Why did I come to America? Fuck my life even my shamrocks are sad.
Not able to go to the St Patrick's day parade/stagger in the centre of Belfast due to the weather I stayed at home, drinking and tweeting until I hated myself that much less. I'm old and I have a cold so I'm no going to brave the elements for something lame. It's Northern Ireland, of course it'll be lame, you'll no get Beyoncé for fucks sake ... she's an example of someone famous as I'm sure someone likes her.
Trump met with the Irish Prime (Tee-Shock in gheylick) Minister Enda Kenny. He quoted an old Irish proverb which as it turned out was a verse from a poem by a Nigerian poet. He then put up on Twitter a slideshow of his Kenny meeting with Amazing Grace being played on the bagpipes.
I'm a leprechaun!
Americans are fucken useless at being Irish, they confuse Irish, Scotch and Scottish all the time. Most of them claim Irish ancestry but don't know from which part of Ireland. Imagine telling a Texan yer from California, how unimpressed would they be?
We're tribal and surnames and clans are important. We don't hold kinship with those fucken hobbits in the next shire, those lot are cunts! We are that western saloon that comes to a halt when a stranger walks in.
Amazing Grace is an English song and Irish Uilleann pipes sound different to bagpipes. Plot twist, we don't eat corned beef and cabbage either. St Paddy's day is an excuse to drink ... not that we need an excuse but it lessens the self imposed guilt and denial of being alcoholics.
It used to be holy to yon Fenian cocksuckers but now it's a partay! If you are sober then you aren't Irish.
So yes I mercilessly trolled Trump. He is much hated in Ireland so I reckon this is the last time that Kenny will ever get elected. He is obviously hated in Scotland too. I suppose to us Americans being Irish is like white folk talking about their Cherokee heritage, unless you have the papers and know the family tree then most native Americans will roll their eyes.
Yeah you wear a war bonnet for the fancy dress party just like all the real injuns do huh. Oh sorry, we call them indigenous savages now to be PC.
Trump doesn't have friends in Ireland. If anyone likes him here then they are very drunk pedos and probably need a boot in the balls.
In case you don't speak the gheylick I told him to suck my dick.