they shove them into cages and torture them, not cool at all.
I never eat at our local Chinese take away, not just me flashbacks to Nam but me BBQ pork ribs wagged it's tail at me and licked me hand once.

Most animals we eat are cute, in fact lamb can be doon right sexy in the right light as can a jar of liver. I mostly eat chicken cos they are descended from dinosaurs and are more creepy than cute, see? I do have feelings. 

 
 The Illuminati say that the Jews killed all the dinosaurs.

Hunters don't torture the animals they kill unless you count fox hunters and badger baiters etc, I'm only for hunting if the animal isn't wasted after it is killed. If there is a food shortage then eat the dogs, just don't treat them like shit first.
It makes sense, dogs breed fast and can eat scraps and dogs are everywhere. They also come in big family bargain size or quick snack size.  

We don't condemn a tiger when it eats a native, sure we might go out and shoot it dead but the tiger was just being a tiger, it wasn't being evil. I eat meat cos I'm just being Old Knudsen, I'm a hornivore  so don't fuckin judge me. Maybe if vegetables tasted better... aye it's the veggies fault I eat animals.

 Dirty protest in a jar .... very kinky.  

All those TV chefs couldn't stop vegetables from tasting like snot so I continue the age old slaughter, I hope you are happy Rachael Ray!  

 Life is too short for broccoli.

Old Knudsen is a Presbyterian Pagan, that means that I love and venerate nature while at the same time condemning it for being sinful. The rainforests of South America are the lungs of the world, they are getting cut doon and turned in 3 football pitches every day .... you know what the south Americans are like with their soccer ... thanks Obama.  

If you look at broccoli they look like little trees, that right there is a sign from nature to eat animals. The more plants you cut doon the bigger the hole in the Ozone layer and the hotter the planet gets, that's FACT bitches, if you dent it then yer an idiot Conservative who only wants to save the oil or something. "I'm voting Bush in 2016 cos I believe in second chances and he served Ronnie Reagan well enough." 

War criminal #1, Sir Paul McCartney being fed soy bacon by his nurse ... Lets go see John, George and Bingo! ..... just eat up Sir Paul so you'll be strong enough for the new hip.    

Yes, a Presbyterian, Pagan and Nature Warlock of great power, not one to be trifled with but I do like banana flavoured jello, only artificial flavours though as I respect nature. I can feel the pain of all the plants as they get cut doon and plucked from life, they feel far more pain than animals do.
Don't talk to me about how cutting onions makes you cry when an onion is cut off the vine it cries ya heartless bastard! 

Old Knudsen likes weemen so only eating veggies or tofu or whatever is just impossible to do, if I couldn't eat meat I'd probably fall off the wagon and start eating babies again, but not baby potatoes cos that is just fucking cruel.

Hitler clenches in pain mid-shart. 

Of course I'm going to mention that Hitler was a vegetarian, probably still is. Hitler and Morrissey are probably the two most famous, nay infamous vegetarians there is. The evil committed by those two still sends a shudder through the core of Mother Nature herself. If you think that farting cattle contribute to green hoose gases then just think about a world of vegetarians. Hitler nearly achieved that in 1939 but they were too weak to win once General Patton cut off their protein shake supply line in 1944.

Vegetarians say they care about animal welfare yet never offer to take the place of a cow. Rule # 64 never trust a vegetarian, ask Neville Chamberlain about that one. Creatures designed to kill but pretend to be all self righteous by eating nuts an grass an shit .... yes Hitler did eat shit, it was for his bad stomach, I eat a couple of tums but each to their own.

That movie Alive, it was a vegetarian who first started to eat the dead ass strips, on the Titanic only vegetarians survived cos they get mean when they are hungry after years of pretending to be superior. There was room on that door for Jack but Rose said, "fuck up an die so I can eat you" .... I remember it well, if I hadn't cut open a fat person and wore them for the heat I wouldn't have survived, longest movie ever! Or seemed like it anyway. 

The Presbyterian in me denies that I am an animal but I'll go to Heaven as long as I pretend to be better than everyone else, I've a soul and am fuckin enlightened, of course I'll go to Heaven. The Satanist in me ..... did I mention I'm also a Satanist? Well the Satanist in me wears black and poses in capes a lot but embraces my animalistic urges, especially the flinging poo urge.

There is nothing wrong with admitting we are animals that do what animals do, unless of course that animal is a fucking lemur, I bet those bastards eat tofu.