10 Amazing Facts About Kim Jong-un

 

Kim Jong un believes that his father Kim Jong il is still around and often asks questions to an empty room hoping for a knock to give him an answer. It is said that Kim jnr is told who to kill and who to bomb by ghostly Kim snr. Every night an extra place is set at the dinner table in case the dear leader visits. 

Kim hates Bono. The U2 singer is taller than Kim, isn't afraid to point and often tells Kim what he should be doing.  U2 have never played a concert in North Korea and never will. Bruce Springsteen who is the same height (in his cowboy boots) as Kim will be playing a concert in Pyongyang later in the year as Kim is a big fan ..... well a below average fan at least.
 

 

When he launches missiles he does it while watching porn and then runs into the next room where his wife is waiting to have sex. launching missiles and killing people are the only things that will get him hard.

Kim wants to be a tall black man and spends days in recluse at his Pyongyang palace drinking cognac and playing his favourite video game, Grand Theft Takeaway in which his character is a black man who kills and takes whatever he wants. Like his actual life but black.  To cut time going to the bathroom he wears nothing except an extra large adult diaper.

There was a joke behind his back it that you can smell him before you see him. When Kim found out about this he had doctors remove the noses of his servants and replaced them with fake magnetic noses like what the actor Owen Wilson has .

Kim has a double who sometimes goes out in public instead of him. After rumours went around that the double was doing a little extra acting in the bedroom he disappeared ..... or did he? they all look the same.

According to the Chinese media, Kim was hunting bears in the North Korean mountains when he discovered a cave littered with the ancient bones of unicorns, he returned with several horns and made unicorns from the DNA, he now has the largest unicorn stable on the Asian continent.

Kim can also get erections when he hugs Dennis Rodman .... he just pretends he is hugging his hero Michael Jordan, well 'those people' all look the same to him.

Uncle Gets The Chop .... Suey

 Don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn you just fucks yer uncle all day long.

North Korea is a broken, poverty stricken cuntry with older relatives being on the menu in many households and evil spirits of dead unmarried men twisted into creatures of rage roaming the streets at night and doing poops on front porches and coughing on door handles ...... The whole place is like Hell on Earth.... and they all look the same. 

Kim Jong-un the chubby dictator of North Korea has just executed his uncle Chang Song-thaek, in what has been seen as a power struggle.

Old Knudsen can tell you better. Lil Kim is a cheap fucker and didn't want to send his uncle a Christmas card or buy him a gift, we've all been there.

Hai Karate aftershave is a high luxury item in North Korea which Chang had been getting for years ..... and the ladies love it!

Hai Karate is like cat nip for the weemen, Old Knudsen doesn't dare wear it as he gets so much attention already. 

Old Korean saying: 'Executions are far less expensive than gifts' .... it's a North Korean saying to be exact and it was the late great dear leader Kim Jong-il who was the old North Korean who said it.

What was that you said? North Korea is into Buddhism and Confucianism, not Christianity ....  Good point though there are around 60,000 Christians who won't be celebrating Christmas in the cuntry as Santa would get shot doon.

Anyway Kim Jong-un is a Muslim but does celebrate Christmas because he likes getting presents ..... and because hes a fucking psychopath. 

This truth and insight was brought to you by Old Knudsen, he tells it like it should be. 
    

Charlie Don't Surf ... Channels

Theres more reason than ever to hate the crap on the telly these days, Kim Jong Un has had at least 80 of his people executed for watching foreign TV. Image getting executed for watching Two and a half men .... without Charlie Sheen that is, you'd probably be grateful.

In up and coming areas across the cuntry Lil Fat Kim is putting out the message that the west is bad but you aren't in the west and hes badder, so obey!     

That is what happens to boring cunts who talk about who will win what pile of shite reality show, be warned.

Don't Talk To Me About Nam.

Look at this hard fucker, a chip off the old block.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-ill is one of the favourites here at Old Bitter Balls so I sent out my mate Harry Carry to see how he was doing, Harry is part Chinese so he can blend in nicely as they all look the same. After a week of hanging about Kim Jong Ill's heavily guarded palace at Pyongyang and having been detained and questioned Harry thought it was time to follow safer leads.
Going to the Chinese city of Macau Harry then met up with a very drunk Kim Jong Nam, the eldest son of Kim Jong Ill.
The guy was having family troubles, it all started when his mammy died poor Kim Jong Nam fell into a state of depression, he didn't care about becoming the heir to North Korea and started to drink heavily, then when he tried to get into Japan in 2001 with a forged passport to visit Disneyland he was sent into unofficial exile. Harry heard it all, about how he had inherited his fathers tiny penis and his wife kept bringing Chinese studs into their villa with their big monster like 3 inch cocks, "how can you compete with that?" he asked Harry who then took doon the address of the Villa.

Kim Jong Nam, the 35 year old man with the tiny willy and the gurl's name was more than confused with his lot in life, he told Harry about how he would tape his dick doon, put on makeup and show off his man cleavage in weemen's clothing and pleasure sailors just for the experience. Harry shuffled uncomfortably in his seat and cursed the name Old Knudsen under his breath.

According to local papers he has often been spotted dining and drinking in Macau restaurants and gambling in casinos and on slot machines and stays in 5 star hotels sometimes with young male friends. Gee I hope no one with a grudge against Kim jong Ill reads this and goes to the Lisboa Hotel and pops Kim Jong Nam (not in the ass) like his father he enjoys whisky and cognac and ghey porn but at least hes doing something with his life unlike his useless father.

The North Korean consulate in Hong Kong, which also has responsibility for Macau, declined to make any comments but did say that Sean Connery was the best Bond.Harry stayed in Macau longer than he was supposed to as a guest of Kim Jong Nam, he never got to go to the villa but instead got to know his host very well and still keeps up correspondence with him, its amazing where you find friends in this world.
Six-party talks on North Korea's nuclear program, involving the two Koreas, Japan, the United States, Russia and host China, are due to resume in Beijing next Thursday.