Humans Are Pig And Chimp Hybrids

Monkey great sage equal of Heaven fucked Pigsy right in the sty.

Dr Eugene McCarthy should really up his standards for dating weemen. He came out and suggested that a chimpanzee mated with a pig and that is how humans were made.

Chimps and pigs are our closest living evolutionary relatives and both share 98% of their DNA with us, it's a no brainer, we must have come from them.

Does having a degree really mean you can call yerself Doctor? 

Dr McCarthy says that the original pig-chimp hook up was probably followed by several generations of 'backcrossing', where the offspring of that pairing lived among chimps and mated with them becoming more like chimps and less like pigs with every new generation.  Much like how inbreeding in Loyalist housing estates gets rid of their Fenian like chins. The Royal family don't have chins so why should we?

 I can totally see our pig like qualities .... bacon rocks!

Hairless skin, a thick layer of subcutaneous fat, light-coloured eyes, protruding noses and heavy eyelashes and compatible internal organs .... but that's enough about yer Ma. 

Chimps and pigs went their separate way around 80 million years ago and scientists (who had more than a PhD in pig fucking) have said that their sperm and eggs wouldn't recognize each other in order to mate. 

If you believe all that evolution rubbish then you think that we evolved from the sea, became little mammals, then bigger mammals, some when into the trees and some went into politics etc etc you'd know that we are just animals like pigs and monkeys are, the only difference is that we have higher reasoning skills and say idiot shit like 'I think therefore I am' and 'Saddam has weapons of mass destruction' because we evolved to adapt.

 Nope, I don't see any resemblance.

Shit! now I've gone racist, that sure escalated quickly.

Sure we are related to pigs and chimps but our own DNA does not lean towards either of them to suggest we came from them, Dr McCarthy needs to lay off the acid or something. No doubt saying crazy shit to get published or something and there are many out there (Fox news viewers) who will believe anything.

Two million illegal aliens in our country are followers of ISIL leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi and have been infected with Ebola and explosives ..... more at eleven. 

Can't fuck to save it's own species from extinction but look how cute it is on the play equipment. If all you ate was bamboo and had no privacy would you want to continue on living?

We also like to see human characteristics in animals and dress up little foo foo dogs as people in a subconscious way to show contempt and dominance over the once noble wolf. Just because we can wear pastel coloured polo shirts and communicate in more than just barks or grunts (well some of us can) it doesn't make us the best animal ever.

 Banana envy anyone? 

Bananas share 50% of our DNA, does that mean that we mated with that elongated fruit too? Well I bet that some of you have ya durty hallions.   

This idea of pig and monkey fucking maybe very arousing but it's totally shite and the History channel might feature it if they weren't too busy doing things like 'True stories in the Bible' kinda shite.  Who needs proof when you have air time to fill? Fuck real history based on evidence, lets pretend the Bible is true.
Baker street is a real street in London, doesn't mean that Sherlock Holmes is real. 

 

Now for real science. Humans are alien experiments with DNA taken from other animals and tweaked with. They wanted a hairless intelligent breed to work as their slaves and we are the rejects left behind to figure out who we are.

If you want proof then I have it, of course I can't show you it as they are still watching us and might kill us as they did Joan Rivers ...... who knew too much.

I'm glad we had this talk as too many people will believe any ol shite but Old Knudsen is here to steer you to the right *fact related* opinions.   






*Very distantly related*


  

Why The Long Face?

Princess Anne, the royal that has been known to wear the same outfit more than once has jumped on the celebrity bandwagon of adoption.

On seeing Annie the 14 year-old Welsh Cob at a horse welfare charity in Somerset the princess's heart melted. "It was like looking in a mirror" gushed the royal as she munched on some sugar lumps. "I needed a horse that would fit in and Annie has the right name and the right look to help me on my 200 acre Gloucestershire estate, helping me herd the sheep, cattle and any escaped hobos, nasty fellows."
 

The princess feeding Tojo strips of human flesh to get it ready for the famous Gatcombe Park hobo run.

Two years ago she rescued a man eating panda from being put doon after it mauled to death 14 Chinese rail workers.
Tojo the panda is now famous for the annual Gatcombe Park hobo run the princess hosts on her estate every year.
Hobos are released onto her 200 acre wooded estate and hunted doon by trained animals like Tojo or by royals and their guests on horseback using lances and crossbows. 

The royals react as Tojo rips apart some hobos.

It is thought that the government will introduce a new law stating that if you can survive the Gatcombe Park hobo run then and only then will you be eligible to receive government benefits. No one has ever survived Gatcombe Park hobo run.

Dr Seuss Was Better And More Famous

Sparkling vampire in tree, twilight's blood runs red.

As per expected Old Knudsen doesn't go along with the sheep mentality on most things. If the works of a person in life are shite then they aren't going to get much better when they die.

Oh is it too soon? .... fuck it.Seamus Heany recently died and of course now everybody loves him now .... who? he was called the the most important Irish poet since Yeats .... See, Samuel Beckett, you don't get the love if you don't live in Ireland. Yeats was very good though, rather sucky to have Heany compared to him. It was also said probably the best-known poet in the world .... seriously? wise the fuck up and maybe travel a bit.


Here is one of his poems I returned to a long strand, the hammered curve of a bay, and found only the secular powers of the Atlantic thundering. Um yeah, to think that you made a living out of writing, if I had wrote that do you think anyone would care?

No, cos it's shite!

Be advised my passport's green. No glass of ours was ever raised to toast the Queen.

I suspect that he and the Queen ate plenty of toast together. Since the Irish passport is now maroon he'd have to rework it to have raccoon on the end, maybe it ate the toast?

Heany may have been a decent bloke, not liking yon Sinn Fein an all but he wasn't a poet, and I know it.

On to the next controversial topic. I read an article suggesting that maybe because Pandas don't seem very interested in breeding and if left to their own devices will inbreed and since they can't live in the wild without some China man eating them that we should let them die out. Three million years was a good run. 

 So Old Knudsen got to thinking which took him to several porn sites of course and came up with this little bound to be popular analogy. 

The Jews in Israel are human pandas. 

I'd like to think that these ladies would like some normal intact cock but the state of Israel cannot live without our help. 

They live in an artificial environment getting fed by the Yanks in the hope they will breed and build a bigger enclosure. 

Of course Old Knudsen doesn't believe in killing off the pandas as humans made the mess so they owe it to them, but a lifetime of captivity is not something to be happy about and Old Knudsen certainly doesn't want rid of those fine IDF weemen. 

Bear With Me

There is a question here in America as to why Civilians need assault rifles. Well it seems there is the whole thing for the people to have a right to bear arms for the defense of themselves and their own state, or the United States, or the purpose of killing game.................. remember man is the ultimate game.

Or so I've heard as Old Knudsen has never taken part in a Hobo hunt and does not keep heads in his fridge as trophies.

The government of America was overthrown by traitors to the crown this we all know but since then the government has worried about the people having the power to do the same thing to them and so would like to make sure the police and military have more firepower than the people thus making any armed uprising null and void.

Could the people defend a cup of warm piss in a fire fight against an army?

Old Knudsen thinks it would be great to have bear arms but only if they had thumbs, I'd be like a hairy Wolverine but with pads.

Speaking of bears I was watching a show on the Roadkill channel last night and they talked about how bears in Alaska are coming closer to human towns and becoming more bold. It was a white bear they were worried about, either a grizzly covered in snow or a polar bear but as we all know polars don't travel anymore than 25 miles from the coast and this was 200 miles inland.

Then they thought a hybrid................... which uses less fish than the usual bear.

Polar bears are just brown bears who have adapted to snow over the years , not evolution because we all know thats a load of shite and bear bears can have interracial fornication if so wanted .

A hunter went in search for this Pizzly and what weapon did he have? why a M-16. An assault rifle the Yanks lost nam with and still continue to use this day. Old Knudsen prefers something with more stopping power that is easier to use, hmmmm maybe like the AK-47's all the enemies use which is why they kick arse.

Old Knudsen has learned that sense is an outdated idea in the world and no one wants it.

When Old Knudsen killed the Great white panda of the pennienes he didn't have a gun, all he had was an orange and some brown wrapping paper and he was grateful.

So if anyone says, "Why do civilians need automatic weapons?" the obvious answer is bears!

When the snow melts because of the invented and highly marketed Global warming (buy Al Gore action figures) the bears will be coming doon to take yer jobs and eat yer dogs.

Go buy a big gun that holds a lot of bullets, on second thoughts get two.

Week-End Plans

I'm not up to much this weekend, I may only have one foot but its a pain reaching doon as I get dizzy so I may have let my nails go a bit. I'll pamper meself and let my grandson Gavin clip them, I do like to spoil the lad.

Then I'm splashing out to watch a cage match between two of nature most fearsome animals. Bears maybe so cuddly looking but since losing my leg to the Great White Panda I no longer try to rub their bellies or anything else .

I wonder who will win, it looks pretty even to me. Next week a Koala meets up with a Grizzly.

Did ya hear about the Australian couple who fought off a croc? Norm Pethrick came to the rescue when a crocodile got his wife Wendy . Norm who was a big Tarzan fan jumped on its back and stuck his fingers in its eyes until it let go.

Maybe he thinks shes hot or maybe she still gives head even after being married or cooks well but you wouldn't catch me jumping into no water with a croc in it.

My 5th wife (god rest her soul) got ate by a boa constrictor. I tried my best to save her by bravely running in zig zags and playing dead all to no effect. I think the flash on my camera bothered it a bit though so I got a small victory. Funny how that snake turned up in our hoose like that.

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Another True Story.

It took alot to finally write this story , no don't call me a hero. I'm just a guy doing his job, well ok you can call me a hero.

You may have guessed by now that Old Knudsen is the man that others call when the situation is such that civilised people flap like headless chickens and pee doon their legs. Old Knudsen keeps his head, he goes into battle already dead so you can't harm him and he counts his rounds as he fires them off.
A couple of years back, so you may remember this amateur hunter doon in the Pennine mountains shot a bear but only wounded him, the hunter being a lazy towny didn't bother to follow him to finish the job and the bear killed 2 lesbian campers.
The fish and game wardens didn't want to go up against it as they were having a work's do (party) at the weekend because someone was retiring and were really looking forward to it besides it was neither fish or game so they put in a call to me, well actually it was to my son Trevor as I never answer the phone unless I'm expecting a call because I'm notorious among the book, music and video clubs for not paying after the first initial bargain, don't judge me people Britannica is run by puppy killers, well that's how I justify it.

Trevor came to the door and as usual I said "what the fuck do you want? make it fast or I'll turn the hose onto you" which is funny as I don't have a hose, God is my waterer. Trev as I sometimes call him or ,'you constant disappointment' told me of the bear situation and that they needed the Storm Bringer, that's me.
I got Trevor to set the timer for Emerdale (a famous soap that's really called Emerdale farm) as at that time it had Lady Tara in it and I think I may love her, and Kathy. I got my killing gear together and got into the mind set of death.
Trevor drove me doon complaining all the way about having to be up in 4 hours to go to work, what a whiner why can't he be more like his brother ?
I tracked the beasty from the point where the hunter shot it. I got a good sniff of the hunter's scent Hi-Karate, he'd be next on my list.
The death toll was up to 3 dead, some accountant that likes to hike had an appointment with doom, maybe he should have calculated the odds of a bear attack.
The Bear was heading to high ground to die, he was getting insane with the pain , God help anyone that stood in his way.
I tracked him to a cave, I could smell the blood in the air, blood ,fear and feces the blood was all his, I have stomach problems .
He was waiting for me and I was waiting for him to make the first move, I pulled out my David Bowie knife, its nice knife but double edged you know it cuts both ways I wanted to dispatch the bear claw to claw with honour.
I move forward , the bear came racing out in full berserker rage, a split second of panic over took me, for once Old Knudsen had made an error, much like the time in Bangkok with that gurly boy but that ended ok.
The bear I had been tracking was none other than the legendary *Great White Panda* of the Pennines, more ferocious and blood thirsty than yer standard Panda for this one dips its bamboo into blood before it eats it.
The battle was epic, and with even more feces, hey I couldn't help it I bought this tuna and onion bap and it had corn in it, and as you corn goes right through me, bloody New world foods.
We fought like warrior poets but without the ghey poetry stuff, the bear slashed, I stabbed, sometimes swiftly and sometimes in slow motion or so it seemed, we were both bloodied and tired, my old Bowie knife had snapped in two, well it was a good knife in it's time. I glanced over to my side and saw my left leg hanging on by a mangled thread, NO! I screamed in my head, I just bought those trousers 12 years ago, now I was angry, the bear was regrouping and getting it's strength for the final conflict, I ripped off my leg and as the bear charged I beat it to death with my severed limb.

I used some bungee cords to attach my leg on until I was out of those mountains as the weather can just change at a moments notice and have you trapped, I had skinned the creature and fed on it's heart to take it's power and I found a nice wee bracelet in it's belly contents, Trevor's wife whatever her name is having a birthday soon. Yes Old Knudsen does think about others, he is a many faceted individual.
I followed the spores of the Hunter to a pub called the 'Drained Cock' I still had my rifle but I wanted to enjoy this so I put a tiny kitchen devil knife up my sleeve and walked in.
I went straight up to the bar where a figure dressed in plaid was hunched over drinking some kind of wine cooler, I said "are you the idiot that wounded a bear up on old sexual peak? " he slowly turned, I braced for a glass being shoved at me or the sticky wet of cooler , the man looked at me with large bulbous blue eyes and said "yeah, do you have a problem?" it was the famous actor Hugh Laurie, me being a fan of Jeeves and Wooster , Black Adder and a bit of Fry and Laurie went all giggly, "no I don't have a problem, is Stephen Fry here? remember when you said Herne the horny hunter, had an enormous horn? that was so funny".
We had a pleasant evening of drinking and humorous story telling until I passed out through lack of blood and excessive alcohol .
No idea how I got to the hospital, Hugh left when I hit the floor as his agent had called, busy man he is.
And that is the story on how I lost my leg to the great white Panda of the Pennines, the gospel truth, which means you can believe this as literally as the bible which it totally fact, like this post, got it?

Had I known that Hugh Laurie would end up playing a Yank Doctor in Hoose I would have gutted him, fucking traitor, ah well its not his fault America is full of crap actors, show them how its done lad.


*as you can tell its not not very white,well the great white shark isn't so great, I didn't name the bloody thing, I just looked into it's eyes of death, anyway fuck off I don't want to talk about it*.