Tuesday, 21 April 2015

I Killed You In Another Time Line Just For Fun


Did the TV show Dr Who rip off Old Knudsen's life? Well lets just say there are similarities. Old Knudsen does travel through space and time but not just in a time machine, he also uses mind expanding drugs too, the shamen of ancient Ballymena would often use Charlie, White, Snow, Toot, Rocks or Wash to enter on a vision quest and very often it would take you back through time only to have you emerge back in yer own time covered in blood riding the wrong way on Ballymena's crappy one way system on some strange tractor.


The legal system prefers Old Knudsen to use his Turdis, and so does his septum. While Old Knudsen has traveled through time to punch the odd historical cunt, he has also gone back in time to shag the odd bit of historical totty, a time traveler has to have his fun.

The main thing Dr Who has gotten wrong is that Old Knudsen doesn't run, it's not that he's really brave it's just that he doesn't do running. Invincible trash cans with plungers and we're all going to die? The fuck we are, run if you want Old Knudsen is going to fuck up some wheelie bins cos I've just eaten and can't be arsed to run.    

Anyways did you enjoy Easter? 


Look everyone Jesus isn't really dead. 

So I went back to 33AD ... it was a Friday and the Jews were getting the Romans to crucify Jesus. It was well nasty, almost put me off me bag of salted wolf nipple chips, the Romans sure know how to put on a show.

When he was dead and totally bereft of life me and Darren my companion partner chum assistant landed the Turdis in his crypt and took his body .... *lol!*

Yes it was funny seeing their faces when he wasn't there but even better when we did a weekend at Bernies all over the town. Thomas was a bit of a doubter, wouldn't surprise me if that cunt was an atheist. All through his life Jesus had the others blindly accepting but Thomas would say something cuntish like, "well they were very big loaves and fishes and everyone only got a bite" .... or "sure he turned water into wine he has a home brew kit but it took him 6 weeks."  Aye he also turned a tree into a table, some cattle into burgers, made a blind man see by finding his glasses and walked on water .... it rained that day so everyone walked on water but Jesus thinks he's special.   

Questions and doubts are for the weak. Showing Thomas the spear wound and the fact that Jesus could nod his head convinced him .... peer pressure played its part too.  

So yer welcome about Easter, I'd actually just wanted to fuck with their heads but a holiday and chocolate bunnies is a fucking win.

You say I'm famous for shitting myself when I died ... that makes me sad. 

When you read about Hitler you see that he just didn't bother the last couple of years, he barely left his room nor did he make any decisions. I went back and made Hitler watch a movie called  Inglourious Basterds and told Hitler that it was based on real historical fact.  Yes Hitler, you were killed as well as many of yer top men by a group of Jews who could barely speak any German ... feel wick ya loser. 

He did indeed feel wick to speak plainly he was scundered . Hitler felt embarrassed at having failed Germany so badly that he became depressed and a total shut in. Yes, Old Knudsen won the war by fucking with his head. 



One day in 1944 he heard the birds singing and the sun was out so he left his bunker to go for a walk and BAM! he entered Old Knudsen's historical fightclub. That right there was probably the last straw. 

Don't judge Old Knudsen, it's the way he rolls. Old Knudsen also talked Bonnie Prince Charlie into invading England just to have him get doon there and a friend tell him that London had a massive army which made him retreat .... it had fuck all of an army Ka-Chow! 



I also suggested to Columbus a nice vacation destination out west and swapped the Titanic's unsinkable blue prints for ones I had made in photoshop. The 4th funnel was fake you know, the original only had 3 but I didn't like odd numbers, very unlucky so I had them slap on an extra dummy one for luck. 
Apart from terrorism, Game of thrones and the crisp sandwich, Belfast is only known for a maritime disaster ... no publicity is bad publicity .  




I didn't know that Houdini was joking, otherwise I would have left him his secret key. Some have called Old Knudsen a madman in a box, others have called him a dirty fucker who rapes dead bodies, Old Knudsen refuses to let these small minded labels define him or shape the person he is.

Did you have a good Christmas last year? .... well there might not be any more but don't worry you won't notice, it will be replaced with 'Happy oral sex day' not really for the children but they'll learn. 



*When Old Knudsen types lol he is doing it scornfully as there is never any out loud laughing from him ... lol*

Monday, 20 April 2015

David Cameron Wants You To Have A Good Life ... And A Pony

As the election for the ruling party looms in the UK we see David Cameron of the Conservative party making new promises and saying things out of character everyday. It worked as a last ditch effort to keep Scotland a part of the UK, promise them home rule and never deliver on it ... stoopid Jocks, aye the Sassenachs totally underestimate the Scottish ability to never forget an insult even if it takes 40 years to screw you over we'll wait, cos it will be epic. 

He has already promised £8 billion for the NHS ... if elected again. Also no tax on the minimum wage, free childcare for 3-4 year olds up to 30 hours a week, building more social houses and giving the tenants the opportunity to buy, rail fare freezes, homes worth up to £1m to be exempt from inheritance tax, look under yer seats for free ponies for everyone, you get a pony and you get a pony.

During this time of enforced austerity he's promising £21bn of giveaways.

He's been Prime Minister since 2010, why has he not done all this or even looked like he wanted to in all that time? Where will all this money come from? They must be selling more surface to air missiles to Bahrain or Saudi Arabia or maybe they finally broke the North Korean market and are selling arms to Kim. 
He recently said, "It's time that Britain had a pay rise" but of course he didn't mean nurses or teachers.

At least Ukip's  (Conservative heavy as opposed to lite) plan to drive out the immigrants and build a wall around Britain will only cost us £10 bn which is money worth paying if you like inbreeding and warm flat ale cos all that diversity shit isn't British enough.

 On their way home from school.

David Cameron: 'George we need to make the people like us, how can we be tough like Ukip but keep the immigrant vote and not have Scotland rebel again?' 

George Osbourne: 'You're good at making promises you don't keep, do that? You said you'd love me forever and yet you still haven't left your wife.'

David Cameron: 'You know she means nothing to me. We need promises and a catchy slogan, remember Inner city the American house/techno group from the 90's who had that hit Good life? if we say that we want people to have a good life then people will get that song as an ear worm .... can we use it for the campaign?' 

George Osbourne: 'I'll check if they are on the list of artists that have told us to fuck off.'

   

Love is shining, life is thriving in the good life good life ..... Good life good life good life good life
in the good life...... good life.





To those who know the song .... I'm so so sorry for the ear worm, for those who don't ... don't click the link, the song is a musical STD and will cling to you and eat away yer brain. Old Knudsen doesn't know the Lyrics but the repetition of the werds good life does his hed in. Blame Cameron, he said those werds. 









Saturday, 18 April 2015

From Hipsters To Bukkake The Trends Revolve


Why trends happen, we here at Old Bitter Balls study history and the effects it has on the present and pay attention to the regurgitation of trends. Bare naked ladies ... the pop group had a song called It's all been done and it has been. How many times do we hear, 'leggings and 80's leg warmers are making a comeback' or 'you may mock my grunge look but it's all the rage'? ... probably never unless you hang out with fag hags at ghey bars, in my defense the Strutting Cock looked like a straight bar.


I don't 'get' Hipsters and so I want to punch them, it's a natural reaction to strange things. I get the beard, it went from porn taches to clean shaven to stubble to goatee and now full beard, sure there were some who indulged their mid life crisis and played around with the likes of a soul patch. Some more edgy and slightly metal groups had beards forever but the more they became mainstream the more acceptable beards have become.

Like Gangsta rappers who sell out by getting wealthy and now soccer moms listen to them.


Much to the upset of Old Knudsen's family he had often indulged his inner beardy, it was one more thing for them to belittle me about ... ha ha you look like a terrorist was what I got. To annoy them I started shouting Allah Akbar knowing full well their small minded unworldly wise mindset meant an IRA terrorist.
Old Knudsen got the last laugh when he saw Jamie Dornan become a hit with the TV show The Fall (set in Belfast) as then beards became the thing to have, Northern Ireland finally caught up with the rest of the world.

Over the centuries beards and the clean shaven look have battled, the (real) Goths and Vandals with their facial hair being barbarians against the clean shaven and civilised Romans. The British military enforce a clean cut look for appearance as well as discipline since with the Brits appearances matter more than comfort. During the Korean war the British still shaved in the below freezing conditions while the Americans let that rule slide a little and went scruffy.

Now the British say stupid things like, 'you have to be clean shaven or yer gas mask won't seal right' of course the navy are allowed beards because .... I don't know cos they are cunts maybe? Sikhs in the British army get away with all sorts of shit in order to not hurt their feelings.

Back to Hipsters, they are usually well groomed, hairy faced with big spectacles and they dress sort of like an emo goth going golfing.
Though their fine beards hark back to a time when bearded men sailed the 7 seas hunting whales and shagging native weemen as a change to the cabin boy or when men went up to the mountains in search of beaver, twat and pussy killing any red skin who dared suggest that it was their land, the Hipster doesn't do manly, their manly is being comfortable with being who they are which is quite difficult for many of us.

The Hipster in their quest to be unique and themselves have borrowed trends from the past and just thrown them together. The skater look, the grunge look, the yuppy look, the big beard (Edwardian?) look, the mammie's ear rings look, the metrosexual look, the vintage golfer look.

This look of disdain is my happy look .

It's more than just being themselves it's a uniform and if you don't get it right expect a harsh mocking though most Hipsters should expect that anyways. Remember when you laughed at spides who wore red trousers? ... well they made a comeback. 
The whatever attitude is important too. A serious Hipster always has to be first with the trends, they must tell everyone how they have been into singers or fads that suddenly hit mainstream popularity that they were into them seriously for years so yer discovery is invalid, if things become too mainstream they then refuse to like it anymore.

An off shoot to the Hipster attitude is when people say they have read the book when a movie comes out or they have every copy of the graphic novels ... this becomes annoying when they then compare the books to the movies and show real outrage that SOMETHING WAS NOT IN THE BOOK that was done on screen. It's like OCD gone berserk.        





It will be fun to see these Hipsters remain hip as they get old. They could then actually claim to know things that you wouldn't have heard of ... 'I was into e-mail back when it was on paper and had a stamp, you probably haven't heard of those, it was more dedicated and edgy than e-mails.' 

Shitty looking tattoos don't matter if yer pretty. 


Hipsters can get away with just about any look if they are attractive ... that is the number one rule. A guy with a beard and rippling 6 pack abs makes being a Hipster sexy. Just being a Hipster implies intelligence, like when you say you are an atheist or a liberal, that implies intelligence ... or used to. 


People have discovered that toys, cartoons and comics are cool at any age and no longer the domain of nerdy virgins who play World of Warcraft or Dungeons and Dragons. Old Knudsen is at home fondling a gun as much as he is an action figure of Ironman but putting a golfing tee through his ear and wearing Converse is a little too much.
Old Knudsen was into the alternative lifestyle when it was called being a weirdo that gurls feel uncomfortable being around.

     
    
Glasses imply intelligence too. Men don't make passes to gurls wearing glasses. That doesn't mean because glasses are unattractive, it means that because she has glasses on she obviously reads and is too intelligent to fall for chat up lines about angels falling from Heaven. The sexy librarian always removes her glasses which triggers her hair to fall down thus revealing her real sexy nature. 
 
Kit Harrington insulted Belfast even though he still has to live there and squints a lot, I suspect he wears glasses to see with rather than to appear intelligent. 

No longer does having glasses mean that you want to see shit, every pop star and boy band stick them on, they are a clear glass non-prescription fashion item.


We also use them in the porn industry to not get jizz in our eyes. When Old Knudsen sees a pair of Hipster glasses he either thinks of Christoper Reeve as Superman or bukkake, either way he gets a raging hard on, merely by memory association.

So trends like how men didn't shave because they didn't need to or to protect their face from the cold have been bastardized and turned  soft mainstream fads, just as tattoos have become. If a real man (like meself) grows a beard he then must walk around with an axe or a dead elk or people will think he's a poser.    

I was doing bukkake before the Japanese even had a word for it.

The great circle of trends have you wearing sky blue jackets and trousers when yer old anyway, as long as they cover yer arse you won't care if they are skinny or have yer mankles showing. Young people dress funny, old people shake their heads then eventually the young person becomes the old person and listens to music they would never have listened to as a young un because it wasn't cool enough but now they get it because they have life experience and they shake their heads at what the youngsters are wearing.






Friday, 17 April 2015

The Last Man On Earth

The Last Man on Earth is a comedy TV show about a post-apocalyptic America created by and starring Will Forte who you may not know from Saturday Night Live. 

Somehow everyone dies (probably a disease) and he is left all alone in Tucson Arizona ... sounds more depressing than funny so far. He travels all over the US, Canada and even Mexico looking for survivors and writing 'Alive in Tucson' on billboards which is how his fellow survivors find him.

Wiping his mouth on the declaration of Independence.  

Phil Miller as played by Forte is a 40 year-old man child, a guy who was probably waited on hand a foot by his mom and so he has never had to grow up much. He takes over a house and fills it with works of art and historical shit like a tyrannosaurus skull for his table and framed gold records. 
Not being able to make his toilet work because he is the least handiest man ever he cuts a hole in the pool's diving board and invents the toilet pool, he also invented the margarita pool which is a paddling pool filled with genius and some salt along the rim.


He spends the first couple of episodes in his underwear and destroys things in creative ways in a parking lot as seen in Malcolm in the middle and The Simpsons ... yes a steam roller is used. Are they still called steam rollers since they aren't steam power driven? Maybe they are called iRollers now or some such shite. 

A tribute to the movies Cast away and The Omega man or I am legend he talks to balls with faces drawn on them and even to shop mannequins. Just as it gets too much for him he tries to kill himself but then finds Carol as played by Kristen Schaal.

   
A nice person though totally annoying, she insists on obeying the rules of the road such as stopping at stop signs and corrects his grammar at gun point, she then says she'll have sex to re-populate the Earth but only if they are married. Forte's character will shag anyone at this point in his life so he agrees. 
 


As soon as he gets married Melissa (January Jones) turns up and she hates cheaters so Phil has to talk Carol into letting him also re-populate the world with Melissa .... you don't want our kids having sex with each other do you? 

A spanner is thrown into the works when Todd turns up and he is everything Phil isn't .... a nice honest person.   

 The Shawshank Redemption is my favorite movie too, Tom Hanks was great in it. 

I love this show, you can't watch it and compare it to The Walking Dead, that would be stupid, it's a comedy for fucks sake. The streets are empty and there are no dead bodies lying about, now and then you can hear traffic from roads when outside scenes are being done or spot the orange flashing light of a truck in the distance. Why the fuck would you stay in Arizona though? 

Old Knudsen would take a 3 week voyage across the Atlantic and have a compound in Northern Callyfornia and sees nothing wrong with talking to balls and shop dummies.  


Get a real doll and you'll never be lonely again. Human contact is overrated. So many stupid people being so wrong all the time, an opinion and free speech is wasted on most folk. 


Even the ladies can get a doll, if this post doesn't boost Kid Rock sex doll sales then I don't know what will.  

The show is original material which is odd for TV and it's funny which is also odd. Phil is such a creep but you can't wait to see what he does next because when he isn't driven by his selfish needs and juvenile brain farts he tries to be a decent person. 

A couple more weemen have turned up in Tucson so it's getting well crowded, maybe time to move? 

 
The only other show that gets as many giggles as The last man on earth is Brooklyn nine nine, a comedy cop shop set in the fictional 99th precinct of Brooklyn. I've tried watching the police procedural TV show Bosch but it was just depressing and dull, even the less serious Backstrom and Battle Creek were better. 

Old Knudsen is always on the look out for good TV since The Walking Dead, Vikings and numerous other shows take so long to make. Ever since Lost took 2 years to make a season everyone else takes the piss too. 
Now because of the huge breaks waiting on shows and short seasons Old Knudsen has lost a lot of his interest in Game of thrones and Dr Who, sure he'll watch em in case someone gets their tits out but bleh ....



Thursday, 16 April 2015

Jack The Ripper Revealed


Experts from the science department of the university of Canbridge started 4 months ago in anylising what they believe are the fingerprints of the famous serial killer Jack the Ripper found on a knife near one of the gruesome murders.


The Hibit's Spectroscopic Analyzer is a device named after Dr Rupert Hibit of the university which can pinpoint the differentiation within the absorption line thus reading degraded fingerprints that couldn't possibly be read before. 

Jack the Ripper killed 5 women in London in the late 1800's and then was never heard of again. Suspects for the murders have ranged from Polish immigrants to Prince Albert the Duke of Clarence. 

Retired NYPD cold-case detective Ed Norris says it is a criminal named James Kelly who stabbed his wife to death in 1883 and then escaped prison in 1888. (the time of the murders) Norris then said that Kelly may have been responsible for murders in the US. Kelly turned himself in in 1927 and died 2 years later of natural causes. 

And Jack the Ripper is ....


Simon Besksford, who coincidentally enough is a researcher at Canbridge university. Dr Hibit was not available for a comment, probably quite shaken and distressed that someone he knew and had worked with turned out to be Jack the Ripper. 

Modern science coming to the rescue once again, case closed.   




Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Winter Is Coming

The road, One of the most miserable movies ever!

If you don't learn from history then you are doomed ~ C-3PO. I forget most history because having been alive for so long my brain deletes shit or I'd be a mass of psychological issues, imagine Old Knudsen being a mass of psychological issues .... killing prostitutes because he was never hugged as a child is bad enough, not that Old Knudsen ever does that because that would be wrong and probably illegal. 

Going to a prostitute for a hug is like going to a McDonald's for a salad.

I just want to remind you all about 536 AD, what you don't remember? In 536 AD there was a dust cloud that hung in the sky from Europe to Asia, it lasted between 12 - 18 months and affected the world for 10 years afterwards. 

Michael the great, the head of the Syriac Church said: "The sun became dark and its darkness lasted for one and a half years... Each day it shone for about four hours and still this light was only a feeble shadow...the fruits did not ripen and the wine tasted like sour grapes."

Flavius Magnus Aurelius Cassiodorus said: "So we have had a winter without storms, spring without mildness, summer without heat".


The Annals of Ulster reported a failure of bread from the harvest in 536 AD. No Veda, not worth thinking about it's just too depressing.

Anonymous wrote: "The sun began to be darkened by day and the moon by night, while ocean was tumultuous with spray, from the 24th of March in this year till the 24th of June in the following year... and the following winter in Mesopotamia was so bad that  from the large and unwonted quantity of snow the birds perished."

Now a days Anonymous just calls you a fucker and wishes death onto you for voicing an opinion. 


All the accounts from the time say the same thing, shit got serious.

Beijing weather forecast, chewy with a hint of diesel and rocket fuel ... at least it's dry.  

China couldn't see all the usual stars in the sky and two years after 536 AD they would get summer snows, frosts, drought and severe famine which killed off 80% of the population. 

Tree rings from North and South America, Europe and Siberia all record slow growth 10 -15 years after the dust veil had gone so things did not get much better for a long time, adding to that the outbreak of smallpox across Europe. Dark ages? More like the fucked up ages. 

Things were so bad that in Scandinavia that up to 90% of the population died. We know this from the deserted villages, and the huge amounts of gold offered as sacrifice shows they were pretty desperate.


So what caused this to happen? Old Knudsen's first thought was a meteor strike, ya know like the one that caused the Ice-age and killed the dinosaurs. That is one of the theories and two undersea craters have been found off the coast of Australia and Norway 11 and 7.4 miles wide respectively that fit the bill. 

Due to the acidity found in Greenland's ice core samples the better theory points to a volcanic winter ... though they also found debris from possible impacts. Science ideed, call it Guessience instead.

El Salvador’s Lake Ilopango volcano erupted around that time, scientists don't have an exact date but can pinpoint it to a couple of decades using radiocarbon dating and tree ring analysis. Ilopongo is still alive and active so it could very well happen again. 

Or it could have been Mount Tambora of Indonesia, the Rabaul volcano of Papua New Guinea or even Krakatoa ... hey maybe it was meteors and volcanoes or numerous volcanoes .... combined with dragon attacks. 

It was a time when people starved and if you shared yer food with yer fellow man you'd starve too so cunts who hoarded and were mean rose to the top and the plague meant you were quite paranoid too. Maybe that explains why people today are so slow to help others, deep rooted fear from previous lives.

Did such events or previous events go towards adding to Norse mythology? The Fimbulwinter is three successive long winters where snow comes in from all directions, without any summer. During this time blood ties would mean nothing, incest will make a come back and brothers will kill brothers .... probably over who gets to shag Ma. 

Fimbulwinter was the run up to the Norse Ragnarok, I'm sure the events of 536 AD with 90% of people dying would make you think it was Ragnarok, the end of the world  or maybe it dated back to 650 BC when the Nordic cuntries climate became a lot colder .... damn you climate change! 


That climate change thing that people get their panties in a bunch over, as if they could do something about it. In the 1300's there was more than 20 years on ongoing famine due to excessive rain that destroyed the crops, this led to many a war and invasion.  

The thing is that as we spin around in space it may not seem like it but our existence could just turn on a moments notice. The drought in Callyfornia or Taiwan due to over population, poor water conservation and the lack of monsoon rains or the constant snow that North America seems to be getting the last few years, all it takes to remind you just how little we are is a volcano in Iceland to erupt and stop all air traffic in northern Europe. 
Events we don't even glance at on the news can lead to the perfect storm of disaster by then it's too late to act .... Why didn't someone do something 5 years ago?    

 Radiation from Fukushima has reached the Canadian coast.

This shit has been going on for centuries, it's with typical human arrogance that we blame mankind for it, as if we have a say. We build nuclear power plants on seismic faults on the place known to Geologists as the ring of fire because of its active volcanoes, we are that dumb. I'm surprised we've lasted as long as we have. 

Mother Nature can just decide enough is enough and one of her many volcanoes might just blow its top and then a can of beans will finally be an acceptable method  of payment for sex workers ... yay! Cos I have loads.   

Nature will always find a way, maybe that is what she has been doing over the centuries.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Another Marching Season Of Joy

Baton twirler and UVF/Lemur butt monkey boy Jamie Bryson.

It's good to see Jamie Bryson applying himself to something that doesn't require giving an opinion. The wanna be politician who doesn't have any answers but at least knows what he doesn't like was out in his pseudo military band costume to march in celebration of the Pagan festival of Easter ... Gawd was not amused. 
Let me guess yon forever bag there contains the beer or bottle of beat the wife otherwise known as Bandsman courage.  

Look at the smile on that lanyard's face, bandsmen give dirty looks not grins. 

The Belfast Telegraph was keen to show all the fat miserable looking bandsmen and wee liddle Jamie enjoying getting his picture taken, nothing gives Jamie joy like having a camera pointed at him. It makes him feel all impotent like.

At this point Dr S. Knudsen concludes that Jamie was raised being told that he was never good enough and strove to seek the approval of others and was probably bullied ... or should have been. He needs lots of hugs and reassurances and to man the fuck up you little loser. 

Being too young for the Troubles and only being a child when the peace agreement was signed, sauntering about in a funky ass costume is all that he can do ... since he doesn't have the balls to join the actual military, just like all those other pseudo tough guys who prefer to have gangs and numbers on their side. 
Old Knudsen knows the type, on their own they'll act tough with their voices shrieking in excited fear and will walk off muttering about how you should watch yerself then after a few drinks for courage they enlist a few friends and return to threaten you more but if you aren't there and it's dark they may bravely vandalize something before running away .... it's the Northern Ireland way. No honor no guts and no police to stop them. (Northern Ireland police don't like confrontation)   


It does annoy Old Knudsen that they hi-jack the memory of brave men and women who actually went to war , they talked the talk then walked the walk, these cunts today only walk and mouth off. Old Knudsen served and went to war so he can say fuck all you pretend friends to soldiers, they only like dead soldiers anyways. Someone's memory to utilize as a moral high ground tool. 

Nothing says respect for the war dead like cake does.

The Easter parade went off without any trouble, the Parades commission was paying attention and would impose sanctions on the bands if they broke any of the rules laid out. However when the bands reached the point where the restrictions didn't apply they bravely played their sectarian tunes relating to the potato famine .... which is funny considering that their descendants no doubt suffered to some extant during that time and were 100% Irish since Northern Ireland was not British then, so they are pissing on their own family. Well done morons.      

Doesn't wee Jamie look so proud during 'his' parade? The Ulster Protestants say they don't like Americans because a few in Boston sent money to the IRA but try their hardest to be American and I don't just mean with their lame Hollister clothes and the American quotes, tunes and soundbites they use. MLK jr quotes on UVF murals, Sloop John B, These colours never run and Red river valley etc etc.

    American baton twirlers .... which are usually gurls.

I would have thought that Jamie would have played the skin flute but I'm sure he is good at baton twirling .... I'm sure he knows his way around a hard shaft of wood, I bet he handles the shaft with skill. I bet he polishes the end nicely before coming out er I mean going out. 

The useless ones in the band ... I'm sure it's a great honor. Some of those lads have fine child bearing hips.

Jamie can smell a camera at 40 paces, you can just sense his excitement as he tries to stand out as the best stick walker. Eyes front you little turd. I wonder if he suggested re-naming his band of mall cop looking twats to the Jamie Bryson appreciation boy band. 


Like I said they are so American. Attention hoors claiming that their people are the victim no matter what the scenario and blaming someone else. 'We are poorly educated because of whitey and slavery' .... 'We are poorly educated because of Sinn Fein/IRA who chip away at our culture.'   

After a few hundred years any reasons or issues should not have any influence on the events of today, c'mon people pull yer heads out of yer arse. This is as bad as saying that an imaginary sand savage 2000 years ago had a problem with gheys getting married.  Also yer education is free for fucks sake, only you are are preventing yerself from learning.

 The Catholics with their costumes and peace lily badges ... dumb da dumb da dumb!

Yet another Silly Season    Marching Season is upon us, the same old regurgitated crap every year. The Prods defiantly breaking the laws of Her Majesty the Queen ... in the name of Loyalism (I did say they were stupid right?) while claiming to be victims because the police won't let them bully Catholics.
The Fenians having their own parades with sun glasses and shots fired while the police stand to the side cos they might get hurt if they get involved. 

Both sides need to die ... it's as simple as that if we want peace.  

 Easter parade in New York.

Sure some Americans were dumb enough to fund the IRA and Gerry Adams from Sinn Fein may go there for fund raisers playing the romantic Irish heritage angle but most Americans think it's all Ireland anyways and that IRA stands for Individual Retirement Account. One thing you can say about the Yanks though, when they parade it's fun and a family event, you actually see people smiling too.

Monday, 13 April 2015

Does Michelle Obama Have A Penis?

Old Knudsen has long since retired from the crying game so he does not see why he has to keep all of those wee secrets . Sure if the public know the secrets yer life would be in danger but Old Knudsen is willing to risk that.
If anything happens to Old Knudsen a letter will be sent to all the media outlets except for Fox and the Huffington post ... assuming Terry remembers where he put the letters, he took a bullet to the hed in 1982 and isn't all there if you ask Old Knudsen.

Aye Old Knudsen served with Terry during the Falklands conflict, we were so close to winning that one then they sunk my battleship.

 

Does Michelle Obama have a penis? Is she a he? For years Old Knudsen has distracted the press with statements like, "It was a tampon that became sentient and tried to escape" or "It was just the light shining off Venus" but now why should I care? I'm nearly at the point of coming clean about chemtrails and naming the scientist who invented Aids. 


Michelle Obama has that 'get yer fat ass moving America' health program and when she goes onto live TV with her bouncing penis in full view I cannae come up with any more cover stories that simple folks like yerself will believe... IT BOUNCES FFS!!!!


Just look at the kids Somalia and Mecca, they look nothing like either of them. There is no record of their births and no pics of Michelle while pregnant, it is more likely these kids were secretly adopted from Morocco in 2003 when Barack was there buying weed and training insurgents under the name Barry Soetoro.

So is Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama really Michael LaVaughn Robinson Obama?

So Barack Hussein Obama II is a young black Muslim man from Kenya who moves to America, he'd like to become president but being from Kenya and having the middle name Hussein he thinks that there is no chance.
Schwarzenegger was a maid Schtupping Nazi serial groper but it was the whole being from Austria thing was what put the kibosh on his White house plans.  

So what the hell? Obama smoked weed, ate dog and dated a transvestite ... no chance of being preez so why not do it all? Being a lawyer in Illinois isn't really being a lawyer as the only law they have there is the law of the Thunderdome so he was just drifting along in life. 

Then he gave a speech at a Democratic party that got him attention, you know the one, "I had a day dream in which the farmer and the rancher were not only equal but they were friends" ... yadda yadda yadda. 

After that he had to act all white and Michelle had to start strapping it doon. If you don't play along you get replaced, which is why he has II after his name, this isn't the original Barack. 

All that is of course a lie. Imagine an organization so large and powerful that it wants you to think that someone was from Kenya and that his wife was a tranny, this organization takes yer worse fears .... oh look Obama is here to take yer guns, and doesn't mind you believing them because the truth is far worse.   

  Eat a healthy diet.

Yes they still are reptilian aliens I haven't changed me mind on that. So are many Republicans, why else don't they mind you thinking how dumb they are? It's a two party system except both parties are run by aliens. 

Why is Michelle Obama so interested in what children eat? The same way that corn fed chickens taste better than chickens fed on Twinkies. Why exercise? Lean meat tastes better, go try kangaroo if you don't believe me. 

No, Michelle Obama isn't a transvestite and so what if she was? Barack Obama isn't a ghey Muslim from Kenya, and he certainly isn't the anti-Christ .... Simon Cowell is the anti-Christ. 

We are here to save you. 

Yes the aliens posing as humans will poison our world and destroy our will to fight back, they do encourage the population to grow so we'll be food for them, then they'll descend in space ships looking like angels telling us to leave our inhospitable world that mankind has destroyed before we all perish and go with them to live in comfort and peace with God and we'll go cos we're dumb cattle.    

Then they'll tear off their masks and eat us. 

Aye it's hard to pick out the dumb cattle people from the pretending to be dumb aliens. I still have me files from me special oops days working on the Epsilon program so I know. Michelle can rub her cock in our faces during live TV all she wants but now you know what's really under those big gurl slacks.