Monday, 8 May 2017

Kim Jong-un CIA Assassination Plot

Remember when North Korea threatened a merciless response to the 2014 American political satire spy comedy film The Interview? ... still waiting for that Kim jong un. 

North Korea are not a threat to the US and won't be for another 5 -10 years but the Trump administration is hyping them up. Trump had a fail when he said there was an armada heading towards the Korean peninsula but in reality their 'ship' was heading elsewhere. He had to then send ships to anchor off the Korean and Japanese coast doing nothing cos that is all he can do. 

He thinks he had a connection with Xi Ting Tong Chinaman but if he took any military action against North Korea, China would hit back. Like a relative you don't like but if someone else besides you slagged them off you'd fuck em up. 

    To agent Trump's good health

Old Knudsen exclusive, Xi Jinping has Russian links! ... well I think that's him. Old Knudsen is not racist but those chinkys all look the same to him. 

The Interview was about a CIA plot to assassinate Kim jong un with a toxin. Now Kim is saying there is a CIA/South Korean plot to kill him with a toxin. 

Trump has been cagey about what he is going to do about North Korea. Did he watch The Interview on late night cable as he tried to resist tweeting about anyone criticizing him and said, 'that's a great plan, a terrific plan' and so phoned up H. R. McMaster his not so bright military yes man to then call the CIA director Mike Pompeo ...  at 3 in the morning.

When Kim has erectile dysfunction with a missile it's implied that the US had something to do with it and Trump goes all tight lipped as if to suggest he can't say ... North Korea are shite at missiles and the US are shite at covert ops.     

Which is why Old Knudsen got the call. Sure I'm retired former SG-19 but getting paid to kill people is awesome. I'd do it for free but don't tell them that. You kill people for money and yer a war hero or a cool as fuck assassin, you kill for free and yer a serial killer or a nutter ... so much stigma it's terrible.  

So I put out extra food for the cat ... when the fuck did I get a cat? I told people on social media I'd be away from my phone for a few days on a classified op and to DM and PM me if you want to know more. I got my most manly scarf on and I went to South Korea ... which is in China I believe. 

My North Korea contact went by the name of Kim which was confusing. Pyongyang has only one doughnut shop 'Flunkin Donuts' and amazingly only one customer. Plot twist the only fat guy in the whole cuntry eats donuts who would have guessed? 

Putting a difficult to trace toxin in the donuts was an option. Old Knudsen likes to kill people face to face to see the life drain from their eyes, my therapist says that's creepy but it's one of the few dozen things that makes Old Knudsen hard so don't fucken judge me. 

I made contact with Kim, I told Him I was an agriculture expert so he wouldn't question me about my job cos that shit is boring. I had a strip of toxin attached to a special skin strip on my finger and was waiting for the green light to dip it into his drink. 

We got into a heavy conversations about why Obama didn't stop 9/11 and how Michael Jackson could have prevented the civil war.  In America they call the American civil war the civil war .. that's a handy fact to know. Not having Wikipedia in that cuntry we couldn't remember if Central America sided with South America against the north or not. 

Trump being a civil war buff would know.

 Mike Pence looking pensive towards North Korea

My contact Kim who I can't say much about for his own safety is a medium level military officer, he is always within sight of the supreme leader and to be honest I wouldn't know him from the rest if he didn't have that crescent shaped mole on his chin. I was waiting for him to get a notification on his government Intranet phone. 

Old Knudsen was getting squiffy as that fat wee shite can sure hold his drink. Another 5 more Cognacs and Old Knudsen might fuck up the switch.  Even a roofie expert like Old Knudsen can make mistakes when drunk.  

Kill the poor except their unborn babies ... lol!    

Then this happened. While I was in the restrooms my contact Kim told me to stand down. Trump got a tiny win with the healthcare bill and was in a euphoric manic mood. He was promising to bring to  peace to the Middle East, Somalia, Congo and anywhere else that needed it, he was promising to give everyone great jobs and the bestest education like what he got. He was promising protection for homeless unborn white veterans. 

He just came up with the great idea to change the definition of his wall  "I would build a great wall, and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me, and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall" the precast concrete wall of 30 - 50 feet high that will only run for 1000 miles can obviously be interpreted as meaning a fence or other type of barrier duh!  

The man was on a roll and had no time for serious foreign stuff cos maybe Kim jong un was only bad because of what the fake media said about him ... they paint everyone bad. Putin is cuddly as fuck.

First rule of healthcare, you do not talk about healthcare ... especially pre-existing conditions.

I grabbed Kim's phone in outrage and pressed one for English. Trump was now saying what a smart cookie Kim jong un is because he when he came to power at a young age he no doubt had others trying to take power from him and he had to deal with that ... like how Stalin and Hitler killed all opposition, they were smart cookies too. Trump said it would be an honor ro meet Kim jong un. 

What's next, saying he has a big heart? 

So I had to abort (no babies were harmed) and leave North Korea. I promised Kim jong un I would accept his Face Book friend request but that's not going to happen. He's a lonely paranoid lad who just wants to have nukes like everyone else and to oppress and starve his people and scare his neighbors. Old Knudsen can totally relate to that.  

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