Wednesday, 24 August 2016

Gaddafi Wasn't That Bad

When the US started bombing Libya again I went all hipster and pointed out how I had bombed Libya when it wasn't so mainstream. Gaddafi had been funding terrorists and blowing up West Berlin nightclubs and killing innocent people which was wrong so we loaded up our F-14 Tomcats and bombed the fuck out of some villages military facilities that were probably making nukes or chemical bombs, we didn't care, it was the 80's.

One dogfight I had, my Cocker Spaniel lost an eye to a savage Libyan Rottweiler so I put one of Gaddafi's Mig - 23's  into the Mediterranean. 

     Lone wolf and his navigator Duck

I don't like to talk about those days as too many people glorify war. War is ugly, mean and nasty gets every where even when you think you were careful but then a month or two later you get that call and asked what you intend to do about it ..... aye war is hell. 

So I was training at Miramax Top Gun base, flying all the fighters and teaching the Young Guns like Charlie and Emilio how to do things. Iceman would tell them all that they were dangerous ... he did that a lot. 

Charlie denied he had aids but we could see it behind his ear and he could hear fuck all when his batteries ran out. I hear he got some nasty illness in later years from a tiger blood transfusion, bless the lad.  

I flew F-14's in fact I flew 1 all the way to 18, ach they now have F-35's I can't keep track, it's as bad as Microsoft updates. I also flew the M-60 to Manchester and the A-4 ring binder fighter. 

We were sitting in class waiting for our new instructor Sam to arrive. I was a little hung over after an all night mission ... sorry it's classified. I sat there thinking of all the good men we had lost. Duck asked, "well where did you last see them?" That's never fucken helpful, fuck away aff. They'll turn up in some form probably. 

As it was the 80's I had just lit my 47th fag it was 8am I was cutting back and didn't want to peak to 100 before 9am.  I wasn't addicted though, I could quit at any time.

After injecting some Heroin I heard the clacking of high heels. 

Yes, in an unexpected twist Sam was actually a pretty lady. Wow I needed a few lines after that blew my mind. 

Our eyes met and she said in a husky sexy voice, "You're call sign Lone Wolf, I've read your file" I wanted to play it cool and professional so I replied, "well if you've read my file you'll know I have IBS so try to keep yon class short love, oh and when's the tea break?"       

Back in the 80's I was a lady killer though no hard evidence was ever found. As you can see from the pictures I was young and hot. I'm still a tad smouldering but then I had me youth. 

Trying not to be over cum with lust she said, "tell me about the Mig"  ... ach not that again. I was drunk and thought it was a crazed woman with grunting tourettes .... and it was dark too, the farmer was well compensated for fucks sake. 

Oh the Mig. 

I miss Gaddafi, sure he paid at least 20% of the population to spy on each other and he funded global terrorism but at least he made the trains run on time. When he was a young officer me Ma had him over for tea and he loved her table cloth. He said, "some day I'll rule Libya and will wear clothes just like this fabric" .... inspirational huh. 
He had an irrational fear of being sodomised with a bayonet that Ma found hilarious and that shows you that what you fear most will meet you halfway and sometimes up the hole.  

I told Sam the Mig story, she says my jumping out and punching the other pilot was made up and not at all based in reality. Duck was reading at the time and missed the whole thing but it happened. 

People that do ... do. Those that can't do teach. She may have been hot as you can see from the pic but her tea making skills were very substandard and that right there is a total turn off. 

I couldn't drink it and thus lost that loving feeling. I stopped being a Naval Aviator when it went all PC and you couldn't bomb desert wogs on a whim anymore. Now spotty teenagers hopped up on energy drinks do it all from their X-box, they don't even have to get out of bed for fucks sake. 

Now when I fly it's usually from huffing paint thinners but I'm no addicted.   


Tuesday, 23 August 2016

I Saw Slender Man

Slender man in the background of this 1980's pic. All 14 children and the photographer vanished, luckily his camera didn't.   

In 2014 two 12-year-old girls in Wisconsin stabbed their friend 19 times in an effort to show their dedication to the mythical being Slender Man. Morgan Geyser and Anissa Weier wanted to show their love for this creature of mystery that is like Santa or something but without the presents. Their victim survived so pretty crappy love then. 

 Morgan Geyser on the left is pleading insanity. Anissa Weier is pleading ... whatever like.

Slender man is a tall being who can make testicles come out of his back ... tentacles I meant. It seems to be like those Sinister movies with children killing their families for a being known as Bughuul or Mr. Boogie. 

It reminds me of the Jamie Bulger case from 1993 when two 10 year-old boys abducted a two year-old and tortured him to death. After serving 8 years they were given new identities and released. One has re-offended with charges of child pornography and drunken brawling. The government has been more interested in protecting them and rehabilitating them.
They didn't really have a reason for doing it but you wouldn't expect this kind of thing from girls. What happened to liking ponies an shit?

Slender man seems fairly fucken lame to me. Maybe I know that if Slendy or Bughuul appeared to me I'd jam him the fuck up. If any kid approached me and refused to get into my free hugs van well I'd be very suspicious. 

A bloke named Eric Knudsen (obviously related) wrote the Slender man story for a website called Creepypasta   it has Slender man being throughout history causing mischief. I think Knudsen who is from Florida of course (the home of crazy) based his story on me. Maybe cos I never paid child support or something I don't know. 

I give these weemen good loving and my special nectar and they think I should take responsibility for something they grew .... crazy talk with plebs latching onto me coat tails.    

I made you special for 32 seconds, move on with yer dull existence ... call me if you lose weight, start werking out and get that mole thing removed.

Children don't think the way adults do though some adults think the way kids do. Being young is often connected with being stupid. 
The media promotes anti-heroes and makes killing seem normal. I doubt Thompson and Venables who lured Jamie Bulger from his distracted mum and killed him were swayed by the media because in 1993 there wasn't the constant video game violence, there wasn't GTA, Doom had just come out but everyone and their cousin wasn't playing it. Child's play 3 was in one of the killer's family video collection, that is what some tabloids latched on to. 

Both boys came from broken homes and had learning difficulties. Reality for them was a little more harsh. Sure there are many that don't go on to torture animals and kill toddlers but the hate and resentment was there for them, bubbling away looking for someone to be the victim instead of them for a change.    

Some kids are just made wrong and others do stupid things because they haven't thought it through or learned empathy yet. 
 Slender Man is real and he smuggles budgies.

When Old Knudsen was young he got tattoos that seemed like the right idea at the time. Look at yer fashions, how did they seem like a good idea? Hormones and yer limited experience of the werld .  I don't know what background Geyser and Weier had but it seems to me that it's easier these days to confuse reality with fantasy. 

How many are fooled by those websites that look like real news sites or how many just believe everything they read online?  One story was a Viking settlement hundreds of miles inland in North America, turns out that was a satire site but nothing about the story was satirical. There was no reason not to believe it other than it wasn't reported anywhere else. 

ISIS latched onto this by using words like you'll re-spawn in Heaven after you blow yerself up.     

Who hasn't wanted to be a cool vampire with high frilly collars, eternal young and supernatural abilities? The fact that they are psychopathic killers that drink germ laden blood gets ignored, especially if they sparkle. Do you really want to put yer mouth on a hobo?  ...... yeah I'm asking the wrong crowd, of course you would, sickos. 

We are a culture that celebrates murder, should we be so shocked when it actually happens?

Monday, 22 August 2016

Noah's Flood Is Bound To Happen Again


Danny Healy-Rae is an Irish politician that isn't big on the lernin but knows everything ... he's Irish ya see.

On climate Change he said that 'only God above controlled the weather' so yon scientists that think they know everything because they have graphs an shit can go fuck. Who hasn't cried out to Thor to stop striking the anvil during a thunder and lightning storm?

Now he's citing historical fact. We had the Ice Age. We had Noah's Ark. We had all those stories. The facts are there and history proves it. 

There were some centuries when the country was very hot and warm and then there were different centuries with so much rain and cold. So, those are facts.

Service with a smile .... he must be serving an English person or a fag ... aye like he can tell the difference Stay on the path when the moon is full young stranger.

Well I'm happy enough with that. The pro-life, against same-sex marriage and same-sex adoption former bar man has made his case clear and simple.  I'd believe rather him than that smarmy Brain Brian Cox who looks like a boy band member that got old .
 Look at my graph, it took me hours to make this, no it's not about climate change it's my book sales. 

Yes the werld is getting warmer and Florida is going to be flooded but we in the UK are used to shitty weather so while summer has always been hit and miss as to whether we get sun and winters are becoming milder I can live with no Florida. Imagine that, CO2 levels rising, luckily we haven't chopped down 20% of the rain forest ..... ya know, those leafy things that absorb CO2. Sort out yer cardboard in yer bins and drive a smaller car if it makes you feel better .... or you could plant fucken trees. 

Recycle to save the environment, oh and to employ the people that make money from you sorting out yer trash.  

No one past the age of 5 should really believe that the Ark story is real or historical. The animals went in two by two but there were more than just two of each. God says get 2 of each animal then he says get 1-7 pairs of the clean animals. A clean animal is one that has a hoof cloven in two and chews the cud. Don't ask how the unique marsupials from those continents not yet discovered or that were flightless got to the Ark. 

His boat was 515ft long, as big as a WWI battleship. At that size it could hold 35 tons of animals. African elephants can weigh any where from 2-7 tons, not much room then for the rest of the animals with 2 of them as well as their smaller Indian counterparts.  Did they have polar and Grizzly bears?

You couldn't get the genetic variations that we see today from one pair or a handful of animals. The largest wooden ship built was 300ft, built in the 1900's. Wooden ships that size need iron strapping or they warp and they also constantly leak as the wood keeps shifting. There is a reason we shifted from wooden to steel ships.

So this bronze age farmer learned how to fell trees, season the wood for years and build a boat bigger than anything modern ship building experts could build. He also become an expert on animal husbandry too. God didn't have a help desk phone line he told him what to do (vaguely) and let him figure out that chimps fling poo and will go anywhere without tamper proof locks.

All that genetic variation crap is scientific bullshit, maybe Darwin was Satan. Animals on islands that separated from mainlands evolving differently. Or beetles on different sides of a mountain becoming different to survive their environment, sounds crazy, what's next, spaceships landing on the moon?      

The water: Do you remember learning something in school called the Water cycle? The water on this planet evaporates with the heat of the sun, turns into condensation and forms clouds, then cools doon and falls back to earth as precipitation. 

There is only a set amount of water on Earth, this water came to us from meteors back in the day which are frozen rocks. All the water in the world did not evaporate and rain for 40 days and nights, we know this because of the ice layers in Greenland and Antarctica that date back at least 40,000 years. They weren't under water or melted.

 At the very least, these would be everywhere.

If you froze the Earth's water it would rise about 50 feet,  Mount Everest is 30,000 feet for fucks sake. What would happen if the Earth was covered in 30,000 feet of new water? The Earth's crust would be destroyed. Remember that dirt is molecules and when wet they separate which is why we get sink holes      

Throughout the myths of numerous cultures there are flood myths. These are usually sent by the gods. Christianity having helped itself to various bits of other religions is the best known because Christians put all the others to the sword to become the werld's largest religion of peace.
Many myths go back to back into prehistory but many are within the 5000 BC era that the flood is said to have happened.

Lets just ignore the various cultures around the werld that were thriving  during those times. Like the Chinese discovering how to use rice, the stones at Carnac, Stonehenge, Newgrange in Ireland, the great Pyramids, maize being cultivated in Mexico etc etc, so many cultures that didn't notice being wiped out by the flood as they made copper pins, bowls and learned how to farm.

 Calm yer tits.

Danny Healy-Rae says we have these stories. By saying that he just discounted them as stories, not fact. There is no historical evidence, nor does it makes sense scientifically or in any other way. Having religion means that you just have to believe, have faith, accept or be gullible if you please.

In Ireland the Lebor Gabála Érenn (The Book of the Taking of Ireland ) is a collection of stories and poems probably written in the 11th century when monks were spreading the good word .... when I say good I mean bollocks. Calling it the good word or the good book is the earliest form of spin and media manipulation there is.  Oh I'm telling you the gospel truth, I did not have sexually intercourse with that woman.... I did destroy her back doors though.
Either her ass was destroyed or she lost it in Vegas.

The book of Ireland says how we Irish (yes I'm Irish today) are descended from a bloke that sailed with a lass who was descended from Adam through the sons of Noah. Cessair was the daughter of one of Noah's sons. She set sail for Ireland just before the flood because hey who doesn't want to be Irish? (yeah the English, oh whatever) and Cessair married Fintan mac Bóchra ... obviously a young Middle Eastern man going by the name that she sailed with.

It's like Jesus citing tracing his family tree to King David yet he isn't even fucken related by blood to Joesph according to the story.  

It turned out Fintan was left alone with 50 weemen all yapping about him leaving the toilet seat up so fled to the shop for a pack of smokes. When the flood came he shape shifted into a salmon, hawk then eagle before becoming human again living for 5500 years. We say the flood happened 2361 BC, just before lunch which was quite inconvenient. Yes we were going to have boiled potato and cabbage with some corned beef duh!  

 An expert of body language I can tell that consent has been given without a werd being spoken. 

All Irish can shape shift, when Old Knudsen drinks an magic potion or 8 pints of it with some chasers he becomes a funny, witty young charming man that all nearby weemen want to be chatted up by.  He can also fight like fuck and will take on younger bigger men cos Old Knudsen has the magic .... and a bicycle chain he hides in his pocket.    

All you Irish out there don't be surprised when yer Ancestry DNA test comes back with Middle Eastern bits in it.... and bits of kipper too. 

Here's what happened. People make up these stories right? They always have done. They had to make their own entertainment back then and it's not like they had Snopes or Wikipedia for fucks sake.

Some one from the bronze age or further back probably didn't travel far. Boats along coasts were the easiest which is why all the main cities are coast accessible. Going inland there weren't any roads and it was tough going and you never knew who you'd meet, it was the most dangerous option.

 Floods in Louisiana, 13 dead but it happened during an election and the Olympics so who cares? 

A village gets flooded way back in the Bronze age one year and it ruins their bronze age carpets and crops. It's like a total bummer and they have to eat the family pet. Their whole world has been destroyed by a flood.

Well since me crops are mush and I ate me family I'm off to wander the earth and tell my story about how my world was flooded.

These fuckers didn't know about The Dadiwan culture in China, the Sesklo culture in Greece or whatever. No one was going to check their story, they believed in giants for fucks sake and shape shifting Middle eastern Irishmen. The Hopi had people floating around on reeds and the Spider Grandmother telling them that with great power cums great responsibility .... and don't trust whitey, or Spaniards.  

So you have Irish politicians citing Noah as a historical figure, the DUP believing the werld is only 6000 years old and yon Texan Republican Joe Barton saying that wind is a finite resource and all the wind turbines will use it up.

 Ginger pubes, yer reward if you read this far. 

These people rule us and say how things are to be done. It makes me sad that people don't question Climate Change and denounce anyone that asks a reasonable question like how warm is the Earth supposed to be? Maybe because Old Knudsen doesn't look at things from a human perspective and Climate Change is all about how it will effect us parasitic humans.

It also makes me sad that mythology is presented and believed to be facts. I've lived a long time and in that time governments, scientists and other humans have lied and gotten things wrong .... a lot. Also if in doubt shout "conspiracy" or just accept the lies rather than look foolish.

Question everything and be ready to change yer opinion if wrong. I've done it on numerous things ... I wasn't wrong I just had the wrong information BTW. If you can't change yer mind you can't change anything.     


Thursday, 18 August 2016

Double Gold For Bolt In Rio

Other athletes in the Rio Olympics are protesting British sprinter Usain Bolt (we have Mo Farah and the Irish and Scottish when they win so why not Bolt?) for being too good.

Bolt who is from Jamaica which is a Commonwealth realm nation has appeared on British television commercials which more or less grants him British citizenship-ish.  

Bolt just recently won a gold for 100 meters and will be going for another in the 200 meters later today. "he should at least look as if he could lose" said one distraught athlete "instead of doing 50 victory laps and posing could he not pretend to be out of breath?"   

Regarded as the fastest person ever timed, Bolt plans to retire after 2017 World Championships. The IAAF Evaluation Commission are thinking about just sending him the winning medals before 2017 to cut down on cost.  

Disclaimer: If Bolt doesn't win the gold then he just didn't try hard enough or was tired and shagged out from playing Call of Duty all night which he is prone to do and this blog in no way shape or form scudded or jinxed him. 

Yemen Gets No He Love

Why no love for Yemen? Sure it may be the poorest of the UAE nations but it's of strategic importance. After years of drone strikes on random poor brown people the US denies that it is in Yemen. Its embassy is closed down and the $20 million plus a year they get has stopped being sent.

The Job of the Vice President is to hope the actual president dies (great job LBJ) and to stop any standing orders at the bank. Joe Biden was seen in the queue at a Bank of America to stop any money payments to Yemen as soon as Yemeni President Abd Rabbuh Mansur Hadi fled the cuntry.

President Saleh with the rockstar formerly known as Gaddafi  

A little background. Since 2001 when the US needed Middle Eastern allies all of a sudden, Yemen got funds from the U.S.-Middle East Partnership Initiative, $7.5 million of Soybean meal, $8.42 million from the U.S. for Foreign Military Financing (FMF) other programs gave them $924,000 to fight terrorism, $7.9 million for reasons, $10 million in Food and a further $5 million. 

It usually gets $20 - 25 million in aid a year. The US had a program to train Yemen military also because the US is soooo good at winning wars. This help ceased when Saleh used the military against the people. Also the US wasn't happy with the lack of help it was getting with tracking down four Al Qaeda chappies. 

40% of the prisoners at Gitmo are Yemeni and a deal was struck to release 360 militants, who knows where the fuck they went after getting out? Yemen doesn't know or care. 

In 2008 the US embassy was attacked but luckily it was 10 Yemeni civilians and police and not Americans that were killed or we'd never hear the end of it. The embassy closed in 2015.       

Hadi as sponsored by Obama.  

With Saleh too corrupt and volatile he made a deal to end his 33 year presidency and escape prosecution for shelling protestors and his soldiers sniping at civilians. Elections for the next president were held in 2012 and since his Vice President Hadi was the only candidate he won in a surprising 100% victory. More elections were to be held in 2014 and earlier this year but that sorta didn't happen. 

33 fucken years .... not even Putin has done that shit. 

The current conflict is the corrupt government with its US trained soldiers against various tribes. The main one we hear about is the Houthis, with their catchy slogan God Is Great, Death to America, Death to Israel, Curse on the Jews, Victory to Islam they are bound to be popular. 

Hadi is now in exile with Saleh in Saudi Arabia and now the Saudi's are bombing the fuck out of the Yemeni people. The US wants nothing to do with this even though they sold the Saudi's the cluster bombs and re-fuel the planes but still .... not our war crimes says Obama, you can't pin this one on me, it was like that when I got there. 

  Do we even care? 
While all this fighting is going on ISIS and Al-Qaeda are busy killing people there too but no one cares. In March ISIS bravely stormed a nursing home and tied 4 nuns to a tree. They shot them and smashed their heads in. Sister Rio had hid and was able to tell the story.
Father Thomas Uzhunnalil the head of the mission is still being held captive.  
Coalition forces led by Saudi Arabia bombed the fuck out of a school principle, his wife and their 4 children at the weekend. Also a school was hit killing at least 10 children. A Medecins Sans Frontieres hospital was also hit killing 7. 
Later this week the Coalition plan to bomb an orphanage and maybe a home for stray kittens and puppies but who gives a fuck?
Tune in at 11 to see who has a beach ready bod and matching underwear, also Trump denies ever calling Hillary a sperm burping bukake loving hoor and says that it's probably definitely true as he races ahead in the polls. 
He added, "Yemen is tremendous, they love me there, Saddam was a good leader but they probably most definitely think that I'd be a better one, the Yemens and the Yewomen all love me there in Baghdad, great pizza, tremendous."   
Saudi Arabia are calling the shots. The US have lost Yemen and can no longer gain intel there. Their small special ops base may be closed like their embassy and they are now complicit in Saudi war crimes. 
The Saudis don't care about ISIS or Al Qaeda because what if the Houthis are getting help from the Iranians? 
The rumours are that the Iranians are helping and supplying weapons but this could just be Saudi bullshit to destroy the Houthis before Iran does help out. Iran has sent large amounts of troops to help Assad in Syria. Controlling the Bab al-Mandab strait is vitally important so best not to take a chance huh. 
Saudi don't seem to care about ISIS that much but do care about what the Iranians might be doing. This war in butt fuck Arabian peninsula isn't sexy enough for our western eyes. No one is going to be held for war crimes, the aim is to get a western friendly ass in control. Bomb the schools and hospitals, no one will be changing their profile pic over Yemen.   



Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Fear Is Good

After a year of denying that there were any Russian troops fighting in the Crimean peninsula Russia absorbed Crimea into the Russian Federation in March 2014.

Putin has no fucks to give, what are EU sanctions doing to harm him anyways? The US is backing the neo-Nazi like Ukrainian government of Petro Poroshenko that was democratically elected with 54% of the vote.

Democracy like Climate Change is absolute and you are a moron to even question it. Two things that we are told are the final say. I'm sure that there is no US agenda at all with having an anti-Russian government in Ukraine. 

 Hello pretty lady, I'd like to annex you good and hard. 

Taking a page from the rule book of the west, Putin now uses 'terrorism' as an excuse to do shit. The FSB (modern day KGB) have said that they have foiled terrorist attacks planned by the Ukrainian Defense Ministry's Intelligence Services. They say they found 20 improvised devices that were going to be used on the peninsula's infrastructure and key facilities. One FSB officer was killed by these Kiev-organized terrorist groups. We know who they were cos that all had 'Stay calm and be a Kiev-organized terrorist'  t-shirts on.  

I'm having flashbacks and this time it isn't because I'm huffing the paint thinners. Russia have always been behind the times. It's only in the last 5 years have they discovered photoshop and film editing, now they are finding Bigfoot, UFO's and river monsters .... the shit we had in the 80's and 90's for fucks sake. 

The last time the US did this scare mongering was in 2014 with the Khorasan group. The Director of National Intelligence James Clapper said they may pose as big as a threat to the US as ISIS do.  No one back in sandsavage land had heard of Khorasan so they were all scratching their heads about this big threat. 

Turned out that the US made it all up and were bombing one of the Jabhat Al-Nusra groups that had no intention of targeting the west. The public didn't fall for this one but it was a good try, worthy of Bush. I told you Obama was a sleekit devious shite. 

So in response to future potential terrorist attacks the Russian government has increased its intelligence agencies   sent in the latest anti-aircraft defense system S-400 Triumph. Cos that is what you do with terrorists. Remember in Belfast the surface-to-air missile launchers patrolling the streets in case anyone threw a brick? .... no neither do I.   

To combat terrorism you don't send in troops, you don't bomb from planes, you don't send in drones or launch surface to air rockets. Unless of course you want to kill everyone and not just the terrorists. Doing that creates loss and hatred that wasn't there before and thus creates more terrorists. Good for business if selling arms and protection is yer business though.  

If you get to live long enough you get to see history repeat itself and the same patterns of creating fear and keeping that fear alive rather than finding peace becomes ever so clear. Edward Heath was the British Prime Minister during the time of the Military Reaction Force. That was a unit of British soldiers who dressed in civvies and used the weapons preferred by the IRA went around Catholic neighbourhoods shooting dead any groups of people they saw. They didn't have to be IRA suspects, just Catholic.  

They hoped that the Loyalist paramilitaries the UVF would get the blame and these terrorist groups would fight amongst themselves and leave mainland Britain alone.

People question if life long bachelor Heath was ghey or a pedo rather than his death squads. Who cares if a 24 year-old mother was killed at random while she sat in a car? .... he was kinda weird huh, a pedo maybe?  
These hand picked men (40 of them) from the SAS, Royal Marines and Paras were legal death squads designed to bring terror to the streets the same way as the terrorists did. Even as the IRA announced peace talks in 1972 the MRF were out shooting civilians to dislodge these talks. 

There is money to be made and liberties to be trampled during times of conflict. While the IRA, UVF etc are scumbags it turns out that the British government (long before Thatcher)  were scumbags too. Democratically voted in scumbags so excuse me the fuck if I question democracy. Majority does not mean it's the right choice ....  see 2 terms of Bush, Scottish independence and Brexit for fucks sake. 

So SAM's (surface to air missiles) in Ukraine to guard against terrorism and to allegedly keep their bases in Syria safe. In 2015 these missiles were deployed to the Arctic region, north of the Polar Circle ... because you just never know where those terrorists,  Kiev-organized, ISIS, Khorasan or the IRA might strike next. 

There are no good guys. The UK had soldiers dressed as civilians killing Fenians (which they got medals for) or assassinating (UK citizens)  terrorists without a trial as well as invading most of the known werld at one time in their history. The US have invaded, backed terrorist groups and continue to overthrow and set up puppet governments. Russia annexes the Crimea, supports dictatorships as well as killing its own political opposition. China is taking over territories and building airstrips further and further out to increase it's deployment range for some unknown reason (the big war of 2020)  and poor cowardly France gets attacked by individuals and then bombs the fuck out of someone 1000 miles away in revenge.      
You shake in fear about terrorists and what if the refugees are terrorists but never stop to think, 'why are they killing us and how were they made?' Shit doesn't just happen, cause and effect is at werk even on a cellular level. 

Treat the people like mushrooms, keep them in the dark and feed them on shit. There isn't much you can do but at least you can be awake. I don't mean the "experts" that question if Sandyhook or 9/11 even happened or if big pharma are withholding the cure for cancer or if the Clintons are mysteriously killing off staffers but not the people that Bill has tapped. 

Question motives and why you are supposed to be afraid. You are as likely to be killed by terrorists as much as you'll have yer computer hacked (not by spam bots) or be attacked by karate experts. 

If you ever wonder why certain governments are doing what and where. It isn't like the movies, distance and a delivery system have always been issues which is why Japan launched random incendiary hot air balloons at the US west coast during WWII and not planes or rockets. Also why terrorists haven't used a rusty Russian nuke on a western city.

Lil Kim in North Korea has the issue of keeping it up, Iran would also have that issue but they are closer to western civilization. If I was going to use a werd that wasn't profit on how to describe the state of the werld today it would be deployment.  

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

The Illuminati Want You

You know that times are tough all round whenever a secret society sends you an invite e-mail. This is from a real e-mail cos you can't make this shit up.

Are you a business man? Business woman ? Artist? Politicians? Student? ..... well sort of a piss artist that is in the business of studying politics and I'm half man and half woman on my mother's side, how do they know so much about me? 

And you want to become Big and Rich, Protections and Powerful, famous, Promoting your Job office position and make your company product the most popular and best seller in the world, join us to become one of our official Illuminati brotherhood member today and you shall be given a chance to visit the Illuminati initiation center and his representative after registrations are completed by you,

I do want to be big, more in length than girth though and yes being rich with protections would be great. They have an initiation center

 Join us.

Illuminati brotherhood brings along wealth and famous in life, you have a full access to eradicate poverty away from your life now.
It is only a member who has been initiated into the church of Illuminati that have the authority to bring any member to the church, so the Illu minati initiation for this year new members is available now Join us today and realize your dreams.

Will they make my life great again? I feel that I've got the grammar skillz for the Illuminati. If eradicate poverty from my life means killing the annoying homeless people asking for change then I'm in ... of course I wouldn't kill any homeless vets as that would be wrong. If I join then I could bring all my friends into the church too. 

If only I had friends. 

 No bimbos were hurt during the making of this blog post.

Once you become a member you will be Rich true whatever you are doing on this planet as your occupation more ideals will be giving to you and protected and as an actor or actress Politicians you will be famous and powerful for the rest of your life, the Illuminati makes they members happy so Join and be one of the successful Person on earth if you are interested fill the form below to the below email address to enable the Illuminati registration department process your membership and an invitation for the initiation will be send to you wherever you are in any part of the World.   

I so want to be Rich true and happy, sign me the fuck up. I'll be the the most famous and powerful blogger in the werld. Fox News would have me on as an "expert" and that 3am call to the president would go to me first.
Knowing my luck it'll be only for the mainland and they don't accept members from Northern Ireland, we get that a lot living in butt fuck Norn Iron.    

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Current Full Address:…. 
Date of Birth:……..
Phone No:…….
Email Address:….
Tell us a little about yourself…

Of course I can't give full details as I have trust issues. I don't want the crazies from the I.T. departments to start spamming me again.

I'll tell you a little about myself. I'm a Scottish Viking from Northern Ireland who is immortal. I know this as I've survived the Man-flu. I'm a time traveler and take a lot of drugs, mostly prescription these days cos I'm old. I like boobs and big arses and have often never gotten hard watching ghey porn. I'm all man with a little piss stained animal thrown in.
I respect broads, coloureds, gooks, wogs and queers but the Dutch need to be destroyed. I'm a very compassionate and sensitive person unless it's the morning as then I'll rip you apart if you get in my way.

I don't really like to talk about myself unless it's with hookers cos then I kill them afterwards and dump them out at sea chopped into pieces. Yes I have intimacy issues too though any port in a storm is a way of life.

I can't wait to join the Illuminati so then I can shape the werld and get away with so much more. Restraining orders are for the weak, I'm in the Illuminati! ... look at my membership card.

WARNING:  If you are not interested or Below 18 Years old Do not reply.
This Message Is From The Illuminati Worldwide Occult Government Center. 

I have to send them some questions first about robes and sacrifices etc. They do know that occult means hidden or secret right?    


Monday, 15 August 2016

League Of Super Pals

Back in the day we figured out that it costs $63 a day to be a super hero and in Canada and the UK it's free. Nope it just isn't worth the effort. Back in the day when we had a team we were fighting crime and keeping the public safe, we were known as The Justice Peace league of Super Violent Vigilantes.

I was in course in charge being a natural leader type.  Others have always just looked up to me, especially when I'd sell drugs at the Primary schools though even those kids are as tall as adults these days thanks to corn syrup and hormones in the food.
They called me a speedster cos after I take a magic potion I can stay up for hours cleaning and running around, my superhero name was Super Sprint. I'd say, "Never fear SS is here" .... as with anything I never gained mainstream success, too edgy for those cunts I suppose. Too fast for their cameras maybe.

  The Universal Freedom Fisters.  
Everyone and their Ma was dressing as superheroes and running around wearing masks, no wonder the police felt so useless and tried to take our power by demanding we tell our true identities. We couldn't for fear of public embarrassment our families being put into danger.

We knew when crimes were to take place because we had the mysterious Seer on our team, he left after winning the Super Lotto 5 times in a row and moved to Florida. I had to readjust the team. Since we no longer knew when any crime was to happen we were never there in time to stop them so I renamed us the Revengers, after a crime we'd break into prison and exact revenge onto the evil doer.

On our team was Cat Lady, she gained the powers of a cat from her 43 pets. She'd come and go when she pleased, shit in a box and would often just sit there and lick her bits .... you would think that wouldn't get old to watch but it did.
Of course she would never come to meetings if dog boy was there, they would fight like ..... well a lot.  He was handy to have around because if someone came to our secret lair in Topeka he'd be up and barking at the door warning us that some one was there ... I hated the way he watched me eat in the hopes that I dropped something, the rolling in poo was fine, he had his ways, we all did. He left the group when someone left the door open, I suspect Cat lady did it.

Then there was Black Widow, she got her name because she had been married 4 times, each husband unfortunately died in their sleep of unknown causes. Every meeting we'd just start by saying sorry for her loss. The only good thing to come of her power was the ability to insure her husbands before hand.

She was sassy and would take no shit, these days she'd be called a Widow of Colour but back then we didn't have time to be PC .... Black Widow, use yer ain't got time for this shit uppity ability. Her power to get refunds without the receipts was legendary. Just don't go to the cinema with her unless you like people shouting all through the movie.

We had a fling which really pissed off Cat Lady but Black Widow was too interested in being married in order to unlock everything she did in the bedroom, she must have been religious or something. Tempting but it was just not meant to be, I still had 3 other divorces pending.    

I just want to take this time to remember Captain Atomic. His power was a one off but came in handy when an evil villain tried to take over the Nevada desert. There are still places there you can't go, not because of radiation but because they are still covered in bits of Captain Atomic .... lest we forget. I salute him every time I have a double bean and cheese burrito, may my ass explosions be in his name.

When you have a team of assholes misfits on the fringe of society it's hard to keep them together. Things fell apart when Cat Lady fell off a keyboard and broke her hip.  Black widow's 7th husband woke up and filed some bogus criminal charges against her and the invisible guy, we think we know where we left him but being naked and invisible he probably died of hypothermia. Every now and then in the north of Scotland you hear stories of hikers tripping over things that aren't there.      

I had my own melt down when I shouted "Never fear SS is here" and a Holocaust survivor had a heart attack ... what, too soon?

I took more and more of my magic potion until I hit Rock Bottom ... I totally hit that. Her super power was buns of steel, her twerking could deflect bullets. She made me believe in myself again. She passed away a few years ago stopping a robbery when she took one up the ass ... but that's besides the point, she was killed because she didn't look both ways crossing the street, the only thing left of her after that bus hit her was her perfect ass.

I think some cop took it home or something.

I stopped taking my magic potion when I went into rehab became a recluse in my lair of solitude and reflection. I looked within and found what I was afraid of most ... Lemurs! I would make the criminals feel my fear, I'd become:

Lemurman .... Captain Lemur, The Lemur ??? I don't know. Stories of a 6 foot tall lemur fighting crime spread throughout the suburbs. I didn't mind cos I'm nowhere near 6 foot so yay!

I would use my big bug eyes to see in the dark and to stare into the souls of evil doers. I would also body shame people and comment on their fashion sense ... double denim .... seriously? ... horizontal stripes?

After I posted a picture of a fat person at the gym on Twitter I felt the tide turn against us super heroes. People were judging me ... how dare they! 'How can you body shame these people Lemurman, they are just trying to improve themselves, why don't you look at yourself in the mirror, you aren't perfect.'

I couldn't look at myself in the mirror as it would scare the shit out of me.  You dress as a lemur and people go on about you having issues and that you are mentally unstable. I wanted to buy a gun and just shoot them all but not even US gun shops sell AR-15's to lemurs, stoopid American bigotry. 

G-string Force ... Battle of the planets, who remembers that? Why was Jason always a dick?  

I'm too old for crime fighting now. Just don't be so quick to condemn a bloke in a leotard at least he is attempting to right wrongs. We can't all look like Chris pine Chris Hemsworth Chris Evans. Some of us are too lazy to werk out just not that shape.      

Don't let the judgements and issues of others stop you from being super. If yer power is to pull out yer cock on a bus then be yerself, they are just jealous that they don't have amazing abilities.

Thursday, 11 August 2016

We've Been Hacked

Yes Hillary will be the next president, it's already decided.

I get my moral guidance from TV shows and Pornhub. I don't like being lied to or manipulated unless it's by a barely legal Filipino teen that doesn't mind me spitting into her mouth and giving her a slap ... consentual- ish like.

If you are in a relationship would you put up with lies and manipulation, then why do you put up with it from elsewhere? 

Mr Robot is about this hacker bloke who is probably autistic and maybe schizophrenic. Old Knudsen isn't a psychiatrist he just tells people what the fuck is wrong with them and perscribes them a dose of go fuck yerself.   

So what if he talks to his dead dad all six sense like? .... did I just spoil season one for you? Ach if you haven't been watching it then yer a part of the problem anyways ... away an watch yer predictable cop procedure soap operas or poser vampire shite.

Steve Jobs .... what an inspiration, NOT!  An internal audit for Apple Inc revealed that it employed 106 underage workers across 11 facilitates in 2012. A further 70 became 16 at the time of the audit so they were legal.

They werked for the Chinese manufacturer, Guangdong Real Faith Pingzhou Electronics, that produced circuit-board components for Apple. 

After an investigation Apple fired them all cos child labour is wrong! Shenzhen Quanshun Human Resources got families to fake I.D. records so they knew.

Other instances were in 2009 when a company lost a contract and 18 of the workers attempted suicide over the next 2 years.
In 2010, 137 werkers were exposed to a poisonous chemical. In 2011 4 werkers died in an explosion at a factory that makes iPad parts. Also in 2011 61 workers were injured in a gas explosion in Shanghai.

In 2012 a fight involving 2,000 werkers forced the factory to close in Shanxi province (famous for its Pokemon) in northern China.

 Hipsters care but only in an ironic way. 

34 other companies demanded pregnancy tests while others withheld wages, made people werk to pay off debts and dumped oil waste down the shitter. The report was only carried out after 18 suicides linked to werking conditions at a Taiwanese company that puts together iPads and iPhones became too difficult to ignore. 

Yes Apple has long profited from child labour and like many other big businesses only cares when they have to or when they are forced to. Many of our products and clothes have been put together by people in what amounts to nothing more than slavery yet we hold up Jobs as being a type of hero. Oh poor man, he gave us this technology and became rich and died so young ... what a shame. 

Mr Robot did indeed mention Jobs as the money making cunt he was. Apple and Microsoft both manipulate customers to keep "needing" their products. Remember when you could buy something and it was good until it wore out and broke? Now you need updates or it won't work and how do all these people get yer phone number and e-mail addy when you don't give them out? 

If you promote a public persona of cool, a geek or whatever then people are going to think of you a certain way. Their preconceived notions are hard to change. Oh look the CEO wears hoodies and t-shirts to meetings .... he also hunts animals to eat because it's fun to kill, he gives out yer details and owns everything including the pictures you freely upload to his site but he is giving away a fortune to charity .... yeah HIS charity that only does what he wants.  I want to see receipts and tax records.

Bill Gates is very worried about malaria ... exactly when did Zika start? Was he bio engineering mosquitoes then?
But the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation does so much good. Like Zuckerberg they invest in THEIR charities and why the fuck did the foundation buy 500,000 Monsanto shares worth around $23m?

After fucking over Indian farmers and causing a load of suicides and making kids ill with alleged vaccinations the foundation is helping Monsanto fuck over Africa.

What Monsanto does is sell seeds that have been altered, then you have to buy the Monsanto pesticides and no you can't just replant because they weren't heirloom seeds so you have to buy more and upgrade upgrade.

You don't get rich by being a nice person. Just think about who all these cool, nerdy, geeky famous people are fucking over and remember that they are only fucking you over a certain amount as you are the main consumer and not in butt fuck Africa out of the view of the media.

If you have a computer or a phone you can be tracked, have your system accessed, get recorded with the mic or camera, even if you don't have your location turned on or even yer device turned on. Our existence has been sold on to a spam company but this is freedom because we vote and give our info voluntarily.

Opting out of the technical age is the only option but how will you exist without a phone number or an e-mail addy?     

You won't be killing yerself over the new iPhone that is the same as the old but you have to have it for yer giving opinion, app games and selfie addiction.