Isaac Newton was a mathematician, philosopher, astronomer, interior designer ,romp ranger and creator of the Fig Newton . He invented the reflecting telescope, saw pretty colours in prisms and came to the realisation that apples fall doon and not up. Yeah he was a bit of a mong. Water is wet, there you go even I can state the obvious, as for that *telescope thing how many of us use that on a regular basis? like algebra,* whats the fucking point ?
Newton came to his startling discovery of falling Apples in the year 1666 which was the year of the great fire of London which as we know was started in Pudding lane by none other than "Satan" the apple was the tool that the Devil used with the help of the weaker minded female Eve to tempt the misogynistic Adam into sinning against God, all the while Lilith was off having dirty demon gang bangs too busy to worry about the fate of humankind being in the hands of the dumbest couple alive, well the only couple alive unless you count Adam and Steve that lived doon Babel street but there was something not right with those two, frilly fig leaves indeed.
Not that I'm saying that Newton was in league with Satan but what if I am? Satan works for God right? and so by setting the fire, getting rid of the plague he was doing God's work as he works in miss hairy ass ways so all those skinny goths dressed in black and saying the Lord's prayer backwards will be the only ones going to Heaven,
Shit how did I cum up with that? I really scare myself sometimes, religion is like the Blogosphere you just don't know what is true and who to believe, well except me, you can trust me, well except for one of my readers who told me something in confidence about the ghey bar they mistakenly walked into thinking it was a biker bar, that story needs to be posted.
Newton was well into alchemy, now theres a job you don't see much of these days, thanks to all the giant impersonal supermarkets , alchemists and milkmen both dying breeds. Newton was also heavily into dance and bible interpretation , using numbers and arriftmathics a drunken chicken and the Book of Daniel he calculated the date for the Apocalypse. No fucking shit, he was actually trying to cum up with a good excuse not to a Saturday night shift at Halley's Burgers and Grill , you'd think it burning doon in the great fire to be a good excuse but that Halley was a cunt and his ever popular comet burgers were made no matter what.
The conclusion that Newton came to was that the world would end no earlier than 2060 it may end later but not sooner so he ended up doing his shift and got a nasty burn from the fryers.
Some Yank called Johns Hopkins says, "By 2050, 1 in 85 persons worldwide will have Alzheimer's disease," so its not like anyone is going to remember Newton by then, or where they live.
Newton also predicted the Jews would return to the Holy Land before the world ends, the return of their captivity and their setting up of a flourishing kingdom, so Hitler by doing the Devil's work he was also doing Gods work as the fate of the world seems to be sealed anyway so no need to worry about the Global Warming boogie man.
Fucking Jews and their foreskin cutting ways, I knew they were trouble when they killed the son of God.
In line with those predictions I cast me rune stones and I foresee an all out hoose to hoose battle against Hamas, sponsored by Coca Cola and once the trouble makers are all gone a puppet Palestinian government will be set up run by Israel with a view to out-breeding and squeezing out the rest of the Palestinians, I'm not too worried about the Sandsavages, a comet will be cuming 2059 (if I can still remember about it by then) to pick me and all my friends up, so yeah its really just me going to be me going then ............ cunts.
*Its a rhetorical question but if you do use both or one of these regularly go to the job market and get a real job ya poof. *
