Movie Review , Star Trek The Early Years

Old Knudsen lowered himself to going to the cinema. It was a special treat for being 2 weeks clean, yes me rash has not returned but really those I e-mailed should still go to the ER as soon as possible.

I went and saw the new Star Trek film. If you don't want to know or are more interested in Transformers fuck off cos I'm talking Star Trek.

The ugly chick from the series Hoose gave birth to the ugly version of Kirk, he has big lips, big nostrils and acne scars, like Brad Pitt but not sexy.

The new young skinny Kirk Chris Pine did well enough considering the pressure, I mean its like replacing Sean Connery as Bond. Good effects, good action and pace and a good ensemble cast did help him along so the film wasn't just on his narrow shoulders.

Zachary Quinto was excellent as Spock giving him the quiet rage of someone deemed not good enough by his own but still trying to fit in. Any people from Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland who are loyal to the Queen would understand this.

Karl Urban as Bones was was in my opinion the best, he totally fit in as McCoy in looks, manner and even accent.

The gook was an ok Sulu, the Chekov was annoying with his playing for a laugh accent and Uhuru was hot ............... ish. I found that the green chick was the wrong shade but I'd do her anyway.

Simon Pegg as Scotty was shall we say a mistake. He doesn't seem like an engineering miracle worker and his Scottish accent is well fucked up. Silly English twat he should stick to beating zombies, Connery, Neeson and Ford don't do accents and for good reason too.

He did have a small alien sidekick which is the movie's version of an animated space monkey (See The Lost in space film) when films have comedy sidekicks you know some out of touch pitch men were involved, at least it wasn't cartoon and was seldom seen.



A red shirt did get brutally mangled which is an obvious homage to the series. The ship, uniforms and even the phasers were brought up to date and no salt shakers pretending to be medical instruments in sick bay.

The original Spock was in it he shamefully plugged his book written 10 years ago by saying the title I am Spock.

Critics went on about the original Spock being something that die-hard Trekkies just wouldn't swallow. Old Knudsen thinks those critics have watched one too many Star Wars film, this film was better than anything Star Wars has done since 1983.

No one mentioned it involved time travel up the old black hole thus creating new possible futures, the ones that have you thinking, "So would this have happened then or this?" we just don't know.

New future possibilities means that if this film is a hit (which it is) the next 2 can do anything and is not restricted by what happened in the series or the films, characters can die before their time and get replaced by people who can do Scottish accents.

Oh I saw yer guy from Stargate Atlantis in it who played the fake Scottish doctor Becket in that series, oh how they mock me.

Eric Bana who is fucking class was the bad guy Nero. If I didn't know it was him I would never had been able to tell because he had a bit of head make-up to look like a baldy Romulan.

Winona Ryder has seen a change in her stalled career and now she has played Spock's mother, not bad for someone who is only 6 years older than the actor who plays Spock.

The Vasquez Rocks or the pointy rocks that Kirk fought the guy in the lizard suit on are CGI'ed all over the planet Vulcan, another tribute I suppose. Old Knudsen would like to go to those rocks some day and skin himself a Gorn.

Old Knudsen thought he'd hate this film but no he liked it, go and see it, me and the 4 other people in the theater can't be wrong.