Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Lets Kill Tufty

The volunteer fire department of rural Holley, N.Y hates Squirrels, "Wee bushy rats that get into your hair" said one homeless man wearing his tin foil squirrel protection hat. For the past 6 years they have raised money for a competition known as Squirrel Slam a prize goes to the hunter who kills the fattest squirrel.
As everyone knows, Americans all lie ...... it's genetic so it is.... oh and fat too ...... it's the big gulps so it is.

The main problem is people stuffing their ded squirrel full of rocks to add some weight to their winning entry.
One year a man tried to win by handing in a Squirrel Monkey.

Squirrels, rats, mice, monkeys and chavs are all related to lemurs.  
Just look at that Squirrel monkey. Like a beady eyed lemur. No seriously take yer hand from out of yer underwear for 5 mins to gaze upon it's evil face.

Squirrels are a pest, they attack livestock and taunt children with racial slurs from high in the tree tops, they also taste good in pot pies.

Yummy yummy get in me tummy.

Children as young as 12 years old are being encouraged to participate as the prize usually includes a semiautomatic .22-caliber type gun for the budding spree shooter. Also cash prizes of up to $200 to two-person teams whose five-squirrel limit weighs the most.

Look at the size of those squirrels!

Squirrel advocates are taking to the Internet to complain about the rodent killers in fact there have been death threats against Holley town councilors and other local officials. A petition of 35,000 signatures begging Holley not to slam it's squirrels has been collected.

Holley Mayor John W. Kenney Jr. said that, since squirrel-hunting is legal in New York and the fire department’s fund-raising efforts had the full support of village trustees, the matter is not up for debate.

The small town of Squirrel haters, satanists and cross-dressers are 100% behind the hunt and nothing can put them off it.