Thursday, 29 May 2014

I Speak Jive

Pope Francis was in Jerusalem checking on the level of holy in the holyland, as there has been nothing but peace and prosperity there for thousands of years since the invention of Christianity he was most pleased, until he spoke to the Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.  

Netanyahu suggested that Jesus spoke Hebrew while the Pope said not so fast there ya hook nosed money lender he spoke Aramaic, like in yon Mel Gibson movie.

Netanyahu then doubted that Jesus had ever been in any of the Lethal weapon movies but the Pope had his 'altar boys wouldn't melt in his mouth' look and so Netanyahu gave into him but said that he would of known Hebrew too.

  Jesus H Christ knew a little Greek.

Then the pair went on to debate the merits of electric Pokemon against grass types. Ya might as well be discussing what accent Robin Hood had for fucks sake.  Who cares what language he spoke in? His followers never listened to him anyways. 

The point is that Old Knudsen was reading this story on the BBC and then came to this part about Jesus, 'It's broadly accepted that Jesus existed, although the historicity of the events of his life is still hotly debated.'

When did it become broadly accepted?  Oh by the millions of Christians who want to believe. Old Knudsen does like a bit of proof before he believes and he doesn't mean hippy faces on his toast. 

During the time of this alleged Jesus the Romans ruled the place and took note of every important event. It disturbs Old Knudsen that people will say that he existed and then use the Bible to back it up thus making the Bible true too.

Too much blood has been shed by those refuse to take part in a little critical thinking. 

It was 40 years after the death of Jesus that anyone considered writing about him and that was Paul. Wouldn't you have thought it would have been more important than that? During the time when he decided to jot doon his Jesus notes the Romans were burning towns to the ground and slaughtering hundreds in this little unimportant corner of the Roman empire, great timing huh. 

Jesus was insanely hot with very tight robes. 

The Romans had indeed mentioned the superstitious Christians and even Christ but as we know Christ isn't his surname it's a title meaning anointed one. Jesus was a common name back then so why not have one in yer book? 
The Jesus that is written about isn't at all like a real person that was known by the writers but seems to be more of a human sky god laid out to present their case for Christianity being the best flavour of religion. 
Maybe he was a total wab head and so they just left out all the personal bits. 

And lo' it was in that time of jive talking that Jesus spake about the importance of staying alive. Go seek'th Paul brother of James who was mates with that dude with the leprosy for he has a brewing kit and can turn this water into wine. Then Jesus son of Joesph but not really said, "away an get a fish supper from da shap an we'll split it between 5,000 M8's "  For in those days Jesus still spoke with his terrible Belfast affliction.  


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