Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Trump's Trip Is So Real

Melania was up in Trump Tower, she had just finished breast feeding Barron again when she got the news that she was going on her estranged husband's first foreign visit.

Not happy with the news she had the staffer that delivered the bad tidings thrown out the Moon door or 'made to fly' as Barron likes to say. Melnia doesn't like to leave Trump Tower nor does she like to spend time with Donald.

Mr Trump was very excited that he called a press gaggle on Air Force One to talk about the trip. Fox News, Breitbart News, Stormfront, Nazi News Weekly, Kremlin News and the blog A Busy Mom all waited patiently. 
Other news outlets must have lost their invites or something. 

He said it would be the best trip EVER, better than any other President has done. He'll visit the Middle East AND also Israel . Then he'd go to the Vatican for some decorating tips. No one has ever gone on such a trip.

He gave a teaser of the speech he'll give to all these places, "Islamist Islamic terrorists must be driven out, Iran is bad, nobody likes Iran they fund terrorists and sponsor run runners. Sad! "

He'll make a few changes depending on who he is giving the speech too, ya know, to keep it fresh. 

After his round of applause from the press he added: 

"I bring a new, fresh pair of eyes to these problems. No one has ever suggested that ISIS or Al-Qaeda should be attacked and made to leave ... no one in the history of humanity has ever said this."  

With 50 of his favorite peeps and more following he took to the skies. 

 Is that Comey? What a nut job

Over the Atlanta Trump had some agitation, he went without sleep cos he was too excited and was hopped up on sugar.

"Is anyone else seeing this, the guy outside the window ... no? I took my meds today I took them twice just in case I had forgotten the first time though I never forget anything, where are we going to? ... sit on my lap Ivanka and tell daddy what you want for Christmas."

Upon landing they were presented with bouquets of Kale. Trump was heard asking 'what the fuck is this?' before handing it to a staffer.  The Saudis did a Google search on what white people like and kale was number two, he was also given a nice woolly cardigan which is obviously number one.

Buttons, not zippers! .... this isn't the fucken future for fucks sake, what am I Buck Rodgers?

Later on he gave a speech about how the world would be better if not for crooked dishonest Iran ... lock it up! He was given some bling and named the Lion of the desert.

On condition that Syria, Yemen and possibly Iran get bombed as that is what a true lion would do ... or are you a turtle? A liddle scared turtle that can't bomb anyone.

While Trump was away Yemen did indeed get attacked killing 7 militants ... the military just didn't bother to mention if any civilian causalities died. You can't get upset if you don't know all the facts.

Then the traditional awkward silence while the Saudi First lady was .... um making the tea and kale sandwiches maybe?  To put Saudi women in their place the men always steal the best tea towels. Tillerson won the staring contest he was having by the way.

Melania went and did gurly stuff while the men told pussy jokes and waved swords. She spoke about how Saudi is a great place for empowering its women. Those two in black look empowered as fuck. Totally their choice to be ninjas.

Ivanka got Saudi Arabia to invest $100 million to her female empowerment fund. That will go towards makeup and new shoes for all the empowered ladies.  

The other women nodded and smiled and said, "we are very very happy please tell them we were good."  

Saudi Arabia is becoming very modern and progressive. Nowadays women can have up to 3 independent thoughts (within reason) a day without getting a man's permission. While not allowed to drive they have full freedom to travel with the proper permits and male supervision between certain hours of the day.   

Later Melania was allowed to watch from a respectful distance as Donald touched the orb of Arazeelon and pledged to destroy civilization and usher in a new era of greed and treachery.  

Trump signed a $110 billion arms deal and to get $350 bn over the next 10 years. David Cameron did a  £5.6bn deal in 2016 and Theresa May gave the go ahead for £3.3 billion in military sales at the end of last year but the Saudis say our stuff is shite and they want to look like John Wayne when they fight. 

The introduction of fracking to the world has changed the oil business so I guess weapons and war are the new product as Saudi Arabia doesn't have the hold and power it used to have. Nice to know they intend to be fighting over the next 10 years. 

In my day we expected to destroy the enemy by Christmas and not Christmas in 10 years time. No one fights to win anymore, they fight to supply products. 

Like Monsanto you buy the special seeds then the special feed then the special pesticide. US weapon systems are designed to be used only with US equipment. 

Also since Nam the smaller 5.56mm round have been used and is used now throughout NATO . The more powerful 7.62 rounds that most nations have stopped using may have been more lethal but now you have soldiers able to carry and use twice as many bullets. 
Killing an enemy with one bullet is bad for business, you kill them using lots of bullets or wound them and so have to give expensive medical care ... unless you are a Royal Marine cos then you kill captured wounded fighters.  

In 2011 the US were using so many bullets in Iraq and Afghanistan that they were running out and had to buy them off Israel ... remember that the US gives Israel billions each year in order to survive as a state so it's a big circle of consumerism life/death.      

Touching down in Israel the happy couple almost held hands. Donald saw Benjamin Netanyahu walking beside and holding hands with his wife so he reached behind him (Melania's place is 2 feet behind him) but Melania panicked and must have thought his hand was a tiny flapping mosquito and she swatted it away.

Trump gave his 'Iran is bad' speech and mistaking a conversation he was having in his head with a real one he blurted out that he didn't say Israel to the Russians as reported in the media ... except they didn't report that.

It's like those movies when the suspect says, "how could I have got to the far end of town, strangled her and got back before 10?"   and the cop says, "no one said she had been strangled."

Donald needed a time out and so went to the Western Wall. It's probably the only wall he'll be near to during his short presidency. He made history being the first President to visit the wall, all the others did the rounds as candidates or private citizens.

Being Jewish, in fact he's the most Jewish person ever apart from maybe Hitler he wrote his prayer on the back of his Electoral map making sure to mention the 140 million at his Inauguration.

Melania who was also very Jewish that day said a prayer. She was heard quietly chanting,  'God please make him die, please make him die' it isn't known who she meant, perhaps the leader of ISIS?

Flight risk Jared Kushner has been named as a 'person of interest' by the FBI over the Russia investigation. He refused to comment on this though Ivanka told media that Jared being an interesting person was one of the things she found attractive about him.

As the sun went down an old hag was seen at the wall cackling with glee. We don't know what she was doing there, probably witchcraft.

Some how Trump's prayer was leaked onto the Internet.

'Dear baby Jesus king of these Jews. Flynn is innocent but could you give him a heart attack. Also Melania as it would look bad if I divorced her. Can you make the dishonest media like me and stop asking me questions. Make the American people obey and see that being owned by Russia is good for them if they don't struggle. Thanks for all the money, could always do with more. Terrific! ... almend'   

Thumb war in 3-2-1 

Trump then went to Bethlehem in the West bank to talk with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas. He told him Iran was bad and Islamist Islamic terrorists were evil losers, he didn't want to call them 'monsters' as they might like that. They were evil losers LOSERS most bogus losers dude. 

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

RIP Robert Mugabe

 Dead at the age of 90 something

There is a market for those that can predict the future. I don't mean stocks and shares but rather world events.
Bulgarian prophet Baba Vanga who died 20 years ago predicted 9/11, the rise of the Islamic State and the end of Europe by 2016 with no life just an empty wasteland so she was pretty spot on. 

Yeah her predictions only appeared after she had died and her ones for 3797 with the destruction of the Earth and humans living in space will probably be as true as our flying cars for the year 2000.

She did say that Obama would be the last President ... she did not say that what would replace him would be a sex offender reality TV star though.  How could anyone have seen that?

 Certainly not a President

Predicting world events isn't about having visions or cutting open goats to examine their intestines. It can be in the genes though. Some people just see the bigger picture and can know how things will play out. There is no such thing as certainty because there will always be some variables with so many forces at play.   
Some people are super-recognisers and can remember a face from years ago that they only saw once, others can be super-tasters with an enhanced perception of flavour. Others can be super-memorisers who can recall most days of their lives. Then there are the super-douchebags which can be found in droves on Twitter.

Experience and learning can play a part but many so-called political experts do poorly at predicting world events. It's like using your intuition I suppose, if you think too much you'll get a false reading. 

 Old Knudsen used his special abilities to impregnate goats with the power of his mind.

Military intelligence agencies would love to harness this gift and have done loads of research into psychic abilities including remote viewing and mind fucking farm animals. One time Old Knudsen was ordered to locate a Soviet diplomat by using remote viewing. I would have found him if those ladies in yon nearby college hadn't decided to take showers and experiment with their blossoming sexuality at that exact time.  

 A man can only be so strong ya know

World events can be tricky though because the things you'd like to happen usually don't but you don't want to say that or you'd jinx them ... jinxing isn't a real thing so wise up. I wanted Bernie Sanders to win the election but that was never going to happen. I wanted Brexit to fail as I don't support Putin's plans for destroying Europe but that didn't happen either. Will Jeremy Corbyn win the UK election? 

Only if May has a brain fart and decides to debate him while killing dalmatian puppies on live TV.

Apostle Ithiel Firebrand Muzenda from the Glory hole Embassy Worldwide has said he received a holy message that if Robert Mugabe and his wife Grace don't repent they'll be shot like Nicolae Ceaușescu and his wife were in 1989. 

The millions of Zimbabweans who fled Mugabe's reign will return bringing the glory of the Lord to the nation yadda yadda yadda. 

Oh how things change. Mugabe was Nelson Mandela long before he was him. He was an intellectual and a darling of Western Liberals. Ian Smith the Prime Minister of Rhodesia as Zimbabwe was known then was the hated racist but fact was that the poorest black under his rule was way better off than those under Mugabe. 
Things changed and now the Mugabes live in luxury while many starve and it is thought he has killed up to 200,000 people for political gain. 

I predict that in the next 3 years (possibly sooner) Mugabe will die. He's 93 yet doesn't look like he's slowing down any. His wife Grace who isn't that bright will be left to the mob, she'll probably flee unless caught and killed. She has been becoming more political over the last few years but she isn't leadership material, she prefers to go shopping which earned the First Lady the nickname the First Shopper. 

The Mugabes often think about Gaddafi and Saddam Hussein, they don't want to end up being sodomized with a bayonet or hanged. This is Putin's biggest fear too. The dictators always end up fearing their own people the most. 

 Chillin out with his tunes

The military will try to take control and there will be lots of violence until a strong leader is found who has support of big men with big machetes.    

If you look through Mugabe's life you'll see him posing with Gaddafi, Mandela, Fidel Castro, Margaret Thatcher and of course many times with the Queen. He's seen them all. 

Now anything goes wrong and he blames Britain, the BBC aren't even allowed to report there and both he and his wife have EU travel bans. 

It must be scary for his wife and grown children because when he goes anything goes. Having it all and then to risk losing it all. The assholes deserve it of course.  

Why am I talking about Mugabe? Because he has popped up a couple of times when I have been looking online .... no he's not private messaging me, that cunt stopped talking to Old Knudsen after a failed 2007 coup which I had nothing to do with ... honestly. 

Mugabe up for re-election in 2018 but since he tends to kill off any serious opposition he stands a good chance of winning. Grace might try to be the next leader but no, the Mugabes will soon have their day and it will be rough at first but then good for Zimbabwe.

Monday, 22 May 2017

My Guardian Angel Ate My Hamster

AAsher Liles a 7 year-old boy with Downs Syndrome had his mother's phone to take photos during a flight from Baltimore to Houston. The boy is non-verbal which means there is a lot going on under the surface but he can't figure out how to tell others in a way they'll understand. He mostly points of flaps his arms.

When his mum went through to delete some of the pics she stopped when she saw what looked like a humanoid figure made of cloud. AAsher obviously couldn't explain what it was to her so she leapt to the conclusion it's his guardian angel.

Just saying that if it is his guardian angel they haven't been doing a great job with AAsher ... Hey you were thinking it too.
Perhaps their standard of good job is different than mine. The boy is happy so maybe that is what their aim is.

Being a success in your job, getting married, having children, owning a house, retiring by 55 ... human mundane concepts that higher beings would mock.  We are told to do this or we won't be happy. 

Old Knudsen has a theory that if there are such beings as gods and angels they don't give a crap about you or your cancer or your promotion at KFC anymore than you worry about the welfare of an ant.

We create religion and achievements to fill the void caused by our lack of understanding.

Others have branded shoots they've taken as being guardian angels too. It's like that TV psychic who talks fast. Why would a spirit go to all the trouble to get through on national TV just to tell people they love and appreciate them?

Tell us something better for fucks sake. How do we cure cancer, is there a god a Heaven? In the afterlife can you spy on chicks in the shower? Do we get so enlightened that we are beyond petty hate and desires? .... if there isn't a need for a wank in the afterlife then it can fuck right off.

This figure was seen over LA in 2015 ... it's LA so it could be anything, those people are cray cray.

A balloon caught in the wind, a guardian angel waiting for a plane to pass by or maybe the Illuminati are fucking with your mind and the matrix glitched.  

The human mind actively tries to find shapes and patterns so it can make sense of what it is seeing. I wasn't there to see AAsher take the photo and don't know the chain of evidence or if the parents crave attention and know how to use photoshop.

Old Knudsen does believe there are beings out there that we might happen to see. As like people there are good and bad ones. I also think that people with certain mental issues are more in tune to them and whatever world or dimension they come from.

We grow up, lose our innocence and sense of playing. We think too much about bills and all sorts of clutter. We take selfies in our version of being a budgie tapping a mirror. Our minds are no longer open to possibility and our sense of wonder is jaded.

A beautiful sexy woman or are you thinking why she isn't wearing a seating belt? How does she get bras to fit? or Does she suffer back pain? ... ach just fucken appreciate her baps.  Yes I also wondered if she'd let her daughter go out dressed like that.

Old Knudsen recalls that he mostly sees other worldly beings when he is day dreaming and they fade away when he takes note and his mind comes to. No glowing white cloud blokes though.

This is why I'm open minded about such things though to say they are guardian angels or whatever shows how people try to narrow things down to their level of understanding. Like those Puritans shouting, 'she's a witch!' when they can't figure something out. 

Angels were brutal mindless servants of God used as messengers and warriors.   There are beings out there in other realities I'm sure of this and it's nice to know that some are polite enough to pose for pictures.

Thursday, 18 May 2017

Poor Trump The Ulitmate Victim


Donald Trump was there to give Coastguard graduates a rousing speech about having courage and determination in the face of adversary but of course made it all about him having courage.

The precious snowflake/history buff took the moment to tell the world what is really going on ... not classified stuff though cos that would be stupid.   

"Look at the way I’ve been treated lately, especially by the media no politician in history and I say this with great surety, has been treated worse or more unfairly you can’t let them get you down I guess that’s why we won."

As usual it's true what he says . The mean evil left have treated Trump far worse than anyone. Not letting them get you down was exactly how they won and it wasn't anything to do with Russia, Wikileaks and Cambridge Analytica.

Everybody hurts .... everybody cries ... even Trump as he spends millions of tax payer dollars  playing golf at locations expensive to police.

You think he enjoys playing golf and living it up like a single guy? There is nothing he'd like more than to play gold plated Transformers with Barron on the floor of his bedroom but duty to the American people comes first .... also Melania has changed the locks to Trump Tower so bummer.   

Cast your mind back to people lynching Obama Trump mannequins from trees. Even White House visitor and famous draft dodger Ted Nugent called for Obama and Hillary Trump to be tried for treason and hung asap ... he said hung, I would have said hanged.

Remember how for years people said that Obama Trump wasn't even born in the US and demanded to see his papers ... then when he showed them he said they were fake?

Or when Hillary supporters chanted 'lock him up' because he was careless with classified material?   

Remember when mean spirited Chuck Schumer mocked Trump for crying when all that Trump wanted to do was ban all Muslims? Fake Tears! tweeted Schumer.

Others have called Trump a fat slob and have suggested that he has blood coming out of his  .... well anal fissures aren't funny so back off!

Trump remembers because it stings.  Especially when you wipe.

Remember when Sirhan Sirhan Oswald Booth Hinkley shot the back of Trump's head off from a book suppository and also again when he went to see his American cousin Hamilton at the theater? 

James A Garfield in 1881, William McKinley in 1901, Harvey Milk in 1978, Ed King in 1986, Tommy Burks in 1998, Derwin Brown in 2000, James E Davis in 2003, John Roll in 2011, Mark Hasse in 2013 and numerous others had it fucken good. 

Remember when the Senate all stabbed Trump? Except Paul Ryan who doesn't have a spine was playing it safe and said he still had confidence in the Emperor President no matter what he does or who he gives secrets to.    

Remember when Charles Bent the Governor of New Mexico in 1847 Trump was shot with arrows and scalped by injuns? People make fun of his hair which is just mean.  

Or when a bomb was placed under his desk by Tom Cruise? It ruined his trousers leaving him a suit jacket without pants ... how fucken cruel! 

Or when Trump and the other Nazis were put on trial and then sodomized with a bayonet and hanged for war crimes?

So many other occasions I've left out cos when Trump gets impeached and has more time on his little hands I don't want him reading this and getting upset, you know how emotional he can be. 

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Trump Has The Right

So many libtards complaining that Donald Trump sharing classified information with the Russians is wrong, they should see it from his side.

Your head is spinning because everyone didn't cheer when you fired the head of the FBI ... What the fuck? The Democrats hated him and now he's looking into Trump's Russian collusion so the Republicans must obviously must hate him too so what gives?

Yeah Comey was an asshat but he was currently actually doing his job when he was fired for something he did last year.  Old Knudsen isn't a labour law specialist but if you let someone continue to work then you've given up your right to fire them for that event. He should have suspended him and looked into it rather than dismissing him for something when he wasn't even in charge then.

He totally didn't fire him because he was investigating him ...  oh no.

After all that you get a call from the boss. Putin says "Hey Donald, I want to send someone over to inspect productivity." 

Shit the supervisor is coming, look busy!

He gets out his biggest smiles and pals around with the Russians. It's a bro-fest ... well in Trump's mind.

To make sure it doesn't backfire and look bad the US media are not allowed in, just the Russian Foreign Office media. They promised not to release the pictures and make Trump look bad.

Why are the Russians giggling? 

Trump felt comfortable enough to blurt out some classified Intel he received from Israeli Intelligence. It was just a routine sharing of information about ISIS planning to put bombs into electronics and onto planes.

Sure isn't Russia in Five Eyes? The Intelligence sharing alliance. That's US, Canada, UK, Australia, New Zealand and um Russia makes 5.

What? no that's not right. At the start of this year an Israeli newspaper published a story saying that US counterparts to Israeli Intelligence officials warned them not to share Intelligence with Trump.

There is no 'routine sharing of Intel' with Russia as per the White House excuse, that just isn't done. 

Israel has cordial relations with Russia but are afraid that any Intel will get shared with Iran so that's a no no.

It's like someone telling you a secret and you blurting it out to someone they know but aren't friends with.

 It was a bad day for Donald to quit sniffing glue.  

HR McMaster denied it happened then Trump tweeted about doing it ... awkward! To quote HR, "The President did not sniff glue, I was in the room it didn't happen."

And another White House spokesperson's credibility goes down in flames. 

Even if it was top secret BAM! ... a US President can make it un-top secret.  As Trump tweeted, 'he has that right.'

Fuck the assets on the ground it's the bragging rights that count. To quote Barney, "sharing is caring."

Meanwhile in the Russian media they are laughing their arse off. All other media outlets have to buy pictures from them. The only American photographer was the White House photographer and their official pics were released much later. 

It shows you what disdain the Russians have and how brazen they have become. America is a joke to them. Pwned!

Like Assad using gas on civilians, shooting down an airliner, poisoning a former spy in London, killing journalists, invading Ukraine .... Russia denies everything.

We bukkake all over him then we make him eat it lol!  

While Russia is a rival nation, Turkey is an ally .... a dodgy as fuck one. They keep hinting at kicking the US out of their Air Base at Incirlik. It's of strategic importance for the US to be there so the west often turns a blind eye to things going on. 

The US has started to arm and work with the Kurds in Syria. The Kurds in Syria (YPG) are seen by Turkey to be an extension of the Turkish-Kurds (PKK) who have carried out terrorist attacks in Turkey. They want their region to be independent but Turkey isn't having it. 

Turkey have been known to shell the YPG in northern Syria ... Turkey are cunts it's as simple as that. Also with the recent coup and most likely rigged referendum Erdogan is seeming to be more like a dictator than an elected official. 
Sort of how Putin somehow keeps getting elected over the past 17 years, not even Winston Churchill was that popular with the voters after the war and he saved Britain for fucks sake. 

Not someone a President under fire needs to meet with just after having the Russians over ... DOH! There he goes, shit whose idea was that?

Erdogan did use his time in Washington to treat the US like a bitch and denounce the Kurds. He probably applied some pressure to get his nemesis Muhammed Fethullah Gülen extradited to Turkey. Gülen lives in the US in exile and Erdogan still blames him for all his woes. He's like his version of Obama.

Trump said, "terrific guy I love turkey in fact here at the White House we get a great turducken served to us I love it with ketchup. Tremendous!"

Then to lighten the mood he met with Bashar al-Assad who still denies he used gas on anyone but Trump being the great negotiator and deal maker that he is got him to promise that if he was to ever think about using gas on little children ... not that he did but if he was to consider it to not do it. 

He then declared the beginning of a great friendship between the US and Syria. They signed a $50 million arms deal and hugged it out.   

Such a busy day, he then met with Robert Mugabe who was Prime Minister of  Zimbabwe from 1980 - 87 and then became its President since 1987 ... amazing, they must really love him there. 

Trump jokingly asked for tips for a long political career and was informed about the fun African custom of placing burning tyres around people's necks ... Trump seemed intrigued.  

Kim Jong-un sent his apologies that he couldn't make it for the Oppressor's conference. Soon Trump will go and meet another dictator famous world leader King Abdullah Ibn Abdul Aziz Al Saud when he travels to Saudi Arabia this weekend for a summit. Omar Al-Bashir of The Sudan has also been invited but will probably want assurances he won't be arrested for war crimes which nearly happened when he visited South Africa. 

Trump should fit right in with this group but lets hope no one gives him any valuable classified Intel beforehand. 

Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Are The Nukes Safe From Malware?

Any computer running Windows XP after April 8, 2014 should not be considered protected as there will be no security updates for the Windows XP operating system.

2014, well that was years ago and I'm sure the only people on Windows XP now are people on old computers who don't like change.

Luckily we didn't just have the largest ransomware cyber-attack in observed in history huh.

Oh that's right we did. 47 NHS trusts in England and 13 in Scotland were hit. Surgeries and procedures cancelled as machines such as MRI and CT scanners use old software. There was a slight spike in deaths but luckily it was mostly old and unemployed people ... some foreigners too but they aren't technically human and so don't count. 

Get a room for fucks sake ... of course you can claim it on expenses yer the PM.

In 2015 the then home Secretary Theresa May, not sure if you've heard of her didn't renew the contract with Microsoft which saved us £5.5 million. She also switched to single ply toilet paper too in all the hospitals and took TV's out of the terminal wards cos why would they need a TV? Game of Thrones? You'll not make it to the next season so don't worry about it.    

Back then she was a penny pinching austerity witch and not into anything strong and stable except her husband Philips average sized throbbing cock. I'm sure the days of fucking up like that and with immigration and police cuts are a thing of the past.

 Do you even proxy server bro?

The Tories now have an I.T. guy named Colin and he's under 30 so knows that Internet doesn't come in a box. He'll take a wire brush to all the browsers and have them working in no time. 

Remember when the Tories spent £1 million on iPads for all their politicians and the Conservative MP Nigel Mills was caught playing Candy Crush on his for two and a half hours during a parliamentary committee? ... well luckily I do. Money well spent.

Remember last month when Parliament was suspended for 2 hours while the MP's took the opportunity to capture a Squirtle? Well ok that might not have happened ... aye it was a fucken Charmander, gotta catch them all, it's in the Bible.    

 Yes I have tried turning it on and off again.

While the media and government are rightly getting in a tizzy about NHS hospitals and worrying about further attacks there is one thing you won't hear about cos of national security. 

Luckily Old Knudsen signed a fake name when he signed the official secrets act .  

HMS Vanguard, Victorious, Vigilant, and Vengeance are the submarines bravely patrolling the UK looking out for sneaky Russians and refugee boats to sink. Each of these nuclear-powered submarines have up to eight Trident II missiles and a total of 40 nuclear warheads. 

They could fuck up most cuntries in Europe with that. I mean proper fucked, France would be a car park. They also carry Spearfish torpedoes to fight other subs or just to blow shit up with.  

They all operate on Windows XP, in fact their version says 'Windows for Submarines' in case you forget yer on a sub I suppose ... just look out the window.

Remember in July 2016 when Theresa May covered up a Trident missile failure just before a debate on renewing Trident? Ach don't worry that was in the past, now she's all business, professional and honest ... nowadays. 

We all have things in our past we aren't proud of like sewing puppies and kittens together for fun and stealing candy from fat children. 

Does the public really need to know that a missile was fired in the wrong direction?  I'm sure if it was a real strike some of the missiles might hit some of the enemy .... hopefully. 

If we ever use Trident it won't be to win, it'll be in retaliation cos we'll be fucked by then. There is no winning in nuclear warfare and Russia and China have way more nukes than us. 

 HMS Vigilant ... has crashed, do you want to send a report?

Britannia rules the waves ... this was the same cuntry that thinks it's all that and so voted to leave the EU. Luckily the Americans are way more technically advanced than us.

That was a lie. America uses Windows XP on all their Navy ships and missile systems, even the army still has a lot of XP devices. The difference being that the US has a $9.1 million a year contract with Microsoft to support their systems. 

Old Knudsen contacted the Royal Navy for some reassurance as he just doesn't trust those Navy pukes. A spokesman said: 

"Don't worry Mr Knudsen we are all very highly trained in computery stuff and hackers can't hack through water, it's scientifically impossible. Also we have notifications turned on so if something did happen a box would pop up and ask something like 'are you sure you want to delete this country?' so don't worry, the navy is strong and stable."

Well that's good I suppose.