American Politics For Mongs

John McCain was born in 1873 the son of gun. He grew up as a young hot headed Maverick and joined the military because all mavericks secretly want to be the same as the others with the same clothes and rules etc.

While in Ireland searching for his Irish roots as all Americans yearn to do he was captured by the IRA and tortured with boiled food which included cabbage and potatoes. He was held at the notorious Holiday Inn and thought he was going to die of the Irish 'rotten teeth syndrome' he was released after being exchanged for the Irish terrorist Paddy O'Cunty who was being held by the British as Americans think the IRA is some kind of financial account thing.

Upon release he went on a 10 day drinking bender, fucked Marilyn Monroe up the shitter (though she had been dead for many years) and cut doon the Navajo peach trees cos he wanted their land for development.

He killed 2 secretaries had his cock sucked by a fat chick in a beret, lied to his mother about stealing the change from her purse and vouched for his friends who cheated thousands of old people out of their pensions but the shit never stuck because he had been tortured and got a medal for getting caught by the enemy and giving away secrets but he used words like integrity a lot so people liked him.

After swearing up and doon that he'd not run for president he ran for president as he was the only real choice that had a chance of winning.

After beating Hilary in the third round with a left hook fries and large drink combo he showed that politics was no place for a woman. The only place for a woman is on my face, not to be sexist or anything but the wee dears are better suited to cooking and cleaning than running the cuntry.



His rival Barrack Osama was looking like a serious threat because he was able to raise a lot of money. They all say the same things its the money that really talks.

Osama played the race diversity card and played at being JFK and fucked off to Europe even though they don't vote for him there.


McCain listened to his advisers and decided he needed diversity too so they hired Super Nanny to sort things out. Her only political experience was accepting 27 million dollars for a bridge that went nowhere in a state that has only 12 people in it.

A white trash MILF with money whose teenage daughter got up the duff but hey shes christian so yay! its all ok.

Super Nanny didn't even know what a Vice president did. Even Old Knudsen knows this. The VP gets the votes the main runner can't and then they hang about everyday and ask how the health of the president is as they usually hire old geezers about to cark it. Or if they get a young president they have him shot in order to become preez.......... yes Johnson yer cheque bounced so I'm a telling.

So a woman may become president because McCain is older than dirt but she'll just be a pawn as she is now and knows Jack Shit and his brother Bobby Shit.

The Whitehoose isn't ready for a nig nog yet. Osama's promise if he gets into the Whitehoose is to steal the 56 inch TV and have his friends like Snoopy dog and 25 cent over to his crib to drink some Chrystal and hang out with the bitches.


McCain is haunted by his past and created oven chips so I don't think he is ready for the Whitehoose either as he has issues and tons of them but he is the next preez so get used to it.

I hope this cleared up what Yank politics is about.


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"When yer Preez you'll find that the blood just doesn't come off, its fucking awesome."

Its official I'm sick of US politics. A presidential candidate is as useful as an ash tray on a motorbike. Its like putting 3 guns on a table and saying "Which one do I want to blow my head off with?"

I'm a little busy at the moment I got a call from the 'Company' saying my license to kill needs to be updated. I'm ok with guns, knives, explosives, ropes and woodwind instruments its the miscellaneous section that needs some work, that's the killing with a pen, rolled up magazine, dish cloth etc. I updated my fountain pen skills to a bic and then a sharpie so I thought I was good but oh no it was the mobile phones that got me.
Back in the day the mobiles were just so heavy you could smash someone's head in with it but now they are tiny and skinny and require more skill to kill with, I don't even own a mobile but you just don't know when you have to pick up whats nearby to fight with.

Mobiles are so small now I can hardly see them no wonder people have to shout into them. I heard a young fella shout into one, "Where you at?" do they mean in life? fuck that's a bit deep, I know I'm at that stage in life where I look at what some people have to say and wonder why no one has killed them yet, a fool at 40 is indeed a fool.

Now that I'm in Callyfornia I have to take a course in hand to hand sun glasses fighting. In the UK if you see someone wearing sunglasses you'd think either "look a blind person" or "look a tourist" in any case easy pickings to mug if you needed some beer money.
Nah only kidding what kind of cunt do you thing I am mugging a blind person ? I would stand behind them when they are about to cross the road waiting for the lights to change and go "beep beep beep beep beep beep" well I have ADHD and am a sex addict so its not my fault I just get bored easily.

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