Iran's Hidden Nukes

We know that North Korea tried to help Syria build a nuclear reactor but are they helping Iran? We haven't seen Ri Man-gon or Kim Rak-gyom recently, North Korea's two main "Rocketmen" ... yeah I doubt they are in Iran as that place is doing fine on its own and doesn't even want nukes.

When you are crazy and don't mind a bit of slaughter you don't need nukes to act the big man. The two NK rocketmen are probably working on Kim Jong-Un's rockets as he must have used all his up in the Trump pissing contest.

What's that, a Japanese plane? A fly by in honor of me no doubt, why is it getting closer? 

Perhaps they are preparing a "special" rocket for when Trump visits Japan in November, that would be nice.

Iran have had a nuclear reactor for a while now, in fact it was the first civilian nuclear power plant built in the Middle East and was officially opened in 2011.

The Iranian deal limits Iran's nuclear program in exchange for sanctions being lifted. There was also a payment of  $400 million which GOP loud mouths go on about as much as Benghazi and e-mails.

That $400 mil was a payment the Shah of Iran made just before his 1979 eviction. The US was to sell him weapons but after the revolution they just held onto the money ... which was paid in many different foreign currencies like Swiss francs and Euros.  The Iranians wanted $12 billion so not the bad deal that Trump keeps saying it was.

The deal was reached with Britain, China, France, Germany, Russia and the United States. If you read the news you'd think it was only America that did it. All his talk about walking away from it will only hurt the US as Iran and many other nations stand by the deal.

Ayatollah Ali Khamenei explained the whole "Death to America" thing by saying: 

"Obviously by 'Death to America', we don't mean death to the American people. The American nation is just like the rest of the nations. It ... means death to U.S. policies and its arrogance."

The US would never say death to a nation ... well perhaps destroy a nation with fire and fury but North Korea are asking for it am I right? 

Tom Cotton enjoying Lollapalooza

You want a plot twist? The only people worried about Iran are Trump and the semi-retarded Senator Tom Cotton. They want you to be afraid. Cotton because he's a dick who wants attention and Trump because it stops you talking about Russia and gets you off his back for throwing kitchen roll to disaster victims which he still doesn't see what the problem was.

Kendall Jenner stopped a riot with Pepsi, heads up losers think fast!

He can't goad NK right now as Tillerson is trying to undo some damage in the far east so he picks on the other traditional bad guy, no not Albania ... though they have been very quiet lately, a little too quiet.  

Think about this, if Iran was up to shit and were trying to enrich weapons grade uranium would Israel be waiting around for the US to do something? The US might be the most powerful nation in the world but that doesn't mean it has the best military. 

They can't do covert missions without a helicopter or heli-plane braking down and the navy is in a sorry state of repair and is overworked. Morale is at an all time low. 

Israel didn't think the US was tough enough when it did Operation Orchard which destroyed a secret nuke facility in Syria in 2007 but before that there was Operation Opera which destroyed a nuclear reactor under construction in Iraq in 1981. 

The Iranians actually tried to blow it up in an airstrike in 1980 with Operation Scorch Sword but only damaged it a little. 

Israel are tough mean motherfuckers and have far better HUMINT in the sand box than their US counterparts. 

If Iran was a nuclear danger right now or even thought about warheads then Israel would attack. Of course attacking them is way more dangerous than Syria or Iraq which is why they haven't. 

A war with Iran would unite other Arabs with Iran and they would certainly bomb back. Military action in Israel is difficult to get. The 1981 bombing of Iraq was a struggle to get approved. You have to have the overall agreement of the cabinet first and Netanyahu doesn't have the backing of many of the national security elite.    

Also a deal with the US is in Israel's best interest. While Netanyahu doesn't like it the ones with the power to veto do.  

It's a more moderate government in Iran now ... still assholes but ones that can mostly be reasoned with. 

Trump is playing into the hands of the hardliners that are always on the edge waiting to seize power in Iran. The raghead versions of Tom Cotton. 

Cotton thinks Iran is on its knees because it accepted the deal and thinks you should crush them into the ground as soon as you see weakness. He's been to war and didn't learn a fucken thing. If he wasn't a Senator he'd be hoarding guns and fertilizer.   

The hardliners want nothing better than the US to break its word. We all know Trump is gagging to destroy it as Obama set it up but is he willing to go to war over it? I doubt it. 

Any excuse or insult at Iran is a reason for some hardliners to keep playing games of tag and chicken in the Strait of Hormuz with western boats. 

Iran doesn't have any hidden nukes and Trump is playing a dangerous game like he is with North Korea. It's really bad when the despots and dictators become the ones you rely on to keep a cool head for world peace. 

Plan To Assassinate Kim Jong Un Revealed

US Special forces on exercise in South Korea

Sources at the Pentagon and at the British ministry of defense have both confirmed a secret plan to assassinate Kim Jong Un in order to prevent World War III. 

Due to International security I can't tell you much about Operation Rocketman except that the USS Tuscon, a nuclear submarine will be submerged 3 miles west of Kuwolsan which is 74 miles south west of Pyongyang.

On the next moonless night which luckily is on a Friday (best day for ratings) the Tuscon will disrupt all electronic signals and 2 Black Hawk helicopters with Blue Pulse stealth technology will fly from the USS Nimitz which will have just arrived from the Persian Gulf.

US Delta Force and British SAS will be on board, code named strike teams Alpha and Omega.

The best of British!

I can't say much but Omega will be led by Sergeant Henry 'Henno' Garvie of the SAS while Alpha will be led by Major Scott McCoy of Delta Force who is in charge of the op.

Landing 10 miles north of Sunan airport they'll move 5 miles on foot to the Ryongsang Residence which as everyone knows is the luxury compound in Pyongyang that Kim and his family live in.

Omega team goes into overwatch and guards the exit route while Alpha does the search and destroy.

Soldiers loyal to former air force general Ri Pyong Chol will let the teams in through the maze of security and Kim Jong Un and his sister Kim Yo Jong are to be eliminated, photos and DNA swabs taken.
The First lady Ri Sol-Ju and their 3 children removed to make the transition of power to General Ri Pyong Chol smoother.

Not average North Koreans these are American Delta Force in disguise 

When the teams depart Major McCoy and two of his best operators will travel by car to the South Korean border with Ri Sol-Ju and the children. They'll be paraded on the TV denouncing Kim Jong Un and thanking their rescuers .

It's a risky operation and also depends on General Kelly hiding President Trump's phone so he doesn't tweet clues and details. 

A deleted tweet

If anything goes wrong on the mission B-1B bombers, B-52 bombers and F-35B stealth fighters are prepared to level the whole country. A prototype B-2B Bomber will drop a SCOAB (second cousin of all bombs) on Pyongyang. The 2nd battalion aerial recon division will live stream the bombing on Fox News to get the best ratings.

Obama never understood war, he was all into his secret proxy war fighting Assad when he should have been fighting ISIS, he never got good ratings.

Major McCoy and Sgt Garvie are expected to get book deals from the mission and to end up hated by their peers as they become Fox News contributors. 

 
 

Why We Can't Kill Off Kim

Looking at a nuke ... not a real one as standing that close would be dangerous. 

Kim jong un plays the media. He releases pictures knowing that foreign governments will be pouring over every detail to not just name everyone but to also to get clues on whether or not the weapons he looks at are real. 

North Korea has issues. They hate the Japs because the Japs invaded them and ruled over them from 1910 - 1945. Japan has few natural resources while Korea has plenty. Japanese rule was harsh and brutal because well the Japs are just cunts at heart ... hey it took TWO nukes to make them surrender. 

Korean comfort women 

Korean farmers had to pay half their crop as rent to the Japanese landlords and Korean tenants often had to send their wives and daughters to work in factories or as prostitutes in order to pay taxes. In 1939 the Japs banned Korean family names and made them adopt Japanese names.

These guys all look the same to me. 

Shit like this isn't easy to forget. North Korea doesn't have any diplomatic ties with Japan while the South has some but only because they share a common foe. South Korea does that thing kids do, they might be in the same room but they'll say to the Americans, please tell Japan this and this rather than tell them themselves.

Kim jong un is a fucken pussy magnet

 After WWII and freedom from the Japs, north and south Korea formed with separate governments. Both sides thought they both had a claim to the whole Korean peninsula. North Korea aligned themselves with Soviet Russia and Communist China so went total darkside. 

The north invaded the south. The US along with UN nations came to the aid of the south and pushed the north Koreans back up north. 

The Chinese panicked because having US forces so close to the Chinese border and the potential for a peninsula ruled by the south and helped out by the US they attacked. Russia helped out the North Koreans with equipment and weapons. 

The US flattened North Korea. Thanks to China getting involved no one won and a ceasefire was called. The US helped re-build the south. Today there are around 30,000 US troops in South Korea. 

This is why North Korea hates the US. I'm sure they hate the UK, Canada, Australia, France etc but their real hatred is for the US. Nationalism and a military slant has kept that hatred alive for generations in North Korea. 

  

Today along the 148 mile DMZ there are 10,000 artillery pieces pointing south. Many of them are in range of Seoul. About half of South Korea's 50 million population lives in that area. 

It has been calculated that in the first hour of attack 500, 000 rounds would be fired then the ground troops sent in. The US with its much hyped THAAD missiles would not be able to prevent a substantial loss of life. There would also be missiles fired at Japan too. 

 South Koreans guarding a ....

The north would not last long in a war but again China needs that buffer zone from US friendly nations so yet again they might help NK. 

Twitter has some North Korean trends as Kim tested a nuke again, many people are saying how SEAL team 6 should assassinate Kim. 

All those people in Seoul is why the US cannot do anything like that. If the US attacks NK China will help them again. If Kim has a brain fart and hits Guam by mistake then China might not help NK. 

If North Korea was defeated and flattened again I wonder if the Chinese would swoop in and annex a large chunk of NK to have as a buffer zone.   

It's easier to negotiate with nations before they get nukes. This is why a dialogue with Iran is necessary but Putin's puppet in the White House is against that since it's what Obama did.  

All the US can do is test missiles and do drills in response to Kim jong un. He holds all the cards and is the one that decides how far things will go.     

God Is On Our Side

Matthew the patron saint of tax collectors and accountants wrote in the sequel to the Bible, The New Testament,  "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of Heaven."

With our 21st century technology we can now make needles larger than camels so now rich people can get into Heaven. A billionaire that speaks for the people like Donald J Trump deserves to be in Heaven ... NOW!

In fact if Mattis could try to look awake for 5 minutes and dust off his service revolver in the name of national security that would be great.

Donald Trump is probably the best Christian in the history of Christianity. He is so good that he has only had to go to church like 3 times in his life and two of those times was because people on Twitter were slagging him off for not going like presidents are supposed to.

It's Easter, fuck separation of church and state, the President should be in church damn it!

Robert Jeffress, an evangelical megachurch pastor has his back and is often in the White House doing cleansing rituals to get the Kenyan Muslim evil out of the place ... yes ethnic cleansing rituals. 

Trump does his part by overturning every single Obama law. Obama passed a law saying that lead and broken glass should not be put into baby formula ... drain the swamp! Too much regulation.

Trump now insists that glass and lead goes into it. You can't make America great again unless you undo everything Obama did in his 8 years ... bring us back to the white good old days of Bush and an economy in recession, a Christian recession. 

It's not racist, Trump knows some black people and has recently stopped referring to them as coloreds. 

Of course he didn't just meet with black pastors in 2016 to get votes, ach you are so jaded and cynical. "Come to Trump Tower, just the lobby and you can say you met me, terrific!" 

  Oh yeah, check out the 2 Corinthians on that ... such a gentleman.   

Robert Jeffress and Paula Alt White, two regulars at the White House just happen to be white people. Hey Jesus was white, we just do Christianity better than um ... those people. Black evangelicals tend to start singing and dancing every 5 mins too. Well according to the movies.

Have you seen white people dancing? We're far to uptight for that malarkey.  Pastor White says that Trump will get into Heaven, she says, "Anyone who tells you to deny yourself is from Satan."  Wealth = good and the wealthy are obviously the favorites of God.

The Prosperity Gospel or Word of Faith believes you'll be blessed by donating to them too. That mansion and crappy mid-life crisis plastic surgery isn't going to pay for itself. 

Jeffress now says that God thinks it is ok for Trump to kill Kim jong un. Not personally of course, that would require courage. Being President he can and has put thousands of Americans in harm's way in Japan, South Korea and Guam. God demands sacrifice. Whoever risks their lives to do God's/Trump's bidding will probably get into Heaven when violently killed in action ... not the nice affluent part of Heaven though.

Pussy grabbing is terrible but not as bad as HER E-MAILS!!!

Using war, assassination or capital punishment on evil doers is all good with God ... Don't get Jeffress started on the Jews or the gheys for fucks sake, he's a mean wee shite.

The widows, widowers and children from Trump's fire and fury tantrum war will be invited up on stage at ego validation rallies as God also demands good ratings and grieving Gold Star families gets the ratings.  

Old Knudsen isn't going to say how the Nazis thought that God was on their side too. In fact most armies did. Welcome to the new Crusades.

Trump's North Korean Impotent Rage

Admiral Harris in front of Congress in April 2017

It was only in April of this year that Fox News was mocking the military of North Korea. During their massive parade it was pointed out how many of their weapons looked fake or out of date. 

Plastic or out of date guns, wobbly fake missiles and cheap sunglasses on the Special Forces troops.

   The dildo brigade 

In April Admiral Harris was explaining the might of the US to be able to shoot down anything that NK has to offer, "if it flies it dies" was his catchy phrase. 

The parade not only showed weapons and missiles that weren't battle ready but also ones that had military experts scratching their heads at. They had never scene such missiles before. 

This shows you that while the US Intel agencies are one of the largest and best funded in the world there is only so much they can do. Satellites can't see under covers and with so few foreign visitors to the country it's difficult to plant someone. 

Kim jong un likes to exaggerate his nation's ability. When the movie The Interview was about to be released Kim jong un said there would be massive retaliation and that the movie was an act of war ... so Sony was hacked. 

Kim jong un and Donald Trump seem to have a lot in common. Both are dicks and both need to carry a Snickers about with them especially before they speak. Both are overweight fuckers with bad hair that relied on their daddy for everything and neither have served in the military.  

It went from NK doing missile tests, some successful and some not to them having ICBM's and miniature nuclear warheads for them that could reach the US. All within 4 months. Trump with the second wealthiest nation in the world does fuck all but play golf in 4 months. 

I've yet to see any head of NSA or CIA confirm the miniature nuclear warheads I've just read it mentioned in the media. So far it feels like Bush's WMD's lie. 

Trump woke up wet and grouchy so announced to the media he'd give North Korea fire and fury like the world has never seen.

"I will rain down fire and fury upon their little heads ... very small heads and they will regret they ever threatened America as they burn ... tremendous very tremendous burning. Let this be a lesson to anyone else that says bad things about America, only nice things will be tolerated unless of course it comes from me."    

Trump has made more anti-American/America comments than Kim has this year. 

I'm not actually sure when they did threaten the US. They did a missile test in July and then the sanctions were voted upon. It's not like lil Kim woke up and said 'we'll fluck you up America' he did say the UN sanctions were illegal. 

North Korea said they were thinking about striking at Guam after Trump's fire and fury remark. Kim having more of a level head (not his hair cut) than Trump has not attacked anywhere as of yet.  

Trump scared the world with NK again. Talk about war filled social media and the news cycle and so not noticed that Robert Mueller released his financial records to preemptively thwart Trump's smear job as the investigation into Russia gets closer. 

You hear words like the 'North Korean threat' being mentioned and guess what? I don't feel threatened but it's hard to motivate the US if it's just Japan and South Korea in danger. Quick, point out how many Americans are on Guam.  

Probably more Americans in harms way than Obama had there. Suck it Obama, Trump's numbers are bigger!

It wasn't a 'oh he misspoke' or 'it was a joke' the back peddling came from Tillerson who said in a straight faced manner that Trump was using words that Kim jong un might understand nothing more. 

It almost feels like he is trying to anger and provoke North Korea so he could have a justified military reaction.

Cowards and bullies often try to goad you to hit first so they can call the police and have you charged with assault. 

Only when North Korea can't take any more will they strike, they are being painted into a corner on purpose so the chances of a strike sooner or later is very high. 

How Do You Solve A problem Like North Korea?

Who should have nukes and who shouldn't? Who should say who is to have nukes? The Treaty on the Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons was signed in 1968 but things change. North Korea pulled out of that in 2003. Then you have nations like Israel that keep their nukes a secret or Argentina that suddenly decided to have a nuclear submarine.

The basic premise for being allowed nukes is being a mature and stable democracy ... that's basic bullshit and really depends on whether the US wants you to have nukes. Does the US seem very stable?  

States like Japan and South Korea are said to be a screw driver turn away from making nukes if they so desired to do so and the GOP in 2016 said they'd allow them to have them.

To distract the world away from anything Russian you have the panic about North Korea. If anyone can panic it's the Americans, wall to wall coverage of nukes about to hit Alaska and possibly Callyfornia ... OMG we must act NOW!!!!

Calm down Americans and grow a pair. NK can barely keep it up and it would be the end for them. Would they risk a possible missile failure on the US which would mean probable destruction of NK?

Nukes for NK are like a status symbol. In the 50's America flattened their nation so they have issues about being weak. They want to brag and do tests and feel like the big man but war ... that's just silly.

The US over plays its hand all the time. Eight years of Obama the allies didn't know if the US was with them or not. The Obama admin tended to focus on a few of things like killing children with drones, arming extremists to fight Assad and showing strength on the Russian border. Other nations were left wondering if they had back up and so started to arm themselves.

Poor Ukraine didn't have any alliances down on paper so the US weren't obligated to fight for them. We like you but not that much.

The US has THAAD missiles in Alaska, Hawaii and Guam to protect US interests, they recently put them in South Korea too.

The Obama deal was that SK would provide the land and the US the missiles and people. Trump said that SK would pay the US for the missiles but that was Trump bullshit ... like Mexico paying for the wall, it's always the US that pays.

Many don't want the THAAD missiles there as it is seen as provoking NK and China has complained that it gives the US a chance to spy on them as the range of the missiles reaches well into China.

Every test and every move that NK does is seen as a possible attack. It was recently reported that missiles were being loaded onto patrol boats, anything routine the NK military does gets blown out of proportion because that's what the US does and that is also how they justify military action by letting the stories run wild.

They hate us because we are free ...  not because we meddle and kill all over the world. 

The situation gets ramped up by flying bombers or carrying out military exercises each time NK tests a missile. The US tested THAAD missiles in Alaska and also launched an ICBM from Vandenberg Air force base in Callyfornia. Missile testing from Vandenberg are not uncommon, you always see the weird smoke trails in the sky but thanks to NK the tests now make national news cos the US must look strong.

China also just completed huge sea and air exercises in the South China sea to remind everyone that they have weapons too.  

To give each story/panic legs other things get discreetly talked about. Discreetly as in it makes the news. The US is casually talking with SK about increasing the range and yield of the THAAD missiles ... don't tell NK.

Checking the slabs of frozen fish. 

   
If China sticks with the NK sanctions they are really going to hurt NK. China imports Iron Ore from NK, hard to have a world wide steel business without it.

NK will obviously try to get around the sanctions or look for other buyers. NK forces thousands of people to work abroad and to send their earned money back so there are other ways to get money and the black market is always there for goods ... wealthy North Koreans won't suffer too much but the people will. That's the only way there will be regime change, the people.  

The first Korean war didn't go too well.   

The US can't touch NK first. If Trump orders a strike then it's game over man. If NK hit first then there is reasonable cause but China and Russia are the ones that have to be convinced.

Trump wakes up grouchy and sees the Mueller investigations are getting too close so he orders a strike on NK as he knows they are still years away from an ICBM that can hit the US with a nuke.

A North Korean warship, sub or fighter jet gets blown up. Kim jong un needs to show strength and it gets to the point that China can't stop him. He launches at South Korea and Japan causing great destruction mostly to SK the US strikes back, troops are mobilized. China isn't going to sit back and watch the US unload on NK again or to even send troops in and they'll attack with Russia, Iran and Turkey on their side ... lets not forget Cuba.

Russian warships often dock in Havana. Russia is currently helping Cuba out with its oil needs due to the trouble in Venezuela.  

A Korean war would be WWIII if allowed to escalate from one incident. MacArthur wanted to use nukes on NK but that was when no one else had them which is why the "dumb son of a bitch" (to quote Truman) was fired.  

Yeah just launch them all and could someone get me a diet Coke ... and some Cheetos

Russia, China and even NK do not want a nuclear war or even a war that could escalate into one. Trump's Generals don't want it either ... Trump, well he isn't playing with a full deck, nor is his "evolution is still just a theory" VP.

Would it be Mattis or Kelly that double taps Trump for national security? I'm taking bets.

Russia doesn't plant people and influence elections if they wanted WWIII. China has been systematically expanding east and west, they want to rule and expand not destroy.

The range of Chinese state radio in DC

Both Russia and China have bought radio stations in Washington DC. CRI a state run Chinese company has 33 radio stations in 14 countries around the world, they want the world view of China to be improved and you won't hear anything negative about China on their news. Sputnik is doing the same with its DC radio station.

Even though the FCC clears the broadcasting licences they don't look into them unless there is a complaint. They just get rubber stamped.

James Yantao Su on the left with the CRI chief Wang Gengnian

James Yantao Su moved to the US from China and became a US citizen in 1989. His company G&E is 60% owned by CRI. He owns real estate and radio stations including condos at the Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas, he's worth $15 million.

State owned citizens legally buying and selling for them and the US doesn't notice. Yes it does go on in the UK and Europe too. Chinese real estate is big worldwide.

It's always real estate ... that's because you don't have to declare certain income from it and can sell property for way more than it's worth if it's a state run bank or foreign national keeping you afloat. 

It's not a coincidence Anna Chapman moved into real estate. 

So what are we going to do about North Korea? .... not get distracted or obsessed by it, that's a fast track to WWIII if you push it. Let Kim have nukes, he'll probably put his eye out. NK doesn't have the resources to invade anywhere so just let them be. It's all about perceived respect and being pushed around. Let SK and Japan have nukes too, they could easily get them and it would save the US money from all the look at the size of my dick exercises. 

The real game is being played on social media and news outlets pushing their rumours and fake stories. Once you infect a nation with panic or get them to believe a lie it's hard for sense to be heard. 

Armed teenagers may be the only thing that can save us. 

China wants to rule, they'll do it along side Russia if they have to, they've always been close. 

Destabilize Europe, make it weak by breaking up the EU. Buy properties provide services and equipment. Want Internet security? the others all get hacked so here, try Kaspersky they haven't worked for the Russian government at all ... oh no.   

Besides setting the tone for discussions on China, Russia and what ever orange president or referendum they favour, having a communications network within a rival country is half the battle. 

WWIII won't come with a bang but rather with the wimper of an acquisition.  

Kim Jong-un CIA Assassination Plot

Remember when North Korea threatened a merciless response to the 2014 American political satire spy comedy film The Interview? ... still waiting for that Kim jong un. 

North Korea are not a threat to the US and won't be for another 5 -10 years but the Trump administration is hyping them up. Trump had a fail when he said there was an armada heading towards the Korean peninsula but in reality their 'ship' was heading elsewhere. He had to then send ships to anchor off the Korean and Japanese coast doing nothing cos that is all he can do. 

He thinks he had a connection with Xi Ting Tong Chinaman but if he took any military action against North Korea, China would hit back. Like a relative you don't like but if someone else besides you slagged them off you'd fuck em up. 

    To agent Trump's good health

Old Knudsen exclusive, Xi Jinping has Russian links! ... well I think that's him. Old Knudsen is not racist but those chinkys all look the same to him. 

The Interview was about a CIA plot to assassinate Kim jong un with a toxin. Now Kim is saying there is a CIA/South Korean plot to kill him with a toxin. 

Trump has been cagey about what he is going to do about North Korea. Did he watch The Interview on late night cable as he tried to resist tweeting about anyone criticizing him and said, 'that's a great plan, a terrific plan' and so phoned up H. R. McMaster his not so bright military yes man to then call the CIA director Mike Pompeo ...  at 3 in the morning.

When Kim has erectile dysfunction with a missile it's implied that the US had something to do with it and Trump goes all tight lipped as if to suggest he can't say ... North Korea are shite at missiles and the US are shite at covert ops.     

Which is why Old Knudsen got the call. Sure I'm retired former SG-19 but getting paid to kill people is awesome. I'd do it for free but don't tell them that. You kill people for money and yer a war hero or a cool as fuck assassin, you kill for free and yer a serial killer or a nutter ... so much stigma it's terrible.  

So I put out extra food for the cat ... when the fuck did I get a cat? I told people on social media I'd be away from my phone for a few days on a classified op and to DM and PM me if you want to know more. I got my most manly scarf on and I went to South Korea ... which is in China I believe. 

My North Korea contact went by the name of Kim which was confusing. Pyongyang has only one doughnut shop 'Flunkin Donuts' and amazingly only one customer. Plot twist the only fat guy in the whole cuntry eats donuts who would have guessed? 

Putting a difficult to trace toxin in the donuts was an option. Old Knudsen likes to kill people face to face to see the life drain from their eyes, my therapist says that's creepy but it's one of the few dozen things that makes Old Knudsen hard so don't fucken judge me. 

 

I made contact with Kim, I told Him I was an agriculture expert so he wouldn't question me about my job cos that shit is boring. I had a strip of toxin attached to a special skin strip on my finger and was waiting for the green light to dip it into his drink. 

We got into a heavy conversations about why Obama didn't stop 9/11 and how Michael Jackson could have prevented the civil war.  In America they call the American civil war the civil war .. that's a handy fact to know. Not having Wikipedia in that cuntry we couldn't remember if Central America sided with South America against the north or not. 

Trump being a civil war buff would know.

 Mike Pence looking pensive towards North Korea

My contact Kim who I can't say much about for his own safety is a medium level military officer, he is always within sight of the supreme leader and to be honest I wouldn't know him from the rest if he didn't have that crescent shaped mole on his chin. I was waiting for him to get a notification on his government Intranet phone. 

Old Knudsen was getting squiffy as that fat wee shite can sure hold his drink. Another 5 more Cognacs and Old Knudsen might fuck up the switch.  Even a roofie expert like Old Knudsen can make mistakes when drunk.  

Kill the poor except their unborn babies ... lol!    

Then this happened. While I was in the restrooms my contact Kim told me to stand down. Trump got a tiny win with the healthcare bill and was in a euphoric manic mood. He was promising to bring to  peace to the Middle East, Somalia, Congo and anywhere else that needed it, he was promising to give everyone great jobs and the bestest education like what he got. He was promising protection for homeless unborn white veterans. 

He just came up with the great idea to change the definition of his wall  "I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall" the precast concrete wall of 30 - 50 feet high that will only run for 1000 miles can obviously be interpreted as meaning a fence or other type of barrier duh!  

The man was on a roll and had no time for serious foreign stuff cos maybe Kim jong un was only bad because of what the fake media said about him ... they paint everyone bad. Putin is cuddly as fuck.

First rule of healthcare, you do not talk about healthcare ... especially pre-existing conditions.

I grabbed Kim's phone in outrage and pressed one for English. Trump was now saying what a smart cookie Kim jong un is because he when he came to power at a young age he no doubt had others trying to take power from him and he had to deal with that ... like how Stalin and Hitler killed all opposition, they were smart cookies too. Trump said it would be an honor ro meet Kim jong un. 

What's next, saying he has a big heart? 

So I had to abort (no babies were harmed) and leave North Korea. I promised Kim jong un I would accept his Face Book friend request but that's not going to happen. He's a lonely paranoid lad who just wants to have nukes like everyone else and to oppress and starve his people and scare his neighbors. Old Knudsen can totally relate to that.  

  

Kim Jong Un Just Needs A Hug

Some people are born leaders while the majority let the tiniest bit of power got to their heads .... and waist line.
Kim Jong Un is a pitiful excuse for a leader whose catch phrases are 'respect my Authoritah' and 'do as I say, not as I do' he recently took a helicopter ride up a mountain and then went on to praise the benefits of hiking and psychical exercise. Not to put the man doon, he isn't all that bad, when it comes to a buffet he is an expert piling up his plate on each visit and never drops a buffalo wing ... EVER!  

Lil Kim just executed his defense minister by anti-aircraft gun in front of hundreds of spectators. General Hyon Yong-Chol aged 66 was said to have dozed off during meetings and military ceremonies.
Fair play to the guy every meeting is Kim yapping on about how he can't get it up and that the world is laughing at him .... missiles that is, his recent missile the Limp Dong II only got as far as 2 miles because of a strong wind at its back.

North Korea's army.

North Korean military ceremonies are like UVF and Loyalist band marches, they dress up in costumes but would shit a brick if they had to do any real military stuff. Oh look Ching Chong -Wha turned up for the parade and has tied his shoes correctly, give him another medal. 

The last time North Korea used its military was the Korean war and they were soon easily beaten but if it wasn't for those pesky Chinese. The anti-aircraft guns used on Hyon Yong-Chol were probably left over from the 1940's and 50's. 

  

Hyon had a system of pulleys and levers under his clothes that moved his arms while he slept, he may even be asleep in this picture we just don't know. Kim only caught on when Hyon kept doing Nazi salutes at inappropriate moments .... and yes there are appropriate moments in which you salute the 3rd Reich, such as at a Ukip, GOP or DUP meeting.   

The ZPU-4 anti-aircraft Russian made gun from the 40's and 50's, the 4 means that it has four .57 caliber guns mounted on its stand. This out of date weapon has seen action in Africa and in Libya during the Arab spring uprising. The reason Kim uses this gun rather than a firing squad is because his army lack the hand strength to hold a rifle and have very poor eyesight, spectators are in more danger than those to be executed. 

In 2011 Kim executed other military leaders using mortars and once covered his uncle in KFC gravy (Kim's palace has its own KFC restaurant) and threw him to a pack of starving villagers. 

Kim's father the late Kim Jong-il who we all called 'Our dear leader' and miss him sorely was a lot more comfortable being in command. He rarely executed officials and often just exiled them to live in the country on a farm which you could argue as being a lot more cruel but at least he wasn't trigger happy. 

Imagine living on a farm and having to get up at 5am to feed the cows and only have dial up Interwebs .... Old Knudsen doesn't do 5am and still has PTSD from that dial up connection sound, you know the one.      

Kim Jong Un is a wannabe Bond villain, the only fat person in North Korea we can't help but make fun of him what's he going to do, hack our e-mail accounts .... scary scary. Even the threat of him firing missiles at Japan doesn't scare us, we nuked the fuck out of it twice ourselves.