Weekly News Beating

A chink who had spent 10 years in the clink was freed after the person he was said to have killed turned up.
Zhao Zuohai had a fight with his neighbour, who then disappeared and 18 months later a headless, decomposed body was found .

Since not even the cuff-links can tell each other apart they rely on forensic evidence ....... only kidding they make them drink chilli-tainted water and set off fireworks above their heads to get a confession and Wey Hey justice served on a bed of fried rice.

Zhao was initially sentenced to death had his sentence commuted to 29 years in prison. While he was in jail, his wife remarried and several of his children were adopted.


"Are you lookin at meski?"

Somali pirates really fucked up big time when they captured a Russian oil tanker. A day after their victory A unit of angry drunken Russian special forces 'Spetsnaz' boarded the ship firing 50 cal weapons and Kung-fu kicking skinnies into next week only pausing to light their cigarettes around the highly flammable tanker.

Under strict orders not to kill the 23 hostages they only killed one pirate as they wanted to take the other ten to Moscow to be found guilty but because of the ghey "imperfections" in international law they had to release them.

Visitors to Brazil have been warned about the 'Vlad the impaler' bats which are a cousin of the vampire bat. Mouth covers are advised if sleeping in rural regions of the cuntry.... ha ha made you look.

Lebanon has claimed the latest victory in the continuing battle with Israel by making the largest serving of hummus. Israel responded by sending in fighter jets killing 12 people, later they apologised and said they thought they meant Hamas.


Before make-up and after make-up.

Rumours that David Cameron and Nick Clegg are the same person have been recently circulating the Interweb. When asked for his opinion Gordon Brown texture like sun was quoted as saying, "What utter nonsense" with his mike still connected he went into the restroom for a pish and let off a fart and was heard to say, "Good arse, I thought you were dead." He later had to personally apologise to people who wear colostomy bags.

David Cameron admitted he was Nick Clegg but an hour later denied he was, ach the usual.

If Vladimir Putin was a woman.


He'd be Claire Forlani (pronounced Fullfanny)



Ulster Unionist leader Sir Reg Empy may have been defeated by crazy DUP preacher the Rev William McCrea a Free Presbyterian minister and gospel singer but we all know Mr Burns, er I mean Empy will have his revenge!!!!



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