Gerry Adams Loves Pedos

Old Knudsen truly spans the sectarian divide as he will slag off the Loyalist bum bandits and the Fenian cock suckers with equal scorn.

Gerry Adams always wondered why he liked cock flavoured ice-cream so much until he found out that his father was a pedo and so was his brother Liam ...... anything you want to tell us Gerry? What about yon pedo ring in yer county of Louth?

No Doubt

Have all the readers gone yet? Good.

No Doubt

A story inspired by a true rumour on a restroom wall of a tough New York priest burnt out and on the edge and sick of the establishment. He wants to bugger weemen not young boys.

Tempted by Jazzabell (as played by Stefani) Father Errol Flynn (Old Knudsen) gives in and puts his mortal soul in jeopardy by wearing a cock flavoured condom during the 12 minute bum sex scene.

Meryl Streep plays Sister Aloysius Beaver has long lusted over Father Flynn and still has the unborn evil fetus from their drunken one night stand four years ago inside her body.

The demon fetus tells Beaver to kill Jazzabell and then straps Father Flynn to a bed and breaks his legs.

Without giving too much of the plot away Jazzabell's spirit returns and hilarity ensues. Fun for all the family.


Old Knudsen was nominated for a Golden Knob for best Fenian but it was an error and his name was taken off. He says it was the toughest role of his career and even had his eyes surgically made closer to look like a priest. Emersing himself into the role he'd drink for days and be aggressive and vulgar to all.

The sexual tension between Knudsen and a jar of raw liver will be talked about well after this one goes to DVD.

BRB Cuntyknocker

After Mexico I'm back to my humdrum life again except former movie star James Mason called round and gave me an envelope with a job assignment from 'The Company' inside it.

The money is good but they have cut way back on the health benefits. I didn't invite Mason in as he tends to let off those silent but deadly farts and besides I don't want him sitting on me sofa having died in 1984 and all.


Someone had a pet Donn and released him into the sewer when he got too big and now people are complaining about hands coming up their toilets and tickling their bums. Donn laughs at U-bends.

The thing I hate aboot Canada is that if you eat anything while there yer soul is trapped forever and you don't even know until you die and are condemned to an eternity of eating used cat litter covered in bull jizz, er sorry I mean poutine.
Also if you fall asleep in Canada a pod takes over yer body and you become an emotionless zombie only suited to a career in the service industry.

In Irish mythology the hero Coo coo culane or hound of Ulster fought the evil Canadian witch Madge and during the battle Coo coo said "look some fecker just rear ended yer chariot" and when she looked he stuck his dick in her thus winning and giving birth to the Manitobes who are half man and half tobe, very warlike in their ways except when it cums to a ho-doon.

Then there was the famous Captain Rehab who was out sailing one day looking for giant white dick when he spotted a Manitobe canoe just off the coast of Moby. The natives on the canoe wanted to trade their crack for some DVD's and when one of them was only going to trade 2 cracks for Terms of endearment the first mate Ishmael drew his sword and sliced the ear off the Manitobe warrior thus starting the six day war which was really seven days but the last day was a Witches Sabot which meant that all the banks were closed and there was no mail service that day.

Where is this post going ? you must be asking yerselves right now that is apart from those who just scanned it for tit pics and clicked off again. Oh very sorry if there is more to Old Knudsen than to satisfy yer filthy cravings, is it difficult to wank in a toilet stall at work while balancing yer lap top or yer bills?

Back when Old Knudsen had his genital warts spread all over his body only a handsome young man from Manitopia the main city of Manitobia would even talk to him. Everyone called Old Knudsen Thingy so then me and this buff and very flexible young turk became super heroes ........... like you do.
The Uncanny Badger and Thingy we were called. He would spend most of the day gelling his hair and gluing knives onto the back of his hands (it was the 80's) and I'd be scratching on the bog with me IBS.

We did solve a major crime once, well for Manitopia it was major. We roughly hassled a homeless man thus making him move it on to somewhere else.

No one thanked us but we weren't heroes to be thanked it was for the chicks, they love superheroes.

Lucky I didn't call myself Genital warts man like I was going to but I got some action.

During the Great war for civilisation I made a fortune digging ditches until civilisation was vanquished and we got to where we are now. Who the fuck likes wearing trousers anyway? The crow that swooped passed me today gave me a coded message about a secret group known as the Illuminati who have a plan of annihilating Vatican city with antimatter and limp noodles.

The message was: caw caw caw!

Or maybe: caw caw ............ caw!

I'm fucked if I can remember but who the fuck cares about Vatican city except Fenian cocksuckers?

Hey it was like that when I got here.

You'd be amazed at how many Catholic weemen will shag a man if he wears a black dress and tells them its the will of God.

So anyway is light grey the colour of violence or is that just me?

Old Knudsen thought he was on a vision quest after gluing some rubber soles onto the bottom of his favourite pair of old shoes. A Gecko which is some kind of lizard only found in and around the Wall Street area started to talk to him through the telly.

The Gecko had an English accent which Old Knudsen thought was strange and it talked about saving money on car insurance.

After Berwick Old Knudsen refuses to trust anything with an English accent.

Old Knudsen believes that car insurance is for the weak and if a black cat pisses onto yer car on a Wednesday you will be fully protected and remember ........ trust me on the sun screen.

Now you can wank.


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Pigsheart

Yesterday you were all shouting out for FREE DONN! well Donn has been put in with ex Catholic priest and midget wrestler 'Big Bubba' I doubt he'll want to go back to his wife after that.

Sodomised in the showers 3 times before lunch and shived twice in the yard from behind, but that was my day how was yers?

They are soon to deport Donn to Canada which I hear is up the ways. They will use an aeroplane 'note spelling, I is old school' and on that plane will be 20 of Canada's most evil and rudest criminals ever. I can't see anything going wrong there.

Well fuck me Blogjinx. I sat doon and Braveheart was on. Sure I have it on DVD but it was on the telly so I watched it and cursed the commercials and my laziness to get up and put in the DVD but I know if I did that I wouldn't be in the mood ta watch it.

I sat there eating a full lemon meringue pie with tears rolling doon me face and then I remembered it was that time of the month again. I also remembered that most of the film was shot in Ireland and yer poofy prince was in Ballykissangel and Mel was getting on all Fenian like but his accent was good.

Killing English by the 100's at the battle of the Little Bannock Burn was one of the happiest times of my life, oh I love ta kill the sassenach, and the Jap and the German, Americans and any wog also. I'm a people person I guess.

I look at me younger self all covered in woad even though it was an historical inaccuracy but hey we did it right! Where are those dopey cunts who say, "Why does yer face always look the same?" well does it? how cum you are so ugly with only one head ya nob-knocker?

To clear up yet again what I am technically, I'm British, a Brit ..................... not English! that part is important.
Due to where I was born and me Da being a Scot I'm also Scottish, not one of them Fenian highlanders, also from me Da I have the Danish viking/bacon side so basically a killing machine.

From me Ma I have the Ulster, Dal raida thing going on that makes me Ulster Scots. I understand that Ulster is a part of Ireland although British I am also a bit Bog trotter or Irish if you will.

Since the true Irish were German deities known as the 'Tuatha De Duann' I am also part Divine and Germanic, masterly raceful.

Those who currently occupy Ireland are Irish lite from many mong like Celtic invaders . You notice I don't go around car-jacking vehicles to set them on fire or shoot Irish police or soldiers, that is because I am civilised.
Stop the violence in Northern Ireland you criminal Fenians, if you protect the Real IRA or even the Faux IRA you deserve to die horribly.

Oh I forgot, in 1991 while visiting Dublin I did knife a homeless man while he slept, does that make me a bad person? Thats a rhetorical question like I care what you think.

It doesn't make me racist as he was white or does it because I didn't knife a nig nog?

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St Fenian Cocksucker Day

Today Uncle Sam will be getting wasted on beer coloured green with food dye. He'll be as Irish as the next American beside him despite his hate of immigrants even though they were the ones who built his cuntry. Hes big and powerful but not too deep.

Like it or not Northern Ireland which is a part of the United Kingdom of Great Britain is also Irish by birth. There are about 300 trouble makers in the whole population that want to continue the way of the terrorist and the above picture is how the Catholics in Lurgan are getting ready for St Paddy's day.

Whose idea was it to paint the police Land Rovers white? Why not paint a target on them too?


Speaking of targets. The people aren't going to take the murder of our soldiers and peelers, this shit has gone on for too long. Whats he got there? Looks like a MP5, no I don't mean the thing plugged into his ear I mean the bloody German weapon he is holding. Is that the new plan for the Germans to invade next time? Sell us their Heckler and Kochs but put in a special chip so when we go to fire they use a remote control that stops the gun from firing, ah very clever but you haven't counted on one thing ..................... Old Knudsen who saw through yer plan HA!

I have no idea why EVERYONE calls me paranoid behind my back.



Remember last year when Coke brought out the special edition drink for March? fuck that was minging and gave me the shits but the Yanks could then honestly say they have Irish in them and they even know where it came from. The Mini Mart.


I'll celebrate the death of St Patrick, I'll eat the corned beef and cabbage that all Irish eat every fucking day, I'll drink a few pints as long as its no Guinness and I'll shag yer weemen and show them that sex isn't just up the arse but I'm keeping the 6 counties up north, who wants to be a part of 3rd world Ireland now? Isn't it great that the UK didn't go over to the Euro? We may be dumb but we aren't Irish .................... unless there is an award going.



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The Real McCoy

The shit is happening all over again. In Northern Ireland a pizza man was delivering 2 large pepperoni pizzas extra spit to an army base. When the soldiers opened the gate to accept them some cunts in a parked car opened fire killing two soldiers and injuring 4 others including the pizza dude.

The soldiers were about to go over and serve in Afghanistan. Fuck do terrorists piss me off big time, maybe I've mentioned this 2 or 20 times before. Terrorists or bullies whatever you want to call them they hide behind people and masks, shoot rockets or bullets at anyone. They don't care.

The name of the terrorist group that did this is 'The Fenian Cocksucker Army' no wait my bad thats their nickname. Its The Real IRA (IRA is Irish Republican Army of course) When the IRA didn't dismiss peace talks right away a splinter group was formed so they could continue the terror but not mess things up for Sinn Fein the political wing of the IRA.

The Real IRA was formed by Michael McKevitt, who is now serving a jail sentence for terrorist offenses in the Irish Republic. He is married to Bernadette Sands McKevitt, the sister of Republican hunger striker Bobby (does my bum look big?) Sands.

The Real IRA committed the Omagh bombing, killing 29 people, men, weemen and children, Protestant and Catholic who were out doing their shopping on a Saturday afternoon in August 1998.

The Real IRA? is that like real Coke or real Pepsi? is there a Real IRA challenge? Get two scruffy Fenians with hair cuts and clothes from the 1970's and get people to see if they can tell the difference between normal IRA and Real IRA.

Is there a splinter group called The genuine or authentic IRA? or The Bachman-Turner Overkill IRA? I want to see certificates and labels before I get blown up by anyone.

Like 'The serious crime squad' what crime isn't serious? Do they chuckle at break-ins and fights buttake overrated crimes like murder and rape seriously? I was raped and murdered once and it was a doddle (cue someone telling me about a personal tragedy, its my fucking blog don't harsh my mellow)

Have you ever heard of The Federal Bureau of Investigation? It was almost called The Federal corner desk of we'll see what we can do, but some thought it lacked drawers and a roll doon slatted cover.

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Why Do I Not See Flags Flying?

The steel cage that has protected the Clifton Street Orange Hall in Belfast from Fenian attacks over the years is to be taken doon.

Yes let my people go!

Well no its actually a complete face-lift for the landmark building which is close to the Carlisle Circus intersection which isn't a real circus and separates the loyalist Shankill estate from the republican New Lodge area.

The hall was built in the 1880s. During the Troubles windows were blocked up and the building surrounded by the cage to prevent arson and paint attacks.

William Humphrey, a DUP councillor for the area, said the work would "return the building to its former glory".

"This is all about making Orange halls accessible to the community," he said. Which community ? the ones that want to visit or the ones that want to burn it doon?

"It is a unique building, the statue on top of King William and his horse is the only equestrian statue in Belfast.

(Unless you count the Queen Victoria statue at the city hall as she looks a bit of a nag)

"It is also a beautiful building in the inside and we want to place the Orange hall at Clifton Street at the heart of Belfast's tourist package."

I give it a week before some Fenian young buck decides to firebomb it at the usual time of 3 am which is the traditional time to petrol bomb things.

I have gone to the nearby courthoose for various reasons I do not want to get into right now but I know the area. A lovely place for tourists just don't step out of yer vehicles or look any thick necked tattooed men in the eyes.



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What Way Does Dildo Like It?

The singer Dido has just released her new album, Long Way Home, which she co-wrote with producer Jon Brion.

There is a song called ' Let's Do the Things We Normally Do' and the lyrics include a few lines from Barleycorn's The Men Behind The Wire.

"Armoured cars and tanks and guns, came to take away our sons. But every man must stand behind, the men behind the wire."

The song was written by the Northern Irish band describing raids by the British soldiers (The good guys) against cocksucking Fenian terrorists.

Culture Minister Gregory Campbell, of the DUP, (Protestant) has asked the artist, or her management, to clarify her position so the public and her fans know where she stands on the issue.

Does she like Fenian cocksucking and anal sex or quick Protestant hump and fumble man on top and nothing else?

Barry McElduff of Sinn Féin (a Catholic) said it as all no big deal, of course he would. If Van Morrison put in a few versus of the Sash he'd be yapping about it.

Old Knudsen does not accuse the gurl of supporting the IRA who incidentally lost their war of terrorism against the people of the UK. Old Knudsen does accuse her of singing songs that all sound the same.

U2 made it big exploiting The Troubles with Bloody Sunday so why shouldn't she? And since when did Northern Ireland have culture?

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The Legend Of The Cap

A few years back I was a college professor teaching the true history of the Bible but really my passion was necrophilia and a bit of archaeological adventuring. I'd go into ancient tombs and crypts with my whip, gun and explosives and destroy all around me to find the treasure, er I mean ancient artifacts.

I defiled many a culture by destroying their temples but it was all in the name of science so those savages can fuck right off.

I had long heard about the lost cloth cap of Adam the first blogger, he and his "friend" Steve had a blog called 'The apple polishers' the first commenter a fag hag named Eve said ," You'd polish off the apple but would you swallow the seeds?"

Lilith who was busy having disgusting sexual intercourse 10 ways from Sunday (the day of rest) with dirty well endowed demons took time to comment "LOL" for she was evil in the Lard's eyes.

While digging in what was Babylon and later to become Iraq I uncovered an old tablet, with nothing to lose I swallowed it and started to have hallucinations. Fatty Arbuckle wanted to rape me with a champagne bottle but was being held back by Harold Lloyd who was shouting directions at me and telling me to flee before I got corked.

Three days later I awoke on a dooner, don't fuck with me when I'm coming doon, look me in the eyes and yer dead meat.
I knew from my vision where the cap would be. I set sail on the ship of the desert for the jungles of the Nile basin where I found a temple in a cave guarded by and ancient order of warrior druids.

Luckily there were only 6 of them and my revolver was a 6 shooter, that will teach them to defend things with swords.

I walked carefully through the tunnel system marveling at the lack of good lighting suddenly I stepped onto a rock that clicked, no not a trap merely an ancient light switch, ah that was better.


I entered a large chamber full of out of place columns and walked towards a platform that contained several cloth caps. Above carved into the wall in Sanskrit it told how if you choose the wrong cap you will painfully die or maybe it said yer anus will cry my Sanskrit and my anus are a little rusty.

I saw one and said, "This is the cap of a blogger" as I lifted it a deep rumbling started, I looked behind me and said, "for fucks sake I knew I shouldn't of had the curry" Chinos stain easily.

Oh and the roof started to cave in but thats to be expected. I ran at great speed narrowly missing the falling stone columns and made it out of the cave. I suppose I'll be getting the blame for destroying that one.

Two more of the ancient order of warrior druids showed up they must have been on their break. Not having had time to reload me gun as my bullets had spilled to the bottom of me man bag I ran like an Italian.

They chased me to a small town that was having some kind of parade, brown fellas held up a statue of the alleged Virgin Mary and the whole town followed it............. Fenians why did it have to be Fenians?

Yes I have an irrational fear of Taigs.

I turned and faced the two lads with the swords and pulled out my whip. They both looked at it in fear, oh yeah I was going to smack it about their faces and mouths and they knew they would feel pain, the cowards ran.

I put my whip away then got out my bull whip and cleared a path through the Fenians.

The lost cap of Adam made me the greatest blogger in the world, irresistible to men and weemen and also gave me painful 4 hour long erections but I'm not complaining.


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They Came In Peace

It may sound corny but a few years back I joined the Foreign Legion to forget. Usually I just go doon to my local British legion club and drink until I forget but after I had forgotten to pay my extremely large bar bill I was kicked out with a dishonourable discharge all doon me trouser leg.

I saw an advert in the magazine 'Le frog weekly' that said join the French Foreign Legion and forget all yer woes in the sun and the sand.

I went to the local French Foreign Legion office and practiced my French, "Bonjour masseur, comma tally voo" oh yeah they were impressed. I told them how I had fought with the French many times before like at Agincourt, Waterloo and the two World Wars. Even though Napoleon was a dirty Corsican I liked the wee gop shite he knew his stuff.

They had stopped listening after the second hour and just signed me up after checking I had a criminal record of course.

After my training in France which was totally unnecessary as I've served more bullets to the enemy than Manuel the waiter has served cold food to customers and more than MJ has served clients and more blows to the head than the drain bamaged Anonymous Boxer has taken etc etc anyway I was and always will be a professional soldier, shape, shine, silhouette and surface see? I haven't lost it.
Oh thats ways to see camouflaged cunts in case you didn't know.

Being in the desert I smoked Camels (the cigarette not the animal) as I heard you could go days without water if you did, it isn't true so I switched to Marlboro.
Something I have never understood about the army is why do they make you walk every where? its not fun and is sore on the old feet.

Look at the poor gurls of the Ukrainian army, forced to march in short skirts and high heels. I just want to hug and comfort the lassies.

The Legion was fun at times, all the sand you could eat and all the wogs you could kill. They don't like the cold steel up them you know.

Just one thing though I can't remember what it is I joined to forget. I bet I wake up at 4 am and say "thats it" and then fall back asleep and forget it.

I was invalided out when I caught Legionnaire's disease and you know what? I always wore a condom.


Civilian life isn't for me. They lock you up when you shoot wogs you know. I was recently in a cuntry which I can't name, lets just call it Pokeistan. I was to negotiate terms for the Zinubian empire of alpha gamma 4 to seek out and capture Obama bin Liden in return for sexual favours from me.
Yes I am quite well known on other planets. I told my commander they could probe me in the ass and mouth but watch me hair and cap as they had just been washed.

Before you know it I've missed 4 hours of my life I'm walking like I'm trying to pass a corn cob and the stupid aliens give us Osama bin laden, for fuck sake we distinctly said Obama, well we apologised and let the lanky fucker go. Fuck some life forms are dumb.

So we headed off to Iran to continue the war of terror against the detergents but had a little trouble finding Baghdad. The travel agents always tell you they all speak English but its a lie.

If you were to join the Legion to forget what would you want to forget?

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Hot And Tasty

Obviously this will be the post to make me even more famous than I already am. Do not watch if under the age of 18 or if you are easily offended by graphic sexual content involving badgers.


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All Is Right With The World

Well well you can see by their faces the Irish (or professional Fenians as I call them) are not so smug about their economy known as "The Boom, Ireland's Economic Miracle or The Celtic Tiger" they have had it so good for the last 13 odd years or so they actually got back a lot of the Irish immigrants who had the good sense to get out. Imagine that, immigrating to Ireland how Irish does that sound?

Only those who were living in the 80's know what Ireland is supposed to be like, no potatoes living in a caravan and being cold wet and poor all the time and dressing in clothes from the 70's. The younguns in the 90's who bragged about The Celtic Tiger this and that as they snorted Charlie off some ugly birds arse while wearing a shell suit do not know what they are in for.

It could not have lasted forever, now the poles are leaving and yer stuck with all the mucksavages who came home looking for jobs. It is a sad time but the Irish can now go back to their place of being doontrodden and stubbornly defiant.

I'll not be expecting any awards at the next Irish Blog Awards as usual (if they have them) see what happens when you snub Old Knudsen 2 years in a row? .......... The name is Balls........Bitter Balls.



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Let Us Prey............... On The Weak

The Bible is the best selling book of all time, totally out selling Old Knudsen's collection of cunt poetry. 50 Bibles are sold worldwide every minute so that means 'there are 50 born again every minute' not 'one born every minute.'

The Bible is also great for reading while having a shite. The paper is the same as that cheap toilet paper so just rip out the bits you don't like and wipe yer hole with it, all that peace and love stuff can go for a start and before you know it you have standard to live yer life by.

If God was on his side then God is evil and Satan is good so therefore this is the great lie that is spoken of. Makes sense to me, you just don't want to believe.

The Bible is also the most shoplifted book in the world. probably those Fenian cocksuckers.

In Kenya just recently a mob of 300 killed 11 people in their town that they suspected of witchcraft, sounds like God's good work to me.

A plea from little Johnny

Grandfather if yer reading this please cum home we love you.

Fact: No American has died of old age since 1951.

That was the year the government eliminated that classification on death certificates.

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I Had A Post But Then I Posted This Shite Instead

Dumb but purdy and with those big fake pregnant breasts now.

Halle Berry had her sprog and named her Nahla Ariel Aubry. Nahla is Arabic word for 'drink of water' 'Ariel' comes from Hebrew and means 'lion for God' ok people we know that most celebs aren't that bright and barely finish school but there should be a law against stupid names like this, here are some others.

Indiana, London, Kenya ,Lyric, Atticus, Ireland, Kal-El, Sailor, Aquinnah, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, Moxie Crimefighter, Shiloh Nouvel, Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf, Daisy Boo, True Isabella Summer, Princess Tiaamii and don't forget Apple and Suri.

Famous people do a lot of drugs don't they?

The writer Terry Pratchett who has discovered he has Alzheimer's said: 'I would rather die of cancer than have my living self stripped away a bit at a time.'

What a whiney fuck fuck, I wish I had his problems, he says about how he takes a minute to find the letter 'A' on his keyboard or forgets how to spell the word 'else' welcome to my world dickhead the only difference being is that yer a rich cunt so gurn up.

JK Rowling has given hundreds of thousands to Alzheimer's research and she doesn't have it but tight wad Pratchett gets it and pledges a measly million towards Alzheimer's .............. if he remembers.

Wake up and smell yer ego baldy do some good with yer money before you go and don't forget to put me into yer will.

Not forgetting yer not dead yet and yer still rich, Alzheimer's people have a life span of about 10 years and yer 60 now, do ya want to live forever of something?

WHY WON'T IGGY FUCKING POP WEAR A FUCKING SHIRT?

Speaking of which, isn't it great when they die in threes so you don't have to argue who the second or third is?

Welcome to pedo island me hearties, pull my fish finger.

Director of crap chick flicks Anthony Minghella, Sci-fi writer and egg-head Sir Arthur C Clarke and John Hewer aka Captain Birds Eye (A British icon) are deader than my blogs on a Saturday.

Alien verses predator

Heather Mills will get a £24.3 million divorce settlement from Paul McCartney, poor Macca first Michael Jackson buys up a ton of Beatles songs as an investment and now stumpy has taken two weeks wages out of yer pocket its enough to make you want to club a seal cub to death isn't it Macca ? well at least you don't have Alzheimer's .

Hillary is going out of her way to prove she isn't a leezer, looks a bit forced to me.

No way does she look like a leezer. Can you see her being president and making the right choices when she thought those trousers , sandals and marrying Bill were the right choices?

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LOL Kittens More Like SOS Kittens

I just got this new microwavey and I'm just working out how to use it. Billy one ear tells me you need a box in order to get any channels which I think is a fucking rip off, that's how they make their money like extended warrantees. Go buy a computer but refuse to buy the extended warrantee and watch the salesman's face drop.

I did that once and what do you know that Olivetti piece of shit lasted the warrantee then my cat decided to piss on the thing. Fucking cats I suspect they are agents of the lemurs sent to infiltrate and harass us.

Which day is the first day of the week? some say Sunday but I say Monday. If its based on when God had his day off which was the 7th day called the Sabbath which was originally Saturday as Christianity allegedly cums from Judaism. Now with Protestant wisdom Sunday is seen as the day of rest and Saturday is drinking day and fight night.
So if Sunday is the day of rest it follows that its the 7th day right? So Monday is the first day of the week.

I remember when Sundays were ghost towns, the only thing that was open was the newsagents so you'd get yer paper and a carton of milk. No fast food places and no 24 hour anything.

The pubs would only be open for a couple of hours. I hated Sundays as there was nothing to do and boring songs of praise shite was on the telly and considering we only had 3 TV channels until the early 80's that was quite bad.

You can watch car racing on one channel, cars going round and round whats the point? some program for deaf people on another with dopey cunts doing sign language and making silly faces or you could watch a farming show on the third.

The worse part about a Sunday then was if you had forgotten to buy drink you were fucked.

I never slept well on Sunday night because I was pissed off at how fast the weekend went and now it was nearly time for work. Yer head would be turning over and you'd sleep without knowing you did.
Every couple of hours I'd grab my alarm clock and try to make out what time it was in the dark, then I'd count how many hours I had until I had to get up.

If I had to get up at 6am I'd wake at 5.30am still tired I'd look at the clock and then fall deeply asleep then my alarm would go off.

I like to be woken up gently, when that sort of stuff happens yer whole body is in shock and you don't even get a stiffy. The whole day it out of sorts.

I salute weemen because in the mornings my gag reflex is at ultra sensitive. I've been known to walk doon a street, choke and puke in the early mornings, how weemen take my 12 inches of man meat without choking is beyond me. One of the many reasons I didn't advance far in military ranks.

Aren't sperm so cute looking? how can some weemen spit them out? heartless bitches.

Breakfast is tough when its early I reckon I'm no a morning person, just say hello to me and find out. I once killed a man for saying a cheery "good morning" as I stomped him to death I shouted "whats so go about it huh? huh?" it was during a job interview and I never got it even though I wore a fucking tie.

I had this thing about eggs. I love eggs and I love chicken in fact I lived with a hen as my common law wife once, the divorce was messy but tasty.

I want to ride a hot midget before I die, that was on my list of ambitions to do in life just after making a species of animals extinct, fucking Dodos that'll teach them.

For a long time In the mornings I couldn't eat eggs because I'd imagine them cumming out of the chicken's bum as I ate and so I would gag. I don't need an anatomy lesson as to where eggs cum out its their bum and that's that.

I've over that now, well I cringe when shell gets into my fried egg when I break it. Which is funny as I have ate things that fell on the floor no probs if only my psychiatrist didn't have that restraining order against me, ah well that's what a blog is for.

So back to the top, I'm placing bets that not only can I get this microwavey to work but I can also get those feline cunts to spill the beans about the lemur plans for conquest. Why does Billy keep saying "Clean up on aisle 5" and laughing ?

Warning post may contain graphic midget images.

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Drink From The Furry Cup My Friend

A few years ago I was recalled, no not because my wiring was faulty or because I pissed the bed a lot. I was recalled back into the company. Once you join the CIA you never leave. What I am about to tell you is super duper top secret so don't go spreading it about.

Silly ragheaded cunts plotted to kill the artist that drew this cartoon of Muhammed, all that achieved was to have the cartoon republished as an example of free speech..... enjoy my sandsavage friends.

It was late March in 2004, I was aboard a black company (CIA)transport plane flying low at night under the radar with 3 other operatives named, Dax, Thumper, Ninja and of course me 'The Stormbringer' we don't use real names but we were all aware of each others reputation, I wouldn't like to have to fight either of them, they would viciously kill you twice just for pleasure.

We touched doon at camp SG19 in Northern Arizona, I can't tell you what inflight movies we watched for yer own safety because its classified but one did involve fast and furious car chases and another was set in Japan about some old bloke that nearly shags some gurl with lips like a puffer fish, ba ba ba ba ba ba boring!

Nope I can't go to the pub today, I'm cleaning out my sex doll .

We walked into a black hangar, why are all the secret things black? are secret Santas black? if so do they live at the North pole too? and what about little white lies? do you get big well endowed black lies?

Speaking of black check out the rubbish in her boot, I want to spank that booty, I would totally hit her.

The new hit song from Take That.

The hangar was full of offices and shifty looking people popping valiums to help with their over developed paranoia. We were guided to a small room with tables and plastic chairs, for fucks sake my arse was going to sweat like an altar boy at a priest convention in Leeds.

I heard the Diocese of Leeds was full of pedos, just saying what I heard, more free speech for ya, go on kill me.

We took our seats and in walked a broad shouldered military type in a black suit, his thick neck and short blonde crew cut gave him away, probably Marines as he looked like a rapist he was call-signed 'Teacher' but we called him Hank, don't worry people its not like Al Qaeda can work computers they won't find out.

He started off by telling us about our enemy, "The raghead terrorist is dedicated, hes fearless, he never gets laid so therefore is angry, he hates puppies, kittens, long walks on the beach and sexy weemen. He is ruthless, murderous and has the sense of humour of a Catholic. Petty oppression is his way in the name of religion, we shall in the name of freedom and of course Christianity oppress him."

Hot weemen pouring pints I will kill 1000 Islamofacists with my bare hands to defend this.

He had me at hating kittens, I was as erect as Al Gore was when he won his Nobel peace price for making a mockumentary.
I stood up and said "Let me at the buggers," Dax was drooling and thumper was beating off which is how he got his name as for Ninja I hadn't seen that cunt since the plane a secretive fucker, all dressed in black you know.

Jews are our friends, even if they are stupid enough to circumcise, well at least we opposed Hitler to help them unlike some Fenian cocksucking nations.........woops their goes my Irish blog award to be sure to be sure.

"No my blood hungry warriors you must learn about yer enemy for other reasons." It seems we were brought in to play pretend ragheads to keep the war effort going and for Bush to get funding through Congress.

Isn't Laura Linney lusciously lovely? her chin really turns me on, hubba hubba.

Every now and then when needed I'd put on the old dark makeup and a towel on my head and act suspiciously.

The war in Iraq and Afghanistan isn't as big as you'd think I mean the biggest nations in the world against ragheads on camels? come on do you believe that they would give us that much trouble? half the war is stage effects, sure you get the odd Taliban attack but really most of its inflated or the CIA planting the bombs.

Osama Bin Laden is totally made up, if you were a fan of theatre you may have seen in appear in 'Cats' or maybe as bit parts on East Enders.

Don't piss off the chef at the local Indian restaurant.

President Bush himself is a muppet , no really hes a total muppet, 4 people operate him and one of them called Dick Cheney has his hand up his arse.

Did someone say arse?

Why are you touring Africa Mr Bush? who really gives a fuck about the Africans? and what has it to do with the USA? a saying of the CIA is "if yer cause is suffering blues, get on the telly and make some news."

I stopped playing along when I booked a holiday in Turkey only to find out that Turkey didn't exist, if anyone tells you it does then they are a CIA spook or just brainwashed .If you go on a holiday to Turkey you end up in a simulator drugged out of yer skull for two weeks, sometimes they give you an STD or a bad sun burn for reality sake, well that's what they did to me, I'm sure of it.

Fucking gorilla loving spammers, I know too much.

Ask questions people and don't believe anything you read, well unless its on one of my blogs especially my news blog as that is Frank Fearless Free and incorruptible as my price hasn't been agreed on yet.

To answer the question asked by the convicted crackhead Rodney King "Why can't we all just get along?" well we can, all we have to do is kill all the trouble makers.

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